fic: bittersweet symphony
bittersweet symphony
Jon/Spencer, PG13
7 348
An AU about Fueled By Ramen being in a mental hospital. Title Comes from The Verve.
It’s a Tuesday.
On Tuesdays, Jon is sure he’ll find Group Seven in the Rec room, eyes wide as Pete tells a tale of the seven seas; Jon pushes the large metal doors open and sees exactly what he expects to see. Pete stands on top of a brown crate, arms spread to the ceiling as he raises his voice when the action gets vivid and drops it when the tale becomes cautious. Group Seven sits around the crate, bodies lean forward towards Pete’s, desperately grasped in the small man’s vivid imagination. Jon wheels his cart over and no one pulls their eyes away from Pete. Jon sighs and lifts up the large basin of water, starts to pour out the small amount of water they’ll need to swallow the pills.
“We’re balancing on top of a rope high above the ships and Davy Jones is trying to get me through the heart because I have his,”Pete says and the group sits around Pete, quiet and eyes wide as he carries on the tale of the time Captain Jack and him fought with Davy Jones. Jon’s heard this tale plenty of times before (he’s seen it in theaters too, but he won’t tell Pete this because, hell, he’s sure Pete’s aware of this fact too - the rest of Group Seven doesn’t need to know.) and it still amazes him that Group Seven can be so into it without realizing that they, too, have probably seen it before.
“I take the sword and I st-”
“Pete,” Jon says and interrupts the smaller man; everyone finally lifts their heads to look at Jon and Jon smiles, starts to hand out the medicine. “That’s enough of that story, it’s time to take your medicine.” Jon hands Patrick his medicine and his cup of water, and then hands Brendon his. He watches the two put the pills in their mouths and then swallow the water. “Open,” Jon says and Patrick and Brendon open their mouths, stick out their tongues and lift them to show that they’ve swallowed their pills; Brendon and Patrick have tendencies to hide the pills under their tongues because they don’t like taking the medicine. Jon smiles and carries on handing out the medicine, reaching over Ryan to hand Pete his. Travis and William are the last to receive their medicine, and then Jon realizes that there aren’t six to the group, but seven.
“Who’s this?” He asks and Brendon shoots up from his seat next to Ryan to scurry over to the new boy sitting further away from the group. He wraps his arms around the other boy’s and gives him a sort of hug. “Jon, Jon,” Brendon says and no matter how much medicine anyone ever gives him, Brendon is always hyperactive. "This is Spencer.” Spencer doesn’t lift his eyes from the beige floor but nods his head and fiddles with his shirt. Spencer’s hair is longer then it’s allowed to be, but Jon doesn’t say anything because he finds it to be a bit pretty. He bites his lower lip and then nods his head.
“It’s nice to meet you Spencer, I’m Jon, and I supervise this little group. Did Adam put you here?” Jon says and Spencer still doesn’t lift his head but nods it slowly. Jon doesn’t take this as rude because he’s used to this; all of them are scared when they first come into the institution and he’s sure that Spencer will come around in no time; he has no choice, though, because he’s been placed with the most rowdy group in the institution, Group Seven.
“Did Adam give you your medicine?” Jon asks and Spencer nods his head and entwines his fingers together, shaking a little bit. Brendon shifts next to him and twitches himself. “He’s shy,” Brendon explains and Jon nods his head and pushes his cart away so he can sit down too.
“Can I get back to my story now?” Pete asks, fidgets in his place next to Patrick. Patrick reaches out and grabs Pete’s hand, stops the fidgeting and gives him a little smile.
“You didn’t tell me I would be getting a new member in my group,” Jon says later on when they’ve decided to let Group Seven and Group Nine out together in the little field behind the institution. Adam shrugs his shoulders and watches his own group.
“I didn’t know he was coming until today. They just showed up with him and I had to place him somewhere, anyways, all the rest of the groups are filled,” Adam says and leans back on the bench they’re sitting on; their eyes never meet because they’re too busy watching. Jon sighs, watches as Pete jumps on Brendon’s back and they go falling to the ground, roll down the hill and out of bounds. Jon stands up to go get them back and Adam joins him.
“I’m going to go get Brendon and Pete back in bounds,” Jon says and Adam nods his head and brushes some dirt off his uniform.
“I’m going to go make sure Andy Mortek doesn’t stab Andy Hurley in the eye with that stick. Who made it that I had to have two Andy’s in my group?” Adam says and Jon shrugs his shoulders, starting over to his little group.
When Jon arrives, Brendon and Pete scurry back up the hill towards Patrick and Ryan. No one likes the wire fence at the bottom; the barbed wire catches the light and Jon has to squint against the it. The fence is tall, peeks right above the tip of the hill, threatens the patients that there is no way of escape. Jon personally hates the fence because, hell, they’re not in a prison; they’re a institution for the mentally insane and Jon’s pretty sure the fence doesn’t help anyone get better, but only scares them. Pete and Brendon get back to the top of the hill and Pete collapses against Patrick’s side and Brendon buries his head in the crook of Ryan’s neck.
“Pete, don’t jump on Brendon’s back anymore, I don’t want you rolling into the fence,” Jon says and Pete won’t meet his eyes, but turns his head away to look at Adam trying to get the sticks away from the two Andys. Jon sighs, and then runs a thumb over the back of Brendon’s neck. “You okay?” Jon asks and Brendon nods his head, a death grip around Ryan’s waist. Ryan doesn’t say anything but allows Brendon to do this. Ryan’s always quiet and Brendon’s always loud, and Jon wonders how they ever came to be. Relationships beyond friends aren’t allowed at the institution, but Jon looks past theirs; he’s sure Brendon and Ryan are the only things keeping each other from really falling over the edge.
Jon looks around and notices William and Travis sitting on the top of the hill a little bit away. William has a hold of Travis’ wrist, flings his arm in the air. William’s always been a bit a mover and has his own bit of hyper activeness; Travis is quiet and likes to keep to himself, but somehow they work together and Jon looks past their relationship too. Jon counts six and takes a breath before he realizes that there is no longer six in his group, but seven. Jon looks around frantically, his eyes sweep from the top of the hill to the field, and then his eyes land on the only tree in the yard, and there’s Spencer, sitting underneath it with his knees pulled to his chest. Jon checks that the rest of the group is here; Brendon, Ryan, Patrick, and Pete move over to where William and Travis sit and Jon takes the opportunity to check on Spencer.
Spencer doesn’t lift his eyes when Jon comes over, so Jon sits down next to him so he can keep a close eye on the rest of the group but give Spencer the attention he needs; it’s like having seven kids that all need to be watched and taken care of. “You doing alright, Spencer? I know it’s a big change, coming here,” Jon says and Spencer meekly nods his head, plays with a strand of grass.
“I shouldn’t be here,” Spencer says and rips the piece of grass up. He brings it close to his face and examines it before he allows it to catch on the wind and fly away. Jon bites his lower lip and then shrugs his shoulders. He’s used to this by now, everyone, at first, says they shouldn’t be here. “I’m not crazy,” Spencer says and for the first time that day, Spencer looks at him. Jon realizes that Spencer’s eyes are a crystal clear blue, something he rarely ever sees; Jon can’t tell Spencer that he believes him.
“Jon lives on the outside,” Brendon says at diner when Jon’s handing out their medicine and meals for the night. Group Seven sits at the table closest to the wall, at the very end of the long table while Group Nine sits at the other end. Spencer doesn’t lift his eyes to meet Jon’s, put plays with his mash potatoes. Jon looks to the young boy and then hands Travis his medicine, watches as William takes his potatoes because Travis doesn’t like them.
“He only gets to live out there because he’s not crazy,” William says, his mouth full of mash potatoes. “William,” Jon warns and William shrugs his shoulders, continues to engulf the mash potatoes. Usually, Jon makes sure to give the tall boy more mash potatoes then what everyone else gets, but tonight it slipped his mind.
“If you took your pills, you wouldn’t be crazy, either,” Brendon replies from his seat next to Ryan; somehow the boy’s gotten Jell-O in his hair. Jon grabs a napkin but Ryan beats him to it, uses his own napkin to wipe the Jell-O from Brendon’s dark hair. Ryan smiles at Jon and takes a sip of his apple juice, watches the argument going on between William and Brendon.
“I take my medicine, thank you very much,” William says and points his spoon at Brendon, threateningly. Brendon stares at him, ready to retaliate but Jon clears his throat and hands the two their medicine. Brendon pours the two pills into his mouth and then takes a big swig of his apple juice. He sticks out his tongue to show Jon that he’s swallowed the pills and Jon nods his head, looks to Patrick to check his tongue, and then he looks to William. William won’t meet his eyes but sticks his tongue out anyways, lifts it, and then Jon nods his head. Group Seven are like his children, and Jon must make sure they take their pills or they won’t get ‘better’.
“I’m not crazy,” Spencer mumbles and the whole group turns their heads to look at him. Spencer won’t lift his head, but continues to play with his mash potatoes.
“Spencer Smith has split personality disorder,” Gerard informs him later when Jon’s leaving for home. Jon nods his head and presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek, thinking back to all the events that happened in the day. “He says he’s not crazy,” Jon replies and Gerard lifts his head from the paperwork he's doing. He looks Jon up and down and then shakes his head, returns to his paperwork. “Don’t they all say that?” Gerard asks and Jon nods his head.
“I don’t think he is,” Jon says and Gerard’s pen stops moving. His head lifts with keen interest, his eyes narrow into dangerous slits before he snaps his head back down to the work. “I thought the same thing about Mikey, and look where that’s gotten me,” Gerard finally says, his voice quiet as if it’s wrong to say and Mikey might hear, but Mikey can’t because Mikey’s room is on the floor above this one. Jon feels a bit of guilt about bringing the subject up, but he drops it because he knows there won’t be any apology Gerard will accept.
“I’m going home. All of Group Seven had their medicine and are in their rooms, but you might want to check on Pete and Brendon tonight, they rolled down the hill and got close to the fence today.” Jon stands up from his seat and grabs his keys, shrugs on his jacket and doesn’t look back at Gerard, too scared to do so.
On the way home, Jon can’t help but think back to Spencer Smith and his split personality disorder. Jon’s never worked with someone with a disorder like that, and he’s not sure of Group Seven can cope with it; Jon’s like a parent, always wanting the best for his children.
The next morning, Jon finds Group Seven like he finds them every morning on Wednesdays, still in their rooms sleeping. On Wednesdays, the patients are allowed an extra hour of sleep. Spencer’s room is the first Jon comes to, and he finds the young boy sitting on the floor under the window. Spencer has his knees pulled up to his chest and he’s fiddling with his pajama bottoms. Jon leaves his cart outside the door and comes in.
“Spencer?” Jon says quietly and Spencer lifts his head, smiles at Jon and reaches up to take the cups Jon holds. Jon hands the boy the cups and watches as Spencer takes his medicine. “You’re the first newcomer I’ve seen take their medicine willingly,” Jon comments and smiles because he remembers how hard it was to get Brendon to take his pills; they were shoved down the younger boy’s throat until Ryan showed up and asked him quietly, politely, if he would please take his pills. Brendon takes his pills willingly now, but only if Ryan does so too and with him.
“I’m not crazy so they won’t do anything to me,” Spencer replies with a smile and hands the cups back to Jon. Jon’s smile disappears and he shakes his head. “Come on, we need to wake the rest up,” Jon says and Spencer looks at him wide-eyed before he nods his head and stands up.
“I come with you?” Spencer asks and Jon shrugs his shoulders, leaves the room and places the empty cups on the lower level of the cart. “You’re in Group Seven. Your group might be rowdy, but you’re not seen as any danger, really.” Spencer nods his head and walks beside Jon, his hand holds to the cart as they go down the hallway. “But I’m a danger to society, right?” Spencer asks and Jon stops walking. Spencer looks at him, eyes innocent before he shakes his head. “Never mind, forget it,” Spencer mumbles and then continues to walk, pulling the cart along behind him. Jon watches him for a moment before he catches up and holds onto the cart again.
Pete and Patrick’s room is next and Jon unlocks the door. The sight isn’t unusually; Patrick and Pete are a mess of tangled limbs on Patrick’s bed. They’re not supposed to be sleeping in the same bed, but Jon looks past that because it causes no one any harm; it’s rare that Jon ever finds them in their own beds and then, when he does, Jon has to worry. Jon pushes the cart in this time because Pete and Patrick’s room is much bigger and can fit it.
“Pete, Patrick,” Jon coos and leans forward, pushes at Patrick’s shoulder and Patrick mumbles something in his sleep. “It’s time to get up,” Jon says and this time, Pete mumbles something, but the tattooed boy opens his eyes and stares up at Jon. “What if we don’t want to get up?” Pete asks and Jon shakes his head, laughs and then reaches back to get Pete’s medicine, but Spencer hands it to him. Jon looks at Spencer and Spencer shrugs his shoulders. “They’re labeled,” Spencer says and points to Pete’s name scribbled on the cup. Jon nods his head and then turns back to the tangled mess on the bed. Pete sits up and Patrick finally blinks his eyes open, stares at Jon, and then wraps his arms tighter around Pete’s waist. Pete swallows his medicine, gives the cups back to Jon, and then turns to Patrick.
“It’s Jon, remember, Trick?” Pete says happily and Patrick looks between the three before he slowly nods his head; Patrick keeps his death grip on Pete. Jon hands Patrick’s medicine to Pete, and after a few minutes, Pete’s able to coax the younger boy up and the medicine into his mouth; this time, Jon doesn’t even bother to check his mouth.
Brendon and Ryan are already up when Jon and the rest of Group Seven arrive, but Brendon’s sitting in a corner glaring at Ryan and Ryan’s fidgeting and messing with his hair; Jon tells the rest to stay outside and brings their medicine in by himself. “What’s going on here?” Jon asks and Ryan twitches, the muscles in his cheek spasm before he opens his mouth.
“Brendon says he doesn’t want to take his medicine anymore,” Ryan says quietly like a small child and reaches out for his medicine; Jon hands it to him before looking at Brendon. “Why don’t you want to take your medicine, Bren?” Jon asks and Brendon glares at him, pulls his knees closer to his chest and mumbles something. Jon sighs and then lowers himself to Brendon’s level so he can hear what the younger male is saying.
“I said if Spencer isn’t crazy then I’m not either and I don’t want to take my medicine,” Brendon says and Jon sighs again. “Brenny, Spencer’s - Spencer took his medicine this morning, and so did Ryan, take it for me, please?” Jon begs and Brendon looks at him sideways before taking the medicine a bit forcefully and taking it. Jon blinks and then stands up. Ryan is outside the room, clutching to the cart and Jon helps Brendon stand up.
“We need to get Travis and William and then you guys can take your showers and we’ll watch a movie,” Jon says and he watches as four out of five faces light up; Spencer looks at him like he’s stupid before he starts to pull the cart down the hallway, dragging Ryan along as well.
“Can we watch The Little Mermaid?” Brendon asks beside him and Jon shrugs, wraps an arm around the younger boy’s shoulders and starts to lead him down the hallway.
Travis and William’s room is situated on a different level then everyone else’s; Mikey’s room is just down the hall. The doors on this level are locked like every other level, except they’re locked with more locks and the patients up here are at a higher risk then everyone else. William is fine, but Travis is another story.
Jon tells the others to stand on the other side of the hallway. Everyone is used to this except for Spencer, and since Brendon’s not holding onto Ryan, Spencer does. Jon unlocks the door and pushes it open; he turns on the light and breathes a breath of relief. Sometimes, Jon gets worried when he has to wake Travis and William because, sometimes, Jon worries that he might not find everything in order and how it should be. Travis is alright as long as he takes his medicine, but Jon just can’t help but worry.
Travis and William are as much as a mess as Pete and Patrick were, but when Jon clears his throat William lifts his head and looks at him. William eyes are glazed over, but he pushes himself up, off of Travis’ chest and rubs his eye. Jon looks at him, smiles happily, and then comes closer. He hands William his medicine; William takes it and then collapses back atop of Travis, eyes shutting.
It takes twenty minutes to get the two out of bed, and they trail behind the group. William holds to Travis’ wrist, still rubs his eyes, and pulls the taller male behind him. Travis goes along with William, allows himself to be dragged while the rest walk ahead with Jon, all clutching to the cart or each other.
They take showers in two, even though they’re not supposed to.
Jon really doesn’t care because even though he dislikes the thought, he’s sure they’ve seen each other naked before. Anyways, Jon can’t pull the couples apart without feeling like a piece of shit. Spencer is the only one to take a shower by himself, even though Brendon offers to share Ryan and his’.
“You can join Ryan and I, Spencer, just in case you’re afraid of the tiles,” Brendon says and starts to strip Ryan of his shirt. Ryan can do this by himself, but he goes along with it, allows Brendon to unbutton his shirt and stands patiently.
“No thank you Brendon, I’m not afraid of the tiles, I think I’ll be okay,” Spencer replies with all kindness and then waits for Jon to hand him his towel. Jon does so, and then points to the stall that he’s supposed to use. “Showers are twenty minutes,” Jon mumbles while he helps keep Brendon’s fingers away from Ryan’s waistband, “and if you need anything just call, okay?” Spencer numbly nods his head and then heads off to his own stall. He looks behind and then enters the stall.
“Bren, Ryan can take his own pants off, but wait till your in the stall before you do,” Jon says, finally lets go of Brendon’s hands and Brendon mumbles something before he grabs Ryan’s hand and pulls him into a stall. There’s the sound of shuffling and their clothes are pushed under the stall door, neatly folded. The water starts and Jon picks up their clothes, goes to the large hamper and dumps them in.
William and Travis are the first to finish with their shower and Jon stands back because he knows the two know what to do. Travis gets dressed first, and then he helps William whose still, amazingly, tired; William’s head rests on Travis’ shoulder as Travis pulls his pants up and starts to button his shirt. “I think he’s sick,” Travis says quietly as he spins William around after he’s gotten the shorter boy dressed.
Jon nods his head and bites the inside of his cheek. “I’ll have Hayley check him out while you guys watch your movie,” Jon says and Travis nods his head, an arm wraps around William’s waist possessively. “We’re watching a movie?” He asks and the door to Brendon and Ryan’s stall bursts open.
Brendon comes out, completely naked and he jumps a little. “Yep, yep, we’re watching The Little Mermaid, Travis! The. Little. Mermaid.” Brendon spins around and Jon blows his hair out of his face. He grabs a towel and when Brendon’s half way between a jump and a spin, he somehow manages to wrap the towel around Brendon’s waist. “How many times do I have to tell you to come out with a towel on, Brendon?” Jon says, a bit impatient and Brendon pouts.
“I-I,” Brendon starts, his voice quivers and Jon regrets ever letting his impatient tone slip, “I’m s-sorry. I-I did-dn’t mean t-to.” Brendon stutters through his words and Jon shakes his head, brings the smaller boy to his chest and hugs him.
“No, no, I’m not angry Bren, you just have to consider that other people might not want to see you naked,” Jon says and Brendon stops his shaking. His eyes blink, and then he leans close to whisper in Jon’s ear, “Ryan likes to see me naked.” Jon smiles and then lifts his head, looks to the shy, patient, boy who stands behind the stall door. “Why don’t you bring Ryan a towel,” Jon whispers back and Brendon blinks at him, “you don’t want other people to see him naked, do you?” Brendon gasps and then shakes his head; grabs a towel from the rack and runs back into the stall to give Ryan his.
Pete and Patrick come out later, fully dressed, and Patrick still clings to Pete’s waist; Jon makes a mental note to get Patrick checked out too.
“I heard The Little Mermaid,” Pete says, eyes wide and he looks from face to face before he lands on Jon’s. Jon nods his head, slow, and Travis grumbles something to his left.
“Shutup,” William says back to his mumbling and snuggles himself so he’s permanently pushed against Travis’ side. Travis closes his mouth, but pushes at the tiles with his foot. Jon looks to the two, a small smile on his lips, till he hears the last shower stall turn off. The towel wraps around Spencer like a vice as he looks from face to face; Jon notices the faint blush on his cheeks.
“They’ll turn their backs while you get changed,” Jon says and directs the others to turn away; Brendon looks at him with a pout on his face before he wraps his arms around Ryan’s neck. Spencer stands still, looks at Jon, and then to the tile. Jon’s not exactly sure what’s wrong with the young boy, and then it clicks in the back of his head, gears turn and he nods his head. “I can’t turn around, I have to watch you,” he says and Spencer’s cheeks turn a darker shade of red. It takes a few seconds, and then Jon realizes the implications of his words and he shakes his head, laughs a little and puts his hands up in defense. “No, no. Not like that. I have to - I have to make sure you don’t do anything.” Spencer still blushes but nods his head and allows Jon to hand over his clothes. The towel drops from Spencer’s shaky hands and lands on the floor, the water from the shower soaks into the material and Spencer pushes it forward with his foot before he struggles to get the issued underwear on. Jon tries not to look at the expanse of smooth, hairless, skin that covers Spencer’s chest and arms; he tries not to look at the tinted pigments that dot his cheeks. Jon doesn’t allow his eyes to drop below Spencer’s waist.
When Spencer’s fully dressed, quicker then Jon’s ever seen a patient dress before, Jon allows the rest of the group to turn around. He watches as their eyes, from light brown to a mixture of honey and blue, sweep over the newcomer before they dot to him. Jon gives them all the loving, fatherly, smile he’s always used on them and Jon watches as emotions turn from confused, frightened, angry, to calm and collected.
“We’ll eat breakfast while we watch The Little Mermaid,” Jon says and watches as Brendon’s dark brown eyes light up in excitement. Travis rolls his eyes, mutters his disagreement before he moves his head out of the way of William’s attempt to slap him outside the head. William’s woken up in the past few minutes and Jon lets out a breath of relief, sure, now, that William was just tired and there was nothing looming in the twenty-two-year old’s mind that could cause him more problems then already served on his plate.
Jon ushers the group out of the shower area and into the TV room, where they all take their places in their respective seats. Brendon, Ryan, Travis, and William somehow always smash their bodies together on the couch that’s placed directly in front of the television. Brendon always stays awake during movies, Travis as well, but Ryan and William usually fall asleep, curled towards each other or to their respective partners. Pete and Patrick somehow arrange themselves so they’re in the recliner; Pete in Patrick’s lap or Patrick in Pete’s lap. Today, Patrick sits in Pete’s lap, legs thrown over the arm of the recliner, eyes glued to the screen as Jon presses play.
And Spencer, Spencer just stands in the back, his eyes switch from person to person, unsure of where he’s supposed to be. Jon watches as he plays with the hem of his shirt and twiddles his thumbs together. “Spencer,” Jon says and Spencer’s head snaps dangerously in his direction, eyes innocent, cautious. "Help me pass out breakfast and then you can come sit with me.” Jon sits by himself a little bit away from the group at a table. Here, he usually goes through whatever paperwork must be filled out, or simply watches whatever movie they’ve chosen from a distance. Spencer nods his head and then looks around, still unsure till the large, blue, metal, doors they came through before open up and Maja comes in, wheeling a cart with assorted breakfast choices.
“Walker,” Maja says and Jon watches as she comes closer and then stops a good foot away from him. ".e glad I have no patients at this hour or I wouldn’t be doing this for you.” Maja puts the break on the cart and then spreads her arms out, presenting the food. Jon smiles at her, charm on his lips, and she rolls her eyes before they move to Group Seven who watch the TV with the most intent. “They don’t even know I’m here,” Maja says and then moves so she stands in front of the television. There’s a collective group gasp and Jon smiles as he watches Group Seven look at Maja with bewilderment; William is the first to snap out of it and attaches himself to the pretty woman.
“Maja,” William says and Maja kisses his cheek before she disentangles herself to give Patrick a kiss. Maja goes through each and every one, kisses their cheeks or their foreheads, before she moves away from the television; it only takes a few seconds for Group Seven to become entranced by the movie.
Spencer stands to the side, fingers melded together, cautious and nervous, unsure of what to do in the presence of Maja. Jon watches him with a ping in his heart before he grabs Spencer’s wrist gently and pushes him forward in Maja’s direction. “Maja, this is Spencer, he’s new to Group Seven,” Jon explains and Maja nods her head, sticks her hand out from her coat pocket and Spencer takes it. Maja shakes his hand lightly before she pulls Spencer close and kisses his cheek. “Please, don’t be shy Spencer, I’m sure we’ll be seeing more of each soon,” Maja kisses his cheek again and Jon watches as Spencer’s cheeks light up in a ray of crimson red. Maja smiles delicately and then kisses Jon’s cheeks. “Watch that one,” she says, a whisper against Jon’s ear and Jon watches her eyes dart to Spencer."There’s something different about him.” Jon wants to ask aren’t they all crazy? But he bites his tongue and nods his head; watches Maja pull the cart behind her and leave.
When Jon turns back Spencer already sits at the table, his hands flat against the tabletop. Group Seven still sits engrossed by The Little Mermaid, and Jon can hear Brendon start to hum part of whatever song they’re on; Jon thinks it’s ‘Part of Your World’, but he can never be too sure with Disney movies (all Disney songs tend to be generic and sound alike to Jon). Jon sits down next to Spencer so he can still watch the group and decides to ignore the fact that Spencer shifts his chair over, just a little.
“I’m not crazy,” Spencer mumbles, his face in his palms. Jon looks at him, eyes wide before he shakes his head and leans against the table with his chin in his palm. “That’s what they all say, Spencer,” Jon says and Spencer turns his head to look at him. His eyes narrow before he shakes his head and allows his eyes to land on the screen.
Jon doesn’t get the point of Holiday Cards because none of Group Seven’s cards ever get sent, and it’s not because the institution doesn’t want to spend money on stamps, it’s because Group Seven’s families gave up on them long ago. But they sit there anyways, red, green, and white paper spread out on the table; the colors of Christmas. Spencer sits to his left while Pete sits to his right, and Jon watches as Spencer scribbles on a red piece of paper.
“Jon, Jon,” Brendon says and Jon lifts his eyes from Spencer’s paper to the hyperactive boy who sits across from him. Brendon bounces in his seat and Jon can’t help but notice that Brendon’s managed to get all the colors of the rainbow on his clothes. “Are you going to make a Christmas card too?” Brendon draws a circle on his piece of paper, his tongue sticks out the side of his mouth, and Jon can’t help but notice how much of a child Brendon resembles. Jon starts to shake his head but Spencer takes a white piece of paper, folds it, and then places it in front of him with a black marker. Jon looks down at the piece of paper and then to Spencer’s face and he can’t tell the younger boy no. Jon starts to write out ‘Merry Christmas’, slowly so it will be neat, and to waste time. Soon enough Jon knows they’ll grow tired of this and will want something else to do. Working here is like working at a play school, or a nursery; you try to distract them as long as you can, but you can’t stay on a task too long or they’ll become bored - you move from task to task giving each task its respective amount of time.
“Mom said she’ll come and visit me,” Spencer says and the room goes quiet; people always promise to come visit but they never do. Group Seven, and Jon, have gotten used to these useless promises, but they don’t say anything, just continue with their own cards. “Are we allowed presents?” Spencer asks and he lifts his eyes from his paper and looks from face to face; none of his fellow group members will look at him. Spencer’s eyes finally land on Jon, small, worried, scared. Jon nods his head, slow, and Spencer looks from face to face again before he returns his cerulean eyes to his piece of paper.
“Don’t forget to make a card for Maja,” Jon says to fill the silence that overwhelms their table.
Jon’s prepared himself for this night quite well considering the circumstances.
“She-She didn’t come,” Spencer says and he pulls on his tshirt, rips the fabric and Jon grips the younger boy’s wrists, brings his hands to his chest. “She promised she would come.” Tears roll down Spencer’s cute, pudgy, cheeks and Jon makes the most soothing noises he can possibly ever make. All of them are like his children, and Jon must comfort them in anyway he can. Today, tonight, tomorrow - all the way until the first day of the new year he has to watch them all carefully. Jon takes a deep breath and then drops Spencer’s wrist, brings him into his lap and against his chest. Spencer clings to his shirt, stains the white fabric with his tears and Jon smooths out the hair that’s stuck to his face from his tears.
“Am I crazy?” Spencer asks and Jon watches as his eyes expand and grow wide. “She didn’t come because she thinks I’m crazy.” Spencer’s grip in his shirt tightens and tugs and Jon shakes his head.
“Sometimes, the people who love us the most mean us the most harm,” Jon says and Spencer nods his head as if he understands but Jon doesn’t think he does - Spencer just needs something to cling to. Spencer’s eyes catch the dim light coming from the hall and he buries his head into the crook of Jon’s neck; Jon doesn’t mind hiding the boy from the world. “I don’t mean to be crazy,” Spencer says, voice muffled and quiet against Jon’s neck. Jon rocks slowly, tries to comfort the boy the best he can.
“No one really means to be anything, Spencer,” Jon says and Spencer pulls his head back. His eyes glimmer and then his head turns towards the door. Jon watches as something passes over the cerulean eyes before Spencer’s gaze meets his. “Let’s not mean to be anything, together,” Spencer says and Jon shakes his head, pushes Spencer gently so he’s not sitting on his lap and tucks a strand of dark hair behind the young boy’s ear. Spencer looks at him, eyes wide and Jon can’t take it anymore. He stands up, tries to ignore Spencer’s eyes on him, and then exists the room. He can hear Spencer moving in there but Jon locks the door and tries to push what he said to the back of his mind, into a file that he’s labeled ‘never think of again’. Jon thinks, that maybe, after all these years, he’s starting to get a little crazy too.
“You made Spencer cry.”
It’s rare that Ryan ever says anything. Jon’s sure that Ryan has a lot to say (he sees the boys mind ticking away behind honey-brown eyes and Jon knows he’s going over every situation and it’s consequences - Ryan always says things at the right moment), but the boy keeps to himself; Jon’s pretty sure that he has conversations late at night with Brendon, though. They’re out in the field and instead of being with Brendon, Ryan sits beside Jon, his eyes downcast to his hands balled in his lap. Jon looks to Ryan and then looks outwards, towards the said boy who sits under the only tree in the yard.
“I didn’t mean to,” Jon says and Ryan bites his lower lip; Ryan holds back saying the things he finds most important, and instead, waits for another place in time to say them. But this time, Ryan does say something and Jon worries that the boy is sick. “People don’t mean to do a lot of things,” Ryan replies, voice quiet and body shaking. He looks out as well, and Jon’s not sure if he’s looking at Spencer, or too Brendon - he might even be looking out at the distance where the little town of Hagar, Nevada sits. “Brendon didn’t mean to kill her, either,” Ryan says and his body shakes in a violent spasm before it calms; Jon can’t see his eyes under the shadow his bangs create. It’s rare that any of Group Seven speak about the things that landed them here, and it’s even rarer that they speak about each other’s actions. Jon’s pretty sure that they’ve confided in each other, but unlike some families, they like to keep it locked between them; Jon knows what they’ve done because he’s read the reports. “She-She hurt him and the voices - the voices told him that it was okay to hurt her back. He didn’t mean to kill her, he just meant to show her how he felt.” Jon looks to the quiet boy and then allows his eyes to travel across the expanse of green grass. They land on Spencer, small, delicate, confused, Spencer who sits with his knees to his chest and his hand buried in the grass that no one bothered to cut. Jon knows what Spencer did; Jon knows he doesn’t deserve to be here.
“What do you think I should do?” He asks and hears Ryan shift beside him before Ryan’s face is before his, the boy’s eyes as quiet as his voice. “Apologize to Spencer first,” Ryan says and then he stands all the way up, bones pop, and Jon gives him a small smile. "And then - and then you get out of here too.” Jon looks to the younger boy quizzically and Ryan shakes his head before he points to the gate. “You know he doesn’t want to be here and you don’t want to be here too.” Jon doesn’t reply but Ryan leans back down and kisses his forehead, lips surprisingly moist unlike what Jon thought they were - chapped. Jon watches his retreating figure as he joins Brendon in the small patch of wild flowers that grow randomly on the field.
That night, Jon doesn’t stop by Spencer’s room first like usual, but starts with William and Travis. When he’s saying goodnight, William grabs him and kisses everywhere his small lips can kiss and surprisingly, Travis gives him a kiss on the cheek too (and it’s rare, extremely rare, that the tall boy will show any sign of affection towards anyone but William and Jon starts to worry, starts to worry deeply that there’s something terribly, terribly, wrong with his children) before he nestles down in the covers with William. William gives him this look, this funny look that seems to say goodbye before Jon closes the door and locks it. Pete and Patrick are different, weird, too. Patrick clings to Jon, clings longer then he usually does and Pete has to literally rip his fingers away from Jon’s arms. Patrick protests, loudly, that he doesn’t want Jon to go away but Pete calms him. Pete kisses Jon’s knuckles, his palms, and then his lips before he gives Jon the same look William gave. Brendon’s been crying - crying violently and dangerously as though he’s going to be sick and he kisses Jon’s ears and tells him he loves him. Jon, of course, whispers it back and makes a mental note to throw a group meeting tomorrow to figure out what’s going on. But Ryan, small, quiet, Ryan gives him a small smile before he shuts the door.
When Jon opens the door to Spencer’s room, he finds Spencer up, dressed in his day clothes and Jon’s about to tell him to change before something clicks. Spencer looks at him, eyes wet and delicate like he’s been crying too, and then Jon grabs his hand and pulls him out the door on instinct. And Jon - Jon’s not sure of what the fuck he’s doing, and a little part of him is screaming to put Spencer back, to not turn off the surveillance system. A part of him is screaming that this so utterly wrong and they’ll be caught eventually, but they make it to Jon’s old ’92 Volvo without incident.
Spencer sits next to him in the passenger seat and doesn’t even look back at the place that he’s called him for the past month or so; Jon so desperately wants to, but he knows if he does then he’ll turn the car right around.
“Where are we going?” Spencer asks and Jon reaches behind them at a stoplight to grab his jacket out of the backseat; Spencer takes it and Jon watches as the boy becomes lost in it. Jon takes a deep breath, taps his fingers against the steering wheel before deciding to take a left and head towards L.A. - San Diego, anywhere out of Nevada. “To a place where we can not mean to be anything, together,” Jon replies and Spencer nods his head.
“What if we get caught?”
Jon looks to Spencer, and then smiles. “We won’t,” Jon says and turns up the volume as Summer of ’98 starts to play, “and if we ever do, we’ll end up back with Group Seven.” Spencer’s face goes blank, and then his lips turn up into a smile. He reaches over, grabs Jon’s hand and squeezes lightly. Jon swallows and wipes the sweat from his brow before turning onto the highway and heading towards L.A.; tomorrow morning, he’ll book the tickets for the place farthest away from the United States as they can get. “Am I crazy?” Spencer asks and Jon nods his head. Spencer looks at him, eyes wild, scared, and Jon laughs. “I’m crazy too,” Jon says and Spencer’s laugh joins his.
And Jon - Jon knows he’s incredibly crazy for this and they’ll get caught soon; they’ll be all over the newspaper, the television, the Internet. There’s no way they’ll get outside the States, and Jon’s not even sure they’ll even get past the state border.
Fin.
I have school tomorrow, dammit.
Jon/Spencer, PG13
7 348
An AU about Fueled By Ramen being in a mental hospital. Title Comes from The Verve.
It’s a Tuesday.
On Tuesdays, Jon is sure he’ll find Group Seven in the Rec room, eyes wide as Pete tells a tale of the seven seas; Jon pushes the large metal doors open and sees exactly what he expects to see. Pete stands on top of a brown crate, arms spread to the ceiling as he raises his voice when the action gets vivid and drops it when the tale becomes cautious. Group Seven sits around the crate, bodies lean forward towards Pete’s, desperately grasped in the small man’s vivid imagination. Jon wheels his cart over and no one pulls their eyes away from Pete. Jon sighs and lifts up the large basin of water, starts to pour out the small amount of water they’ll need to swallow the pills.
“We’re balancing on top of a rope high above the ships and Davy Jones is trying to get me through the heart because I have his,”Pete says and the group sits around Pete, quiet and eyes wide as he carries on the tale of the time Captain Jack and him fought with Davy Jones. Jon’s heard this tale plenty of times before (he’s seen it in theaters too, but he won’t tell Pete this because, hell, he’s sure Pete’s aware of this fact too - the rest of Group Seven doesn’t need to know.) and it still amazes him that Group Seven can be so into it without realizing that they, too, have probably seen it before.
“I take the sword and I st-”
“Pete,” Jon says and interrupts the smaller man; everyone finally lifts their heads to look at Jon and Jon smiles, starts to hand out the medicine. “That’s enough of that story, it’s time to take your medicine.” Jon hands Patrick his medicine and his cup of water, and then hands Brendon his. He watches the two put the pills in their mouths and then swallow the water. “Open,” Jon says and Patrick and Brendon open their mouths, stick out their tongues and lift them to show that they’ve swallowed their pills; Brendon and Patrick have tendencies to hide the pills under their tongues because they don’t like taking the medicine. Jon smiles and carries on handing out the medicine, reaching over Ryan to hand Pete his. Travis and William are the last to receive their medicine, and then Jon realizes that there aren’t six to the group, but seven.
“Who’s this?” He asks and Brendon shoots up from his seat next to Ryan to scurry over to the new boy sitting further away from the group. He wraps his arms around the other boy’s and gives him a sort of hug. “Jon, Jon,” Brendon says and no matter how much medicine anyone ever gives him, Brendon is always hyperactive. "This is Spencer.” Spencer doesn’t lift his eyes from the beige floor but nods his head and fiddles with his shirt. Spencer’s hair is longer then it’s allowed to be, but Jon doesn’t say anything because he finds it to be a bit pretty. He bites his lower lip and then nods his head.
“It’s nice to meet you Spencer, I’m Jon, and I supervise this little group. Did Adam put you here?” Jon says and Spencer still doesn’t lift his head but nods it slowly. Jon doesn’t take this as rude because he’s used to this; all of them are scared when they first come into the institution and he’s sure that Spencer will come around in no time; he has no choice, though, because he’s been placed with the most rowdy group in the institution, Group Seven.
“Did Adam give you your medicine?” Jon asks and Spencer nods his head and entwines his fingers together, shaking a little bit. Brendon shifts next to him and twitches himself. “He’s shy,” Brendon explains and Jon nods his head and pushes his cart away so he can sit down too.
“Can I get back to my story now?” Pete asks, fidgets in his place next to Patrick. Patrick reaches out and grabs Pete’s hand, stops the fidgeting and gives him a little smile.
“You didn’t tell me I would be getting a new member in my group,” Jon says later on when they’ve decided to let Group Seven and Group Nine out together in the little field behind the institution. Adam shrugs his shoulders and watches his own group.
“I didn’t know he was coming until today. They just showed up with him and I had to place him somewhere, anyways, all the rest of the groups are filled,” Adam says and leans back on the bench they’re sitting on; their eyes never meet because they’re too busy watching. Jon sighs, watches as Pete jumps on Brendon’s back and they go falling to the ground, roll down the hill and out of bounds. Jon stands up to go get them back and Adam joins him.
“I’m going to go get Brendon and Pete back in bounds,” Jon says and Adam nods his head and brushes some dirt off his uniform.
“I’m going to go make sure Andy Mortek doesn’t stab Andy Hurley in the eye with that stick. Who made it that I had to have two Andy’s in my group?” Adam says and Jon shrugs his shoulders, starting over to his little group.
When Jon arrives, Brendon and Pete scurry back up the hill towards Patrick and Ryan. No one likes the wire fence at the bottom; the barbed wire catches the light and Jon has to squint against the it. The fence is tall, peeks right above the tip of the hill, threatens the patients that there is no way of escape. Jon personally hates the fence because, hell, they’re not in a prison; they’re a institution for the mentally insane and Jon’s pretty sure the fence doesn’t help anyone get better, but only scares them. Pete and Brendon get back to the top of the hill and Pete collapses against Patrick’s side and Brendon buries his head in the crook of Ryan’s neck.
“Pete, don’t jump on Brendon’s back anymore, I don’t want you rolling into the fence,” Jon says and Pete won’t meet his eyes, but turns his head away to look at Adam trying to get the sticks away from the two Andys. Jon sighs, and then runs a thumb over the back of Brendon’s neck. “You okay?” Jon asks and Brendon nods his head, a death grip around Ryan’s waist. Ryan doesn’t say anything but allows Brendon to do this. Ryan’s always quiet and Brendon’s always loud, and Jon wonders how they ever came to be. Relationships beyond friends aren’t allowed at the institution, but Jon looks past theirs; he’s sure Brendon and Ryan are the only things keeping each other from really falling over the edge.
Jon looks around and notices William and Travis sitting on the top of the hill a little bit away. William has a hold of Travis’ wrist, flings his arm in the air. William’s always been a bit a mover and has his own bit of hyper activeness; Travis is quiet and likes to keep to himself, but somehow they work together and Jon looks past their relationship too. Jon counts six and takes a breath before he realizes that there is no longer six in his group, but seven. Jon looks around frantically, his eyes sweep from the top of the hill to the field, and then his eyes land on the only tree in the yard, and there’s Spencer, sitting underneath it with his knees pulled to his chest. Jon checks that the rest of the group is here; Brendon, Ryan, Patrick, and Pete move over to where William and Travis sit and Jon takes the opportunity to check on Spencer.
Spencer doesn’t lift his eyes when Jon comes over, so Jon sits down next to him so he can keep a close eye on the rest of the group but give Spencer the attention he needs; it’s like having seven kids that all need to be watched and taken care of. “You doing alright, Spencer? I know it’s a big change, coming here,” Jon says and Spencer meekly nods his head, plays with a strand of grass.
“I shouldn’t be here,” Spencer says and rips the piece of grass up. He brings it close to his face and examines it before he allows it to catch on the wind and fly away. Jon bites his lower lip and then shrugs his shoulders. He’s used to this by now, everyone, at first, says they shouldn’t be here. “I’m not crazy,” Spencer says and for the first time that day, Spencer looks at him. Jon realizes that Spencer’s eyes are a crystal clear blue, something he rarely ever sees; Jon can’t tell Spencer that he believes him.
“Jon lives on the outside,” Brendon says at diner when Jon’s handing out their medicine and meals for the night. Group Seven sits at the table closest to the wall, at the very end of the long table while Group Nine sits at the other end. Spencer doesn’t lift his eyes to meet Jon’s, put plays with his mash potatoes. Jon looks to the young boy and then hands Travis his medicine, watches as William takes his potatoes because Travis doesn’t like them.
“He only gets to live out there because he’s not crazy,” William says, his mouth full of mash potatoes. “William,” Jon warns and William shrugs his shoulders, continues to engulf the mash potatoes. Usually, Jon makes sure to give the tall boy more mash potatoes then what everyone else gets, but tonight it slipped his mind.
“If you took your pills, you wouldn’t be crazy, either,” Brendon replies from his seat next to Ryan; somehow the boy’s gotten Jell-O in his hair. Jon grabs a napkin but Ryan beats him to it, uses his own napkin to wipe the Jell-O from Brendon’s dark hair. Ryan smiles at Jon and takes a sip of his apple juice, watches the argument going on between William and Brendon.
“I take my medicine, thank you very much,” William says and points his spoon at Brendon, threateningly. Brendon stares at him, ready to retaliate but Jon clears his throat and hands the two their medicine. Brendon pours the two pills into his mouth and then takes a big swig of his apple juice. He sticks out his tongue to show Jon that he’s swallowed the pills and Jon nods his head, looks to Patrick to check his tongue, and then he looks to William. William won’t meet his eyes but sticks his tongue out anyways, lifts it, and then Jon nods his head. Group Seven are like his children, and Jon must make sure they take their pills or they won’t get ‘better’.
“I’m not crazy,” Spencer mumbles and the whole group turns their heads to look at him. Spencer won’t lift his head, but continues to play with his mash potatoes.
“Spencer Smith has split personality disorder,” Gerard informs him later when Jon’s leaving for home. Jon nods his head and presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek, thinking back to all the events that happened in the day. “He says he’s not crazy,” Jon replies and Gerard lifts his head from the paperwork he's doing. He looks Jon up and down and then shakes his head, returns to his paperwork. “Don’t they all say that?” Gerard asks and Jon nods his head.
“I don’t think he is,” Jon says and Gerard’s pen stops moving. His head lifts with keen interest, his eyes narrow into dangerous slits before he snaps his head back down to the work. “I thought the same thing about Mikey, and look where that’s gotten me,” Gerard finally says, his voice quiet as if it’s wrong to say and Mikey might hear, but Mikey can’t because Mikey’s room is on the floor above this one. Jon feels a bit of guilt about bringing the subject up, but he drops it because he knows there won’t be any apology Gerard will accept.
“I’m going home. All of Group Seven had their medicine and are in their rooms, but you might want to check on Pete and Brendon tonight, they rolled down the hill and got close to the fence today.” Jon stands up from his seat and grabs his keys, shrugs on his jacket and doesn’t look back at Gerard, too scared to do so.
On the way home, Jon can’t help but think back to Spencer Smith and his split personality disorder. Jon’s never worked with someone with a disorder like that, and he’s not sure of Group Seven can cope with it; Jon’s like a parent, always wanting the best for his children.
The next morning, Jon finds Group Seven like he finds them every morning on Wednesdays, still in their rooms sleeping. On Wednesdays, the patients are allowed an extra hour of sleep. Spencer’s room is the first Jon comes to, and he finds the young boy sitting on the floor under the window. Spencer has his knees pulled up to his chest and he’s fiddling with his pajama bottoms. Jon leaves his cart outside the door and comes in.
“Spencer?” Jon says quietly and Spencer lifts his head, smiles at Jon and reaches up to take the cups Jon holds. Jon hands the boy the cups and watches as Spencer takes his medicine. “You’re the first newcomer I’ve seen take their medicine willingly,” Jon comments and smiles because he remembers how hard it was to get Brendon to take his pills; they were shoved down the younger boy’s throat until Ryan showed up and asked him quietly, politely, if he would please take his pills. Brendon takes his pills willingly now, but only if Ryan does so too and with him.
“I’m not crazy so they won’t do anything to me,” Spencer replies with a smile and hands the cups back to Jon. Jon’s smile disappears and he shakes his head. “Come on, we need to wake the rest up,” Jon says and Spencer looks at him wide-eyed before he nods his head and stands up.
“I come with you?” Spencer asks and Jon shrugs his shoulders, leaves the room and places the empty cups on the lower level of the cart. “You’re in Group Seven. Your group might be rowdy, but you’re not seen as any danger, really.” Spencer nods his head and walks beside Jon, his hand holds to the cart as they go down the hallway. “But I’m a danger to society, right?” Spencer asks and Jon stops walking. Spencer looks at him, eyes innocent before he shakes his head. “Never mind, forget it,” Spencer mumbles and then continues to walk, pulling the cart along behind him. Jon watches him for a moment before he catches up and holds onto the cart again.
Pete and Patrick’s room is next and Jon unlocks the door. The sight isn’t unusually; Patrick and Pete are a mess of tangled limbs on Patrick’s bed. They’re not supposed to be sleeping in the same bed, but Jon looks past that because it causes no one any harm; it’s rare that Jon ever finds them in their own beds and then, when he does, Jon has to worry. Jon pushes the cart in this time because Pete and Patrick’s room is much bigger and can fit it.
“Pete, Patrick,” Jon coos and leans forward, pushes at Patrick’s shoulder and Patrick mumbles something in his sleep. “It’s time to get up,” Jon says and this time, Pete mumbles something, but the tattooed boy opens his eyes and stares up at Jon. “What if we don’t want to get up?” Pete asks and Jon shakes his head, laughs and then reaches back to get Pete’s medicine, but Spencer hands it to him. Jon looks at Spencer and Spencer shrugs his shoulders. “They’re labeled,” Spencer says and points to Pete’s name scribbled on the cup. Jon nods his head and then turns back to the tangled mess on the bed. Pete sits up and Patrick finally blinks his eyes open, stares at Jon, and then wraps his arms tighter around Pete’s waist. Pete swallows his medicine, gives the cups back to Jon, and then turns to Patrick.
“It’s Jon, remember, Trick?” Pete says happily and Patrick looks between the three before he slowly nods his head; Patrick keeps his death grip on Pete. Jon hands Patrick’s medicine to Pete, and after a few minutes, Pete’s able to coax the younger boy up and the medicine into his mouth; this time, Jon doesn’t even bother to check his mouth.
Brendon and Ryan are already up when Jon and the rest of Group Seven arrive, but Brendon’s sitting in a corner glaring at Ryan and Ryan’s fidgeting and messing with his hair; Jon tells the rest to stay outside and brings their medicine in by himself. “What’s going on here?” Jon asks and Ryan twitches, the muscles in his cheek spasm before he opens his mouth.
“Brendon says he doesn’t want to take his medicine anymore,” Ryan says quietly like a small child and reaches out for his medicine; Jon hands it to him before looking at Brendon. “Why don’t you want to take your medicine, Bren?” Jon asks and Brendon glares at him, pulls his knees closer to his chest and mumbles something. Jon sighs and then lowers himself to Brendon’s level so he can hear what the younger male is saying.
“I said if Spencer isn’t crazy then I’m not either and I don’t want to take my medicine,” Brendon says and Jon sighs again. “Brenny, Spencer’s - Spencer took his medicine this morning, and so did Ryan, take it for me, please?” Jon begs and Brendon looks at him sideways before taking the medicine a bit forcefully and taking it. Jon blinks and then stands up. Ryan is outside the room, clutching to the cart and Jon helps Brendon stand up.
“We need to get Travis and William and then you guys can take your showers and we’ll watch a movie,” Jon says and he watches as four out of five faces light up; Spencer looks at him like he’s stupid before he starts to pull the cart down the hallway, dragging Ryan along as well.
“Can we watch The Little Mermaid?” Brendon asks beside him and Jon shrugs, wraps an arm around the younger boy’s shoulders and starts to lead him down the hallway.
Travis and William’s room is situated on a different level then everyone else’s; Mikey’s room is just down the hall. The doors on this level are locked like every other level, except they’re locked with more locks and the patients up here are at a higher risk then everyone else. William is fine, but Travis is another story.
Jon tells the others to stand on the other side of the hallway. Everyone is used to this except for Spencer, and since Brendon’s not holding onto Ryan, Spencer does. Jon unlocks the door and pushes it open; he turns on the light and breathes a breath of relief. Sometimes, Jon gets worried when he has to wake Travis and William because, sometimes, Jon worries that he might not find everything in order and how it should be. Travis is alright as long as he takes his medicine, but Jon just can’t help but worry.
Travis and William are as much as a mess as Pete and Patrick were, but when Jon clears his throat William lifts his head and looks at him. William eyes are glazed over, but he pushes himself up, off of Travis’ chest and rubs his eye. Jon looks at him, smiles happily, and then comes closer. He hands William his medicine; William takes it and then collapses back atop of Travis, eyes shutting.
It takes twenty minutes to get the two out of bed, and they trail behind the group. William holds to Travis’ wrist, still rubs his eyes, and pulls the taller male behind him. Travis goes along with William, allows himself to be dragged while the rest walk ahead with Jon, all clutching to the cart or each other.
They take showers in two, even though they’re not supposed to.
Jon really doesn’t care because even though he dislikes the thought, he’s sure they’ve seen each other naked before. Anyways, Jon can’t pull the couples apart without feeling like a piece of shit. Spencer is the only one to take a shower by himself, even though Brendon offers to share Ryan and his’.
“You can join Ryan and I, Spencer, just in case you’re afraid of the tiles,” Brendon says and starts to strip Ryan of his shirt. Ryan can do this by himself, but he goes along with it, allows Brendon to unbutton his shirt and stands patiently.
“No thank you Brendon, I’m not afraid of the tiles, I think I’ll be okay,” Spencer replies with all kindness and then waits for Jon to hand him his towel. Jon does so, and then points to the stall that he’s supposed to use. “Showers are twenty minutes,” Jon mumbles while he helps keep Brendon’s fingers away from Ryan’s waistband, “and if you need anything just call, okay?” Spencer numbly nods his head and then heads off to his own stall. He looks behind and then enters the stall.
“Bren, Ryan can take his own pants off, but wait till your in the stall before you do,” Jon says, finally lets go of Brendon’s hands and Brendon mumbles something before he grabs Ryan’s hand and pulls him into a stall. There’s the sound of shuffling and their clothes are pushed under the stall door, neatly folded. The water starts and Jon picks up their clothes, goes to the large hamper and dumps them in.
William and Travis are the first to finish with their shower and Jon stands back because he knows the two know what to do. Travis gets dressed first, and then he helps William whose still, amazingly, tired; William’s head rests on Travis’ shoulder as Travis pulls his pants up and starts to button his shirt. “I think he’s sick,” Travis says quietly as he spins William around after he’s gotten the shorter boy dressed.
Jon nods his head and bites the inside of his cheek. “I’ll have Hayley check him out while you guys watch your movie,” Jon says and Travis nods his head, an arm wraps around William’s waist possessively. “We’re watching a movie?” He asks and the door to Brendon and Ryan’s stall bursts open.
Brendon comes out, completely naked and he jumps a little. “Yep, yep, we’re watching The Little Mermaid, Travis! The. Little. Mermaid.” Brendon spins around and Jon blows his hair out of his face. He grabs a towel and when Brendon’s half way between a jump and a spin, he somehow manages to wrap the towel around Brendon’s waist. “How many times do I have to tell you to come out with a towel on, Brendon?” Jon says, a bit impatient and Brendon pouts.
“I-I,” Brendon starts, his voice quivers and Jon regrets ever letting his impatient tone slip, “I’m s-sorry. I-I did-dn’t mean t-to.” Brendon stutters through his words and Jon shakes his head, brings the smaller boy to his chest and hugs him.
“No, no, I’m not angry Bren, you just have to consider that other people might not want to see you naked,” Jon says and Brendon stops his shaking. His eyes blink, and then he leans close to whisper in Jon’s ear, “Ryan likes to see me naked.” Jon smiles and then lifts his head, looks to the shy, patient, boy who stands behind the stall door. “Why don’t you bring Ryan a towel,” Jon whispers back and Brendon blinks at him, “you don’t want other people to see him naked, do you?” Brendon gasps and then shakes his head; grabs a towel from the rack and runs back into the stall to give Ryan his.
Pete and Patrick come out later, fully dressed, and Patrick still clings to Pete’s waist; Jon makes a mental note to get Patrick checked out too.
“I heard The Little Mermaid,” Pete says, eyes wide and he looks from face to face before he lands on Jon’s. Jon nods his head, slow, and Travis grumbles something to his left.
“Shutup,” William says back to his mumbling and snuggles himself so he’s permanently pushed against Travis’ side. Travis closes his mouth, but pushes at the tiles with his foot. Jon looks to the two, a small smile on his lips, till he hears the last shower stall turn off. The towel wraps around Spencer like a vice as he looks from face to face; Jon notices the faint blush on his cheeks.
“They’ll turn their backs while you get changed,” Jon says and directs the others to turn away; Brendon looks at him with a pout on his face before he wraps his arms around Ryan’s neck. Spencer stands still, looks at Jon, and then to the tile. Jon’s not exactly sure what’s wrong with the young boy, and then it clicks in the back of his head, gears turn and he nods his head. “I can’t turn around, I have to watch you,” he says and Spencer’s cheeks turn a darker shade of red. It takes a few seconds, and then Jon realizes the implications of his words and he shakes his head, laughs a little and puts his hands up in defense. “No, no. Not like that. I have to - I have to make sure you don’t do anything.” Spencer still blushes but nods his head and allows Jon to hand over his clothes. The towel drops from Spencer’s shaky hands and lands on the floor, the water from the shower soaks into the material and Spencer pushes it forward with his foot before he struggles to get the issued underwear on. Jon tries not to look at the expanse of smooth, hairless, skin that covers Spencer’s chest and arms; he tries not to look at the tinted pigments that dot his cheeks. Jon doesn’t allow his eyes to drop below Spencer’s waist.
When Spencer’s fully dressed, quicker then Jon’s ever seen a patient dress before, Jon allows the rest of the group to turn around. He watches as their eyes, from light brown to a mixture of honey and blue, sweep over the newcomer before they dot to him. Jon gives them all the loving, fatherly, smile he’s always used on them and Jon watches as emotions turn from confused, frightened, angry, to calm and collected.
“We’ll eat breakfast while we watch The Little Mermaid,” Jon says and watches as Brendon’s dark brown eyes light up in excitement. Travis rolls his eyes, mutters his disagreement before he moves his head out of the way of William’s attempt to slap him outside the head. William’s woken up in the past few minutes and Jon lets out a breath of relief, sure, now, that William was just tired and there was nothing looming in the twenty-two-year old’s mind that could cause him more problems then already served on his plate.
Jon ushers the group out of the shower area and into the TV room, where they all take their places in their respective seats. Brendon, Ryan, Travis, and William somehow always smash their bodies together on the couch that’s placed directly in front of the television. Brendon always stays awake during movies, Travis as well, but Ryan and William usually fall asleep, curled towards each other or to their respective partners. Pete and Patrick somehow arrange themselves so they’re in the recliner; Pete in Patrick’s lap or Patrick in Pete’s lap. Today, Patrick sits in Pete’s lap, legs thrown over the arm of the recliner, eyes glued to the screen as Jon presses play.
And Spencer, Spencer just stands in the back, his eyes switch from person to person, unsure of where he’s supposed to be. Jon watches as he plays with the hem of his shirt and twiddles his thumbs together. “Spencer,” Jon says and Spencer’s head snaps dangerously in his direction, eyes innocent, cautious. "Help me pass out breakfast and then you can come sit with me.” Jon sits by himself a little bit away from the group at a table. Here, he usually goes through whatever paperwork must be filled out, or simply watches whatever movie they’ve chosen from a distance. Spencer nods his head and then looks around, still unsure till the large, blue, metal, doors they came through before open up and Maja comes in, wheeling a cart with assorted breakfast choices.
“Walker,” Maja says and Jon watches as she comes closer and then stops a good foot away from him. ".e glad I have no patients at this hour or I wouldn’t be doing this for you.” Maja puts the break on the cart and then spreads her arms out, presenting the food. Jon smiles at her, charm on his lips, and she rolls her eyes before they move to Group Seven who watch the TV with the most intent. “They don’t even know I’m here,” Maja says and then moves so she stands in front of the television. There’s a collective group gasp and Jon smiles as he watches Group Seven look at Maja with bewilderment; William is the first to snap out of it and attaches himself to the pretty woman.
“Maja,” William says and Maja kisses his cheek before she disentangles herself to give Patrick a kiss. Maja goes through each and every one, kisses their cheeks or their foreheads, before she moves away from the television; it only takes a few seconds for Group Seven to become entranced by the movie.
Spencer stands to the side, fingers melded together, cautious and nervous, unsure of what to do in the presence of Maja. Jon watches him with a ping in his heart before he grabs Spencer’s wrist gently and pushes him forward in Maja’s direction. “Maja, this is Spencer, he’s new to Group Seven,” Jon explains and Maja nods her head, sticks her hand out from her coat pocket and Spencer takes it. Maja shakes his hand lightly before she pulls Spencer close and kisses his cheek. “Please, don’t be shy Spencer, I’m sure we’ll be seeing more of each soon,” Maja kisses his cheek again and Jon watches as Spencer’s cheeks light up in a ray of crimson red. Maja smiles delicately and then kisses Jon’s cheeks. “Watch that one,” she says, a whisper against Jon’s ear and Jon watches her eyes dart to Spencer."There’s something different about him.” Jon wants to ask aren’t they all crazy? But he bites his tongue and nods his head; watches Maja pull the cart behind her and leave.
When Jon turns back Spencer already sits at the table, his hands flat against the tabletop. Group Seven still sits engrossed by The Little Mermaid, and Jon can hear Brendon start to hum part of whatever song they’re on; Jon thinks it’s ‘Part of Your World’, but he can never be too sure with Disney movies (all Disney songs tend to be generic and sound alike to Jon). Jon sits down next to Spencer so he can still watch the group and decides to ignore the fact that Spencer shifts his chair over, just a little.
“I’m not crazy,” Spencer mumbles, his face in his palms. Jon looks at him, eyes wide before he shakes his head and leans against the table with his chin in his palm. “That’s what they all say, Spencer,” Jon says and Spencer turns his head to look at him. His eyes narrow before he shakes his head and allows his eyes to land on the screen.
Jon doesn’t get the point of Holiday Cards because none of Group Seven’s cards ever get sent, and it’s not because the institution doesn’t want to spend money on stamps, it’s because Group Seven’s families gave up on them long ago. But they sit there anyways, red, green, and white paper spread out on the table; the colors of Christmas. Spencer sits to his left while Pete sits to his right, and Jon watches as Spencer scribbles on a red piece of paper.
“Jon, Jon,” Brendon says and Jon lifts his eyes from Spencer’s paper to the hyperactive boy who sits across from him. Brendon bounces in his seat and Jon can’t help but notice that Brendon’s managed to get all the colors of the rainbow on his clothes. “Are you going to make a Christmas card too?” Brendon draws a circle on his piece of paper, his tongue sticks out the side of his mouth, and Jon can’t help but notice how much of a child Brendon resembles. Jon starts to shake his head but Spencer takes a white piece of paper, folds it, and then places it in front of him with a black marker. Jon looks down at the piece of paper and then to Spencer’s face and he can’t tell the younger boy no. Jon starts to write out ‘Merry Christmas’, slowly so it will be neat, and to waste time. Soon enough Jon knows they’ll grow tired of this and will want something else to do. Working here is like working at a play school, or a nursery; you try to distract them as long as you can, but you can’t stay on a task too long or they’ll become bored - you move from task to task giving each task its respective amount of time.
“Mom said she’ll come and visit me,” Spencer says and the room goes quiet; people always promise to come visit but they never do. Group Seven, and Jon, have gotten used to these useless promises, but they don’t say anything, just continue with their own cards. “Are we allowed presents?” Spencer asks and he lifts his eyes from his paper and looks from face to face; none of his fellow group members will look at him. Spencer’s eyes finally land on Jon, small, worried, scared. Jon nods his head, slow, and Spencer looks from face to face again before he returns his cerulean eyes to his piece of paper.
“Don’t forget to make a card for Maja,” Jon says to fill the silence that overwhelms their table.
Jon’s prepared himself for this night quite well considering the circumstances.
“She-She didn’t come,” Spencer says and he pulls on his tshirt, rips the fabric and Jon grips the younger boy’s wrists, brings his hands to his chest. “She promised she would come.” Tears roll down Spencer’s cute, pudgy, cheeks and Jon makes the most soothing noises he can possibly ever make. All of them are like his children, and Jon must comfort them in anyway he can. Today, tonight, tomorrow - all the way until the first day of the new year he has to watch them all carefully. Jon takes a deep breath and then drops Spencer’s wrist, brings him into his lap and against his chest. Spencer clings to his shirt, stains the white fabric with his tears and Jon smooths out the hair that’s stuck to his face from his tears.
“Am I crazy?” Spencer asks and Jon watches as his eyes expand and grow wide. “She didn’t come because she thinks I’m crazy.” Spencer’s grip in his shirt tightens and tugs and Jon shakes his head.
“Sometimes, the people who love us the most mean us the most harm,” Jon says and Spencer nods his head as if he understands but Jon doesn’t think he does - Spencer just needs something to cling to. Spencer’s eyes catch the dim light coming from the hall and he buries his head into the crook of Jon’s neck; Jon doesn’t mind hiding the boy from the world. “I don’t mean to be crazy,” Spencer says, voice muffled and quiet against Jon’s neck. Jon rocks slowly, tries to comfort the boy the best he can.
“No one really means to be anything, Spencer,” Jon says and Spencer pulls his head back. His eyes glimmer and then his head turns towards the door. Jon watches as something passes over the cerulean eyes before Spencer’s gaze meets his. “Let’s not mean to be anything, together,” Spencer says and Jon shakes his head, pushes Spencer gently so he’s not sitting on his lap and tucks a strand of dark hair behind the young boy’s ear. Spencer looks at him, eyes wide and Jon can’t take it anymore. He stands up, tries to ignore Spencer’s eyes on him, and then exists the room. He can hear Spencer moving in there but Jon locks the door and tries to push what he said to the back of his mind, into a file that he’s labeled ‘never think of again’. Jon thinks, that maybe, after all these years, he’s starting to get a little crazy too.
“You made Spencer cry.”
It’s rare that Ryan ever says anything. Jon’s sure that Ryan has a lot to say (he sees the boys mind ticking away behind honey-brown eyes and Jon knows he’s going over every situation and it’s consequences - Ryan always says things at the right moment), but the boy keeps to himself; Jon’s pretty sure that he has conversations late at night with Brendon, though. They’re out in the field and instead of being with Brendon, Ryan sits beside Jon, his eyes downcast to his hands balled in his lap. Jon looks to Ryan and then looks outwards, towards the said boy who sits under the only tree in the yard.
“I didn’t mean to,” Jon says and Ryan bites his lower lip; Ryan holds back saying the things he finds most important, and instead, waits for another place in time to say them. But this time, Ryan does say something and Jon worries that the boy is sick. “People don’t mean to do a lot of things,” Ryan replies, voice quiet and body shaking. He looks out as well, and Jon’s not sure if he’s looking at Spencer, or too Brendon - he might even be looking out at the distance where the little town of Hagar, Nevada sits. “Brendon didn’t mean to kill her, either,” Ryan says and his body shakes in a violent spasm before it calms; Jon can’t see his eyes under the shadow his bangs create. It’s rare that any of Group Seven speak about the things that landed them here, and it’s even rarer that they speak about each other’s actions. Jon’s pretty sure that they’ve confided in each other, but unlike some families, they like to keep it locked between them; Jon knows what they’ve done because he’s read the reports. “She-She hurt him and the voices - the voices told him that it was okay to hurt her back. He didn’t mean to kill her, he just meant to show her how he felt.” Jon looks to the quiet boy and then allows his eyes to travel across the expanse of green grass. They land on Spencer, small, delicate, confused, Spencer who sits with his knees to his chest and his hand buried in the grass that no one bothered to cut. Jon knows what Spencer did; Jon knows he doesn’t deserve to be here.
“What do you think I should do?” He asks and hears Ryan shift beside him before Ryan’s face is before his, the boy’s eyes as quiet as his voice. “Apologize to Spencer first,” Ryan says and then he stands all the way up, bones pop, and Jon gives him a small smile. "And then - and then you get out of here too.” Jon looks to the younger boy quizzically and Ryan shakes his head before he points to the gate. “You know he doesn’t want to be here and you don’t want to be here too.” Jon doesn’t reply but Ryan leans back down and kisses his forehead, lips surprisingly moist unlike what Jon thought they were - chapped. Jon watches his retreating figure as he joins Brendon in the small patch of wild flowers that grow randomly on the field.
That night, Jon doesn’t stop by Spencer’s room first like usual, but starts with William and Travis. When he’s saying goodnight, William grabs him and kisses everywhere his small lips can kiss and surprisingly, Travis gives him a kiss on the cheek too (and it’s rare, extremely rare, that the tall boy will show any sign of affection towards anyone but William and Jon starts to worry, starts to worry deeply that there’s something terribly, terribly, wrong with his children) before he nestles down in the covers with William. William gives him this look, this funny look that seems to say goodbye before Jon closes the door and locks it. Pete and Patrick are different, weird, too. Patrick clings to Jon, clings longer then he usually does and Pete has to literally rip his fingers away from Jon’s arms. Patrick protests, loudly, that he doesn’t want Jon to go away but Pete calms him. Pete kisses Jon’s knuckles, his palms, and then his lips before he gives Jon the same look William gave. Brendon’s been crying - crying violently and dangerously as though he’s going to be sick and he kisses Jon’s ears and tells him he loves him. Jon, of course, whispers it back and makes a mental note to throw a group meeting tomorrow to figure out what’s going on. But Ryan, small, quiet, Ryan gives him a small smile before he shuts the door.
When Jon opens the door to Spencer’s room, he finds Spencer up, dressed in his day clothes and Jon’s about to tell him to change before something clicks. Spencer looks at him, eyes wet and delicate like he’s been crying too, and then Jon grabs his hand and pulls him out the door on instinct. And Jon - Jon’s not sure of what the fuck he’s doing, and a little part of him is screaming to put Spencer back, to not turn off the surveillance system. A part of him is screaming that this so utterly wrong and they’ll be caught eventually, but they make it to Jon’s old ’92 Volvo without incident.
Spencer sits next to him in the passenger seat and doesn’t even look back at the place that he’s called him for the past month or so; Jon so desperately wants to, but he knows if he does then he’ll turn the car right around.
“Where are we going?” Spencer asks and Jon reaches behind them at a stoplight to grab his jacket out of the backseat; Spencer takes it and Jon watches as the boy becomes lost in it. Jon takes a deep breath, taps his fingers against the steering wheel before deciding to take a left and head towards L.A. - San Diego, anywhere out of Nevada. “To a place where we can not mean to be anything, together,” Jon replies and Spencer nods his head.
“What if we get caught?”
Jon looks to Spencer, and then smiles. “We won’t,” Jon says and turns up the volume as Summer of ’98 starts to play, “and if we ever do, we’ll end up back with Group Seven.” Spencer’s face goes blank, and then his lips turn up into a smile. He reaches over, grabs Jon’s hand and squeezes lightly. Jon swallows and wipes the sweat from his brow before turning onto the highway and heading towards L.A.; tomorrow morning, he’ll book the tickets for the place farthest away from the United States as they can get. “Am I crazy?” Spencer asks and Jon nods his head. Spencer looks at him, eyes wild, scared, and Jon laughs. “I’m crazy too,” Jon says and Spencer’s laugh joins his.
And Jon - Jon knows he’s incredibly crazy for this and they’ll get caught soon; they’ll be all over the newspaper, the television, the Internet. There’s no way they’ll get outside the States, and Jon’s not even sure they’ll even get past the state border.
Fin.
I have school tomorrow, dammit.