This is what happens when work e-mail goes awry.
J (a good friend): When you get the chance you should check out my new tent!! It is the Marmot Halo 4. Totally bad ass!! Totally.
Me: It is difficult for me to discern which tents are badass and which aren't. They all look improbable to me, like newborn foals. And orange. Newborn orange foals.
J: You don't know what you are talking about. This tent is super-human! No word of a lie. It saves babies and reverses global warming.
Me: I don't think it was human to begin with, so I question claims of its super-humanity. But tents probably would reverse global warming, if we all lived in them forever more. This would have the opposite effect of saving babies, however, as babies are known to be peskily susceptible to the elements.
J: Ah yes but you have forgotten the power of fresh air and sleeping under the stars has on people's interest in creating babies. So sure some babies may freeze or overheat or be eaten by wild cougars but they will be replaced by happy frisky tent sleepers. In summary, tents and babies are a team.
Me: Sounds to me like your tent plan will just result in yet more planetary overcrowing. So much for being environment-friendly! Besides, all those babies gotta poop, and get poop washed offa them, /somewhere/. And, crowded all together like a bunch of sardines inside orange newborn-foal structures as we would be, that somewhere would probably end up being our drinking supply. Stupid poopy babies contaminating the drinking water. Yeah that sounds like nirvana all right.
J: You've put too much time into this. It is kind of impressive.
Me: It is difficult for me to discern which tents are badass and which aren't. They all look improbable to me, like newborn foals. And orange. Newborn orange foals.
J: You don't know what you are talking about. This tent is super-human! No word of a lie. It saves babies and reverses global warming.
Me: I don't think it was human to begin with, so I question claims of its super-humanity. But tents probably would reverse global warming, if we all lived in them forever more. This would have the opposite effect of saving babies, however, as babies are known to be peskily susceptible to the elements.
J: Ah yes but you have forgotten the power of fresh air and sleeping under the stars has on people's interest in creating babies. So sure some babies may freeze or overheat or be eaten by wild cougars but they will be replaced by happy frisky tent sleepers. In summary, tents and babies are a team.
Me: Sounds to me like your tent plan will just result in yet more planetary overcrowing. So much for being environment-friendly! Besides, all those babies gotta poop, and get poop washed offa them, /somewhere/. And, crowded all together like a bunch of sardines inside orange newborn-foal structures as we would be, that somewhere would probably end up being our drinking supply. Stupid poopy babies contaminating the drinking water. Yeah that sounds like nirvana all right.
J: You've put too much time into this. It is kind of impressive.