(no subject)
There are some days where I just really wonder what it is I'm supposed to do. Why can I sense things I don't want to sense?? Why do I know things I don't want to know? I mean really. Sometimes I wish I was blissfully ignorant. Not all the time, mind you. Just during those times where it really hurts.
My grandfather is in the hospital. He's my only surviving grandparent. He's in the hospital a lot actually. He's old and his health isn't so good. Plus the past two years since my grandmother died have been the hardest on him. To be honest we didn't expect him to last this long.
When I arrived my grandfather was in a bed in the hallway and my great aunt and my uncle were with him. He was going to be taken down for more tests and they were just waiting for the person to come and take him. I kissed him and everyone and talked with him about my children while we waited. He looked good.
While he was gone I chatted with my aunt and everything seemed fine. She updated me on what was going on with him (I hadn't been able to go up this weekend) and after two episodes of Cash Cab he was back.
We went into the hallway to wait with him for the nurses to be able to put him back in bed. He can't possibly do it himself in his condition.
I walked out of his room and walked over to his side. I looked at him and I could feel it. Or rather I should say I felt one of "them". It was a dark shadowy figure standing right beside his head. I can't say which side or if he was behind him because it kept on moving.
My heart nearly stopped. As they got him into bed I stood in the hallway and tried to make small talk with my relatives. I tried not to let them know what I saw. They both know, as most of my family do, that I can sense stuff. But they were happy and talking about how optimistic the doctors are.
I started hoping that I was wrong. I kept on telling myself that when we got into the room I was going to look at him and see his spark as vibrant as ever. Even when he was his most sick his spark stayed bright. I was hoping it still would be.
We walked into the room and I could sense two more of them. The one that was moving around my grandfather's head was joined by another. There was a third standing near his feet.
I remember thinking it was strange. Usually they seem to all rush in at once and the room will go from metaphysically empty to crowded in no time flat.
I sat down next to my grandfather and he kept on asking how the kids, F, and I were. Then he asked my uncle about his family and my great aunt about herself. Then he asked if he was OK.
"You're OK, Grandpa. You're surrounded by people who love you."
It's something I tell him a lot. But I could feel that he knew in a way what was happening. Some people just know when they're dying. Especially if they're old or have been ill for a long time. They just know.
I wanted to leave. I wanted to run out of the room crying. But instead I smiled and talked about nothing.
At one point I could feel him fighting. I looked at him and he had unshed tears in his eyes. He was watching TV and not saying anything. Instinct fully I put my shield around him. I knew it wasn't a good move, but instantly I felt him relax and he felt calmer and not as afraid.
Oddly the shadowy figures didn't attack my shields. I couldn't sense them at that moment but I knew they were still there. I just knew that my grandfather was feeling a bit better.
Suddenly I felt a presence in-between my grandfather and I. It was my grandmother. She separated us and my shield couldn't surround him anymore. I tried to put it back up and then I could feel her yell at me to go. I felt the other shadowy beings sending the same energy to me. They wanted me out of the room and out of the hospital.
I looked at the time. It was about 7:25. I endured their trying to force me to leave for about 10 minutes. Visiting hours are over at 8 so I wanted to stay that long. I couldn't though. I felt so uncomfortable. It was difficult coping with the fact that I know they're coming for him, which means he'll die within the next week (maybe sooner, maybe later...no more than 1 1/2 weeks). Add to that the sensation of them trying to push me out of the room...I just couldn't handle it. I knew I couldn't stay till 8.
I told everyone that I was getting a migraine. I am prone to them so they all understood. They asked if I was safe to drive and I told them I was. That it was the beginning of the migraine and that I wanted to get home before it got bad.
I was in tears by the time I got to the car. I called my sister and told her that the doctors were optimistic and that he had the test. I didn't tell her that I felt them coming for him.
I called my husband and told him I needed to talk with him when I got home. I cried all the way to the parkway. Driving in the street while crying was dangerous enough. Driving on the parkway would've been suicide. At least in New York.
I have two parkways I had to drive on to get home. The hospital is about 20 minutes from my house. I felt numb while driving. But when I got on the second parkway I felt a sudden release of energy.
He was gone. Not dead. Not yet. But his soul/spirit/essence was gone.
Talking with F and N after I got home was tough. I started crying again. I also called T and C and they were comforting as well.
I just have to accept that the people I love don't live forever. No one does. It's part of living. My grandfather had a full and happy life. He's a good man and that's what counts in the end.
My grandfather is in the hospital. He's my only surviving grandparent. He's in the hospital a lot actually. He's old and his health isn't so good. Plus the past two years since my grandmother died have been the hardest on him. To be honest we didn't expect him to last this long.
When I arrived my grandfather was in a bed in the hallway and my great aunt and my uncle were with him. He was going to be taken down for more tests and they were just waiting for the person to come and take him. I kissed him and everyone and talked with him about my children while we waited. He looked good.
While he was gone I chatted with my aunt and everything seemed fine. She updated me on what was going on with him (I hadn't been able to go up this weekend) and after two episodes of Cash Cab he was back.
We went into the hallway to wait with him for the nurses to be able to put him back in bed. He can't possibly do it himself in his condition.
I walked out of his room and walked over to his side. I looked at him and I could feel it. Or rather I should say I felt one of "them". It was a dark shadowy figure standing right beside his head. I can't say which side or if he was behind him because it kept on moving.
My heart nearly stopped. As they got him into bed I stood in the hallway and tried to make small talk with my relatives. I tried not to let them know what I saw. They both know, as most of my family do, that I can sense stuff. But they were happy and talking about how optimistic the doctors are.
I started hoping that I was wrong. I kept on telling myself that when we got into the room I was going to look at him and see his spark as vibrant as ever. Even when he was his most sick his spark stayed bright. I was hoping it still would be.
We walked into the room and I could sense two more of them. The one that was moving around my grandfather's head was joined by another. There was a third standing near his feet.
I remember thinking it was strange. Usually they seem to all rush in at once and the room will go from metaphysically empty to crowded in no time flat.
I sat down next to my grandfather and he kept on asking how the kids, F, and I were. Then he asked my uncle about his family and my great aunt about herself. Then he asked if he was OK.
"You're OK, Grandpa. You're surrounded by people who love you."
It's something I tell him a lot. But I could feel that he knew in a way what was happening. Some people just know when they're dying. Especially if they're old or have been ill for a long time. They just know.
I wanted to leave. I wanted to run out of the room crying. But instead I smiled and talked about nothing.
At one point I could feel him fighting. I looked at him and he had unshed tears in his eyes. He was watching TV and not saying anything. Instinct fully I put my shield around him. I knew it wasn't a good move, but instantly I felt him relax and he felt calmer and not as afraid.
Oddly the shadowy figures didn't attack my shields. I couldn't sense them at that moment but I knew they were still there. I just knew that my grandfather was feeling a bit better.
Suddenly I felt a presence in-between my grandfather and I. It was my grandmother. She separated us and my shield couldn't surround him anymore. I tried to put it back up and then I could feel her yell at me to go. I felt the other shadowy beings sending the same energy to me. They wanted me out of the room and out of the hospital.
I looked at the time. It was about 7:25. I endured their trying to force me to leave for about 10 minutes. Visiting hours are over at 8 so I wanted to stay that long. I couldn't though. I felt so uncomfortable. It was difficult coping with the fact that I know they're coming for him, which means he'll die within the next week (maybe sooner, maybe later...no more than 1 1/2 weeks). Add to that the sensation of them trying to push me out of the room...I just couldn't handle it. I knew I couldn't stay till 8.
I told everyone that I was getting a migraine. I am prone to them so they all understood. They asked if I was safe to drive and I told them I was. That it was the beginning of the migraine and that I wanted to get home before it got bad.
I was in tears by the time I got to the car. I called my sister and told her that the doctors were optimistic and that he had the test. I didn't tell her that I felt them coming for him.
I called my husband and told him I needed to talk with him when I got home. I cried all the way to the parkway. Driving in the street while crying was dangerous enough. Driving on the parkway would've been suicide. At least in New York.
I have two parkways I had to drive on to get home. The hospital is about 20 minutes from my house. I felt numb while driving. But when I got on the second parkway I felt a sudden release of energy.
He was gone. Not dead. Not yet. But his soul/spirit/essence was gone.
Talking with F and N after I got home was tough. I started crying again. I also called T and C and they were comforting as well.
I just have to accept that the people I love don't live forever. No one does. It's part of living. My grandfather had a full and happy life. He's a good man and that's what counts in the end.