just getting it out of my system
Sometimes, it seems to me, that my life is defined by the things left undone or unsaid. This is not done out of possible regret, or in shame, it simply seems to be the case with myself. To be "good" many a time have I gone against my natural inclination. I doubt if this makes me a better person, even a "good" one at length. Shouldn't one who is good not act, not want to act, in said manner regardless? Of course, being as fallible as we are, one would assume many a person would have a similar bent. While clearly the case, there are also plenty of others who are not. I guess my question is simply boiled down to ... if a person is not good in thought or desire, does it really matter if they are good in deed, for any reason? From some basic worldly analysis, I can assume that most would say Yes!! as the desire to be good obviously over-ruled their want to not be that way. I cannot always agree with this though.
The first reason is very simple-- if said individual was good, wouldn't their more nefarious impulses be at a minimum? As opposed to being the first idea, desire, or impluse to pop into one's head. Wouldn't that fundamentally make them a creature of ill? Sure, that impulse may be beaten back.... but most likely not all future ones. One may become accustomed to this struggle but a struggle it remains. If you have to continuously correct yourself into being good, isn't that merely a plan for self-preservation? I'm inclined to say yes.
...more on this later. this tripe came into my brainpan today and forcibly spat itself out onto paper in the span of like 5 minutes. if i didn't know any better i'd say something was bothering me. hahaaa.