fic: famous last words, 7
famous last words, 7
Travis/Bill
3 555
Oh wow, update.
Thanks to mirrorscrack for the harassing beta job.
William's POV
Travis stares at me, eyes wide.
He doesn't understand the dire situation we're in. Ryan and Spencer saw me, and even though I can trust them and I know that they love me, Gabe will probably beat any information out of them that he can. It's happened before when I ran away and it'll happen again.
"I have to go back tonight," I say again and Travis still refuses to speak. "You don't understand Travis, I can't let them get hurt anymore because of my stupidity."
Travis looks away from me and I bite my lip in irritation. He can't keep ignoring me like this. If I'm not back by tonight, I'm sure that Mike won't be the only one going to the hospital. "Travis, would you please look at me?"
Travis turns his head to look at him, a look of stubbornness on his face. His lip is slightly pulled up in anger and I cross my arms against my chest, despite the pain it causes me. I've moved around too much today and all I really want to do his lie down and sleep, but I know if I do that then I'll never get the strength to go back tonight. I have a feeling Travis knows this, and he's only being stubborn to make me tired, tricky bastard that he is.
"You can't go back," Travis finally says. "He'll beat the shit out of you and then I'll have to come save your ass again. Let's just skip all of that, okay?" I roll my eyes and stand up. I turn my back on Travis, looking at the wall covered in family pictures. There are no pictures of Gabe and I in Gabe's apartment, and that fact just fills me with more irritation. Everything happy and blissful reminds me of how unhappy my life with Gabe is.
"I don't know why you care so much," I say and Travis stands up too. I turn back to face him and Travis looks so much bigger when he's angry. I can't help but flinch.
Travis sees me flinch and he sighs, running a hand over his curly hair before that hand comes to rest on my arm, gentle but firm. "I couldn't live with myself if I let you go back," Travis says and his words strike a chord within me. Travis' yes are so open, trusting, honest, and I know I'll never have that with Gabe. Gabe will continue to beat me and rape me and lie to me until he either kills me or he kills himself. I can't allow myself to think of the things I'll never have though, not those things at least. If I don't go back I'll never have my best friend again or the friendships I somehow managed to make. I could never live with myself if I didn't go back either. And I think Travis knows this, but he doesn't want to admit this, or at least, not aloud.
"Travis," I say, "I can't just sit here knowing that they're being abused. I - Travis. I know Gabe will kill them." My eyes are watering and I hate myself for crying, but I know it's true. Gabe will murder each and every one of them and I know that sick bastard will make them watch each other's death. He'll somehow get Michael to watch Mike die, or he'll kill Michael first and force Mike to watch his lover die slowly. Ryan and Spencer will probably die together - best friends to the end. And Sisky - Gabe will probably keep Sisky alive until he comes and drags me back my hair and make me watch my best friend die. It's horrible, but I know that sick bastard will do it - or he'll do something worse to them.
"Why can't you accept the fact that I have to go back?" I ask.
"Why can't you accept the fact that I don't want you to go back?" Travis replies and the way he's looking at me I can tell that Travis really does care, that he really doesn't want me to return to Gabe.
"Shit, Bill," Travis says and pauses. "Just, please, stay until you can at least walk a little bit by yourself." Travis squeezes my arm and I know that he's trying to show his affection that way. I don't know why he can't just hug me because we've slept in the same bed together, but I take that little bit of affection.
"I - damn. Fine," I say. "I'll stay until I can walk better, but I decide when walking is appropriate for me, okay?" I say and Travis nods his head, a smile on his lips and I manage a weak smile. Little does Travis know that I'm still planning to leave tonight.
Without warning, Travis pulls me into a hug. I gasp in surprise and then relax into the hug. I've never really been hugged before and I feel safe in Travis' arms. I rest my chin on his shoulder and let a little tear slip. I'm going to miss actually being wanted and cared for, and I'll especially miss Travis.
Travis' POV
I pull away from the hug and it looks like William's been crying, but then he shakes his head and I have a feeling that it's just my eyes playing tricks on me. I've seen him cry so many times before I start to think he's doing it all the time. I scratch behind my ear where one of my diamond tattoos is and my head's turned slightly to the side and I think William spots it.
He steps forward and then presses his fingers to where mine are, feeling the skin there. He can't feel the tattoo but he steps even closer, closer then we were when we were hugging, and pushes my ear forward so he can see the tattoo.
"You're covered in these stupid things, aren't you?" William says and I grin at him. I lift up my chin and point to where I have another tattoo. William makes an irritated noise, but then I feel his fingers there too. Even though he seems to hate tattoos, he seems pretty interested in them. William examines the tattoo, and then he grins, pulling his hands away.
"I can't wait to see you when you're eighty and have to go into the parlor to get the spaces from where your skin's stretched filled in," he says with a smile and a laugh and I turn my nose up playfully. Bill would look hot with a tattoo going across his collarbone, but I doubt he would ever listen to my suggestion.
"You should get a tattoo," I say and Bill snorts, eyes rolling.
"Of what? Gabe's property?" He says and then I glance at his arm where Gabe's name is scarred into his arm. William clears his throat and then he places his hand on his arm, trying to hide the scar.
"I've seen it already," I say quietly and William bites his lip, refusing to meet my eyes. He looks anywhere but me. At the couch, the kitchen entrance, the pictures on the wall, and then finally - finally he meets my eyes.
"I ran away once before. Gabe caught me and then scarred his name into my arm. Whenever someone sees it they refuse to acknowledge me - afraid that Gabe will get them," he says it quietly like he feels ashamed and I clutch my hand into a fist behind my back, trying to hold my anger in. William will forever be marked with that bastard's name and no one will help him because of it - I'm glad I had no idea who Gabe was before I met William.
William stands there, hand still clutching his arm and I can still see the 'G' of Gabe's name. It's scratchy and nasty and it looks like it was scarred in during a fit of rage. I wonder what else Gabe has scarred on William's body. His thighs? His legs? His heart? Gabe has scarred his name across William's heart.
"Let's eat," I say and William enthusiastically nods his head before he walks into the kitchen. When I watch him go, I can tell that he's tired and in pain. He's been down and up on and off for the past couple of hours and I know it's taking a big toll on his body. But William doesn't say anything, just ignores the pain and acts as if I can't see it.
I come into the kitchen and William's leaning against the counter, face contorted into pain and as soon as he realizes I'm in the room, he tries to relax his face and play it off. "Sit down," I say and William hesitates before he finally does, his whole body collapsing into a flimsy chair.
"Do you mind cheese sandwiches?" I ask and William shakes his head, a little smile on his face. I smile back and start to grab the materials I'm going to need. There's a calm silence between us as I start to make the sandwiches, and I could get used to this. Used to sharing a house with William and living in calm, comfortable, silence. When I'm done with his sandwich I turn around, and to my surprise William is doubled over on the table, head buried into his folded arms.
He lifts his head when I place the plate with the sandwich on it on the table, and I can really see the pain in his face. "We need to get you to the doctor," I say and William immediately shakes his head and takes a small bite out of his sandwich.
"I'm fine, and anyways, I don't have the money for the doctor's," William says and takes another bite. There's something in his eyes that I can't make out, but I shake my head at him.
"Don't worry, I got it covered," I say and William drops his sandwich on to the plate. He shakes his head and attempts to stand up, but he can't do it and ends up just falling back into the seat. I finish making my sandwich and then lean against the counter, watching him as I eat it.
"Travis, you've already let me stay here and brought me clothes - I can't allow you to pay for a doctor's visit as well. It's too much," William says and his voice is small, like he's scared or something. I remember the incident with the pills and I have a feeling Gabe never let him go to the hospital no matter how serious his injuries were.
"William -," I start to say and then he cuts me off.
"The nearest hospital to here is in DC - Gabe's probably told them to keep their eyes open for me." William looks at me with wild eyes and it's silent. Just silence filling the room at this information and then I throw my sandwich away.
"Then we won't go to fucking DC," I say, struggling to control my anger. Nothing is easy when it comes to William. He flinches and I mentally curse myself for raising my voice at him. "We'll find a hospital in Springfield or something. Loundon County. Somewhere has to have a hospital around here or at least a family clinic."
"They'll suspect something," William says watching m from the table.
"We'll tell them the truth. Your boyfriend beat the shit out of you, and you need to be taken care of," I say, trying to keep my voice level. Why can't this be easy?
"And what if they tell the police?" William asks and I sigh. I tilt my head back to look at the ceiling, silently counting to ten, and then return my vision to his. William looks terrified and he's shaking. "Then the police will take care of Gabe. William, nothing is going to happen except for you getting a check up and getting better."
"What if they take me away from you?" William asks next, voice quiet and he looks small sitting at the table by himself. His eyes are wide and I'm left speechless. They wouldn't take William away from my care, especially because I'm taking care of him. I come over to him and lean down so we're at the same eye level.
"I won't let them take you away," I say and William doesn't say anything for a long time, just searches my eyes until finally he weakly nods his head. Relief seems to sweep over him, and something else too. William leans forward and his forehead bumps into mine.
"Why are you such a knight in shinning armor?" He asks and his voice is laced with the dire need to sleep. William's eyes are closed, and he lifts his arms and wraps them around my neck, head still against my forehead.
"Because someone has to do it," I whisper and William laughs, eyes still closed. I stand up and William goes with me, his body feeling as light as a feather' his barely eaten sandwich lays discarded on the table. Somehow, I manage to lift William up into my arms and he rests his head against my shoulder and I can feel his breathing already relaxing. How tired as he been? I should have never taken him out for such a long time.
I slowly make it up the stairs, managing to bump William's legs against the railing only twice. William mumbles something against my shoulder, but I can't understand it and I lie him down on my bed. As soon as he's on the bed, William curls himself up and holds to one of my pillows. I lean down and kiss his cheek, a habit from putting Malcolm to sleep, and William smiles.
I situate myself on the floor, a comic book in my lap. I'll have to stay here because chances are William will have a nightmare and I don't want to leave him.
William's POV
I don't know how long I've been asleep, but when I open my eyes, the room is pitch black and it might be some time past midnight. I roll over on my side, rub my eye, and when I look down I can see Travis leaning against the wall and sleeping. His mouth is closed and his face keeps twitching like he's having his own nightmare.
I watch Travis for a few minutes and when he finally relaxes I let out a breath.
I have to leave.
Tonight.
Tonight, I have to get up and leave. I told myself this earlier - I can't keep putting Travis in danger, or anyone else who's staying with Gabe. Gabe's been unreasonable quiet ever since I left, and I'm pretty much shocked he hasn't found me yet. I close my eyes and try to collect my thoughts, and out of nowhere, I manage to get the strength to stand up. The floorboards creak beneath my weight and I freeze, my eyes instantly landing on Travis.
Travis doesn't seem to hear the noise; all he does is twitch and open and close his mouth. I straighten my clothes as much as I can and look around the room. I brought nothing with me but the clothes I'm wearing right now, and the clothes Travis brought me are downstairs. I'll leave them here so he can return them and get his money back. I look down at Travis and my mouth suddenly goes dry.
I don't want to go back. I don't want to leave the safety Travis offers me - I don't want to leave Travis, period. I've gotten so fucking attached to Travis over the past few days. He's the first person who hasn't looked at me in disgust in a long time - he's the only person who's ever really cared about me. I sigh and then lean down, holding my breath as I get close to Travis' face.
He looks so damn peaceful, like he doesn't have to worry about anything, and I wish I could look like that. I close my eyes, collect myself, and then press my lips against Travis' in a chaste kiss. I pull away and Travis continues to sleep, but I think there's a smile on his lips. I look at Travis for a couple of more seconds, and then turn on my heels and leave the room.
I go down the stairs, stopping and holding my breath every time one of the boards creaks. There's no movement anywhere in the house, and I can see the television light flickering from under Travis' mom's room. I make it to the front door, slip my shoes on, and then head out, the bitter wind instantly nipping at my skin. Has it always been this cold? I can't remember it ever being this cold.
I slowly make my down the stairs, forcing myself to not look back because if I do, I know I'll just go back inside and slip back into bed or better yet, slip into Travis' arms. I make it down another step, and then another, until I'm standing on the very last step, looking down at the concrete that leads away from the place that offers me more safety then I've ever known. I look down at my hands and they're shaking, and then I realize that my whole until body is shaking.
I'm trying to urge my feet to move, but it's like they're frozen to the step; I don't think I can feel them. The sidewalk looks so far away and I find myself afraid to take the next step; to leave this place and return to the hell I call home. Is everything really that bad without me? Gabe was never faithful to me, so why do I have to be faithful to him?
Because everyone else is suffering. Without me there, everyone else is taking the blows - learning what it's like to be me. I've protected them for so long, why can't they protect me for once? Why can't they take the blows just this once why I try and figure everything out? Why I try and make things better for myself so then I can go on and make everything better for them too?
Why must everything fall on me?
My knees buckle and I find myself sitting down, face buried in my hands. I don't. Want to go back, I never want to go back. I want to be safe here. Safe with Malcolm, and Mrs. McCoy, and Travis - I want to stay with Travis.
"Fuck," I say into the night and the night is silent in answer.
Travis' POV
I open my eyes because the sunlight is bouncing off of my lamp and hitting me straight in the eyes; I hate to open my eyes to sunlight. I rub my eyes, yawn, and then stand up, stretching to try and get the aches out of my back. I think for now one I'll just sleep on the couch, or buy another mattress to put on the floor so William and I can both be comfortable. Speaking of William, I look over to the bed and he's gone.
This is surprise me because usually when I wake up, William is still asleep. Maybe he went to the bathroom or something. I fix my clothes and then leave my bedroom, heading to the bathroom. I knock on the door, wait, knock again, and when I get no answer, and I open the door. The bathroom is empty. Maybe William went downstairs for breakfeast? It seems impossible because he can barely stand by himself, but maybe he isn't as weak as I thought he was.
My heart is starting to pound in my ears. His words from last night are ringing in my ears and I don't want them to be true. I head downstairs, through the living room, into the kitchen, and William isn't in either of those rooms either. I'm starting to panic. I check every room twice, and there's still no sign of William.
"Fucking shit," I say, and pull on the nearest hoodie I can find. If he's headed back, maybe he isn't gotten very far. But I have no idea when he left and he might already be suffering under Gabe's fist. I slip on my sneakers, not even bothering to tie them, and then fling the front door open, ready to run down the stairs, but what greets me makes me trip.
On the bottom of the steps is William, leaning against the hand railing. When he hears me, he tilts his head up, eyes dull. He's shaking and I have a feeling he's been out in the January cold most of the night.
"William," I say, slowly making my way down the stairs in shock. I didn't expect to see him here and even though I'm angry at him for even trying to leave - for lying to me - but I'm always happy to see him.
"I couldn't do it," William says and I can barely hear him. "I couldn't make it pass the front step."
When I get to the bottom step, I sit down beside him, my arm instantly going around his shoulders; without missing a beat William starts to cling to me.
just beat it
Travis/Bill
3 555
Oh wow, update.
Thanks to mirrorscrack for the harassing beta job.
William's POV
Travis stares at me, eyes wide.
He doesn't understand the dire situation we're in. Ryan and Spencer saw me, and even though I can trust them and I know that they love me, Gabe will probably beat any information out of them that he can. It's happened before when I ran away and it'll happen again.
"I have to go back tonight," I say again and Travis still refuses to speak. "You don't understand Travis, I can't let them get hurt anymore because of my stupidity."
Travis looks away from me and I bite my lip in irritation. He can't keep ignoring me like this. If I'm not back by tonight, I'm sure that Mike won't be the only one going to the hospital. "Travis, would you please look at me?"
Travis turns his head to look at him, a look of stubbornness on his face. His lip is slightly pulled up in anger and I cross my arms against my chest, despite the pain it causes me. I've moved around too much today and all I really want to do his lie down and sleep, but I know if I do that then I'll never get the strength to go back tonight. I have a feeling Travis knows this, and he's only being stubborn to make me tired, tricky bastard that he is.
"You can't go back," Travis finally says. "He'll beat the shit out of you and then I'll have to come save your ass again. Let's just skip all of that, okay?" I roll my eyes and stand up. I turn my back on Travis, looking at the wall covered in family pictures. There are no pictures of Gabe and I in Gabe's apartment, and that fact just fills me with more irritation. Everything happy and blissful reminds me of how unhappy my life with Gabe is.
"I don't know why you care so much," I say and Travis stands up too. I turn back to face him and Travis looks so much bigger when he's angry. I can't help but flinch.
Travis sees me flinch and he sighs, running a hand over his curly hair before that hand comes to rest on my arm, gentle but firm. "I couldn't live with myself if I let you go back," Travis says and his words strike a chord within me. Travis' yes are so open, trusting, honest, and I know I'll never have that with Gabe. Gabe will continue to beat me and rape me and lie to me until he either kills me or he kills himself. I can't allow myself to think of the things I'll never have though, not those things at least. If I don't go back I'll never have my best friend again or the friendships I somehow managed to make. I could never live with myself if I didn't go back either. And I think Travis knows this, but he doesn't want to admit this, or at least, not aloud.
"Travis," I say, "I can't just sit here knowing that they're being abused. I - Travis. I know Gabe will kill them." My eyes are watering and I hate myself for crying, but I know it's true. Gabe will murder each and every one of them and I know that sick bastard will make them watch each other's death. He'll somehow get Michael to watch Mike die, or he'll kill Michael first and force Mike to watch his lover die slowly. Ryan and Spencer will probably die together - best friends to the end. And Sisky - Gabe will probably keep Sisky alive until he comes and drags me back my hair and make me watch my best friend die. It's horrible, but I know that sick bastard will do it - or he'll do something worse to them.
"Why can't you accept the fact that I have to go back?" I ask.
"Why can't you accept the fact that I don't want you to go back?" Travis replies and the way he's looking at me I can tell that Travis really does care, that he really doesn't want me to return to Gabe.
"Shit, Bill," Travis says and pauses. "Just, please, stay until you can at least walk a little bit by yourself." Travis squeezes my arm and I know that he's trying to show his affection that way. I don't know why he can't just hug me because we've slept in the same bed together, but I take that little bit of affection.
"I - damn. Fine," I say. "I'll stay until I can walk better, but I decide when walking is appropriate for me, okay?" I say and Travis nods his head, a smile on his lips and I manage a weak smile. Little does Travis know that I'm still planning to leave tonight.
Without warning, Travis pulls me into a hug. I gasp in surprise and then relax into the hug. I've never really been hugged before and I feel safe in Travis' arms. I rest my chin on his shoulder and let a little tear slip. I'm going to miss actually being wanted and cared for, and I'll especially miss Travis.
Travis' POV
I pull away from the hug and it looks like William's been crying, but then he shakes his head and I have a feeling that it's just my eyes playing tricks on me. I've seen him cry so many times before I start to think he's doing it all the time. I scratch behind my ear where one of my diamond tattoos is and my head's turned slightly to the side and I think William spots it.
He steps forward and then presses his fingers to where mine are, feeling the skin there. He can't feel the tattoo but he steps even closer, closer then we were when we were hugging, and pushes my ear forward so he can see the tattoo.
"You're covered in these stupid things, aren't you?" William says and I grin at him. I lift up my chin and point to where I have another tattoo. William makes an irritated noise, but then I feel his fingers there too. Even though he seems to hate tattoos, he seems pretty interested in them. William examines the tattoo, and then he grins, pulling his hands away.
"I can't wait to see you when you're eighty and have to go into the parlor to get the spaces from where your skin's stretched filled in," he says with a smile and a laugh and I turn my nose up playfully. Bill would look hot with a tattoo going across his collarbone, but I doubt he would ever listen to my suggestion.
"You should get a tattoo," I say and Bill snorts, eyes rolling.
"Of what? Gabe's property?" He says and then I glance at his arm where Gabe's name is scarred into his arm. William clears his throat and then he places his hand on his arm, trying to hide the scar.
"I've seen it already," I say quietly and William bites his lip, refusing to meet my eyes. He looks anywhere but me. At the couch, the kitchen entrance, the pictures on the wall, and then finally - finally he meets my eyes.
"I ran away once before. Gabe caught me and then scarred his name into my arm. Whenever someone sees it they refuse to acknowledge me - afraid that Gabe will get them," he says it quietly like he feels ashamed and I clutch my hand into a fist behind my back, trying to hold my anger in. William will forever be marked with that bastard's name and no one will help him because of it - I'm glad I had no idea who Gabe was before I met William.
William stands there, hand still clutching his arm and I can still see the 'G' of Gabe's name. It's scratchy and nasty and it looks like it was scarred in during a fit of rage. I wonder what else Gabe has scarred on William's body. His thighs? His legs? His heart? Gabe has scarred his name across William's heart.
"Let's eat," I say and William enthusiastically nods his head before he walks into the kitchen. When I watch him go, I can tell that he's tired and in pain. He's been down and up on and off for the past couple of hours and I know it's taking a big toll on his body. But William doesn't say anything, just ignores the pain and acts as if I can't see it.
I come into the kitchen and William's leaning against the counter, face contorted into pain and as soon as he realizes I'm in the room, he tries to relax his face and play it off. "Sit down," I say and William hesitates before he finally does, his whole body collapsing into a flimsy chair.
"Do you mind cheese sandwiches?" I ask and William shakes his head, a little smile on his face. I smile back and start to grab the materials I'm going to need. There's a calm silence between us as I start to make the sandwiches, and I could get used to this. Used to sharing a house with William and living in calm, comfortable, silence. When I'm done with his sandwich I turn around, and to my surprise William is doubled over on the table, head buried into his folded arms.
He lifts his head when I place the plate with the sandwich on it on the table, and I can really see the pain in his face. "We need to get you to the doctor," I say and William immediately shakes his head and takes a small bite out of his sandwich.
"I'm fine, and anyways, I don't have the money for the doctor's," William says and takes another bite. There's something in his eyes that I can't make out, but I shake my head at him.
"Don't worry, I got it covered," I say and William drops his sandwich on to the plate. He shakes his head and attempts to stand up, but he can't do it and ends up just falling back into the seat. I finish making my sandwich and then lean against the counter, watching him as I eat it.
"Travis, you've already let me stay here and brought me clothes - I can't allow you to pay for a doctor's visit as well. It's too much," William says and his voice is small, like he's scared or something. I remember the incident with the pills and I have a feeling Gabe never let him go to the hospital no matter how serious his injuries were.
"William -," I start to say and then he cuts me off.
"The nearest hospital to here is in DC - Gabe's probably told them to keep their eyes open for me." William looks at me with wild eyes and it's silent. Just silence filling the room at this information and then I throw my sandwich away.
"Then we won't go to fucking DC," I say, struggling to control my anger. Nothing is easy when it comes to William. He flinches and I mentally curse myself for raising my voice at him. "We'll find a hospital in Springfield or something. Loundon County. Somewhere has to have a hospital around here or at least a family clinic."
"They'll suspect something," William says watching m from the table.
"We'll tell them the truth. Your boyfriend beat the shit out of you, and you need to be taken care of," I say, trying to keep my voice level. Why can't this be easy?
"And what if they tell the police?" William asks and I sigh. I tilt my head back to look at the ceiling, silently counting to ten, and then return my vision to his. William looks terrified and he's shaking. "Then the police will take care of Gabe. William, nothing is going to happen except for you getting a check up and getting better."
"What if they take me away from you?" William asks next, voice quiet and he looks small sitting at the table by himself. His eyes are wide and I'm left speechless. They wouldn't take William away from my care, especially because I'm taking care of him. I come over to him and lean down so we're at the same eye level.
"I won't let them take you away," I say and William doesn't say anything for a long time, just searches my eyes until finally he weakly nods his head. Relief seems to sweep over him, and something else too. William leans forward and his forehead bumps into mine.
"Why are you such a knight in shinning armor?" He asks and his voice is laced with the dire need to sleep. William's eyes are closed, and he lifts his arms and wraps them around my neck, head still against my forehead.
"Because someone has to do it," I whisper and William laughs, eyes still closed. I stand up and William goes with me, his body feeling as light as a feather' his barely eaten sandwich lays discarded on the table. Somehow, I manage to lift William up into my arms and he rests his head against my shoulder and I can feel his breathing already relaxing. How tired as he been? I should have never taken him out for such a long time.
I slowly make it up the stairs, managing to bump William's legs against the railing only twice. William mumbles something against my shoulder, but I can't understand it and I lie him down on my bed. As soon as he's on the bed, William curls himself up and holds to one of my pillows. I lean down and kiss his cheek, a habit from putting Malcolm to sleep, and William smiles.
I situate myself on the floor, a comic book in my lap. I'll have to stay here because chances are William will have a nightmare and I don't want to leave him.
William's POV
I don't know how long I've been asleep, but when I open my eyes, the room is pitch black and it might be some time past midnight. I roll over on my side, rub my eye, and when I look down I can see Travis leaning against the wall and sleeping. His mouth is closed and his face keeps twitching like he's having his own nightmare.
I watch Travis for a few minutes and when he finally relaxes I let out a breath.
I have to leave.
Tonight.
Tonight, I have to get up and leave. I told myself this earlier - I can't keep putting Travis in danger, or anyone else who's staying with Gabe. Gabe's been unreasonable quiet ever since I left, and I'm pretty much shocked he hasn't found me yet. I close my eyes and try to collect my thoughts, and out of nowhere, I manage to get the strength to stand up. The floorboards creak beneath my weight and I freeze, my eyes instantly landing on Travis.
Travis doesn't seem to hear the noise; all he does is twitch and open and close his mouth. I straighten my clothes as much as I can and look around the room. I brought nothing with me but the clothes I'm wearing right now, and the clothes Travis brought me are downstairs. I'll leave them here so he can return them and get his money back. I look down at Travis and my mouth suddenly goes dry.
I don't want to go back. I don't want to leave the safety Travis offers me - I don't want to leave Travis, period. I've gotten so fucking attached to Travis over the past few days. He's the first person who hasn't looked at me in disgust in a long time - he's the only person who's ever really cared about me. I sigh and then lean down, holding my breath as I get close to Travis' face.
He looks so damn peaceful, like he doesn't have to worry about anything, and I wish I could look like that. I close my eyes, collect myself, and then press my lips against Travis' in a chaste kiss. I pull away and Travis continues to sleep, but I think there's a smile on his lips. I look at Travis for a couple of more seconds, and then turn on my heels and leave the room.
I go down the stairs, stopping and holding my breath every time one of the boards creaks. There's no movement anywhere in the house, and I can see the television light flickering from under Travis' mom's room. I make it to the front door, slip my shoes on, and then head out, the bitter wind instantly nipping at my skin. Has it always been this cold? I can't remember it ever being this cold.
I slowly make my down the stairs, forcing myself to not look back because if I do, I know I'll just go back inside and slip back into bed or better yet, slip into Travis' arms. I make it down another step, and then another, until I'm standing on the very last step, looking down at the concrete that leads away from the place that offers me more safety then I've ever known. I look down at my hands and they're shaking, and then I realize that my whole until body is shaking.
I'm trying to urge my feet to move, but it's like they're frozen to the step; I don't think I can feel them. The sidewalk looks so far away and I find myself afraid to take the next step; to leave this place and return to the hell I call home. Is everything really that bad without me? Gabe was never faithful to me, so why do I have to be faithful to him?
Because everyone else is suffering. Without me there, everyone else is taking the blows - learning what it's like to be me. I've protected them for so long, why can't they protect me for once? Why can't they take the blows just this once why I try and figure everything out? Why I try and make things better for myself so then I can go on and make everything better for them too?
Why must everything fall on me?
My knees buckle and I find myself sitting down, face buried in my hands. I don't. Want to go back, I never want to go back. I want to be safe here. Safe with Malcolm, and Mrs. McCoy, and Travis - I want to stay with Travis.
"Fuck," I say into the night and the night is silent in answer.
Travis' POV
I open my eyes because the sunlight is bouncing off of my lamp and hitting me straight in the eyes; I hate to open my eyes to sunlight. I rub my eyes, yawn, and then stand up, stretching to try and get the aches out of my back. I think for now one I'll just sleep on the couch, or buy another mattress to put on the floor so William and I can both be comfortable. Speaking of William, I look over to the bed and he's gone.
This is surprise me because usually when I wake up, William is still asleep. Maybe he went to the bathroom or something. I fix my clothes and then leave my bedroom, heading to the bathroom. I knock on the door, wait, knock again, and when I get no answer, and I open the door. The bathroom is empty. Maybe William went downstairs for breakfeast? It seems impossible because he can barely stand by himself, but maybe he isn't as weak as I thought he was.
My heart is starting to pound in my ears. His words from last night are ringing in my ears and I don't want them to be true. I head downstairs, through the living room, into the kitchen, and William isn't in either of those rooms either. I'm starting to panic. I check every room twice, and there's still no sign of William.
"Fucking shit," I say, and pull on the nearest hoodie I can find. If he's headed back, maybe he isn't gotten very far. But I have no idea when he left and he might already be suffering under Gabe's fist. I slip on my sneakers, not even bothering to tie them, and then fling the front door open, ready to run down the stairs, but what greets me makes me trip.
On the bottom of the steps is William, leaning against the hand railing. When he hears me, he tilts his head up, eyes dull. He's shaking and I have a feeling he's been out in the January cold most of the night.
"William," I say, slowly making my way down the stairs in shock. I didn't expect to see him here and even though I'm angry at him for even trying to leave - for lying to me - but I'm always happy to see him.
"I couldn't do it," William says and I can barely hear him. "I couldn't make it pass the front step."
When I get to the bottom step, I sit down beside him, my arm instantly going around his shoulders; without missing a beat William starts to cling to me.
just beat it