Incredible Abilities
I have the incredible ability to NOT initiate conversations.
I have the incredible ability to NOT be heard when I do try.
I have the incredible ability to leave a place after ONE failed attempt at having a good time.
I have the incredible ability to get depressed for recognizing a weakness that I do not fix.
I have the incredible ability to give up when I don't really want to.
I don't get depressed like I used to. I used to sit around and be depressed because "no one loves me" or because "no one understands me" or because "no one will listen to me." It was a self-pity depression. But now, now that I have a better understanding of myself and my life, my depression is different. It is a self-hate depression. It doesn't leave me crying, but leaves me in immense internal pain. It makes me feel lost, but lost in a maze which I created, a maze in which I know the way out, a maze in which I choose to be lost and stuck in anguish. And that only makes it worse.
I'm tired. I have a headache. I should go to bed. But I don't want to go to bed, not like this. Not like this. I want to go out, and have fun. But how? It's a tuesday night. 1:30AM on a tuesday night. The only place I can go is the place I just left. And I can't go back.
So I'm stuck, in my maze, lost and in anguish, for no reason at all.
I have the incredible ability to NOT be heard when I do try.
I have the incredible ability to leave a place after ONE failed attempt at having a good time.
I have the incredible ability to get depressed for recognizing a weakness that I do not fix.
I have the incredible ability to give up when I don't really want to.
I don't get depressed like I used to. I used to sit around and be depressed because "no one loves me" or because "no one understands me" or because "no one will listen to me." It was a self-pity depression. But now, now that I have a better understanding of myself and my life, my depression is different. It is a self-hate depression. It doesn't leave me crying, but leaves me in immense internal pain. It makes me feel lost, but lost in a maze which I created, a maze in which I know the way out, a maze in which I choose to be lost and stuck in anguish. And that only makes it worse.
I'm tired. I have a headache. I should go to bed. But I don't want to go to bed, not like this. Not like this. I want to go out, and have fun. But how? It's a tuesday night. 1:30AM on a tuesday night. The only place I can go is the place I just left. And I can't go back.
So I'm stuck, in my maze, lost and in anguish, for no reason at all.