sandcastles [2/2]
Maybe eight glasses of champagne wasn’t the greatest idea.
Was it even eight? Junhyung has lost count after the fifth one. His vision became hazy as he looked around, his eyes threatening to close at any minute.
“Yong Junhyung. How many fingers am I holding up?” Doojoon asked him, waving his fingers in front him.
“Two times two is fifteen,” he slurred his words, loosening the bowtie around his neck.
“He’s a goner, folks,” Doojoon announced. “Who wants to drop our Yong PD off?”
“I’ll do it.” Yoseob raised his hand before moving swiftly to put Junhyung’s arm around his shoulders, walking with him slowly. Their feet were clumsy as they walked in silence, their steps hitting the marbled floor as they made their way out of the reception hall.
“You’re… you’re a really cool guy, you know that?” Junhyung broke the silence, his words slurred as he leaned against the other’s shoulder.
Yoseob laughed. “I know, Junhyung, I know. Now why can’t you tell me this when you’re sober?”
They stayed silent for a moment as Yoseob stepped onto the streets to call a taxi.
“I love you,” Junhyung blurted out, his arm tightening around Yoseob’s waist.
“I love you too, Yong PD,” he replied nonchalantly, waving for the taxi to come closer.
“No. Listen to me.” Junhyung stabilized himself on his feet, holding onto Yoseob’s shoulders and looking at him straight in the eye. “I love you like I used to.”
Yoseob blinked. Once, twice. Junhyung watched the flutter of Yoseob’s eyelashes, fascinated by how they could be so long and he was suddenly taken back to the times when they used to gently tickle his cheek.
“...You are soooooooooooooo drunk,” Yoseob laughed, snapping Junhyung out of his drunken hallucinations. Yoseob, the corners of his lips still turnt up and his cheeks flushed slightly, he reached up to ruffle Junhyung’s hair -- the touch familiar but his insides feel like crashing waves.
“....And balding, I think. Maybe it was all the bleach,” Yoseob continued to joke, as he wrapped Junhyung’s arm around his shoulders. He handed the taxi driver a couple of bills before trying to shove his friend into the taxi, but Junhyung refused to get in by sticking his foot in the open door.
“Shut up,” Junhyung murmured, struggling to get himself out of the taxi, his hands pressing firmly on Yoseob’s arms. “Shut up.”
It didn’t take long for Junhyung to press his lips against Yoseob’s.
It was exactly how he remembered it to be, soft and moulding against his own, like his lips were crafted to be pressed against Yoseob’s forever. His hand moved up to hold the other at the back of his neck, his other hand cupping his face. He tasted like everything Junhyung remembered him to be -- plus the sweetness of the champagne they had earlier.
“Junhyung,” Yoseob breathed out. He put his hands on the other’s chest and pushed him away. Junhyung winced, knowing what words would come next. The possibilities started to ring in his head, his ears buzzing from the alcohol. I can’t. I have a girlfriend. Let’s be friends. Let’s do it for the press. Let’s do it for the members, the fans. We had something but it’s no longer there.
“Thank you,” Yoseob whispered instead, his chin resting on the other’s shoulder.
“Thank you for loving me."
-----
“Thank you for loving me.” Yoseob smiled as he read off the cue card.
He turned to face his bride, his eyes bright and his smile so wide it was blinding. “I know I lack in a lot of things but thank you for choosing to spend the rest of your life with me.”
Junhyung sat in the wedding hall with the rest of the members, his expression dazed. The very words Yoseob used to say to him were being said to someone else now, along with whispers of “good morning” and soft kisses.
Yoseob’s vows to his bride were lingers of strange familiarity to Junhyung; the only difference was that one was more sincere than the other.
Junhyung was convinced that Yoseob was the one for him, but Yoseob couldn’t say the same about him.
-----
“I’m getting married.” Yoseob announced six months earlier, smiling as he pulled up a picture of his girl- well, now fiancée, with a blinding smile as bright as the stone on her left finger. Yoseob’s eyes sparkle as he delivers the news -- an expression Junhyung has yet learned how to recreate.
“Holy shit,” Hyunseung was the first to speak, temporarily forgetting his daughter on his lap.
“You?” Kikwang pointed to the picture of his girlfriend -- and then back at Yoseob, his mouth dropping in shock. Yoseob only smiled brightly with a nod.
“Me.”
The atmosphere turned cold.
“Aren’t you guys going to say congratulations?” Yoseob laughed, breaking the iciness in the air. “You guys were sooooo happy when Hyunseung got married a year ago. I’m hurt, guys.” he pouted, his shoulders slumping.
“I-” Dongwoon started to speak, looking between the rest of the members to assess the situation. “Nobody bet that you’d get married second, hyung.”
-----
“You don’t have to do this.” Junhyung’s plea was desperate as he held onto Yoseob’s wrist. Since when did it feel so small like he could snap it at any second? Since when was it so unfamiliar, the coldness of his hand refusing to melt away with the warmth?
“And what, Junhyung.” Yoseob turned around, his eyes cold, his tongue spitting venom.
“I love you,” Junhyung managed to choke out, his grip still tight around the other’s wrist
Yoseob lets go of his hand.
“That’s not enough.”
Junhyung blinked as he watched Yoseob walk away. The sight of his back was becoming too familiar as it carved itself onto his brain.
“Yang Yoseob!” he yelled out, running after the other. He wasted no time pulling him into his arms. “I love you,” he murmured, his grip tight around the other. “I love you. What else can I say? What else do you want me to say? Say it and I’m yours. I’ll be yours forever. I’ll wait for you.”
“There’s nothing you can do, Junhyung,” Yoseob replied, his eyes brimming with tears as he looked into Junhyung’s eyes.
How many times have Junhyung made Yoseob cry that he has gotten to this point? He prayed silently, promising that he would take back all the tears he had caused, that he would cry ten times over for the other.
But Yoseob’s next few words hit him like daggers.
“I love her.”
-----
“I don’t think I like being in love with you anymore,” Yoseob murmured as he absently traced his fingers over Junhyung’s hand.
A small smile played on Junhyung’s lips as he smoothed back the soft copper of his lover's hair. “Why’s that?” He asked, not really expecting an answer -- it was one of those things Yoseob said out of the blue sometimes, searching for reassurance of how much Junhyung loved him.
Yoseob stayed silent as his attention shifted to the drama rerun on the television. The man on the screen was sitting on his couch, waiting for his lover to return from a business trip.
“Hm. Maybe one day we’ll just absently stare at the door waiting for the other to come back,” he commented, leaning his head against Junhyung’s chest.
“I’ll always come back for you,” Junhyung replied, pressing a soft kiss against Yoseob’s forehead.
At times like this, Yoseob would silently whisper 'okay' and everything would go back the way it used to be -- Junhyung's arm resting on Yoseob's slender shoulders, Yoseob's head resting on his chest, feeling thudding heartbeat against his own.
Yoseob just needed reminders, and Junhyung was glad to give them to him; packaged in gentle touches, forehead kisses and honeyed words.
He was the sandcastle torn down by waves, that Junhyung rebuilt the next day.
But this time, Yoseob didn’t reply.
-----
Junhyung was awakened by a notification on his phone.
He looked around. He had fallen asleep at his studio again. Junhyung rubbed the back of his neck and reminded himself to stop doing that, his body was no longer as young as it used to be.
His phone read 6:00am.
"Who the fuck sends a text at 6:00am?" Junhyung thought to himself as he unlocked his phone.
He was greeted by a photo of a smile that he couldn’t recreate and an equally bright smile, with Hawaii’s sun and the ocean as the backdrop.
Yang Yoseob: Jealous? ㅋㅋㅋㅋ I love Hawaii, I’m never coming back. (Dancing)
Yoon Doojoon: Yah. Yang Yoseob, you have a job here. (Angry)
Son Dongwoon: Take me too next time, hyung!! (Wow)
Jang Hyunseung: Don’t show Hyuna this picture, she’s going to start complaining that she wants to go.
Lee Kikwang: Are there any cute girls there? I’m going to book my flight right now.
Yang Yoseob: Yah, Lee Kikwang, don’t follow me here-
Junhyung watched the numbers next to the texts disappear as a small smile appeared on his face. The emptiness that he used to feel was no longer there as he typed out a message, as if it was a comfortable exchange between old friends.
Yong Junhyung: Make me a sandcastle.
He’s no longer building castles for himself.
He’s no longer waiting.
Was it even eight? Junhyung has lost count after the fifth one. His vision became hazy as he looked around, his eyes threatening to close at any minute.
“Yong Junhyung. How many fingers am I holding up?” Doojoon asked him, waving his fingers in front him.
“Two times two is fifteen,” he slurred his words, loosening the bowtie around his neck.
“He’s a goner, folks,” Doojoon announced. “Who wants to drop our Yong PD off?”
“I’ll do it.” Yoseob raised his hand before moving swiftly to put Junhyung’s arm around his shoulders, walking with him slowly. Their feet were clumsy as they walked in silence, their steps hitting the marbled floor as they made their way out of the reception hall.
“You’re… you’re a really cool guy, you know that?” Junhyung broke the silence, his words slurred as he leaned against the other’s shoulder.
Yoseob laughed. “I know, Junhyung, I know. Now why can’t you tell me this when you’re sober?”
They stayed silent for a moment as Yoseob stepped onto the streets to call a taxi.
“I love you,” Junhyung blurted out, his arm tightening around Yoseob’s waist.
“I love you too, Yong PD,” he replied nonchalantly, waving for the taxi to come closer.
“No. Listen to me.” Junhyung stabilized himself on his feet, holding onto Yoseob’s shoulders and looking at him straight in the eye. “I love you like I used to.”
Yoseob blinked. Once, twice. Junhyung watched the flutter of Yoseob’s eyelashes, fascinated by how they could be so long and he was suddenly taken back to the times when they used to gently tickle his cheek.
“...You are soooooooooooooo drunk,” Yoseob laughed, snapping Junhyung out of his drunken hallucinations. Yoseob, the corners of his lips still turnt up and his cheeks flushed slightly, he reached up to ruffle Junhyung’s hair -- the touch familiar but his insides feel like crashing waves.
“....And balding, I think. Maybe it was all the bleach,” Yoseob continued to joke, as he wrapped Junhyung’s arm around his shoulders. He handed the taxi driver a couple of bills before trying to shove his friend into the taxi, but Junhyung refused to get in by sticking his foot in the open door.
“Shut up,” Junhyung murmured, struggling to get himself out of the taxi, his hands pressing firmly on Yoseob’s arms. “Shut up.”
It didn’t take long for Junhyung to press his lips against Yoseob’s.
It was exactly how he remembered it to be, soft and moulding against his own, like his lips were crafted to be pressed against Yoseob’s forever. His hand moved up to hold the other at the back of his neck, his other hand cupping his face. He tasted like everything Junhyung remembered him to be -- plus the sweetness of the champagne they had earlier.
“Junhyung,” Yoseob breathed out. He put his hands on the other’s chest and pushed him away. Junhyung winced, knowing what words would come next. The possibilities started to ring in his head, his ears buzzing from the alcohol. I can’t. I have a girlfriend. Let’s be friends. Let’s do it for the press. Let’s do it for the members, the fans. We had something but it’s no longer there.
“Thank you,” Yoseob whispered instead, his chin resting on the other’s shoulder.
“Thank you for loving me."
-----
“Thank you for loving me.” Yoseob smiled as he read off the cue card.
He turned to face his bride, his eyes bright and his smile so wide it was blinding. “I know I lack in a lot of things but thank you for choosing to spend the rest of your life with me.”
Junhyung sat in the wedding hall with the rest of the members, his expression dazed. The very words Yoseob used to say to him were being said to someone else now, along with whispers of “good morning” and soft kisses.
Yoseob’s vows to his bride were lingers of strange familiarity to Junhyung; the only difference was that one was more sincere than the other.
Junhyung was convinced that Yoseob was the one for him, but Yoseob couldn’t say the same about him.
-----
“I’m getting married.” Yoseob announced six months earlier, smiling as he pulled up a picture of his girl- well, now fiancée, with a blinding smile as bright as the stone on her left finger. Yoseob’s eyes sparkle as he delivers the news -- an expression Junhyung has yet learned how to recreate.
“Holy shit,” Hyunseung was the first to speak, temporarily forgetting his daughter on his lap.
“You?” Kikwang pointed to the picture of his girlfriend -- and then back at Yoseob, his mouth dropping in shock. Yoseob only smiled brightly with a nod.
“Me.”
The atmosphere turned cold.
“Aren’t you guys going to say congratulations?” Yoseob laughed, breaking the iciness in the air. “You guys were sooooo happy when Hyunseung got married a year ago. I’m hurt, guys.” he pouted, his shoulders slumping.
“I-” Dongwoon started to speak, looking between the rest of the members to assess the situation. “Nobody bet that you’d get married second, hyung.”
-----
“You don’t have to do this.” Junhyung’s plea was desperate as he held onto Yoseob’s wrist. Since when did it feel so small like he could snap it at any second? Since when was it so unfamiliar, the coldness of his hand refusing to melt away with the warmth?
“And what, Junhyung.” Yoseob turned around, his eyes cold, his tongue spitting venom.
“I love you,” Junhyung managed to choke out, his grip still tight around the other’s wrist
Yoseob lets go of his hand.
“That’s not enough.”
Junhyung blinked as he watched Yoseob walk away. The sight of his back was becoming too familiar as it carved itself onto his brain.
“Yang Yoseob!” he yelled out, running after the other. He wasted no time pulling him into his arms. “I love you,” he murmured, his grip tight around the other. “I love you. What else can I say? What else do you want me to say? Say it and I’m yours. I’ll be yours forever. I’ll wait for you.”
“There’s nothing you can do, Junhyung,” Yoseob replied, his eyes brimming with tears as he looked into Junhyung’s eyes.
How many times have Junhyung made Yoseob cry that he has gotten to this point? He prayed silently, promising that he would take back all the tears he had caused, that he would cry ten times over for the other.
But Yoseob’s next few words hit him like daggers.
“I love her.”
-----
“I don’t think I like being in love with you anymore,” Yoseob murmured as he absently traced his fingers over Junhyung’s hand.
A small smile played on Junhyung’s lips as he smoothed back the soft copper of his lover's hair. “Why’s that?” He asked, not really expecting an answer -- it was one of those things Yoseob said out of the blue sometimes, searching for reassurance of how much Junhyung loved him.
Yoseob stayed silent as his attention shifted to the drama rerun on the television. The man on the screen was sitting on his couch, waiting for his lover to return from a business trip.
“Hm. Maybe one day we’ll just absently stare at the door waiting for the other to come back,” he commented, leaning his head against Junhyung’s chest.
“I’ll always come back for you,” Junhyung replied, pressing a soft kiss against Yoseob’s forehead.
At times like this, Yoseob would silently whisper 'okay' and everything would go back the way it used to be -- Junhyung's arm resting on Yoseob's slender shoulders, Yoseob's head resting on his chest, feeling thudding heartbeat against his own.
Yoseob just needed reminders, and Junhyung was glad to give them to him; packaged in gentle touches, forehead kisses and honeyed words.
He was the sandcastle torn down by waves, that Junhyung rebuilt the next day.
But this time, Yoseob didn’t reply.
-----
Junhyung was awakened by a notification on his phone.
He looked around. He had fallen asleep at his studio again. Junhyung rubbed the back of his neck and reminded himself to stop doing that, his body was no longer as young as it used to be.
His phone read 6:00am.
"Who the fuck sends a text at 6:00am?" Junhyung thought to himself as he unlocked his phone.
He was greeted by a photo of a smile that he couldn’t recreate and an equally bright smile, with Hawaii’s sun and the ocean as the backdrop.
Yang Yoseob: Jealous? ㅋㅋㅋㅋ I love Hawaii, I’m never coming back. (Dancing)
Yoon Doojoon: Yah. Yang Yoseob, you have a job here. (Angry)
Son Dongwoon: Take me too next time, hyung!! (Wow)
Jang Hyunseung: Don’t show Hyuna this picture, she’s going to start complaining that she wants to go.
Lee Kikwang: Are there any cute girls there? I’m going to book my flight right now.
Yang Yoseob: Yah, Lee Kikwang, don’t follow me here-
Junhyung watched the numbers next to the texts disappear as a small smile appeared on his face. The emptiness that he used to feel was no longer there as he typed out a message, as if it was a comfortable exchange between old friends.
Yong Junhyung: Make me a sandcastle.
He’s no longer building castles for himself.
He’s no longer waiting.