(no subject)
Who: Agrias Oaks, Chris Lightfellow, Matthew Conway, Pratty, Roy Fokker, Sanary, Simon Parker, Tepet Inatera, Tio
Where: Fantasy Gate - Wystern
When: 08 October 2006
What: Sanary invites a couple of people from the Vanguard Detachment to dinner, so she can cook for them. Things go very, very wrong.
Watch For: Hooboy. There's so much stuff in here that you may as well just watch for all of it. But let me say this: "Flying Spaghetti Monster." It was a big scene and I had several other things going on at once, too, so please forgive any oversights on my part. ^^;
Wystern
Wystern is known in its own plane and a few others as the City of Swords; it has a reputation for a highly effective blacksmithing industry, and while particulars may vary from guild to guild, the product is always worth buying. The city itself has several tiers, and leads down from its central tower into a winding labyrinth with innumerable floors.
Contents:
John Sheppard
Nanoha Takamachi
Matthew Conway
Roy Fokker
Tio
Chris Lightfellow
Tepet Inatera
Simon Parker
Pratty
Sanary
Sanary's house is a little on the small side; it's big enough to seat however many people are arriving, of course, but not by much. /Too/ many more and it'd probably get exceptionally uncomfortable. The decor is pretty spartan, and the furniture is mostly wood or cheap metal -- not a lot for the imagination to really work off of.
Sanary is off in the back somewhere, cooking. It would likely be a bad idea to disturb her.
Pratty's here, and she's pacing already, because she knows how this tends to turn out. The Craftlord girl is in her armor, which isn't unusual for people in Wystern, but significant in Pratty's own view, anyway. Maybe it'll be fine! Maybe everything will be fine. She doesn't want to offend her friend, though, so the pigtailed teenager puts on a friendly face to the visitors.
Chris knocks on the door when she arrives. She hasn't been to Wystern for an official visit yet - but she wants to, so she can have a good look around and see what the hooplah is for herself. However, she does find her way along easily enough; the woman arrives at the house and stops, before she knocks on the door, once. "Ah, hello?" she asks. "It's me, Captain Lightfellow!"
...that is a /lot/ of water, that is. Matt is not hydrophobic, but he's certainly glad there are no Servitors of Fire - /either/ Fire - around here. They'd be going crazy, and possibly Infernal Fire would be burning the streets. And he's just here to /socialize/. Either way, it takes him a bit to find Sanary's house, and he nods to Chris as he arrives.
Tea, cookies, dinner. Simon took Pratty's warning about random encounters to heart, and that's why he's a little late getting to her house. The agent-lawyer-something nods to Chris as she knocks on the door, offering her a flippant salute. "Evening," he says, pleasantly. His jacket seems a little tighter, for some reason, like he's wearing something bulky underneath.
Tio, as she was so quick to point out on the radio, does not eat - or she doesn't need to, at least. She drinks water. That's about it.
However, she was pretty much directed to come anyway, so she does. Maybe she can be of some use cleaning up. If nothing else it gives her somewhere new to stand and a possible instruction into the often confusing minds of socializing humans.
She brought her rings. They're over her back, the same place she normally carries her weapons. "Hello," she says, simply, when she steps in.
Inatera's arrival is also somewhat undramatic, although she does look at the house with something less than a charitable eye on her way up the path. She doesn't comment, however, echoing, "Hello," after Tio as she walks inside.
Mm, she thinks, with the wisdom of the Dragons. Food.
There is a single vehicle en route to the home. Agrias wanted to introduce someone to the others of her group - after all - Commander Fokker has introduced her to his Sheep. But how to find the house - well, that's easy. Rusty Screwdriver.
That is, Tio. She is still outfitted for use within the Black Sheep as neccessary. Locking onto her position, the Veritech Skull One lowers towards the ground, legs flipping out from beneath it as it lands near the house. The Veritech is a one seater, so it's a little cozy in there.
The cockpit opens, and Roy lowers the ladder, before nudging Agrias. "Wake up, sleepy head." he says to the Knight in his lap. "We're here."
No, the Skull One hadn't quite come with only its pilot. The Holy Knight had come as well, seems how it had been a faster means of transport from the start of their route. Better than having to walk all that way, anyway, and she wasn't going to complain about close quarters.
"...Eh..." Agrias wakes slowly, reaching up to push her hair out of her face. Okay, so it had still been a slightly long flight. Enough that she had been quick to fall asleep, settled comfortably on the pilot's lap while he took care of the flight details.
Leaning over, she glances down as the ladder unrolls, taking up her cane in one hand. She's wearing her usual ensemble -- royal blue tunic, blue cloak, and the doeskin leggings branded with the seal of the St. Konoe Order on each thigh. Over that she wears a dusky blue cloak, clasped at the throat.
She hops down neatly, balancing the cane in the crook of her elbow as she makes her way down the ladder, landing stiffly at the last rung. Apparently, there's already a crowd here. Quickly passing a hand over her face in an effort to wake up, she waves to the Zexen Knight, Chris being the only person she really recognises. "Lady Lightfellow. Good afternoon." Yeah, okay, so Agrias fails at trying to look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Bah.
The door opens, and it's not Sanary who greets the visitors, but Pratty herself! Those who haven't seen her befoer will see a pretty, if rather short young warrior in leather and plate armor with silver pigtails sticking out of her hat. A greenish, rabbit-like creature is in the room as well, peeking into the kitchen nervously. "Kuuu..."
"Uh, hey, guys! Come on in! I'm Pratty, I know some of you, but not all of you." For a government leader, she's not very formal. "Sanary's...in the kitchen!"
"Hello, Pratty, Kutty," Inatera says, rather formally in tone if not in detail. "Thank you for your invitation." She lets other people slip in first; her head turns to look towards the arriving Skull One and the method in which the passenger is conveyed. She looks bemused, before turning her head and resuming a more proper expression.
There is a brief rattling from the kitchen. It is slightly foreboding.
"Hi, Pratty and Kutty." Matt is informal. Except when handling superiors in Heaven, but that's not here. Kutty looks odd, he thinks. He steps in, finding a chair and sitting down. "My name's Matt Conway. I do police work." Pause. "...what is Kutty, by the way?"
Parker continues to crowd-watch as more people arrive; the sound of Skull One's engines catches him by surprise, and he spins around, shading his eyes with a hand. The other starts to inch towards the lining of his jacket... only to stop when he recognizes the plane's markings. Still, he can't help but be just a tiny bit impressed with Roy's landing--he offers the pilot and his passenger a cheerful wave.
Brain Theater Interlude:
"/I/ want a giant robot," Gremlin says, indignantly. "Can we ask Dread Boss for one? I promise I'll take care of it..." The other Simons give him a rather blank look.
As Pratty opens the door, Simon blinks; godbless, what are these people cooking? He finds his way to a chair, and tries not to think about it.
"Oh, thank you," Chris says, as she walks in. The platinum-haired woman brushes back a lock of her hair, hooking it behind an ear. Then, she steps in and gives a glance around. She smells what comes from the kitchen, once, before she looks back at Matt, Simon, Tion, and Inatera. Her fellow visitors get a wane smile.
Then, she looks back at Commander Fokker and Agrias. The woman nods to the both of them. "Ah, Lady Oaks, Commander Fokker. Welcome to Wystern. This would be Sanary's residence. Sanary is currently..."
What /is/ that smell? Is it good? She can't decide. "...in the kitchen. As you can see, it smells wonderful!" If she keeps saying it, IT MIGHT BECOME TRUE.
"Hello," Tio repeats, in exactly the same tone as before. She simply steps in without another word, making sure that she is not tracking mud all over the house. (She is not.)
She either does not notice or does not care about being used as a reference point, either.
Once inside, Tio takes up a position to one side, letting the others go past her. She is, apparently, just watching.
After climbing down the ladder himself, Roy allows the cockpit of the vehicle to close as he grins. "Hello, Chris. No John? Ah, hello everyone." he asks in a mild tease, sniffing at the air. Must be.. local. And that is..
..until he sees Tio, and grins, making his way over. "You don't call, you don't write, you make me think that I was a bad Commander, Tio." he teases his former Sheep. "Here, this is for you." Pulling a small Black Sheep plush from his pocket.. he passes it to her.
"Kutty's my Summon Spirit partner," Pratty explains as if there's nothing odd about the floating bunny. "He helps me forge weapons. I guess he's watching Sanary cook!" She sounds completely innocent there, grinning in an 'I know nothing, really!' manner.
In fact, Kutty is serving as a lookout, to make sure nothing goes terribly wrong with whatever Sanary's cooking. Or at least, not so wrong that she sets the kitchen on fire. He has enough ice magic to deal with the kitchen being on fire, but he'd rather not see that happen.
In the meantime, Pratty stalls. "Sooooo, what do you think of our city? We're still constructing the third level, but it's a lot more well-developed than it used to be."
"Colonel Sheppard hasn't called in yet - he may be on a mission," Chris replies with a nod to Roy. "Perhaps he will arrive sooner or later. He would probably have a good time. Also, well done at yesterday's festivities."
She looks towards Pratty, then, and nods her head to the teenaged Craftlord. "It is quite interesting. I noticed the upper levels look rather new," she states. The metal hadn't even tarnished, making it gleam to look directly at it. "How old is it?"
Agrias stifles a yawn, instead disguising the motion as reaching up to brush her hair out of her eyes. She moves with Roy as he goes to greet the others, but breaks away to say hello to her fellow knight. Her smile turns a bit brittle once she catches the scent of whatever's happening in the kitchen. "Well, it is certainly kind of Lady Sanary to offer, but..."
"Perhaps it is merely a local recipie." The Holy Knight's doubt is pretty clear. Golden eyes flick to the kitchen, and then back to the present company. She inches her way back to Roy, then, with a look to Chris that's something along the lines of 'eh, what can you do?' "It does smell..." She's about to say 'wonderful' and almost chokes on the word. Even for the sake of damaged pride, Agrias can't tell quite that whoppin' of a white lie. "...quite good."
Matt sniffs the air. He's not a human, and doesn't see cuisine entirely the same way. (Read: optional.) He looks momentarily confused. "...what's she making? I can't place the smell." At least he's not a Seraph, right? Then you might get a precise /description/ of the smell.
As far as Tio is concerned, it smells vaguely foodesque and she leaves it at that. Fortunately, she also doesn't feel particularly obligated to say anything about it.
When Roy comes up to her with a stuffed animal, Tio accepts it just like she'd accept anything else. "Thank you," she says, automatically, then: "I did not have a reason to call. Should I have? I do not think you or the Sheep would have been interested in anything that I have done since." While she speaks, she investigates the plush animal, attempting to figure out why she was just given it /without/ asking. It's black. It's soft. She squeezes it, tentatively.
There is a faint plop noise from the kitchen, followed by a loud boiling noise. The kitchen has not been set on fire, at least from the looks of it... so there's no cause to worry, right? It's just something bubbling over, isn't it?
We could only hope. A brief "Kyaaaaahhhh!" which sounds distinctly Sanary-esque comes from the kitchen, followed by a loud noise best described with the word 'glorp.' The same noise continues, eventually coming out of the kitchen door and revealing its source.
It is a horrible red thing, like some sort of blood-beast at first glance; it is only a closer look that makes it clear what it really is. The 'blood' is, in truth, spaghetti sauce; the eggs and butter and other semi-translucent liquids have congealed into rough 'eyes,' with meatball-cluster 'pupils'. Clusters of hundreds -- no, thousands of noodles make dozens of appendages that flail every which way, Perhaps most disturbing are the networks of noodles, corn husks, and food wrappers that form a pair of wings on the creature's back. There /may/ be more substance to it... maybe.
Sanary switches armor modes to Cooking Experiment.
Simon Parker switches armor modes to Vessel.
Chris Lightfellow says, "..."
Chris Lightfellow says, "Wh...what is that?!"
Matthew Conway says, "...I have /no idea/."
Tepet Inatera says, "Nothing is ever easy, is it."
'Baa'. The sheep says to Tio as it is squeezed. Great conversationalist, right?
"..well, Tio, the comments now and again are meant for you to keep in touch. The Sheep get curious now and again on how you are..." Roy starts to respond, casting a wink at Agrias.. just as all hell breaks loose. "..uh, Chris?" the flight commander asks, a little uneasily. "..is that a member of the Detachment?"
Matthew Conway says, "It...looks like...is that /spaghetti/?"
Tio says, "I am not certain."
Chris Lightfellow says, "I... I believe so..."
Agrias Oaks makes a sound that can only be described as a 'squeak.' "Wh--"
Pratty says, "It's...it's..."
Simon is not about to lie, no sir. Therefore, he remains out of the talk about the food; he can't place the smell, either, and turns his mind towards concocting an excuse to avoid eating it if it turns out to be thoroughly--
Oh sweet Hell, what is /that/?
Simon is on his feet a second or so after the abomination against the culinary arts bursts out of the kitchen. "What the /hell/?" the Balseraph cries, a look of disgust and surprise on his face. One hand darts into his jacket, and comes out holding some sort of combat knife.
Tio says, "Spaghetti is not normally ambulatory, I had thought..."
Pratty ...sighs. "A cooking experiment."
Simon Parker says, "A /what/?"
Pratty switches armor modes to Glove.
Matthew Conway says, "..."
Matthew Conway says, "Whatever it /was/, I think it's target practice now."
Inatera stares philosophically at the terrible beast as it arises, filled with the power of a noodly appendange or six thousand.
She draws Hound's Sixth Tooth from her side; it glitters. She also sighs, as she does so. Perhaps she was hungry and hoping for supper.
"Oh, bloody hell!" Chris yelps, as she sees this thing. She reaches a hand down, grabbing Stendich's hilt, and draws the sword free with one quick yank - brandishing the polished steel and pointing it at the Flying Spaghetti Monster. She swallows hard, and looks at Commander Fokker. "No. Actually, I believe it is hostile. I do suggest you step back. This is about to get... messy."
Matthew Conway says, "Someone cover me, I'm gonna try and go past it to see if Sanary's okay."
Chris Lightfellow says, "Correct!"
Chris Lightfellow says, "Er, rather, good!"
"...Aaaah! Sanary!" Yes, Pratty was worried about this, as it's all too familiar, but she didn't expect it to be /that/ bad this time! She should have known, she should have known Sanary would try using pasta. You can't trust pasta! It's slippery!
She puts two fingers in her mouth and whistles, and Kutty is by her side in an instant with his spiked gloves ready. She straps on her own pair of leather gloves with spiked knuckles, jumping into a battle pose. "Don't worry, Sanary, we're comin' to getcha!"
Agrias, however drowsy she may seem, responds with her instincts. Rather than try to tactfully negotiate her way out of the situation, she does what comes naturally.
She draws her sword, of course, and casts a wary eye to the monster, holding the steel up as though that might ward the marinara monstrosity off. She doesn't say anything, instead contenting herself with a stare. A very disturbed stare.
"L--Lady Lightfellow? I sincerely hope this was not on the menu." She raises her own blade, keeping Defender to its namesake -- a nice, solidly defensive stance. "What shall we do?" Your orders, Silver Maiden? Or... anyone, really.
Chris Lightfellow | Percival Fraulein offers, "Make sure she's not all covered in cheese and on top of spagh--" Someone smacks him.
Matt stands, a look of both shock and, moments later, determination on his face. What the /hell/ is that? Does it matter? No. Fellow warrior in danger, possibly hurt, given she's not present and screamed - go and check on here. Right. Combat instincts, thank you. Unfortunately, the thing is...filling the door. Matt's hand, meanwhile, has gone to his shoulder holster and removed his gun. "Someone cover me. I'm gonna try and get past it."
And with that, he starts running, trying to get up speed enough that he can clear the thing with a leap. And...
Matt leaps.
"I am fine," Tio informs Roy, even as the spaghetti monster (or, well, cooking monstrosity) shambles out of the kitchen. It's awfully crowded in here; Tio isn't sure she can really throw the rings without breaking things. Thus, she draws them and keeps them held in front of her, starting to inch forward to distract it.
The sheep, for lack of anywhere else to put it, is under her left arm.
The heroes gather, but the spaghetti monster -- indeed, a flying spaghetti monster -- seems altogether unfazed. It is, after all, a being of animal intelligence rather than any genuine sentience; it is, in fact, too stupid to be afraid. It makes some more 'glorp' noises, and starts slithering out from the doorway just a little. For some reason it likes that doorway; perhaps it is cozy.
This does mean Sanary's visible at this point, at least. She looks all right, even if she is covered in spaghetti sauce. This is the sort of moment that cartoons have swirly-eyes for.
The monster ambles toward the collected lawmen, who seem to be very much into the cutlery. Cutlery bad! Cutlery mean spaghetti get eaten! This will not do. It begins thrashing out against everyone who has drawn a blade, whipping noodles everywhere. THey're much, much harder than they look, and will actually possibly hurt more than one would expect noodles to hurt.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Simon Parker with her His Noodly Appendage attack.
Sanary hits Tepet Inatera with her Messes With The Results attack.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Agrias Oaks with her Before One Can attack.
You take 12 damage.
Sanary hits Chris Lightfellow with her Review Them attack.
Sanary critically strikes Tio with her And Document Them attack.
"Agh! Sanary!" Chris yelps as the noodle slaps into her and smashes her backward. Those bound up noodles /hurt/, she faintly realizes - and she doesn't like that. The woman skids backward a little, before taking a deep breath. She then looks at the monster, for a moment. "What kind of spaghetti is this!?" she shouts. "It was quite strong!"
Suffice to say, the Captain is going to do more than stand here and complain about spaghetti. She looks at the beast, before she lunges forward. She extends Stendich, aiming it right towards the creature's center of mass, and tries to stab it into it.
At least it isn't a fork!
Chris Lightfellow hits Sanary with her CUTCUTCUTCUT attack.
This is like some absurdist comedy, with Haagenti as director, and wait Blackwing what are you /doing/.
As Matt attempts to vault over Pastalor, Destroyer of Worlds, Simon brandishes the knife, threateningly. /Back/, monster!
And then, the noodle smacks him across the face, resulting in a spray of tomato sauce. Parker was not expecting /that/, and steps backwards, flailing blindly with the knife while wiping marinara out of his eyes. The Balseraph scowls, and as soon as another of those flailing noodle-tentacles comes within range, he lashes out with Sword (the aforementioned combat knife) in an attempt to cut it off.
Simon Parker hits Sanary with his Like Milton, only with more pasta. attack.
A noodly appendage slaps Inatera across the face. This is her third encounter with vaguely pseudopodial and unpleasant extrusions of some kind of inimical creature bent on using them on her.
Her lips draw back in a grimace. She does not even call upon her Essence as she feels the bruise form; instead, she slides forwards neatly, slicing at the central mass of the - the - thing.
How did this HAPPEN, she wonders, in the 'not for fighting' part of her mind.
Matt lands easily on the other side of the Giant Pasta Beast. No attacks, huh? Guess giant pasta beasts don't understand what /guns/ are. After noting Sanary's not-really-hurt condition, he lifts her easily, moving her off to the side. Good. More room to work. Even if he /does/ now have sauce all over a nice set of casual clothes.
This means he hasn't fired on the Pasta Beast yet.
Tepet Inatera misses Sanary with her Cutting the Noodlian Gnot attack.
Roy.. doesn't carry weapons on the Veritech. Really, he's in space. If his bird dies, he's dead with it. However, he does have some form of defense! Reaching into his pocket, the pilot yanks out his survival knife and charges forward.
"Agrias!" he says, a hint of worry in his voice as he lashes out at the noodle, cutting at it with the knife as he.. rather stupidly.. attacks the culinary /de/light.
Roy Fokker gets a glancing blow on Sanary with his On Top of Spaghetti, all covered in cheese, I lost my true love, when somebody sneezer~ feint.
Can someone use gloves to eat? Probably, but it wouldn't be practical. Pratty has no intention of trying to eat /that/ thing, though, especially since Sanary put egg whites in it. /Ewwww./
Instead, she carefully ducks under the noodle whips that are attacking the others, and then takes a flying leap upwards to try to nail a punch into the gooey thing. Whether or not this actually works so well, it's at least a fairly good show of martial arts from a girl wearing heavy armor.
Pratty hits Sanary with her WHAT DID THE FIVE FINGERS SAY TO THE SPAGHETTI? jab.
Tio was just /holding/ her weapons.
She was not expected to be slapped across the face with a series of noodles, nor was she expecting them to rake at her body as well. She stays back after that, keeping her distance and, incidentally, dropping the sheep plush somewhere where she expects it to be safe.
Instead of attacking with her rings, Tio begins to channel power for a magical effect. The usual bluish ripple of energy surrounds her before she discharges it with a pointed finger at the...beast. "Light blue."
In deference to the fact that she IS indoors, Tio uses one of the less explosive spells. A burst of icicle knives rocket up toward the ground, stabbing from underneath. They fade away quickly.
Tio hits Sanary with her Crackle: Better Than A Freezer attack.
Agrias can only watch as the creature advances, brandishing her blade as though the steel actually offers some kind of defense against this kitchen horror. She's finding it rather difficult to take the whole situation seriously, but one of the appendages lands a stinging blow on her forearm, setting her to hissing.
"Roy! Stand down!" This is roared to the Veritech pilot when she sees that he's charging with nothing but a dinky little knife. Granted, it's sharp and serrated, but it doesn't have any good reach. If this should happen to turn dangerous, he's too close for comfort. Agrias settles for lunging forward, attempting to hack her way towards whatever serves the creature for 'eyes.' Congealed egg-whites, in this case.
You hit Sanary with your She Slices! She Dices! attack.
There is the distinct sound of a cob of corn getting snapped in two as Chris stabs into the beast, and one of the appendages falls off, lifeless, as Simon slashes it off. All Roy manages to cleave off is a little sauce, revealing some of the corny insides of the beast for clear observation. Pratty and Tio's strikes, in order, snap another part of the skeleton and stab-and-flash-freeze much of the sauce. Agrias manages to break the consistency of the egg whites, and the gooey things slide down her sword and dissipate, meatballs falling to the floor.
Sanary, meanwhile, is easily moved -- her armor is fairly light and she's not exactly the epitome of huge herself. She's out of the way now, which she'd be thankful for if she could process much in the way of conscious thought right now -- that whole business still eludes her.
The beast roars, or more accurately, burbles angrily -- it is now threatened in seven directions by lots of cutty things and -- are those meat tenderizers? This cannot stand! It begins to creep slowly forward, trying to wrap its appendages around various limbs, then send spaghetti sauce up the appendages and onto the limbs. ... that's awfully scalding hot spaghetti sauce, isn't it? (It's still ignoring Matt. Perhaps it is stupid.)
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Agrias Oaks with her Ragu attack.
You take 19 damage.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Tio with her Prego attack.
Sanary misses Pratty with her Healthy Choice jab.
Sanary hits Roy Fokker with her No Sauce, Just Noodly Grabbing jab.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Tepet Inatera with her Barilla attack.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Simon Parker with her Hunt's attack.
Sanary hits Chris Lightfellow with her Newman's Own attack.
"Geeehh..." Chris groans, as she is splattered with hot tomato sauce. She yelps and wipes at it, splashing it down to the ground with a quick motion of her hand. It hits the floor and splatters, before the woman turns around and looks at it with an annoyed glare. "Really, you're messing this house up. This is /very/ unsanitary!" Then, she moves in, rotating on a heel as she does. Her blade is brought up to her midsection, and slashed out at its body with a firm, hard slash aimed right for it.
Chris Lightfellow critically strikes Sanary with her Classico Form attack.
The Holy Knight pulls up short when the creature advances, finessing her blade to the side to flick the egg-whites and meatballs away from her blade. Oh, yuck. She's going to have to do some serious cleaning, later. The rest of her finessing goes towards keeping those tendrils away from her, shielding herself by parrying everything that tries to come her way.
Agrias backs away, but she's not fast enough to keep a few of them from coming in low. One of them snakes around her ankle, pulling her off her feet. She trips, landing with an 'oof' as the wind's knocked out of her. She picks herself up in time to get a splatter of hot sauce to the shoulder, which in turn soaks into her tunic.
...Aw, /yuck/, man.
"Dare I even ask what Lady Sanary was cooking?" Agrias' question seems more grousing than a genuine inquiry. She lunges forward with a series of thrusts towards the remainder of the creature's eyes, using her footwork to stay away from any more of that hot sauce. Yeah, that kind of burns, even through her tunic.
You miss Sanary with your Shall We Dance~? attack.
The noddle collides with Roy, causing a hiss of pain from the Veritech pilot. That stung, and his ribs really did not like that. Wait just a second.. WAIT.
Oh no, Agrias Oaks.. Dame Agrias Oaks, Protector of This, Defender of That, Knight of the Church of the Latter Day Losers -- that Agrias Oaks did NOT tell Roy Fokker to back down.
"Excuse me." the pilot says flatly to the Knight. "I may be a broke joystick pilot, but I've had my fair share of footfights!" he says at her angrilly and unhappily. the knife is held at bay as Roy twists, going back to back with his knight as he lashes out a flight boot at a noodle.
But maybe, he really should go see to Sanary, hmm?
Crack after crack after crack sounds from the skeleton of the beast, as Chris cleaves neatly through some of it; its form shifts, which is rather lucky as this brings parts of it out of the way of Agrias and Matthew's attacks. Roy's kick actually pulls the noodly appendage out of the body of the beast, sending spaghetti sauce flying. Tio's throw actually removes much of its insides, spattering them across the wall and creating a neat opening for the icicle spikes to penetrate cleanly through. The pistol and the stab from Hound's Sixth Tooth send a spattering of sauce and broken corn-bone-bits everywhere. The beast is starting, at least, to flag, if only a little.
The beast knows who's been hurting it the most -- specifically, it's that woman with the rings. It would be pertinent, thus, to crush her and be done with it. All of its appendages act in concert this time, streaking out for her limbs -- arms, legs, everything -- and, if they catch on, start snapping things. The noodle-tentacles seem very adept at this 'breaking' thing.
Sanary misses Tio with her I'm Going To Leave The Jokes To The Other Players super.
Chris stares as the spaghetti-tentacles go flying towards Tio. She turns on a heel, and watching them shoot by, and then snaps her attention back towards the Spaghetti Monster. Perhaps some lightning is in order. The woman holds her hand up, focusing for a moment. Over her head, the emblem of a lightning bolt appears for a moment.
"Lightning!" she shouts, "Come forth!"
Then, the air cracks with thunder, as a bolt of electricity goes shooting down from the ceiling (thanks to the effects of MAGIC) and towards the poor, poor collection of meatballs and spaghetti.
Chris Lightfellow hits Sanary with her Lightning Rune attack.
"You are fighting a creature the size of a small dragon, armed only with a knife?!" Agrias' bark of laughter is sardonic, but the sound is cut short as she staggers against another stinging blow. Agrias shifts her grip on her blade, tightening her hand over the hilt.
...She won't look at Roy, right now. She's busy fixing an angry glare on the creature, which is currently the target of her quietly restrained rage. "Madness," she growls, lunging forward to try and lop off one of those tentacles. Those things need to go. They hurt, and they're too fast to keep track of very well. "You will be struck down at such a close range, with such little reach!"
She watches Chris invoke her own magic against the creature, and it seems to strike a good blow against the creature. Maybe steel isn't the best answer, in this case. Time to tackle this situation from another angle.
Those golden eyes drift closed, and with her blade pointed, Agrias seems to be whispering something, though inaudible over the din.
'Heaven's wish to destroy all minds...'
The blade seems to glow, brilliant brightness as she brings it in a vicious downward slash towards the creature. Holy energy isn't her greatest suit, but lightning might not be wise. Agrias isn't entirely certain if marinara sauce can transmit electricity...
You miss Sanary with your Holy Explosion, Yo! attack.
"-AAAAH! Uh, Tio!" That's her name, right? Pratty figured out that's her name by now. "Look out!" After wiping off her gloves, the Craftlord jumps back down onto the floor, looking around and again spotting the one guy who doesn't have a large, shiny weapon or a gun, which would in this case be Roy.
"Here, take this!" She reaches behind her back, unhooking the only other weapon she has with her, the Great Axe strapped over her shoulders. It is at least half Pratty's size, but she has no problem casually passing it off to Roy before jumping and taking another flying punch at the monster.
Pratty hits Sanary with her Friends Don't Let Friends Experiment With Cooking attack.
Magic? Who needs magic? Matt curses as he misses his shot. /How do you miss point-blank?/ Matt aims again. This thing needs to go down - not because it's /Guilty/, but because it's dangerous. And malicious. He does no magic, and expends no Essence. He just fires.
Tio is, when she wants to be, very fast and agile.
When things are grabbing for her limbs? She wants to be. Tio leaps to one side, actually getting both feet and one hand against the wall and springing off in a display of inhuman agility. She doesn't leap away from the cooking disaster, though.
She goes right towards it, coming in with a flying slash and immediately switching to a rapid series of cuts and twirls. Two ghostly images of Tio follow her - and their rings cut, too. She even manages to twist out of the way of teammates' attacks; it must be practice.
Matthew Conway hits Sanary with his I'm Shooting...At Spaghetii... attack.
Tio hits Sanary with her Fast Dance Whirl attack.
Inatera rolls out from underneath the monster and --
Runs into the kitchen?
This is either a sign of cowardice, or else it's a buildup to - something.
FLASHBACK
A newly-fledged Balseraph knocks on a senior Gamester's office door. "...Mr. Tophel, sir? I have some papers--" The door swings open, revealing an enraged mass of ooze, tentacles, eyes, and worse.
"Worthless little..." Then those tentacles are swarming /him/, engulfing him--Simeon squirms in the creature's grip, and is then painfully pile-driven face-first into the stone floor. "Sonnova..." the Shedite grumbles. A door slams.
END FLASHBACK
Simon shakes his head, snapping back to his senses; he pulls the trigger again, but this time, the weapon emits a sickening *blorp*. ...How did pasta sauce get in there? The Balseraph swears, tosses the gun aside, and grabs the back of a chair. Hefting it over his head (maybe a bit too easily for a human), he charges Pastajira, and attempts to bring the chair right down onto the monster's bulk.
"Would you prefer that I stand on the sidelines and wave pom-poms?" Roy snaps in irritation at Agrias. "Two four six.. I think this thing looks like something I ate.." He starts to say more when Pratty shoves.. a very large axe in his hands.
"Ha! I don't have just a knife anymore!" he says to his Knight with a tone of ITEM GOT! But.. uh.. yeah. Hefting up the axe, Roy attempts to cleave it into the spaghetti monster and way way too much power. He's twisted around, blade coming around with him. "Oh shit!" he yells.
Thank the stars that Roy Fokker is so damn tall. Because as the axe pinwheels him around, he barely misses beheading his girlfriend before he falls back, hitting the ground, blade of the axe sticking into the floorboards.
The lightning strikes, boiling some of the sauce; the slash, however, cleaves mostly through nothingness as the creature briefly splits.It is that same nothingness that Roy strikes with his borrowed axe. Punches, whirling, and point-blank shots all seem to have some modicum of effectiveness on the beast, sending marinara flying every which way and even onto the attackers. Inatera is ignored, mostly because of the sudden chair lodged in the beast's back while she's getting up to something.
This does not mean the creature isn't about to strike, of course -- its limited intelligence is aware that enemies are bad and hitting them is important. It does so in a very unique way, however -- instead of aiming for any one person in particular, it just sends a spattering of scalding sauce every which way. Sadly, this may mean Inatera, while she took the smart path and didn't directly attack it (yet), may get scalded as well.
Sanary misses Matthew Conway with her A Casting Off attack.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Roy Fokker with her A Parting With attack.
Sanary critically strikes Agrias Oaks with her An Explosion! attack.
You take 25 damage.
Sanary critically strikes Tio with her A Division attack.
Sanary misses Chris Lightfellow with her A Removal attack.
Sanary misses Tepet Inatera with her A Blind Fire jab.
Sanary misses Simon Parker with her A Something attack.
Sanary critically strikes Pratty with her I Don't Know Anymore, There Aren't Enough Words attack.
Once in the kitchen, Inatera looks around quickly. There should be a pump, or...
There it is! She straightens up and twists Hound's Sixth Tooth around in her grasp before STABBING IT AT THE SINK, twisting and wrenching it - a spraying gout of cold water comes out then, the water in the pipes under significant pressure. She steps to the side and brandishes the daiklave, just in time to deflect a spray of scalding-hot sauce.
Inatera remembers watching her nurse prepare a meal, and how she had always said that if you cook the pasta for too long, it would get soggy and mashed together.
Sparks flicker around her as she channels the Essence, the blade of the daiklave glowing with red heat as the water strikes it steadily, producing warm steam... a cloud of it. As there is no prevailing wind, she focuses herself, pressing it outwards, willing it to billow out and engulf the creature - to saturate it, wash out whatever animating force is within it, and render it an inert lump of deliquesceing starch!
Tepet Inatera misses Sanary with her This better not miss, or, Fire Incites Water to a Riot of Clouds attack.
Tepet Inatera says, "riiiiiiiiiichaaaaaaaaards"
Sanary says, "... Do that again. That was awesome, and you indeed get stunt dice."
Sanary says, "You have another three dice to roll. For the win."
Tepet Inatera hits Sanary with her RIIIIIIIIICHAAAAAAAAAARDS attack.
Agrias looks around with an irritated growl as Roy proclaims his armament, and her expression of annoyance quickly changes into an expression of 'OHSHI.' Golden eyes snapping wide, she simply lets herself fall to the floor in order to avoid his swinging blow, tucking herself up a bit and rolling out of the pasta monster's way.
She rises too slowly, though, and she's unfortunately hit with scalding pasta. Hissing and snarling, she moves to wipe the offending stuff away as quickly as she can, Agrias leaps forward, half-stumbling over her bad leg, and brings her sword up for a sharp downward slash. "Och! See that ye take care with the weapons you wield," she snarls at Roy. "That was nearly my head! Have a care, Sir Fokker!" And with that, she's going to focus on trying to take down the pasta. Monster. /Thing/...
...Only to dance away. Agrias hisses as some of the scalding stuff manages to seep through her tunic, but she gets herself out of radius before it has any chance to get into her clothing more. She'll watch, warily, with sword held high in defense.
Man, is she gonna need a shower after this. And a really powerful washing machine for all the sauce in her tunic.
THWACK. Simon is now splattered with red goop, and he smiles nastily as he tries to pry the chair loose from the Pasta Golem. This might be a mistake, however, since... well, it's not as badly-hurt as he thought it was, and he is within easy striking distance. Can't duck, can't--
Ohbless.
Seeing as how Simon does not want to go into work tomorrow explaining how he tipped a pot of pasta sauce off the stove by accident, he hisses out something and hopes to Whomever that these people won't make assumptions. The Balseraph gestures, and is suddenly surrounded by a field of... well, gusts of wind. Strong ones--the sauce bounces right off, as does some of Inatera's scalding water. Simon dives to the ground, baseball-sliding across the monster's sauce-slime-trail, and crouching at the far side of the room. He smiles, pleasantly, acting like he planned this like that.
Matthew Conway is a fast man. He is, indeed, inhumanly fast. As Inatera's blasts of steam go past him, he is rolling to the side - and in that same movement, avoiding the burning marinara.
...this might take some explaining later. Also, whoa, Disturbance. /Dammit, Simon. You had to go and reveal yourself surrounded by people./
Matt rolls to a kneeling position, and fires again. Bullets seem to be working, after all.
Matthew Conway misses Sanary with his Please Don't Ask About The High Reaction Time, Okay? attack.
Tio takes another splatter of boiling sauce to the face - and, this time, eyes. She does not yell, but she does pull away from the fight to try to get the very hot sauce out of her sensitive eyes.
Still blinded and trying to wipe the sauce free, Tio begins to channel the power for a spell. The hot steam roiling over her is pretty much ignored because it's not as hot as the painful food. She thrusts a palm out toward where she remembers the food monster is - and, perhaps more to the point, where her sensor antennae are still telling her the largest semisolid hot mass is.
What looks like a buzzsaw of semisolid, razor-sharp air blasts out from Tio's hands. It's followed from another few from the air around her, causing the steam to go every which way once they hit and explode back into the air that makes them up. Small objects around the room are probably moving around, too.
Tio hits Sanary with her Howlslash attack.
Tio says, "Please be aware I cannot see."
The Silver Maiden moves quickly, ducking down and avoiding getting a blast of scalding hot marinara sauce in her face. However, instead, she gets it in her /hair/ - her pale, silver-platinum hair that is notoriously easily stained for weeks on end. In this moment, she ceases being Chris Lightfellow, hero to the Zexen people and battle-hardened knight before her time. She becomes Chris Lightfellow, angry girl.
"EEEEWW! IT'S IN MY HAAAAIR!" she shrieks, flailing for a moment. "Oh, Goddess, this hair color /stains/! Help, get it out, get it out!"
Chris Lightfellow /whines/.
Simon Parker, over rushing air: "..."
Tio says, "Please calm down. I will offer you a cloth once I have removed the sauce from my eyes."
Roy huffs as he lies on the floor for a moment as Agrias berates him in front of the Detachment, God and Everybody. This only serves to strengthen his resolve further as the scalding sauce nails him. "Ack!" He manages to roll away as he gets only some minor burn wounds and pushes himself to his feet and gives an angry snort.
"Wellllllllllll excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Dame Oaks."
And with that, he starts trying to yank the axe out of the floorboard. He'll show her, he will! He really should leave the bladed weapons to her, he flies the plane.
Roy Fokker stuns himself with his ..wow, this thing is really stuck.. action.
"...Uh..." Pratty, still gawking at Inatera's clever Steam maneuver, glances over at Roy and can't help but feel a little guilty. "Gosh, uh, sorry! I didn't realize you weren't trained in that sort of weapon. Kutty, go help him!"
"Kutty."
"He's not a big lug, go help him!"
"Kutty!"
"Come on, please?"
"..."
"Kutty, come on!"
"...Kutty." The green, overly cutesy creature flies over, reaching to try and yank Roy's axe out of the floorboard for him.
Pratty successfully targets Roy Fokker with her Roy gets shown up by a Pokemon wannabe action.
Roy Fokker is no longer stunned.
And then Pratty gets splashed hard with really hot nasty red sauce.
"....ewwwwwww. Sanary, you owe me a new shirt!" She was wearing a white frock underneath that armor today, after all. Now scalded and supremely irritated, she leaves Kutty to deal with Roy's problems as she starts rushing at the monster, running at it and attempting to punch it several times and then just uppercut the thing like a proper boxer!
This might stain the ceiling.
Pratty misses Sanary with her TO DA MOON! attack.
The steam does a fine job of dissipating some of the sauce and noodles; some of it simply goes 'splutch' on the floor, falling away to harmless foodstuffs. The beast is much smaller now, at least; this may be part of why Agrias manages to quite nearly cleave it in two with her sword. For once, bullets /don't/ work, though - all that happens is some sauce gets nicked off. Tio is actualy more successful, razor-sharp air cleaving the beast again in two, for a split second, at a different angle. It's just falling apart now. Pratty, sadly, does not manage to uppercut more than a few bits of sauce.
Seeing Roy fussing with his axe, it goes for the weakest-looking member of the group: him. Even though his axe is pulled out of the floor, it has, by this point, committed to the idea of just giving him a bunch of slapping about -- even if he can now defend against it. After all, it must CRUSH ALL HU-MAN. It is a mindless being of only the most malicious intent.
Sanary hits Roy Fokker with her im in ur base, bein ur foods attack.
Agrias does a fine job of carving the beast up into manageable chunks. Unfortunately, it's very messy work, and the red stuff that coats her sword seems to congeal worse than blood. It's also incredibly sticky. This combination of factors seem to be enough to let the creature get away, and the knight is left to try and desperately shake some of that stuff off the blade. Yuck.
She looks up just in time to see it lumber after Roy, though. She reacts like lightning itself, snapping around and lunging for the beast with a roar. Don't you dare mess with the pilot. That's /hers/, damn it, even if she /is/ pissed off at him.
Incidentally, she also attacks with lightning itself, too. Sparks dance and congeal around her blade, crackling out in a searing blast of electricity. It's a little less elegant than Chris' display of bolts from the ceiling, but hopefully it's just as effective. Hey, she's angry. She has better things to worry about than controlling the lightning and keeping it looking pretty.
You hit Sanary with your Lightning Stab attack.
Roy glares at the little green creature as it gets the axe blade free. "Thanks." he offers with a snort and turns.. way too late. The creature slams into him, knocking him backwards as the lashes and crushes do a number to the Veritech pilot. The last part he sees is that Agrias is on her way in. Oh good, he'll just stay down here for the moment.
[RADIO] To Agrias Oaks, Roy Fokker radios: ...I did promise to shield you, my love.
Inatera's blade continues to hiss, her Essence keeping it hot enough to maintain the steam cloud - even let it grow.
She seems nonplussed at the shrieks of dismay from past the steam cloud; she can't, of course, see quite through it. As she maintains the Charm, she calls out, "Are you all quite alright out there?"
Tepet Inatera gets a glancing blow on Sanary with her Oversteaming ur pasta jab.
Simon shoots Matt a 'these people have been firing spells since round one, dummy' look--it might be arrogance on his part (it /is/ arrogance on his part), but godblessit, he wants to play, too. His gun, for the record, has ended up behind a chair on the other side of the room. No, he doesn't know where it is.
Which does not make him feel any better as the remains of Pastagon, Scourge of Tokyo start rushing Roy. Simon bites his lip; as the shield around him falls, the Balseraph makes another one of those arcane gestures. A pattern of zig-zagging lights--not unlike what you'd see at one of those laser light shows--forms in front of the beast. A beam of unholy light emerges from the pattern, flashing through the creature like... well, a laser.
/Twang/.
Simon Parker hits Sanary with his Lucifer discovered this Song. Aeons later, we use it to cook spaghetti. attack.
Tio has finally managed to get the sauce out of her eyes by using her sleeve as a facecloth. Fortunately, she does not care if they stain (and it almost doesn't; there's something not quite normal about that ancient outfit). Then, deliberately, Tio walks over to Chris...
...and wipes her hair down with her /other/ sleeve, which is still clean. "Now it is out of your hair," she says, in the same bland tone of voice she always uses.
Then she turns back toward the monster and throws her remaining ring.
Tio misses Sanary with her Ring Toss Two attack.
Chris' terrified, girlish indignation has turned into anger: both at having her hair /ruined/ and at her childish outburst in front of her men. Her cheeks turn nearly as red as the messy, uneven splotch all along her hair. She tenses her fingers and looks at the Spaghetti FIEND. "Y...you... made me look like a fool..."
Her voice raises suddenly. "AND RUINED MY HAIR!" The woman goes charging forward, teeth gritting together as she raises up. The suddenly zig-zag of lasers makes her stare, though - how did Simon do /that/? She doesn't let it deter her, though, as her left hand glows. The emblem of a rising phoenix appears over her head, and she jumps.
She begins rapidly slashing, bright flashes of light erupting after each blow aimed at the poor, poor offending spaghetti monster.
Chris Lightfellow juggles Sanary with her Phoenix Rune combo.
Chris Lightfellow juggles Sanary with her Phoenix Rune combo.
Chris Lightfellow juggles Sanary with her Phoenix Rune combo.
Sanary breaks Chris Lightfellow's combo.
Matt is having trouble seeing /into/ the cloud now. At least he has superhuman Perception, too...hm. Aim might be difficult - it's smaller and tougher, with a harder outer shell, now...
The angel in disguise winces as Simon decides to be /even more unsubtle/. Seriously, man, when you make the /Malakite/ wince...he rolls his eyes, and aims again. Die, pasta beast, die! /Magic not needed/.
Matthew Conway hits Sanary with his /Some/ of us can make do with guns. attack.
[RADIO] To Roy Fokker, you radio: With all due respect, you are out of your element, dear heart.
Kutty sniffs at Roy snobbishly, and then flies back to his mistress's side. Just in time, as Pratty's ready for another Kutty-demand. "Kutty! Water Edge!" She raises up her glove as Kutty stops and chants, magic swirling around the spiked glove and temporarily filling with elemental power as the metal part glows blue. "Water seems to work well against it! Maybe I can even wash bits of the sauce off."
When excited, Pratty thinks aloud.
She narrows her eyes, making another running charge and trying to run and blast right through the thing as a swirl of water shoots from her claws. This might make things messier. Especially since she's running through pasta.
Pratty misses Sanary with her SAMURAI RUNNING THROUGH IT DASH super.
Sauce flies every which way as the Lightning Stab rips through the beast, softened up so much by the lasers and steaming that are now striking it. What really catches the monster and tears it to shreds, though, is the Phoenix Rune -- it rips off most of the beast's appendages and leaves it vulnerable. Sadly, it rips the appendage Tio almost hit off before Tio hits it. Bullets are effective again, too, even if a sudden whirlpool doesn't do so much! The beast's second 'eye' falls apart and leaks onto the floor, leaving the creature functionally blind and agonized.
It turns its attention toward the swordswoman who gave it such a fine cutting a moment before; it flaps its makeshift wings lightly, trying to get a little tiny bit above Chris. Groaning a burbly little groan, it throws the full of its mass toward her, trying to just choke her with its mass.
Sanary misses Chris Lightfellow with her Spilled Sauce super.
Matthew Conway is beginning to get annoyed. This giant spaghetti monster has more motive power than...lots of things. Not than God. Matt does not blaspheme that way. He fires agai-click. "Damn! No time to reload!" Instead, he lunges forward into a dash, flipping the pistol around. Subtlety is dead, and Matt is /angry/.
"'But Jeshurun waxed fat, and kicked:" Matt emphasizes this with a swing of the pistol's butt at the monster. "Thou art waxen fat, thou art grown thick, thou art covered in fatness;" Another whip of the pistol. "Then he FORSOOK THE GOD THAT MADE HIM!" Whip. "AND LIGHTLY ESTEEMED THE ROCK OF HIS SALVATION!" Final whip. Matt stands, miss or hit, glaring. "Deuteronomy. Chapter 32, verse 15."
Matthew Conway juggles Sanary with his Bible Quotes And Pistol Whips combo.
Matthew Conway juggles Sanary with his Bible Quotes And Pistol Whips combo.
Sanary breaks Matthew Conway's combo.
Meanwhile, a little ways away from the creature, Agrias is frantically trying to get the sauce off her sword. It's sticky and it's messy. Yechh.
Where: Fantasy Gate - Wystern
When: 08 October 2006
What: Sanary invites a couple of people from the Vanguard Detachment to dinner, so she can cook for them. Things go very, very wrong.
Watch For: Hooboy. There's so much stuff in here that you may as well just watch for all of it. But let me say this: "Flying Spaghetti Monster." It was a big scene and I had several other things going on at once, too, so please forgive any oversights on my part. ^^;
Wystern
Wystern is known in its own plane and a few others as the City of Swords; it has a reputation for a highly effective blacksmithing industry, and while particulars may vary from guild to guild, the product is always worth buying. The city itself has several tiers, and leads down from its central tower into a winding labyrinth with innumerable floors.
Contents:
John Sheppard
Nanoha Takamachi
Matthew Conway
Roy Fokker
Tio
Chris Lightfellow
Tepet Inatera
Simon Parker
Pratty
Sanary
Sanary's house is a little on the small side; it's big enough to seat however many people are arriving, of course, but not by much. /Too/ many more and it'd probably get exceptionally uncomfortable. The decor is pretty spartan, and the furniture is mostly wood or cheap metal -- not a lot for the imagination to really work off of.
Sanary is off in the back somewhere, cooking. It would likely be a bad idea to disturb her.
Pratty's here, and she's pacing already, because she knows how this tends to turn out. The Craftlord girl is in her armor, which isn't unusual for people in Wystern, but significant in Pratty's own view, anyway. Maybe it'll be fine! Maybe everything will be fine. She doesn't want to offend her friend, though, so the pigtailed teenager puts on a friendly face to the visitors.
Chris knocks on the door when she arrives. She hasn't been to Wystern for an official visit yet - but she wants to, so she can have a good look around and see what the hooplah is for herself. However, she does find her way along easily enough; the woman arrives at the house and stops, before she knocks on the door, once. "Ah, hello?" she asks. "It's me, Captain Lightfellow!"
...that is a /lot/ of water, that is. Matt is not hydrophobic, but he's certainly glad there are no Servitors of Fire - /either/ Fire - around here. They'd be going crazy, and possibly Infernal Fire would be burning the streets. And he's just here to /socialize/. Either way, it takes him a bit to find Sanary's house, and he nods to Chris as he arrives.
Tea, cookies, dinner. Simon took Pratty's warning about random encounters to heart, and that's why he's a little late getting to her house. The agent-lawyer-something nods to Chris as she knocks on the door, offering her a flippant salute. "Evening," he says, pleasantly. His jacket seems a little tighter, for some reason, like he's wearing something bulky underneath.
Tio, as she was so quick to point out on the radio, does not eat - or she doesn't need to, at least. She drinks water. That's about it.
However, she was pretty much directed to come anyway, so she does. Maybe she can be of some use cleaning up. If nothing else it gives her somewhere new to stand and a possible instruction into the often confusing minds of socializing humans.
She brought her rings. They're over her back, the same place she normally carries her weapons. "Hello," she says, simply, when she steps in.
Inatera's arrival is also somewhat undramatic, although she does look at the house with something less than a charitable eye on her way up the path. She doesn't comment, however, echoing, "Hello," after Tio as she walks inside.
Mm, she thinks, with the wisdom of the Dragons. Food.
There is a single vehicle en route to the home. Agrias wanted to introduce someone to the others of her group - after all - Commander Fokker has introduced her to his Sheep. But how to find the house - well, that's easy. Rusty Screwdriver.
That is, Tio. She is still outfitted for use within the Black Sheep as neccessary. Locking onto her position, the Veritech Skull One lowers towards the ground, legs flipping out from beneath it as it lands near the house. The Veritech is a one seater, so it's a little cozy in there.
The cockpit opens, and Roy lowers the ladder, before nudging Agrias. "Wake up, sleepy head." he says to the Knight in his lap. "We're here."
No, the Skull One hadn't quite come with only its pilot. The Holy Knight had come as well, seems how it had been a faster means of transport from the start of their route. Better than having to walk all that way, anyway, and she wasn't going to complain about close quarters.
"...Eh..." Agrias wakes slowly, reaching up to push her hair out of her face. Okay, so it had still been a slightly long flight. Enough that she had been quick to fall asleep, settled comfortably on the pilot's lap while he took care of the flight details.
Leaning over, she glances down as the ladder unrolls, taking up her cane in one hand. She's wearing her usual ensemble -- royal blue tunic, blue cloak, and the doeskin leggings branded with the seal of the St. Konoe Order on each thigh. Over that she wears a dusky blue cloak, clasped at the throat.
She hops down neatly, balancing the cane in the crook of her elbow as she makes her way down the ladder, landing stiffly at the last rung. Apparently, there's already a crowd here. Quickly passing a hand over her face in an effort to wake up, she waves to the Zexen Knight, Chris being the only person she really recognises. "Lady Lightfellow. Good afternoon." Yeah, okay, so Agrias fails at trying to look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Bah.
The door opens, and it's not Sanary who greets the visitors, but Pratty herself! Those who haven't seen her befoer will see a pretty, if rather short young warrior in leather and plate armor with silver pigtails sticking out of her hat. A greenish, rabbit-like creature is in the room as well, peeking into the kitchen nervously. "Kuuu..."
"Uh, hey, guys! Come on in! I'm Pratty, I know some of you, but not all of you." For a government leader, she's not very formal. "Sanary's...in the kitchen!"
"Hello, Pratty, Kutty," Inatera says, rather formally in tone if not in detail. "Thank you for your invitation." She lets other people slip in first; her head turns to look towards the arriving Skull One and the method in which the passenger is conveyed. She looks bemused, before turning her head and resuming a more proper expression.
There is a brief rattling from the kitchen. It is slightly foreboding.
"Hi, Pratty and Kutty." Matt is informal. Except when handling superiors in Heaven, but that's not here. Kutty looks odd, he thinks. He steps in, finding a chair and sitting down. "My name's Matt Conway. I do police work." Pause. "...what is Kutty, by the way?"
Parker continues to crowd-watch as more people arrive; the sound of Skull One's engines catches him by surprise, and he spins around, shading his eyes with a hand. The other starts to inch towards the lining of his jacket... only to stop when he recognizes the plane's markings. Still, he can't help but be just a tiny bit impressed with Roy's landing--he offers the pilot and his passenger a cheerful wave.
Brain Theater Interlude:
"/I/ want a giant robot," Gremlin says, indignantly. "Can we ask Dread Boss for one? I promise I'll take care of it..." The other Simons give him a rather blank look.
As Pratty opens the door, Simon blinks; godbless, what are these people cooking? He finds his way to a chair, and tries not to think about it.
"Oh, thank you," Chris says, as she walks in. The platinum-haired woman brushes back a lock of her hair, hooking it behind an ear. Then, she steps in and gives a glance around. She smells what comes from the kitchen, once, before she looks back at Matt, Simon, Tion, and Inatera. Her fellow visitors get a wane smile.
Then, she looks back at Commander Fokker and Agrias. The woman nods to the both of them. "Ah, Lady Oaks, Commander Fokker. Welcome to Wystern. This would be Sanary's residence. Sanary is currently..."
What /is/ that smell? Is it good? She can't decide. "...in the kitchen. As you can see, it smells wonderful!" If she keeps saying it, IT MIGHT BECOME TRUE.
"Hello," Tio repeats, in exactly the same tone as before. She simply steps in without another word, making sure that she is not tracking mud all over the house. (She is not.)
She either does not notice or does not care about being used as a reference point, either.
Once inside, Tio takes up a position to one side, letting the others go past her. She is, apparently, just watching.
After climbing down the ladder himself, Roy allows the cockpit of the vehicle to close as he grins. "Hello, Chris. No John? Ah, hello everyone." he asks in a mild tease, sniffing at the air. Must be.. local. And that is..
..until he sees Tio, and grins, making his way over. "You don't call, you don't write, you make me think that I was a bad Commander, Tio." he teases his former Sheep. "Here, this is for you." Pulling a small Black Sheep plush from his pocket.. he passes it to her.
"Kutty's my Summon Spirit partner," Pratty explains as if there's nothing odd about the floating bunny. "He helps me forge weapons. I guess he's watching Sanary cook!" She sounds completely innocent there, grinning in an 'I know nothing, really!' manner.
In fact, Kutty is serving as a lookout, to make sure nothing goes terribly wrong with whatever Sanary's cooking. Or at least, not so wrong that she sets the kitchen on fire. He has enough ice magic to deal with the kitchen being on fire, but he'd rather not see that happen.
In the meantime, Pratty stalls. "Sooooo, what do you think of our city? We're still constructing the third level, but it's a lot more well-developed than it used to be."
"Colonel Sheppard hasn't called in yet - he may be on a mission," Chris replies with a nod to Roy. "Perhaps he will arrive sooner or later. He would probably have a good time. Also, well done at yesterday's festivities."
She looks towards Pratty, then, and nods her head to the teenaged Craftlord. "It is quite interesting. I noticed the upper levels look rather new," she states. The metal hadn't even tarnished, making it gleam to look directly at it. "How old is it?"
Agrias stifles a yawn, instead disguising the motion as reaching up to brush her hair out of her eyes. She moves with Roy as he goes to greet the others, but breaks away to say hello to her fellow knight. Her smile turns a bit brittle once she catches the scent of whatever's happening in the kitchen. "Well, it is certainly kind of Lady Sanary to offer, but..."
"Perhaps it is merely a local recipie." The Holy Knight's doubt is pretty clear. Golden eyes flick to the kitchen, and then back to the present company. She inches her way back to Roy, then, with a look to Chris that's something along the lines of 'eh, what can you do?' "It does smell..." She's about to say 'wonderful' and almost chokes on the word. Even for the sake of damaged pride, Agrias can't tell quite that whoppin' of a white lie. "...quite good."
Matt sniffs the air. He's not a human, and doesn't see cuisine entirely the same way. (Read: optional.) He looks momentarily confused. "...what's she making? I can't place the smell." At least he's not a Seraph, right? Then you might get a precise /description/ of the smell.
As far as Tio is concerned, it smells vaguely foodesque and she leaves it at that. Fortunately, she also doesn't feel particularly obligated to say anything about it.
When Roy comes up to her with a stuffed animal, Tio accepts it just like she'd accept anything else. "Thank you," she says, automatically, then: "I did not have a reason to call. Should I have? I do not think you or the Sheep would have been interested in anything that I have done since." While she speaks, she investigates the plush animal, attempting to figure out why she was just given it /without/ asking. It's black. It's soft. She squeezes it, tentatively.
There is a faint plop noise from the kitchen, followed by a loud boiling noise. The kitchen has not been set on fire, at least from the looks of it... so there's no cause to worry, right? It's just something bubbling over, isn't it?
We could only hope. A brief "Kyaaaaahhhh!" which sounds distinctly Sanary-esque comes from the kitchen, followed by a loud noise best described with the word 'glorp.' The same noise continues, eventually coming out of the kitchen door and revealing its source.
It is a horrible red thing, like some sort of blood-beast at first glance; it is only a closer look that makes it clear what it really is. The 'blood' is, in truth, spaghetti sauce; the eggs and butter and other semi-translucent liquids have congealed into rough 'eyes,' with meatball-cluster 'pupils'. Clusters of hundreds -- no, thousands of noodles make dozens of appendages that flail every which way, Perhaps most disturbing are the networks of noodles, corn husks, and food wrappers that form a pair of wings on the creature's back. There /may/ be more substance to it... maybe.
Sanary switches armor modes to Cooking Experiment.
Simon Parker switches armor modes to Vessel.
Chris Lightfellow says, "..."
Chris Lightfellow says, "Wh...what is that?!"
Matthew Conway says, "...I have /no idea/."
Tepet Inatera says, "Nothing is ever easy, is it."
'Baa'. The sheep says to Tio as it is squeezed. Great conversationalist, right?
"..well, Tio, the comments now and again are meant for you to keep in touch. The Sheep get curious now and again on how you are..." Roy starts to respond, casting a wink at Agrias.. just as all hell breaks loose. "..uh, Chris?" the flight commander asks, a little uneasily. "..is that a member of the Detachment?"
Matthew Conway says, "It...looks like...is that /spaghetti/?"
Tio says, "I am not certain."
Chris Lightfellow says, "I... I believe so..."
Agrias Oaks makes a sound that can only be described as a 'squeak.' "Wh--"
Pratty says, "It's...it's..."
Simon is not about to lie, no sir. Therefore, he remains out of the talk about the food; he can't place the smell, either, and turns his mind towards concocting an excuse to avoid eating it if it turns out to be thoroughly--
Oh sweet Hell, what is /that/?
Simon is on his feet a second or so after the abomination against the culinary arts bursts out of the kitchen. "What the /hell/?" the Balseraph cries, a look of disgust and surprise on his face. One hand darts into his jacket, and comes out holding some sort of combat knife.
Tio says, "Spaghetti is not normally ambulatory, I had thought..."
Pratty ...sighs. "A cooking experiment."
Simon Parker says, "A /what/?"
Pratty switches armor modes to Glove.
Matthew Conway says, "..."
Matthew Conway says, "Whatever it /was/, I think it's target practice now."
Inatera stares philosophically at the terrible beast as it arises, filled with the power of a noodly appendange or six thousand.
She draws Hound's Sixth Tooth from her side; it glitters. She also sighs, as she does so. Perhaps she was hungry and hoping for supper.
"Oh, bloody hell!" Chris yelps, as she sees this thing. She reaches a hand down, grabbing Stendich's hilt, and draws the sword free with one quick yank - brandishing the polished steel and pointing it at the Flying Spaghetti Monster. She swallows hard, and looks at Commander Fokker. "No. Actually, I believe it is hostile. I do suggest you step back. This is about to get... messy."
Matthew Conway says, "Someone cover me, I'm gonna try and go past it to see if Sanary's okay."
Chris Lightfellow says, "Correct!"
Chris Lightfellow says, "Er, rather, good!"
"...Aaaah! Sanary!" Yes, Pratty was worried about this, as it's all too familiar, but she didn't expect it to be /that/ bad this time! She should have known, she should have known Sanary would try using pasta. You can't trust pasta! It's slippery!
She puts two fingers in her mouth and whistles, and Kutty is by her side in an instant with his spiked gloves ready. She straps on her own pair of leather gloves with spiked knuckles, jumping into a battle pose. "Don't worry, Sanary, we're comin' to getcha!"
Agrias, however drowsy she may seem, responds with her instincts. Rather than try to tactfully negotiate her way out of the situation, she does what comes naturally.
She draws her sword, of course, and casts a wary eye to the monster, holding the steel up as though that might ward the marinara monstrosity off. She doesn't say anything, instead contenting herself with a stare. A very disturbed stare.
"L--Lady Lightfellow? I sincerely hope this was not on the menu." She raises her own blade, keeping Defender to its namesake -- a nice, solidly defensive stance. "What shall we do?" Your orders, Silver Maiden? Or... anyone, really.
Chris Lightfellow | Percival Fraulein offers, "Make sure she's not all covered in cheese and on top of spagh--" Someone smacks him.
Matt stands, a look of both shock and, moments later, determination on his face. What the /hell/ is that? Does it matter? No. Fellow warrior in danger, possibly hurt, given she's not present and screamed - go and check on here. Right. Combat instincts, thank you. Unfortunately, the thing is...filling the door. Matt's hand, meanwhile, has gone to his shoulder holster and removed his gun. "Someone cover me. I'm gonna try and get past it."
And with that, he starts running, trying to get up speed enough that he can clear the thing with a leap. And...
Matt leaps.
"I am fine," Tio informs Roy, even as the spaghetti monster (or, well, cooking monstrosity) shambles out of the kitchen. It's awfully crowded in here; Tio isn't sure she can really throw the rings without breaking things. Thus, she draws them and keeps them held in front of her, starting to inch forward to distract it.
The sheep, for lack of anywhere else to put it, is under her left arm.
The heroes gather, but the spaghetti monster -- indeed, a flying spaghetti monster -- seems altogether unfazed. It is, after all, a being of animal intelligence rather than any genuine sentience; it is, in fact, too stupid to be afraid. It makes some more 'glorp' noises, and starts slithering out from the doorway just a little. For some reason it likes that doorway; perhaps it is cozy.
This does mean Sanary's visible at this point, at least. She looks all right, even if she is covered in spaghetti sauce. This is the sort of moment that cartoons have swirly-eyes for.
The monster ambles toward the collected lawmen, who seem to be very much into the cutlery. Cutlery bad! Cutlery mean spaghetti get eaten! This will not do. It begins thrashing out against everyone who has drawn a blade, whipping noodles everywhere. THey're much, much harder than they look, and will actually possibly hurt more than one would expect noodles to hurt.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Simon Parker with her His Noodly Appendage attack.
Sanary hits Tepet Inatera with her Messes With The Results attack.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Agrias Oaks with her Before One Can attack.
You take 12 damage.
Sanary hits Chris Lightfellow with her Review Them attack.
Sanary critically strikes Tio with her And Document Them attack.
"Agh! Sanary!" Chris yelps as the noodle slaps into her and smashes her backward. Those bound up noodles /hurt/, she faintly realizes - and she doesn't like that. The woman skids backward a little, before taking a deep breath. She then looks at the monster, for a moment. "What kind of spaghetti is this!?" she shouts. "It was quite strong!"
Suffice to say, the Captain is going to do more than stand here and complain about spaghetti. She looks at the beast, before she lunges forward. She extends Stendich, aiming it right towards the creature's center of mass, and tries to stab it into it.
At least it isn't a fork!
Chris Lightfellow hits Sanary with her CUTCUTCUTCUT attack.
This is like some absurdist comedy, with Haagenti as director, and wait Blackwing what are you /doing/.
As Matt attempts to vault over Pastalor, Destroyer of Worlds, Simon brandishes the knife, threateningly. /Back/, monster!
And then, the noodle smacks him across the face, resulting in a spray of tomato sauce. Parker was not expecting /that/, and steps backwards, flailing blindly with the knife while wiping marinara out of his eyes. The Balseraph scowls, and as soon as another of those flailing noodle-tentacles comes within range, he lashes out with Sword (the aforementioned combat knife) in an attempt to cut it off.
Simon Parker hits Sanary with his Like Milton, only with more pasta. attack.
A noodly appendage slaps Inatera across the face. This is her third encounter with vaguely pseudopodial and unpleasant extrusions of some kind of inimical creature bent on using them on her.
Her lips draw back in a grimace. She does not even call upon her Essence as she feels the bruise form; instead, she slides forwards neatly, slicing at the central mass of the - the - thing.
How did this HAPPEN, she wonders, in the 'not for fighting' part of her mind.
Matt lands easily on the other side of the Giant Pasta Beast. No attacks, huh? Guess giant pasta beasts don't understand what /guns/ are. After noting Sanary's not-really-hurt condition, he lifts her easily, moving her off to the side. Good. More room to work. Even if he /does/ now have sauce all over a nice set of casual clothes.
This means he hasn't fired on the Pasta Beast yet.
Tepet Inatera misses Sanary with her Cutting the Noodlian Gnot attack.
Roy.. doesn't carry weapons on the Veritech. Really, he's in space. If his bird dies, he's dead with it. However, he does have some form of defense! Reaching into his pocket, the pilot yanks out his survival knife and charges forward.
"Agrias!" he says, a hint of worry in his voice as he lashes out at the noodle, cutting at it with the knife as he.. rather stupidly.. attacks the culinary /de/light.
Roy Fokker gets a glancing blow on Sanary with his On Top of Spaghetti, all covered in cheese, I lost my true love, when somebody sneezer~ feint.
Can someone use gloves to eat? Probably, but it wouldn't be practical. Pratty has no intention of trying to eat /that/ thing, though, especially since Sanary put egg whites in it. /Ewwww./
Instead, she carefully ducks under the noodle whips that are attacking the others, and then takes a flying leap upwards to try to nail a punch into the gooey thing. Whether or not this actually works so well, it's at least a fairly good show of martial arts from a girl wearing heavy armor.
Pratty hits Sanary with her WHAT DID THE FIVE FINGERS SAY TO THE SPAGHETTI? jab.
Tio was just /holding/ her weapons.
She was not expected to be slapped across the face with a series of noodles, nor was she expecting them to rake at her body as well. She stays back after that, keeping her distance and, incidentally, dropping the sheep plush somewhere where she expects it to be safe.
Instead of attacking with her rings, Tio begins to channel power for a magical effect. The usual bluish ripple of energy surrounds her before she discharges it with a pointed finger at the...beast. "Light blue."
In deference to the fact that she IS indoors, Tio uses one of the less explosive spells. A burst of icicle knives rocket up toward the ground, stabbing from underneath. They fade away quickly.
Tio hits Sanary with her Crackle: Better Than A Freezer attack.
Agrias can only watch as the creature advances, brandishing her blade as though the steel actually offers some kind of defense against this kitchen horror. She's finding it rather difficult to take the whole situation seriously, but one of the appendages lands a stinging blow on her forearm, setting her to hissing.
"Roy! Stand down!" This is roared to the Veritech pilot when she sees that he's charging with nothing but a dinky little knife. Granted, it's sharp and serrated, but it doesn't have any good reach. If this should happen to turn dangerous, he's too close for comfort. Agrias settles for lunging forward, attempting to hack her way towards whatever serves the creature for 'eyes.' Congealed egg-whites, in this case.
You hit Sanary with your She Slices! She Dices! attack.
There is the distinct sound of a cob of corn getting snapped in two as Chris stabs into the beast, and one of the appendages falls off, lifeless, as Simon slashes it off. All Roy manages to cleave off is a little sauce, revealing some of the corny insides of the beast for clear observation. Pratty and Tio's strikes, in order, snap another part of the skeleton and stab-and-flash-freeze much of the sauce. Agrias manages to break the consistency of the egg whites, and the gooey things slide down her sword and dissipate, meatballs falling to the floor.
Sanary, meanwhile, is easily moved -- her armor is fairly light and she's not exactly the epitome of huge herself. She's out of the way now, which she'd be thankful for if she could process much in the way of conscious thought right now -- that whole business still eludes her.
The beast roars, or more accurately, burbles angrily -- it is now threatened in seven directions by lots of cutty things and -- are those meat tenderizers? This cannot stand! It begins to creep slowly forward, trying to wrap its appendages around various limbs, then send spaghetti sauce up the appendages and onto the limbs. ... that's awfully scalding hot spaghetti sauce, isn't it? (It's still ignoring Matt. Perhaps it is stupid.)
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Agrias Oaks with her Ragu attack.
You take 19 damage.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Tio with her Prego attack.
Sanary misses Pratty with her Healthy Choice jab.
Sanary hits Roy Fokker with her No Sauce, Just Noodly Grabbing jab.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Tepet Inatera with her Barilla attack.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Simon Parker with her Hunt's attack.
Sanary hits Chris Lightfellow with her Newman's Own attack.
"Geeehh..." Chris groans, as she is splattered with hot tomato sauce. She yelps and wipes at it, splashing it down to the ground with a quick motion of her hand. It hits the floor and splatters, before the woman turns around and looks at it with an annoyed glare. "Really, you're messing this house up. This is /very/ unsanitary!" Then, she moves in, rotating on a heel as she does. Her blade is brought up to her midsection, and slashed out at its body with a firm, hard slash aimed right for it.
Chris Lightfellow critically strikes Sanary with her Classico Form attack.
The Holy Knight pulls up short when the creature advances, finessing her blade to the side to flick the egg-whites and meatballs away from her blade. Oh, yuck. She's going to have to do some serious cleaning, later. The rest of her finessing goes towards keeping those tendrils away from her, shielding herself by parrying everything that tries to come her way.
Agrias backs away, but she's not fast enough to keep a few of them from coming in low. One of them snakes around her ankle, pulling her off her feet. She trips, landing with an 'oof' as the wind's knocked out of her. She picks herself up in time to get a splatter of hot sauce to the shoulder, which in turn soaks into her tunic.
...Aw, /yuck/, man.
"Dare I even ask what Lady Sanary was cooking?" Agrias' question seems more grousing than a genuine inquiry. She lunges forward with a series of thrusts towards the remainder of the creature's eyes, using her footwork to stay away from any more of that hot sauce. Yeah, that kind of burns, even through her tunic.
You miss Sanary with your Shall We Dance~? attack.
The noddle collides with Roy, causing a hiss of pain from the Veritech pilot. That stung, and his ribs really did not like that. Wait just a second.. WAIT.
Oh no, Agrias Oaks.. Dame Agrias Oaks, Protector of This, Defender of That, Knight of the Church of the Latter Day Losers -- that Agrias Oaks did NOT tell Roy Fokker to back down.
"Excuse me." the pilot says flatly to the Knight. "I may be a broke joystick pilot, but I've had my fair share of footfights!" he says at her angrilly and unhappily. the knife is held at bay as Roy twists, going back to back with his knight as he lashes out a flight boot at a noodle.
But maybe, he really should go see to Sanary, hmm?
Crack after crack after crack sounds from the skeleton of the beast, as Chris cleaves neatly through some of it; its form shifts, which is rather lucky as this brings parts of it out of the way of Agrias and Matthew's attacks. Roy's kick actually pulls the noodly appendage out of the body of the beast, sending spaghetti sauce flying. Tio's throw actually removes much of its insides, spattering them across the wall and creating a neat opening for the icicle spikes to penetrate cleanly through. The pistol and the stab from Hound's Sixth Tooth send a spattering of sauce and broken corn-bone-bits everywhere. The beast is starting, at least, to flag, if only a little.
The beast knows who's been hurting it the most -- specifically, it's that woman with the rings. It would be pertinent, thus, to crush her and be done with it. All of its appendages act in concert this time, streaking out for her limbs -- arms, legs, everything -- and, if they catch on, start snapping things. The noodle-tentacles seem very adept at this 'breaking' thing.
Sanary misses Tio with her I'm Going To Leave The Jokes To The Other Players super.
Chris stares as the spaghetti-tentacles go flying towards Tio. She turns on a heel, and watching them shoot by, and then snaps her attention back towards the Spaghetti Monster. Perhaps some lightning is in order. The woman holds her hand up, focusing for a moment. Over her head, the emblem of a lightning bolt appears for a moment.
"Lightning!" she shouts, "Come forth!"
Then, the air cracks with thunder, as a bolt of electricity goes shooting down from the ceiling (thanks to the effects of MAGIC) and towards the poor, poor collection of meatballs and spaghetti.
Chris Lightfellow hits Sanary with her Lightning Rune attack.
"You are fighting a creature the size of a small dragon, armed only with a knife?!" Agrias' bark of laughter is sardonic, but the sound is cut short as she staggers against another stinging blow. Agrias shifts her grip on her blade, tightening her hand over the hilt.
...She won't look at Roy, right now. She's busy fixing an angry glare on the creature, which is currently the target of her quietly restrained rage. "Madness," she growls, lunging forward to try and lop off one of those tentacles. Those things need to go. They hurt, and they're too fast to keep track of very well. "You will be struck down at such a close range, with such little reach!"
She watches Chris invoke her own magic against the creature, and it seems to strike a good blow against the creature. Maybe steel isn't the best answer, in this case. Time to tackle this situation from another angle.
Those golden eyes drift closed, and with her blade pointed, Agrias seems to be whispering something, though inaudible over the din.
'Heaven's wish to destroy all minds...'
The blade seems to glow, brilliant brightness as she brings it in a vicious downward slash towards the creature. Holy energy isn't her greatest suit, but lightning might not be wise. Agrias isn't entirely certain if marinara sauce can transmit electricity...
You miss Sanary with your Holy Explosion, Yo! attack.
"-AAAAH! Uh, Tio!" That's her name, right? Pratty figured out that's her name by now. "Look out!" After wiping off her gloves, the Craftlord jumps back down onto the floor, looking around and again spotting the one guy who doesn't have a large, shiny weapon or a gun, which would in this case be Roy.
"Here, take this!" She reaches behind her back, unhooking the only other weapon she has with her, the Great Axe strapped over her shoulders. It is at least half Pratty's size, but she has no problem casually passing it off to Roy before jumping and taking another flying punch at the monster.
Pratty hits Sanary with her Friends Don't Let Friends Experiment With Cooking attack.
Magic? Who needs magic? Matt curses as he misses his shot. /How do you miss point-blank?/ Matt aims again. This thing needs to go down - not because it's /Guilty/, but because it's dangerous. And malicious. He does no magic, and expends no Essence. He just fires.
Tio is, when she wants to be, very fast and agile.
When things are grabbing for her limbs? She wants to be. Tio leaps to one side, actually getting both feet and one hand against the wall and springing off in a display of inhuman agility. She doesn't leap away from the cooking disaster, though.
She goes right towards it, coming in with a flying slash and immediately switching to a rapid series of cuts and twirls. Two ghostly images of Tio follow her - and their rings cut, too. She even manages to twist out of the way of teammates' attacks; it must be practice.
Matthew Conway hits Sanary with his I'm Shooting...At Spaghetii... attack.
Tio hits Sanary with her Fast Dance Whirl attack.
Inatera rolls out from underneath the monster and --
Runs into the kitchen?
This is either a sign of cowardice, or else it's a buildup to - something.
FLASHBACK
A newly-fledged Balseraph knocks on a senior Gamester's office door. "...Mr. Tophel, sir? I have some papers--" The door swings open, revealing an enraged mass of ooze, tentacles, eyes, and worse.
"Worthless little..." Then those tentacles are swarming /him/, engulfing him--Simeon squirms in the creature's grip, and is then painfully pile-driven face-first into the stone floor. "Sonnova..." the Shedite grumbles. A door slams.
END FLASHBACK
Simon shakes his head, snapping back to his senses; he pulls the trigger again, but this time, the weapon emits a sickening *blorp*. ...How did pasta sauce get in there? The Balseraph swears, tosses the gun aside, and grabs the back of a chair. Hefting it over his head (maybe a bit too easily for a human), he charges Pastajira, and attempts to bring the chair right down onto the monster's bulk.
"Would you prefer that I stand on the sidelines and wave pom-poms?" Roy snaps in irritation at Agrias. "Two four six.. I think this thing looks like something I ate.." He starts to say more when Pratty shoves.. a very large axe in his hands.
"Ha! I don't have just a knife anymore!" he says to his Knight with a tone of ITEM GOT! But.. uh.. yeah. Hefting up the axe, Roy attempts to cleave it into the spaghetti monster and way way too much power. He's twisted around, blade coming around with him. "Oh shit!" he yells.
Thank the stars that Roy Fokker is so damn tall. Because as the axe pinwheels him around, he barely misses beheading his girlfriend before he falls back, hitting the ground, blade of the axe sticking into the floorboards.
The lightning strikes, boiling some of the sauce; the slash, however, cleaves mostly through nothingness as the creature briefly splits.It is that same nothingness that Roy strikes with his borrowed axe. Punches, whirling, and point-blank shots all seem to have some modicum of effectiveness on the beast, sending marinara flying every which way and even onto the attackers. Inatera is ignored, mostly because of the sudden chair lodged in the beast's back while she's getting up to something.
This does not mean the creature isn't about to strike, of course -- its limited intelligence is aware that enemies are bad and hitting them is important. It does so in a very unique way, however -- instead of aiming for any one person in particular, it just sends a spattering of scalding sauce every which way. Sadly, this may mean Inatera, while she took the smart path and didn't directly attack it (yet), may get scalded as well.
Sanary misses Matthew Conway with her A Casting Off attack.
Sanary gets a glancing blow on Roy Fokker with her A Parting With attack.
Sanary critically strikes Agrias Oaks with her An Explosion! attack.
You take 25 damage.
Sanary critically strikes Tio with her A Division attack.
Sanary misses Chris Lightfellow with her A Removal attack.
Sanary misses Tepet Inatera with her A Blind Fire jab.
Sanary misses Simon Parker with her A Something attack.
Sanary critically strikes Pratty with her I Don't Know Anymore, There Aren't Enough Words attack.
Once in the kitchen, Inatera looks around quickly. There should be a pump, or...
There it is! She straightens up and twists Hound's Sixth Tooth around in her grasp before STABBING IT AT THE SINK, twisting and wrenching it - a spraying gout of cold water comes out then, the water in the pipes under significant pressure. She steps to the side and brandishes the daiklave, just in time to deflect a spray of scalding-hot sauce.
Inatera remembers watching her nurse prepare a meal, and how she had always said that if you cook the pasta for too long, it would get soggy and mashed together.
Sparks flicker around her as she channels the Essence, the blade of the daiklave glowing with red heat as the water strikes it steadily, producing warm steam... a cloud of it. As there is no prevailing wind, she focuses herself, pressing it outwards, willing it to billow out and engulf the creature - to saturate it, wash out whatever animating force is within it, and render it an inert lump of deliquesceing starch!
Tepet Inatera misses Sanary with her This better not miss, or, Fire Incites Water to a Riot of Clouds attack.
Tepet Inatera says, "riiiiiiiiiichaaaaaaaaards"
Sanary says, "... Do that again. That was awesome, and you indeed get stunt dice."
Sanary says, "You have another three dice to roll. For the win."
Tepet Inatera hits Sanary with her RIIIIIIIIICHAAAAAAAAAARDS attack.
Agrias looks around with an irritated growl as Roy proclaims his armament, and her expression of annoyance quickly changes into an expression of 'OHSHI.' Golden eyes snapping wide, she simply lets herself fall to the floor in order to avoid his swinging blow, tucking herself up a bit and rolling out of the pasta monster's way.
She rises too slowly, though, and she's unfortunately hit with scalding pasta. Hissing and snarling, she moves to wipe the offending stuff away as quickly as she can, Agrias leaps forward, half-stumbling over her bad leg, and brings her sword up for a sharp downward slash. "Och! See that ye take care with the weapons you wield," she snarls at Roy. "That was nearly my head! Have a care, Sir Fokker!" And with that, she's going to focus on trying to take down the pasta. Monster. /Thing/...
...Only to dance away. Agrias hisses as some of the scalding stuff manages to seep through her tunic, but she gets herself out of radius before it has any chance to get into her clothing more. She'll watch, warily, with sword held high in defense.
Man, is she gonna need a shower after this. And a really powerful washing machine for all the sauce in her tunic.
THWACK. Simon is now splattered with red goop, and he smiles nastily as he tries to pry the chair loose from the Pasta Golem. This might be a mistake, however, since... well, it's not as badly-hurt as he thought it was, and he is within easy striking distance. Can't duck, can't--
Ohbless.
Seeing as how Simon does not want to go into work tomorrow explaining how he tipped a pot of pasta sauce off the stove by accident, he hisses out something and hopes to Whomever that these people won't make assumptions. The Balseraph gestures, and is suddenly surrounded by a field of... well, gusts of wind. Strong ones--the sauce bounces right off, as does some of Inatera's scalding water. Simon dives to the ground, baseball-sliding across the monster's sauce-slime-trail, and crouching at the far side of the room. He smiles, pleasantly, acting like he planned this like that.
Matthew Conway is a fast man. He is, indeed, inhumanly fast. As Inatera's blasts of steam go past him, he is rolling to the side - and in that same movement, avoiding the burning marinara.
...this might take some explaining later. Also, whoa, Disturbance. /Dammit, Simon. You had to go and reveal yourself surrounded by people./
Matt rolls to a kneeling position, and fires again. Bullets seem to be working, after all.
Matthew Conway misses Sanary with his Please Don't Ask About The High Reaction Time, Okay? attack.
Tio takes another splatter of boiling sauce to the face - and, this time, eyes. She does not yell, but she does pull away from the fight to try to get the very hot sauce out of her sensitive eyes.
Still blinded and trying to wipe the sauce free, Tio begins to channel the power for a spell. The hot steam roiling over her is pretty much ignored because it's not as hot as the painful food. She thrusts a palm out toward where she remembers the food monster is - and, perhaps more to the point, where her sensor antennae are still telling her the largest semisolid hot mass is.
What looks like a buzzsaw of semisolid, razor-sharp air blasts out from Tio's hands. It's followed from another few from the air around her, causing the steam to go every which way once they hit and explode back into the air that makes them up. Small objects around the room are probably moving around, too.
Tio hits Sanary with her Howlslash attack.
Tio says, "Please be aware I cannot see."
The Silver Maiden moves quickly, ducking down and avoiding getting a blast of scalding hot marinara sauce in her face. However, instead, she gets it in her /hair/ - her pale, silver-platinum hair that is notoriously easily stained for weeks on end. In this moment, she ceases being Chris Lightfellow, hero to the Zexen people and battle-hardened knight before her time. She becomes Chris Lightfellow, angry girl.
"EEEEWW! IT'S IN MY HAAAAIR!" she shrieks, flailing for a moment. "Oh, Goddess, this hair color /stains/! Help, get it out, get it out!"
Chris Lightfellow /whines/.
Simon Parker, over rushing air: "..."
Tio says, "Please calm down. I will offer you a cloth once I have removed the sauce from my eyes."
Roy huffs as he lies on the floor for a moment as Agrias berates him in front of the Detachment, God and Everybody. This only serves to strengthen his resolve further as the scalding sauce nails him. "Ack!" He manages to roll away as he gets only some minor burn wounds and pushes himself to his feet and gives an angry snort.
"Wellllllllllll excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Dame Oaks."
And with that, he starts trying to yank the axe out of the floorboard. He'll show her, he will! He really should leave the bladed weapons to her, he flies the plane.
Roy Fokker stuns himself with his ..wow, this thing is really stuck.. action.
"...Uh..." Pratty, still gawking at Inatera's clever Steam maneuver, glances over at Roy and can't help but feel a little guilty. "Gosh, uh, sorry! I didn't realize you weren't trained in that sort of weapon. Kutty, go help him!"
"Kutty."
"He's not a big lug, go help him!"
"Kutty!"
"Come on, please?"
"..."
"Kutty, come on!"
"...Kutty." The green, overly cutesy creature flies over, reaching to try and yank Roy's axe out of the floorboard for him.
Pratty successfully targets Roy Fokker with her Roy gets shown up by a Pokemon wannabe action.
Roy Fokker is no longer stunned.
And then Pratty gets splashed hard with really hot nasty red sauce.
"....ewwwwwww. Sanary, you owe me a new shirt!" She was wearing a white frock underneath that armor today, after all. Now scalded and supremely irritated, she leaves Kutty to deal with Roy's problems as she starts rushing at the monster, running at it and attempting to punch it several times and then just uppercut the thing like a proper boxer!
This might stain the ceiling.
Pratty misses Sanary with her TO DA MOON! attack.
The steam does a fine job of dissipating some of the sauce and noodles; some of it simply goes 'splutch' on the floor, falling away to harmless foodstuffs. The beast is much smaller now, at least; this may be part of why Agrias manages to quite nearly cleave it in two with her sword. For once, bullets /don't/ work, though - all that happens is some sauce gets nicked off. Tio is actualy more successful, razor-sharp air cleaving the beast again in two, for a split second, at a different angle. It's just falling apart now. Pratty, sadly, does not manage to uppercut more than a few bits of sauce.
Seeing Roy fussing with his axe, it goes for the weakest-looking member of the group: him. Even though his axe is pulled out of the floor, it has, by this point, committed to the idea of just giving him a bunch of slapping about -- even if he can now defend against it. After all, it must CRUSH ALL HU-MAN. It is a mindless being of only the most malicious intent.
Sanary hits Roy Fokker with her im in ur base, bein ur foods attack.
Agrias does a fine job of carving the beast up into manageable chunks. Unfortunately, it's very messy work, and the red stuff that coats her sword seems to congeal worse than blood. It's also incredibly sticky. This combination of factors seem to be enough to let the creature get away, and the knight is left to try and desperately shake some of that stuff off the blade. Yuck.
She looks up just in time to see it lumber after Roy, though. She reacts like lightning itself, snapping around and lunging for the beast with a roar. Don't you dare mess with the pilot. That's /hers/, damn it, even if she /is/ pissed off at him.
Incidentally, she also attacks with lightning itself, too. Sparks dance and congeal around her blade, crackling out in a searing blast of electricity. It's a little less elegant than Chris' display of bolts from the ceiling, but hopefully it's just as effective. Hey, she's angry. She has better things to worry about than controlling the lightning and keeping it looking pretty.
You hit Sanary with your Lightning Stab attack.
Roy glares at the little green creature as it gets the axe blade free. "Thanks." he offers with a snort and turns.. way too late. The creature slams into him, knocking him backwards as the lashes and crushes do a number to the Veritech pilot. The last part he sees is that Agrias is on her way in. Oh good, he'll just stay down here for the moment.
[RADIO] To Agrias Oaks, Roy Fokker radios: ...I did promise to shield you, my love.
Inatera's blade continues to hiss, her Essence keeping it hot enough to maintain the steam cloud - even let it grow.
She seems nonplussed at the shrieks of dismay from past the steam cloud; she can't, of course, see quite through it. As she maintains the Charm, she calls out, "Are you all quite alright out there?"
Tepet Inatera gets a glancing blow on Sanary with her Oversteaming ur pasta jab.
Simon shoots Matt a 'these people have been firing spells since round one, dummy' look--it might be arrogance on his part (it /is/ arrogance on his part), but godblessit, he wants to play, too. His gun, for the record, has ended up behind a chair on the other side of the room. No, he doesn't know where it is.
Which does not make him feel any better as the remains of Pastagon, Scourge of Tokyo start rushing Roy. Simon bites his lip; as the shield around him falls, the Balseraph makes another one of those arcane gestures. A pattern of zig-zagging lights--not unlike what you'd see at one of those laser light shows--forms in front of the beast. A beam of unholy light emerges from the pattern, flashing through the creature like... well, a laser.
/Twang/.
Simon Parker hits Sanary with his Lucifer discovered this Song. Aeons later, we use it to cook spaghetti. attack.
Tio has finally managed to get the sauce out of her eyes by using her sleeve as a facecloth. Fortunately, she does not care if they stain (and it almost doesn't; there's something not quite normal about that ancient outfit). Then, deliberately, Tio walks over to Chris...
...and wipes her hair down with her /other/ sleeve, which is still clean. "Now it is out of your hair," she says, in the same bland tone of voice she always uses.
Then she turns back toward the monster and throws her remaining ring.
Tio misses Sanary with her Ring Toss Two attack.
Chris' terrified, girlish indignation has turned into anger: both at having her hair /ruined/ and at her childish outburst in front of her men. Her cheeks turn nearly as red as the messy, uneven splotch all along her hair. She tenses her fingers and looks at the Spaghetti FIEND. "Y...you... made me look like a fool..."
Her voice raises suddenly. "AND RUINED MY HAIR!" The woman goes charging forward, teeth gritting together as she raises up. The suddenly zig-zag of lasers makes her stare, though - how did Simon do /that/? She doesn't let it deter her, though, as her left hand glows. The emblem of a rising phoenix appears over her head, and she jumps.
She begins rapidly slashing, bright flashes of light erupting after each blow aimed at the poor, poor offending spaghetti monster.
Chris Lightfellow juggles Sanary with her Phoenix Rune combo.
Chris Lightfellow juggles Sanary with her Phoenix Rune combo.
Chris Lightfellow juggles Sanary with her Phoenix Rune combo.
Sanary breaks Chris Lightfellow's combo.
Matt is having trouble seeing /into/ the cloud now. At least he has superhuman Perception, too...hm. Aim might be difficult - it's smaller and tougher, with a harder outer shell, now...
The angel in disguise winces as Simon decides to be /even more unsubtle/. Seriously, man, when you make the /Malakite/ wince...he rolls his eyes, and aims again. Die, pasta beast, die! /Magic not needed/.
Matthew Conway hits Sanary with his /Some/ of us can make do with guns. attack.
[RADIO] To Roy Fokker, you radio: With all due respect, you are out of your element, dear heart.
Kutty sniffs at Roy snobbishly, and then flies back to his mistress's side. Just in time, as Pratty's ready for another Kutty-demand. "Kutty! Water Edge!" She raises up her glove as Kutty stops and chants, magic swirling around the spiked glove and temporarily filling with elemental power as the metal part glows blue. "Water seems to work well against it! Maybe I can even wash bits of the sauce off."
When excited, Pratty thinks aloud.
She narrows her eyes, making another running charge and trying to run and blast right through the thing as a swirl of water shoots from her claws. This might make things messier. Especially since she's running through pasta.
Pratty misses Sanary with her SAMURAI RUNNING THROUGH IT DASH super.
Sauce flies every which way as the Lightning Stab rips through the beast, softened up so much by the lasers and steaming that are now striking it. What really catches the monster and tears it to shreds, though, is the Phoenix Rune -- it rips off most of the beast's appendages and leaves it vulnerable. Sadly, it rips the appendage Tio almost hit off before Tio hits it. Bullets are effective again, too, even if a sudden whirlpool doesn't do so much! The beast's second 'eye' falls apart and leaks onto the floor, leaving the creature functionally blind and agonized.
It turns its attention toward the swordswoman who gave it such a fine cutting a moment before; it flaps its makeshift wings lightly, trying to get a little tiny bit above Chris. Groaning a burbly little groan, it throws the full of its mass toward her, trying to just choke her with its mass.
Sanary misses Chris Lightfellow with her Spilled Sauce super.
Matthew Conway is beginning to get annoyed. This giant spaghetti monster has more motive power than...lots of things. Not than God. Matt does not blaspheme that way. He fires agai-click. "Damn! No time to reload!" Instead, he lunges forward into a dash, flipping the pistol around. Subtlety is dead, and Matt is /angry/.
"'But Jeshurun waxed fat, and kicked:" Matt emphasizes this with a swing of the pistol's butt at the monster. "Thou art waxen fat, thou art grown thick, thou art covered in fatness;" Another whip of the pistol. "Then he FORSOOK THE GOD THAT MADE HIM!" Whip. "AND LIGHTLY ESTEEMED THE ROCK OF HIS SALVATION!" Final whip. Matt stands, miss or hit, glaring. "Deuteronomy. Chapter 32, verse 15."
Matthew Conway juggles Sanary with his Bible Quotes And Pistol Whips combo.
Matthew Conway juggles Sanary with his Bible Quotes And Pistol Whips combo.
Sanary breaks Matthew Conway's combo.
Meanwhile, a little ways away from the creature, Agrias is frantically trying to get the sauce off her sword. It's sticky and it's messy. Yechh.