(no subject)
all that is between me and happiness: 30-40 pages.
and the rest:
270 miles, editing, cold weather, econ tests, stupid readings, 1,000 miles, saying goodbye
you, i can live with. and i will.
but goddamn you and your pages, thesis of doom.
43% done!
i get the feeling that i know too many grad students all the excited to be writing such a short paper as i am. it's not really the length, it's me not wanting to do it. and trying to take scary econ at the same time.
thesis presentations blow. especially when you have to read twenty five pages of criticisms afterwards. well. 24. no way can i read keith's handwriting. which may be problematic, since he's the dept. chair and probably on my committee.
...what does it say about anything that i only asked for male profs on my board? i mean, i wanted michelle, but she's on sabbatical. do i have a responsibility to show my support of female heads/power positions?
and what does it say about me or society or anything that my topic fits with the specialties of the men, not the women of my department?
you pick the best one for the job, right? but what is best?
yeah, my sis-o-meter slid back. i have to re-write a lot. i have to make my diatribe against rationality in education more...get this: rational. which makes sense, because we choose rationality for a reason: it makes everything categorizable and therefore simpler, clearer, and easier.
my spider bite-welt is 2.5 inches in diameter on day two. snarks says show the health center, but since it isn't weeping and i'm not exactly dying of itchiness, i probably won't.
instead i am eating tortilla soup. which i made three days ago and didn't particularly enjoy three days ago. today it is a bit better, or soemthing. i have a lot left and predict i will get sick of it soon.
i stole cheese from kika to make a quesadilla with it, because i was afraid i was running out of my fakecheese at the rate i'm going. and you know what? real cheese is starting to taste strange. i had a moment of "ah, so this is what it's supposed to taste like" on my first bite. which you could've anticipated. but the weird thing was that that realization wasn't bitter, fulfilling, or longing. real cheese now tastes oily. and while i am happy to enjoy the sharpness of real cheddar, it no longer seems quite as precious.
fog and stupid non-portland clouds make this place look like a snow-sky, cold and bleak. even though it isn't that cold out, i still feel that nesting need. i gave up on waking life yesterday and went to bed at eleven. i woke up at eight feeling like i had just fallen asleep.
god i miss west-cascade skies. high, bright, happy clouds. not at all like this. no wonder people imagine the worst. if i had to live October to May with this, i'd probably cry every other day.
yesterday i tried beating the doldrums by reaching out. it perhaps made it worse. it did not make it better. i am still not giving in, but i'm not sure if it is the right plan. you can try to keep a storm away or you can let it happen and try to move on. survey says?
and the rest:
270 miles, editing, cold weather, econ tests, stupid readings, 1,000 miles, saying goodbye
you, i can live with. and i will.
but goddamn you and your pages, thesis of doom.
43% done!
i get the feeling that i know too many grad students all the excited to be writing such a short paper as i am. it's not really the length, it's me not wanting to do it. and trying to take scary econ at the same time.
thesis presentations blow. especially when you have to read twenty five pages of criticisms afterwards. well. 24. no way can i read keith's handwriting. which may be problematic, since he's the dept. chair and probably on my committee.
...what does it say about anything that i only asked for male profs on my board? i mean, i wanted michelle, but she's on sabbatical. do i have a responsibility to show my support of female heads/power positions?
and what does it say about me or society or anything that my topic fits with the specialties of the men, not the women of my department?
you pick the best one for the job, right? but what is best?
yeah, my sis-o-meter slid back. i have to re-write a lot. i have to make my diatribe against rationality in education more...get this: rational. which makes sense, because we choose rationality for a reason: it makes everything categorizable and therefore simpler, clearer, and easier.
my spider bite-welt is 2.5 inches in diameter on day two. snarks says show the health center, but since it isn't weeping and i'm not exactly dying of itchiness, i probably won't.
instead i am eating tortilla soup. which i made three days ago and didn't particularly enjoy three days ago. today it is a bit better, or soemthing. i have a lot left and predict i will get sick of it soon.
i stole cheese from kika to make a quesadilla with it, because i was afraid i was running out of my fakecheese at the rate i'm going. and you know what? real cheese is starting to taste strange. i had a moment of "ah, so this is what it's supposed to taste like" on my first bite. which you could've anticipated. but the weird thing was that that realization wasn't bitter, fulfilling, or longing. real cheese now tastes oily. and while i am happy to enjoy the sharpness of real cheddar, it no longer seems quite as precious.
fog and stupid non-portland clouds make this place look like a snow-sky, cold and bleak. even though it isn't that cold out, i still feel that nesting need. i gave up on waking life yesterday and went to bed at eleven. i woke up at eight feeling like i had just fallen asleep.
god i miss west-cascade skies. high, bright, happy clouds. not at all like this. no wonder people imagine the worst. if i had to live October to May with this, i'd probably cry every other day.
yesterday i tried beating the doldrums by reaching out. it perhaps made it worse. it did not make it better. i am still not giving in, but i'm not sure if it is the right plan. you can try to keep a storm away or you can let it happen and try to move on. survey says?