Ganging up on Mom
My brother gave Dad hell (passive aggressive farmer style) for still going to Pickleball despite their drive across southwestern Ontario and the proximity to Christmas. He in turn conveyed that information to Mom, who called me. I agreed with my brother, and warned her that we'd already been considering skipping Xmas.
Which made her cry.
Honestly, they haven't been as careful as they should be (though they are going on full lock down now that Adam and I 'expressed our disappointment'). My nieces are leaving school early to lock down, Dad is no longer Pickleballing.
And our region is in Red (one stage below lock down). So as good citizens, we should be staying home for Christmas.
Christmas is a big deal for our family, especially with Mom being so sick since July 2019. She's thrilled to be able to host and now we are threatening to take that away. The average lifespan after her diagnosis (multiple myeloma) is 23 months, though she's more likely to hit 5 years before recurrence thanks to the two stem cell transplants, and she's hopeful for more before recurrence and much more before treatment isn't feasible.
Derek's family is in Toronto (Grey zone - full lock down), so we won't be seeing them, even though they are out of quarantine since the oldest nephew tested positive. His symptoms have passed and the rest of the family all tested negative. I suspect Derek's mom is going to their house - she went last weekend for her 75th birthday. It feels a little mean to push to see my family when we can't see his, and he is very concerned about safety, especially when we are so close to vaccine roll out.
But I really want to have Christmas with my family. I've never missed a Christmas with them, even if it meant driving all over hell's half acre to fit it all in. It also means a chance to not be on Vv duty because she'd be focused on cousins and there are 6 adults around. Derek is great when he's here, but he's working at least 2 days a week, he sleeps until 10 or 11 on the regular (night owl), and as long as I'm here, I'm still aware of what's going on and I'm Vv's go to if she wants a snack or permission to do something. And it's not like I'm going anywhere. Typically, Vv would have spent PA days, and a couple of weeks in the summer with Mom and Dad, and we'd be leaving her up with them for a few days over Christmas, which is just enough for me to feel like I got a rest from momming. Mom wasn't feeling well enough to have her alone for most of the summer and I was unemployed so I went up anyway (at least it was different walls to look at). But cases were lower in the summer, and we were outside more. She's doing remote school and I've been the primary on that as well for both tech support (unless it was a failed hard drive) and helping her with the actual work when she can't/won't get teacher help. I should really write a post just about online school, as it is at once hilarious, frustrating, and wonderful.
If we stay home, we'll have a lovely meal, but Derek will be cooking (and probably stressed about making it perfect), so I'll be entertaining Vv with no break other than TV, and when he's not cooking, one or the other will be pushing to do stuff as a family - play a game, go to the park, go hiking - which isn't terrible, but all I want for Christmas is a break.
Anyway, that's where I'm at - feeling selfish because I really want Christmas but I'm not sure if pushing for it is worth the potential damage to my relationship.