arroglance
I'm at work. how fun. I was dragged here this morning after a phone call exclaiming that some mole face decided to do a no show. I decided that i was not going to comprimise my sleep and therefore rather than getting up at 8 when they called i got up at 9 like i had planned. When i finally got here at 10 someone had already come in so i had 3 hours to sit around and do nothing since i erally didn't feel much like working so early nor did it look like they needed me around. So i sat in teh office and read mr. manson's autobio.
I must say i have always been pretty obsessed with this man but this really does cement my complete respect for this human being (on the level of never meeting or communicating). I'm really glad that i read it now rather than when i was a little bit less intelligent and when i focused more on the bad and feeling like a victim all the time because it really would have affected me in not the best way.
I've been thinking extensively whilst working today and consequiently i've been very disinterested in everything else i am doing.
Sadly, as much as i would like to, i don't think many of my thoughts will make it into this blog or any other palce for that matter. merely because by the time i get to do so it feels stale. they're not fresh ideas anymore. they're boring.
It's weird with this book. it takes me back to a place where i used to be not the happiest person but at the same time i was happy. I guess i'm finding this hard to articulate at the moment because i often like to be vague on purpose as to not completely sell my soul to everyone and then seem weak adn vulnerable.
I think reading this book i can kind of understand how some people go. Like people that would listen manson's music. They're kinda jaded and kinda unhappy with themselves in their place in society and so when they listen to music that kinda sums up how they feel they react in strange counter-productive ways. I feel a lot of people miss what he is saying a lot. and i'm not talking about christians and conservatives and basically 98% of the living but the fans. I find, from reading his book and what he has to say and where he comes from, people are misreading his lyrics and moving into some weird void.
I think the flaw is not in the misinterpreting fans nor is it the supplier. it's actually no one's fault or flaw it's just the fact that everyone is there own seperate entity that interprets their world in their way. it's all about perception. In this way, you can't have a saviour or a leader that can completely change people. people need to change in their own time and when and if they choose to.
someone may say they're changed but you don't think they have but if they feel different then they are different in some way.
I haven't completely hit the nail on the head with what i'm trying to prod at right now but hopefully by writing this small amount of text i can elaborate later. Once it's written down it gives me a chance to read over it a couple of tiems and then decide whether i really agree with it or not.
On a completely different note, i decided i don't want the benefits which are centrelink payments. i would hardly call them benefits. and i feel bad because i know i used to be this advocate for taking as much from the government as they will let you and also other friends who want to get centrelink can't and they really want to and here i am having it but ignoring it. The reason is because i cannot stand what going there does to my mind. it's very draining and it's not the waiting in lines or anything it's just seeing th thousands of people waiting in line. their whole week revolves around this one fotnightly payment and it breaks my heart and it has for far too long and now that i have at least a leg to stand on (possibly a peg leg) then i should just do what is best for me and not go back.
I also haven't explained my feelings completely on centrelink yet but i'm not entriely sure how at the mo.
My break is drawing to a close so i best be off so i can prepare for another 3 hours of making drinks and resenting a company policy so much.
i'm tempted to launch into a schpeeeel about how much i detest boost but i wont. it's just like an organised religion or a cult. i hate it. hate it.
why push? i think pulling is better. pull things out rather than push things onto.
BORING
I must say i have always been pretty obsessed with this man but this really does cement my complete respect for this human being (on the level of never meeting or communicating). I'm really glad that i read it now rather than when i was a little bit less intelligent and when i focused more on the bad and feeling like a victim all the time because it really would have affected me in not the best way.
I've been thinking extensively whilst working today and consequiently i've been very disinterested in everything else i am doing.
Sadly, as much as i would like to, i don't think many of my thoughts will make it into this blog or any other palce for that matter. merely because by the time i get to do so it feels stale. they're not fresh ideas anymore. they're boring.
It's weird with this book. it takes me back to a place where i used to be not the happiest person but at the same time i was happy. I guess i'm finding this hard to articulate at the moment because i often like to be vague on purpose as to not completely sell my soul to everyone and then seem weak adn vulnerable.
I think reading this book i can kind of understand how some people go. Like people that would listen manson's music. They're kinda jaded and kinda unhappy with themselves in their place in society and so when they listen to music that kinda sums up how they feel they react in strange counter-productive ways. I feel a lot of people miss what he is saying a lot. and i'm not talking about christians and conservatives and basically 98% of the living but the fans. I find, from reading his book and what he has to say and where he comes from, people are misreading his lyrics and moving into some weird void.
I think the flaw is not in the misinterpreting fans nor is it the supplier. it's actually no one's fault or flaw it's just the fact that everyone is there own seperate entity that interprets their world in their way. it's all about perception. In this way, you can't have a saviour or a leader that can completely change people. people need to change in their own time and when and if they choose to.
someone may say they're changed but you don't think they have but if they feel different then they are different in some way.
I haven't completely hit the nail on the head with what i'm trying to prod at right now but hopefully by writing this small amount of text i can elaborate later. Once it's written down it gives me a chance to read over it a couple of tiems and then decide whether i really agree with it or not.
On a completely different note, i decided i don't want the benefits which are centrelink payments. i would hardly call them benefits. and i feel bad because i know i used to be this advocate for taking as much from the government as they will let you and also other friends who want to get centrelink can't and they really want to and here i am having it but ignoring it. The reason is because i cannot stand what going there does to my mind. it's very draining and it's not the waiting in lines or anything it's just seeing th thousands of people waiting in line. their whole week revolves around this one fotnightly payment and it breaks my heart and it has for far too long and now that i have at least a leg to stand on (possibly a peg leg) then i should just do what is best for me and not go back.
I also haven't explained my feelings completely on centrelink yet but i'm not entriely sure how at the mo.
My break is drawing to a close so i best be off so i can prepare for another 3 hours of making drinks and resenting a company policy so much.
i'm tempted to launch into a schpeeeel about how much i detest boost but i wont. it's just like an organised religion or a cult. i hate it. hate it.
why push? i think pulling is better. pull things out rather than push things onto.
BORING