(no subject)
well. day two of feeling like something unpleasant has clunked down on my head. i feel flat and heavy. and cold.
and jumbly. what am i doing? what am i feeling? am i doing things that fit with the way that i feel? and what if i don't wnat the things i think i want? and what the hell exactly happened that made me react this way? i tried to explain it today over the phone but it ended up jumbled and silly so i tried to play it down. little outlets for bigger things.
i need to email my recommenders but i'm scared to. does that makes sense? it really shouldn't. i am crazy. but i am still putting it off and i can't afford to.
so. to make things better: grandparents this evening. and no sister to temper it with. and i'm leaving early, which will undoubtedly piss them off. but at least that's one less hour to spend with them.
and jumbly. what am i doing? what am i feeling? am i doing things that fit with the way that i feel? and what if i don't wnat the things i think i want? and what the hell exactly happened that made me react this way? i tried to explain it today over the phone but it ended up jumbled and silly so i tried to play it down. little outlets for bigger things.
i need to email my recommenders but i'm scared to. does that makes sense? it really shouldn't. i am crazy. but i am still putting it off and i can't afford to.
so. to make things better: grandparents this evening. and no sister to temper it with. and i'm leaving early, which will undoubtedly piss them off. but at least that's one less hour to spend with them.