total random truths.
i want this to be a post-sushi pessimistic rant on why i am where i am emotionally right now YET i am tooo confused. if i could figure out exactly what i wanted or what i don't want (even enough to just write it out) I'd be set, but instead i just drift aimlessly back and forth depending on the hour or day or certain interactions with certain people. i do know i love my friends but hate losing them. i miss his laugh. I love photography but hate how it takes up my entire life (i'm missing bouncing souls tonight!) I love music but hate that i have nobody to really "TAlk" music to I'm not typical but i still deal with the typical situations everyone else goes through. in those situations i am able to connect. I don't know if that makes sense. I'm worried about my closest guy friend dating a new girl, worried he'll forget about me, that she'll change him and he'll be gone....so i push him away. I don't like drinking that much but it's left me with such good memories that i consistently "search" for them in the bottom of my cup. i don't have time to get drunk. i don't have time to call the friends who've moved away. I don't have time anything. but i end up finding the time to be hungover and sleeping at least once a week. I smoke too much. i don't do drugs. i don't lie ...wait that's sorta a lie. i tell everyone everything and have trouble keeping secrets. i rip my pants skateboarding and can't afford new ones. I skate because i love it. i am out of shape. i like my shape. i spit food all over my date last night because i was laughing so hard at my own joke. i make weird noises when i walk into class. i only eat one meal a day-cause i'm broke and the worst cook ever. my room is horribly messy. i have 3 guitars i rarely play because it makes me sad. i consider my grandparents dead eventhough they are still alive. it's easier then seeing them. i have dual nationality with europe. i will live there. I am too cocky outwardly. this compensates for my terribly low self-esteem. coheed and cambria ticket came yesterday-made my life.