SPACE PRETTYBOY X WILL SAVE THE DAY!

[snotman]

WHO: Magical Maid Koyori Kokubunji, Space Prettyboy X (Kon), Confused Quincy Uryuu Ishida, Secret God Haruhi Suzumiya, Dark Prince Schwartz Yamaken (Gai Daigouji), Interstellar Interface Yuki Nagato
WHEN: January 27th, 2007
WHERE: Kaiju-Ravaged Tokyo
WHAT: Magical Maid Koyori is destroying the city! Again! An unlikely challenger appears to take her on, but defeating her doesn't bring him peace, on the contrary... A new hero, new foes, and still no sanity to be found!
WATCH FOR: Shameless ripping off of Elzam von Branstein, challengers from all directions, a good twin and a bad twin, and perhaps even the beginning of the end of the Universe as we know it!


Koyori Kokubunji's radio picks up a thunderous "RIIIIIIDGE RACER!!" followed by Koyori herself, "AHH HAA HAA HAA -HAA-!"
Kon | Space Prettyboy X says, "What the...?"
Haruhi Suzumiya suddenly "GO FORTH, SPACE PRETTYBOY X!! Evil is clearly afoot!! Now is the time for the space prettyboy of justice to smash it! WIth the hammer...of...uhm. ...SPACE JUSTICE!!!"
Kon | Space Prettyboy X says, "But... I think there is something on the stove..."
Gai Daigouji says, "Space Prettyboy X is a fraud, I tell you! HE's just a hauntingly handsome bishonen but he's also EVIL, because that sort of mysterious bishonen ALWAYS IS!"
Gai Daigouji says, "AND he's a coward, see?"
Haruhi Suzumiya says, "YOU shut up you don't know anything, otaku nerdpants!!!"
Gai Daigouji says, "I DO TOO!"
Haruhi Suzumiya says, "RIDE FORTH TO VICTORY!!"
Haruhi Suzumiya might just be standing on a table. "SPACE PRETTYBOY X!!"
Kon | Space Prettyboy X says, "I AM NOT A FRAUD! And... and I'll prove it!"
Gai Daigouji says, "Yeah, right! You prolly don't have a Giant Awesome Space Robot! I bet you just hide in your room and watch anime or something! NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!"
Haruhi Suzumiya says, "You, normie!"

In Kaijuu Tokyo, a giant black-gray-silver crab is not all that unusual to see. A giant black-gray-silver crab sporting a tanuki-eared woman dressed like Sailor Moon on a Bender riding on its back, however, is not so normal. At her direction, through a controller in her hands connected to the crab with a cord, the monster rampages through downtown.
It raises its claws, emitting a window-rattling warcry - "RIIIIIDGE RACER!!" - before smashing a building-top billboard advertizing glass mugs. It whirls, bellows again, and smashes a sign that boasts Easy-Snap Disposable Chopsticks. "RIIIIDGE RACER!!" Storming forward, it brings both claws down on a third billboard for Baker's Unbreakable Combs.
The sign doesn't break. Confused, the crab tries again. It bellows in annoyance and pushes the sign down before resuming its rampage.
On the crab's back, Koyori laughs haughtily, "AHHH HAA HAA HAA HAA -HAA-!" behind her hand, "This excellent monster will create a beautiful Chaos Field~!"

Kon | Space Prettyboy X says, "I... I am fairly sure I have one of those! But I also have a MUCH COOLER vehicle!"
Shinji Ikari doesn't say the obvious because he's a polite young man, "Um, is this really worth fighting over?"
Gai Daigouji says, "..."
Gai Daigouji says, "...OF COURSE IT IS!"
Haruhi Suzumiya says, "How dare you talk about someone cooler than you like that!"
Haruhi Suzumiya says, "Space Prettyboy X will stop you!"
Gai Daigouji says, "BECAUSE he isn't cooler than /GAI DAIGOUJI/, that's why!"
Shinji Ikari says, "Can't, um, you...both be cool?"
Gai Daigouji says, "Pffft, as if! Space Prettyboy X is not NEARLY awesome enough to stop my GAI SUPER MOVE!"
Kon | Space Prettyboy X says, "RIDE, TROMBONE!"
Kon | Freaking sweet theme song starts.
Gai Daigouji says, "...Okay, I will grant that is a /freaking sweet theme song/."
Koyori Kokubunji says, "..Okay, the theme song is pretty nice, but still! He's no match for the Magical Maid!"
Gai Daigouji says, "But I bet he stole it off the Internets!"
Koyori Kokubunji SMASH, "RIIIDGE RACER!" "Face me if you dare, Space UGLYboy X! AHH HAA HAA -HAA-!"
Sol Badguy says, "...what the hell?"

"NOT SO FAST!!"

A somewhat lenghty radio conversation later, a freaking sweet theme song starts out of nowhere! A speck of light appears on the horizon, growing into an heroic figure standing atop... a white horse with two rocket engines inexplicably attached to it, galloping through the sky. The figure, mysteriously using his cape to conceal itself, speaks. "You have picked the wrong moment to start destroying the city..." Once the rider is close enough his goal, he leaps off the horse, landing right in front of the rampaging enemy crab.
Defiantly, he points at it, as the sun shines from behind, making his silhouette all the more enigmatic. "I will END your INJUSTICE! In the name of all cute girls everywhere, I, SPACE PRETTYBOY X!, will DEFEAT you!" With a metallic sound, his mask glints in the sunlight.

It might not be a good idea of a puny human to stand in front of a rampaging giant monster.

Kon | Space Prettyboy X transmits the sound of rocket engines, "I will END your INJUSTICE! In the name of all cute girls everywhere, I, SPACE PRETTYBOY X!, will DEFEAT you!"
Forte Stollen, to nobody in particular, "20 credits says he's gay."
Kon | Space Prettyboy X SPUTTERS.
Koyori Kokubunji's Giant Enemy Crab, in a sagely tone, "Ridge Racer."
Gai Daigouji says, "Well, he /is/ a long haired prettyboy..."
Kon | Space Prettyboy X says, "I must clearly prove my manliness while remaining mysterious and enigmatic! I accept your challenge!"

The Magical Maid peers down as some idiot leaps out in front of her crab's rampage. The Giant Enemy Crab halts, its eyestalks turning to stare blankly down at the Prettyboy. Koyori wears a rather dull expression as well, peering at him throughout his speech.
"..I see." She smacks her lips boredly, "You're just like that no-good Nurse, but half as interesting. Giant Enemy Crab?"
The Crab responds by raising its claws threateningly and bellowing a window-rattling, "RIIIIDGE RACER!" From its open mouth, a green energy beam fires out at where the Space Prettyboy is standing. Somehow, whether it hits the Prettyboy or just pavement, the impact point becomes branded in big smoking font:
$599
Koyori Kokubunji critically strikes Kon with her Obscene Retail Value attack.

Argh! This is too much for Space Prettyboy X! His job as a Space Hero doesn't let him afford that! Having been too distracted by his entrance pose, the Uryuukalike finds himself carbonized a little. In other words, covered in soot from head to toe. "I may have overestimated you... You blackened my combat uniform... But I shall fix this! SPACE LEAP!"
Jumping several stories up into the air, the soot comes off, leaving him seemingly unharmed. Kicking off a building's wall, he starts sailing right above the monstrosity. From under his cape, he takes a rose out, holding it threateningly, ready to toss it at a potential weak spot... Then finally seems to notice its rider. "W-wait! No one said I'd be fighting a cute girl! SHE LAUGHED LIKE AN UGLY GIRL, I swear!" With his other hand, still sailing through the air, he pulls another rose out, then looks at it closely, stroking his chin. "I can't remember... Is this a real rose, or one of those that explodes on impact? ...I can't take any chances, but... THIS IS FOR YOU!"
Skillfully, he tosses a rose in Koyori's direction with deadly accuracy! Wether it was intended as an attack or a gesture of sudden affection is left unclear.

Kon gets a glancing blow on Koyori Kokubunji with his OBLIGATORY REMINDER: Roses are pretty but... every rose... has THORNS!! attack.

"WHAT?! Ugly girl?! How dare you!" Koyori shouts up at the Space Prettyboy. She points, "Giant Enemy Crab, kill hi-AIYEEK!" This is exactly when the thrown rose lands in her cleavage and explodes. The Magical Maid sails off the crab, which immediately aggros on Toshiro Aiyeek. Poor Toshiro.
When the smoke clears, Koyori coughs, waving her free hand. In her other, she's holding .. well, her wand, actually.
"Ugh, more bark than bite!" She swings her wand upwards. The gemstone bursts into a fluff of feathers, "Magical Featherduster~!" She shakes it violently, scattering sparkles down over herself. There's a blast of smoke and powder...
When the smoke clears (Again), the Magical Maid now sports a ninja outfit. A Fighting Game ninja girl outfit, to be precise. Use your imagination to figure what that entails. "I'll make you PAY for that ugly laugh remark!" Wristclaw EXTEND. But the Prettyboy is too far away for her to attack like this... She simply charges up after him this round.

Kon | Space Prettyboy X says, "Hahaha! Right on the mark! But even with ninja powers, you can't stop me from stopping you!"
Uryuu Ishida says, "..."

Uryuu Ishida says, "..."
Uryuu Ishida says, "Does that voice... sound familiar to anyone else?"
Max Shade Man says, "Hmm? what voice, sir?"
Uryuu Ishida says, "On the Citizen's Band just now."
Uryuu Ishida emerges from a Terminus Gate.
Uryuu Ishida has arrived.
Kon GIANT SILENCE.
Max Shade Man says, "Was it this pretty boy nonsense again, sir?"

Reize Seatlan says, "Oh! Use ninja rap! They say that ninjas can't resist it and will dance to it!"

Uryuu Ishida says, "Pretty... You mean that 'Space Prettyboy X'? ...Actually /exists/?"

Koyori Kokubunji's darling little Posokichi, "Koo-nii-chii-waa~."
Forte Stollen says, "There's an easier way than that. Ninja pajamas don't block bullets."

Max Shade Man says, "Apparently its someone on the local bands, sir, not sure whom.. I could cross reference the voice frequency myself if I had anyone to compare it to."
Uryuu Ishida says, "It... might be my imagination, but do you think he sounds like me?"
Max Shade Man says, "You sir? No, Your voice doesn't match."

Space Prettyboy X's rose hit! Wether or not he intended things to happen that way will forever remain a mystery. Noticing just in time that he's about to crash into a building, the hero quickly turns back and kicks off of it, avoiding a comical but anticlimatic collision! Flying right in Ninja Koyori's direction, he quips, "Hahaha! Right on the mark! But even with ninja powers, you can't stop me from stopping you! SPACE PRETTY KICK!"
He extends his leg forward for what may or may not be his ultimate attack! Then, as he sees his opponent's new costume from up-closer, his nose suddenly ejects a spontaneous projectile RIGHT IN HER DIRECTION instead.

Kon critically strikes Koyori Kokubunji with his BLOOD STREAM ATTACK attack.

Kon | Space Prettyboy X says, "Of course it doesn-- ER."
Kon MORE SILENCE.
Max Shade Man says, "Oh my, didn't know they had access to this channel as well."
Kon | Space Prettyboy X desynchs! You heard NOTHING!
Uryuu Ishida says, "...Clearly this merits further investigation. Thank you for your help."
Max Shade Man says, "Hmm.. I do suspect Shenanigans, sir."

*SPLAT*
Koyori freezes in place. She looks down at herself. There's a moment to process things - Is that an old dial-up modem sound? - before she .. uh .. suffers a complete girly freakout.
"EW! OH -EW-! EW EW EW EW!" Cue the freakout dance in place, waving her arms uselessly for several moments. Posokichi .. quite suddenly is no longer clinging to her arm, lost in all the confusion. Eventually, she whips out her wand and waves it over, "Ewww Ewwww Magical Maid Cleanup!" With much pixy dust and stock footage, the mess is removed from her clothing.
However. Posokichi is now clinging to the Space Prettyboy's upper arm. Its head turns at a bizzarre angle, and it speaks in a tiny voice. "...Koo-nii-chii-waa~."
It then proceeds to judo-flip him by his arm. Clearly, size doesn't matter.

Koyori Kokubunji gets a glancing blow on Kon with her Poso-Flip! attack.

Uryuu Ishida has been to this Tokyo once before; he ended up having to fight off a bizarre shapeshifting bug creature. So he's not particularly surprised to find that there's been more chaos going on here. Normally he wouldn't get involved, but he's determined to find this "Space Prettyboy X". That voice sounded extremely familiar. Not quite his, but similar enough to give him pause...

At any rate, he's here, rushing through the rubble around the city in an attempt to track down the fight that's going on. The enormous crab is easy enough to find, anyway. He should arrive at the scene any second now...

Space Prettyboy X isn't in a much better shape, clinging to his abnormally powerful nose. "Owowowow..." Taking one hand off it to pull a handkerchief out from under his cape and wipe his face, his side of the mess is quickly fixed, in just enough time for him to miss the stock footage and also wonder what that thing came from. He stares at it for a few seconds.
"AAAAAAAH!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!" Judoflipped. Crash. Getting back up and adjusting his mask with his remaining hand, he waves the trapped one around, attempting to get the clingy thing off. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" See? He even said it.
Oh, and he's started running, now. With his eyes closed, waving his arm around like crazy. Can this end well for anybody?

Kon hits Koyori Kokubunji with his SURPRISE CLOTHESLINE! jab.
Koyori Kokubunji has been knocked out!

Kon gets a glancing blow on Uryuu Ishida with his WHAT, DID YOU THINK HE STOPPED OR SOMETHING? jab.

Posokichi remains firmly attached to Space Prettyboy X's bicep as he flails around. Its eyes remain wide and staring. Staring INTO HIS SOUL. Empty and blank like a redneck watching NASCAR. Koyori is laughing at the display behind her hand in that typical villainess fashion, "AHH HAA HAA -HAA-! Say hello to my darling Posokichi~! After months of training, I'm confident in h-" CLOTHESLINED. Oh dear, and she was almost about to reveal the raccoonthing's gender with a pronoun, too! She chokes and flails, tipping over the railing and falling towards the street below.
Fortunately, the Giant Enemy Crab is right there, and she lands on top of it. Posokichi, at the impact, had apparently moved and now clings to its usual spot on her arm. She sits up with a sigh, "..That was lucky."
At this point, the part of the crab she landed on depresses about six inches and starts beeping loudly. The Magical Maid looks down, confused, at the giant white skull she's sitting on. "...Huh? I wonder what this switch does..."
Two seconds later, an EPIC-LEVEL EXPLOSION sends the Maid sailing off into the horizon. Her voice echoes on the wind.
"I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS, SPACE PRETTYBOY X!!"
"Saa-yoo-naaa-raaaa~~..." -- That last one was Posokichi.

Kon | Space Prettyboy X says, "Sayonara, enemy of JUSTICE!"
Koyori Kokubunji | Posokichi, cheerfully, "Saa-yoo-naa-raaa~~."

Uryuu has just about made it to the Giant Enemy Crab -- when it /explodes/ before him, in a massive conflagration. Well... apparently, Space Prettyboy X won. Once the heat has cooled a bit, he glances up from behind the arm he'd shielded himself with, just in time to see another arm coming his way -- CLOTHESLINED! Ow, his nose.

After a few moments, Uryuu groans and picks himself up from the pile he'd landed in on the ground. "What on earth..." he mutters, rubbing his face and looking around for his attacker.

...

Dead silence. The Quincy has clearly received the status effect "Stun". He just /stares/ at the familiar figure across from him.

Space Prettyboy X, now rid of the parasite thing, takes a moment to wave at the disappearing figures! "Sayonara, enemy of JUSTICE!" With a dramatic wave of his cape, he turns back, spotting the Quincy. Well, hey, that explains what the second thing he clotheslined was. And, hm, the jig might be up. He points at his lookalike, his finger trembling.
Reaction: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

And suddenly, on a rooftop nearby:

"GO GO SUPER SPACE PRETTYBOY GOOO!" cheers a chipper voice. A brownhaired girl with a white headband which trails for a good six feet, whipping in the breeze. She is clad in a long black Ouendan-style coat and a yellow tanktop is just generally layed out like a Japanese highschool yell leader.

"DEFEAT THE EVIL IMPOSTER! SMASH SMASH WITH YOUR MIGHTY HAMMER OF SPACE JUSTICE!" quoth Haruhi Suzumiya.

Uryuu sputters for several moments, unable to form words. But finally he brings his hand up in a much more dramatic point. "That's /my/ line!" he snaps. "Who the hell are /you/, and what are you doing with /my/ face?" That's all he can think of to say, really, but it pretty much covers the matter. ('Parallel universe' is a possibility, but one that does not occur to the Quincy at the moment.)

And then Haruhi. Uryuu has met her a couple of times, and so he knows just enough about her to realize that she can only make a bad situation worse. He tries to ignore her.

DO NOT GET SO COCKY, FOUL SPACE PRETTYBOY X! YOU SEE...THERE IS A LOUD /KA-CRACK/, as an Aestivalis Aerial Frame comes barreling through a building, punching through the ruined building in GRAND ENTRANCE FASHION!

"SPACE PRETTYBOY X! I have found you! I, SCHWARZ YAMAKEN, THE DARK PRINCE OF DARK SPACE, DEFENDER OF THE BLUE PLANET EARTH, HAVE COME TO STOP YOU AND YOUR FALSE CLAIMS OF BEING AN ALLY OF JUSTICE! PREPARE TO FACE THE TRUE WRATH OF AN ALLY OF TRUTH AND JUSTICE! MAWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAH!"

That's right. It's not Gai Daigouji. It's his /SUPER/ mode, SCHWARZ YAMAKEN, DEFENDER OF THE BLUE PLANET.

He is quite exuberant.

On another building, looking embarassed, is Akito, ALSO wearing an Ouendan-style coat over his uniform, with a massive set of speakers. Which are now playing the Gekiganger themesong. Akito is mumbling in annoynace about how he hates his life at this very moment. Afore sighing, and then punching a fist in the air. It's the mantra of Akito. Going along with Gai is easier than arguing with him. "GO, SCHWARZ YAMAKEN! FOR JUSTICE! god I can't believe he made me yell that...I'm A /COOK/, dammit!"

Gai Daigouji successfully targets Kon with his DRAMATIC ENTRANCE action.

Space Prettyboy X, sweating profusely thanks to his doppleganger, hears a familiar voice, slowly turns to survey the source of it, and his brain takes a split-second out of its busy schedule of panicking to process "oh hey she's a cute girl too i did well listening to her". This split-second, however, is suddenly interrupted by an exploding building and a NEW CHALLENGER.

He resumes screaming, this time in the direction of the huge robot, not taking any particular defensive action. Oh no! Is this the end for our hero?!

"......Ko-nii-chi-wa~."
Posokichi, now clinging to Space Prettyboy X's upper left bicep. Again. It blinks out of synch, its head turning unnaturally to stare blankly at the Quincy. However, it doesn't do anything beyond be creepy as all hell.

A call from above.

A howl from space.

A shriek from the void!

"SPACE PRETTYBOY EEEEEEEEEEEEECKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shrieks an animalistic voice, full of hatred and fury. And, from far above, a figure, riding upon a black horse, which winnies in a voice eerily like that of James Earl Jones. Flame jets from its nostrils, and also its eyes seem to be glowing an evil red. It is also powered by jet thrusters.

"I WON'T LET YOU RUN AWAY FROM OUR DUEL!! I WILL CRUSH YOU WITH MY MIGHTY BARBARIAN FISTS!!"

It's...Rangiku Matsumoto? In... ...not much at all. She looks good in leopard print.

Haruhi Suzumiya gasps dramatically, and says, "Cosmic Barbarian Z!!"

Kon | Space Prettyboy X SCREEEEEEEEEAMS.
Uryuu Ishida somehow manages to transmit really, really /loud/ stunned silence.
Shade Man says, "Well, that was definitely scary, hurt my ears, too."
Forte Stollen says, "Yep, totally gay."
Schwarz Yamaken, TOTALLY NOT Gai Daigouji says, "Hmmmmmm! Most definitely easy on the eyes, this one is! Oh-ho-ho-ho! But, as a DEFENDER OF THE EARTH, I will have to stop her! Besides, I most CLEARLY had precedence in dueling Space Prettyboy X, being /Schwarz Yamaken, DARK PRINCE OF SPACE!/"
Koyori Kokubunji | Posokichi murmurs, "Twenty-to-one odds, betting is open~."

Uryuu has never been much for histrionics, but right now he's thinking that fainting sounds better and better all the time. Space Prettyboy X is some sort of... doppleganger of him, a robot-suited lunatic has just challenged him, and that little thing clinging to X's arm is seriously creeping him out. And then -- oh, good lord. Uryuu stares at Cosmic Barbarian Z for a moment, then realize he's staring and facepalms. "What did I walk /into/ here..."

Forte Stollen says, "Eh, I'll put twenty credits on Dark Prince Clearly Overcompensatng For Something."
Koyori Kokubunji | Posokichi cute little squeak
! ! !

ENEMY DETECTED!

SCHWARZ YAMAKEN, DARK PRINCE OF SPACE, TURNS, HIS MECH POINTING DRAMATICALLY!

"Underdressed Space Harlot! You will have to wait your turn! I clearly have precedence in this duel with Space Prettyboy X, seeing as how my VERY PRESENCE has sent him into a screaming fit of panic! Thus, according to the SPACE DUELING LAWS, since I was in the MIDDLE of a challenge, your EARLIER challenge will have to wait! Also, I will then have to crush you later for being obviously evil, since your horse is obviously evil, which means you are evil."

HMMMM! SCHWARZ YAMAKEN HAS SPOKEN!

Forte Stollen says, "..."
Shade Man says, "Should we perhaps alert an emergency medical service? someone might need surgery."
Kon | Space Prettyboy X says, "...I must... SAVE THE DAY!"
Forte Stollen says, "Something /squeaked/."
Schwarz Yamaken, TOTALLY NOT Gai Daigouji says, "Then /stop running away/, you faker!"
Schwarz Yamaken, TOTALLY NOT Gai Daigouji says, "Or get out of the way and let a REAL hero do the work!"
Kon | Space Prettyboy X says, sounding a tiny bit crazed, "SPACE PRETTYBOY X WILL SAVE THE DAY!!"
Schwarz Yamaken, TOTALLY NOT Gai Daigouji says, "THAT'S THE SPIRIT!"
Forte Stollen says, "Do I still win if the other guy runs away?"
Schwarz Yamaken, TOTALLY NOT Gai Daigouji says, "...I don't know."
Schwarz Yamaken, TOTALLY NOT Gai Daigouji says, "It never really comes up in Awesome Space Battles."

Okay, okay, okay. So, when you think about it, this is all easier to grasp if you realize that Space Prettyboy X and everyone else has stepped into the Psychedelic Zone, where everything is not only weird but also wants to kill you and OH GOD WHY IS THAT RACCOON THING BACK

Long story short, he manages to snap out of it, his brain also making an audible snapping noise in the process. Sounding more than a little bit crazed, he bellows. "I... must SAVE THE DAY!" As he says this, he waves his right hand around to get Posokichi off (again), and slowly, dramatically begins removing his cape with the other. Then tosses it into the wind, where it will doubtlessly end up in a place only he can retrieve it from.
"SPACE PRETTYBOY X WILL SAVE THE DAY!!" Screaming a scream of hot-blooded rage while blushing profusely from all the blood rushing to his head thanks to Cosmic Barbarian Z's appearance. "FORM... JUSTICE HAMMERS!" Raising his hands (and racoon) and putting them together, a hammer forms in his hands... The size of a toy mallet. It appears to be made out of a red jewel of some sort. "RUBICON HAMMER!" He tosses it at Ishida, then raises his hands again, a mallet about as large as him appearing this time, made of blue stone, which he swings at the Space Amazon, sending it flying in a throughly improbable arc. "SAPPHIRON HAMMER!!" And finally, he raises them again...

"EMERAAAAAAALD! CRUSHEEEEER!!!" The last hammer, the size of a SUV, is thrown at Gai's Aestivalis, causing stock footage of a nuclear explosion upon impact.

After this attack, Space Prettyboy X is left is the pavement, eyes replaced by swirls, mouth gaping open.

Kon gets a glancing blow on Uryuu Ishida with his Blue Burst jab.
Kon gets a glancing blow on Haruhi Suzumiya with his Red Rumble attack.
Kon misses Gai Daigouji with his Green Grave Great GONG! super.

Cosmic Barbarian Z is struck.

On the breasts.

BOUNCE BOUNCE.

"AGH!!" she wails, selling it as if she'd been shot in the face a thousand times by bullets the size of a car. "I!....am defeated!! CURSE YOU, SPACE PRETTYBOY X!! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF...COSMIC BARBARIAN Z!!"

And with a shout of "RIDE!" the horse says, "YES, MY MASTER" in a voice curiously similar to that of Darth Vader, and then it takes off. INTO SPACE.

Haruhi Suzumiya, star-eyed, says, "oooh, what an excellent and terrifying rival for Space Prettyboy X to face!!"

Posokichi is now clinging to Haruhi's arm. Don't ask how it got there. It's just... THERE. Being creepy, but generally harmless.
HAH! AS IF SCHWARZ YAMAKEN WILL BE SO EASILY DEFEATED!

He sidesteps the Emerald Crusher. ...What? It's bright green. No big deal. STILL! HE MUST SUCCEED!

Schwarz Yamaken pauses, then kicks a rock at Space Prettyboy X, before CHARGING Cosmic Barbarian Z!

"COSMIC BARBARIAN Z! I, SCHWARZ YAMAKEN, DEFENDER OF EARTH, DARK PRINCE OF SPACE, will fight...you...Oh, C'MON! I JUST WANTED AN EPIC FIGHT. Bah. Mysterious Space Villians suck. Screw this, I'm going home."

Annnd, with that, Schwarz Yamaken starts wandering away. UNLESS SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENS>
Gai Daigouji hits Kon with his SCHWARZ SUPER TAUNT super.

Well, don't look to Ishida for AMAZING HAPPENINGS. He's just rubbing the lump on his forehead that X's toy hammer gave him, and trying to look inconspicuous. (As soon as things calm down, he's going to grab that doppleganger and demand answers, of course.)

Still on the ground, Space Prettyboy X's eyes spin and spiiiin! Looks like he used up too much of his energy! That'll teach him not to play with utterly inexplicable powers irresponsibly.
After a little while, he slowly gets up, wobbling a bit. "arghlebwabblebar... Did I win? Is the day saved thanks to Space Prettyboy X? Did anyone get the license plate on those boobs?" Nope, not completely out of it yet.

There's the sound of knuckles cracking in the background.

Then a hand lands on Space Prettyboy X's shoulder. A hand that he will likely recognize, as it basically looks exactly like his. Behind him now, Uryuu stands, giving him an ice-cold glare passed down by the Quincy for generations. "Now, then. Would you care to explain yourself?"

He still has that lump on his forehead. He rubs at it again with his free hand.

With all the madness going on, it's not too difficult for Yuki Nagato, already a master at going unnoticed, to pass under the radar. Without any warning, the humanoid interface is standing next to Haruhi Suzumiya (and has been for quite a while), calmly watching as the immediate area's sanity takes a forced vacation.

Yuki glances to the left, watching as Schwarz retreats into the distance. Then she glances to the right as Cosmic Barbarian Z makes good her escape. Then, and only then, does she look at Haruhi, the closest thing to a questioning look gracing her otherwise expressionless features.

The Space Prettyboy is suddenly yanked right back from a world in which coherent thought has little to no meaning. But he shan't fear! Now that he thinks of it, he has an excuse all ready-made for the possibility of the Quincy catching him in the act of Space Prettyboying. "I... I don't think I have anything to explain!"
Adjusting his mask once again, he smiles a winning, mysterious smile. "It's a complete coincidence if I look like you, I assure you." Hey, just because he had an excuse doesn't mean he actually thought it through!

"A complete coincidence," Uryuu echoes flatly. "So, your reaction to me when you first saw me was /completely/ explicable as well, then?" He doesn't sound convinced, at all. He doesn't look it, either, with his arms crossed and his eyebrow quirked like that. He's not paying complete attention to Space Prettyboy X's words; he's trying to untangle that spiritual energy. Something about it feels familiar, but he can't for the life of him figure out what...

"Yes, completely explicable!" X continues smiling confidently. "Think about it. If you saw someone who looked just like you, but who fought space injustice and was even more handsome to boot, wouldn't you want to scream out in surprise too?" He doesn't seem to remember the real McCoy's actual reaction, does he? "I think you may be thinking this through too much. You're too stressed out! Relax. Let the professionals handle... giant enemy crabs and... random rivals in robots and... incredibly busty space barbarians..."
His thoughts drift off for a moment to reflect back on the better parts of this episode, (Speaking of which, where's that girl who was cheering on him gone off to now? She looked pretty nice too. Should look into that.) until he realizes something. Wait! Crap! What if that nerd can recognize his spiritual energy?! He has to find a good way of escaping... and fast!

"That's not -- er... wait." Congratulations, X, you've managed to confuse Uryuu. "Are you saying that /I'm/ more... no..." After a few moments of trying to untangle that /sentence/, the Quincy just gives up. "Well, that's not important right now. And anyway, I'm every bit as much of a professional as /you/ are." He can't let /that/ little jab pass without notice.

"Who /are/ you?" Uryuu finally asks. "And... How is it Orihime-san and that other girl were actually /right/ about all this?" He was party to the radio conversation Orihime and Haruhi had regarding Space Prettyboy X. But everything they made up was actually /real/? That's just... boggling.

Great! The Prettyboy managed to confuse Ishida! This might be his opening! But he can't leave his questions unanswered, now can he? "Who am I? I'm Space Prettyboy X, mysterious justice fighter from space! Nothing more, nothing less. As for your other question..." He seems a bit more serious than before. "To be entirely honest, I'm not even sure myself. Have fun trying to figure it out, twincy."
But before said Twincy can ask anymore questions, his space counterpart puts two fingers in his hands, whistling. "RIDE, TROMBONE!" Hey! Remember that rocket-powered horse from the beginning? Well, it's here now, and Space Prettyboy X has just leapt onto its back. "This place no longer needs me. I hopefully won't be seeing you again. Haha!"

His horse, with a voice uncannily resembling Sean Connery's, adds, "To infinity, and beyond!" Its rider looks a bit bewildered for a second, before the duo flies off into the sunset...