a revelation

[garrisonwithaz]

I finally figured it out. I finally know why I am so insecure and worried that I am gonna lose everyone. I have abandonment issues. It all goes back to my dad. He left me, never even makes an attempt to see me, if my own father can do it, my own blood, then how can i trust that everyone won't do the same. It happened again, i was in love,

Comments

[humanemotion]

i'm sorry. i have the same deep abandonment thing. i don't want to get too personal but, my dad left me and my mom. when i was six years old. i remember everything, like my mom crying in the dining room table, me wondering where my dad was on christmas. it's all so sad. and it doesn't leave. my dad IS in my life NOW but he wasn't for years. it's still hard. the pain is still there. no matter how much he says he's sorry, it hurts. and a lot of people can relate it to this.

if you need to cope with this, or yell at your dad/meet him or find a reason, do that. but you can't be like "i was abandoned", so that's why you smoke pot or do other "bad" things. i mean, what do you mean when you say something is wrong with you? i am assuming drugs, you tell me. but, think about it too gary. i don't mean to be all negative but, sometimes you abandon people too. by not picking up your phone when they call, or ditching them or whatever (not that you do it a lot, but it has happened). i'm only saying this cuz if you don't want to have those issues, or be like your dad, then don't.

[humanemotion]

ugh i forgot to continue: like, it's up to you. how you want to be, who you want to be, what you want to do, how you treat people. don't let your abandonment affect that. feel me? love ya!

[garrisonwithaz]

when i wrote this i wasnt wasnt using it as an excuse for why i do anything. i was just saying that i think that this is the reason i am so insecure about everything. im not trying to justify anything, just saying i realize now why i feel the way i do sometimes. And i realize i have ignored peoples calls, and other things like that, but to me that is not abandonment, abandoning is complete. its not just a one time thing.. its like forever. i just think that this is why i get so insecure. i always think everyone is just gonna leave me alone in the end. thats all im saying kitty =]