I'm living on shattered faith, the kind that likes to restrict your breath.
Tonight
I was completely aware
Of my own physical reaction
Due to rage.
My body got hot, starting with my face.
My stomach turned.
My vision blurred.
My knees went weak.
My throat was on fire. On. Fucking. Fire. Like I had swallowed bleach or something.
It was so weird to be that in tune with my senses. I physically felt every part of my anger and humilation, it wasn't just emotional. I recognized it and it was actually kind of cool that my rage was so controlled that it allowed me to acknowledge what my body was screaming at me.
I think I can thank my medication for that.
So now I'm sitting outside smoking a stale clove and drinking a can of Budweiser, wishing I could go to the beach but its too late at night and I don't want my corpse stuffed into a drainage culvert. My back is against the front door and I can hear one of the cats meowing to be let out. Its obnoxious.
My ass, thighs and knees hurt from 28729 lunges. I took a break from the gym today to let my body heal. I now feel fat, lazy, and lethargic. But that could be the beer talking.
I miss my Katy. <3
I love my Brody. <3 who is starting to read.
and add numbers.
I am a revanent.
<3<3<3
I was completely aware
Of my own physical reaction
Due to rage.
My body got hot, starting with my face.
My stomach turned.
My vision blurred.
My knees went weak.
My throat was on fire. On. Fucking. Fire. Like I had swallowed bleach or something.
It was so weird to be that in tune with my senses. I physically felt every part of my anger and humilation, it wasn't just emotional. I recognized it and it was actually kind of cool that my rage was so controlled that it allowed me to acknowledge what my body was screaming at me.
I think I can thank my medication for that.
So now I'm sitting outside smoking a stale clove and drinking a can of Budweiser, wishing I could go to the beach but its too late at night and I don't want my corpse stuffed into a drainage culvert. My back is against the front door and I can hear one of the cats meowing to be let out. Its obnoxious.
My ass, thighs and knees hurt from 28729 lunges. I took a break from the gym today to let my body heal. I now feel fat, lazy, and lethargic. But that could be the beer talking.
I miss my Katy. <3
I love my Brody. <3 who is starting to read.
and add numbers.
I am a revanent.
<3<3<3