GoT and The Borgias

[garnetice]

I haven't done this in forEVER. Probably because I've been all like omg fandom friends don't care. Then it occurred to me that I care, and I want to talk about my favorite shows, goddamnit. I actually neglected to liveblog Game of Thrones, because, um, well. ...Idc. I mean I do in theory, because Daenerys is a pimp and there is incest everywhere I look, but most of the guys set my gaydar a beeping, so.

True story: I don't actively ship gay characters. In my head, yes, but deep in my fannish heart, I only want to read about straight men discovering that they are unrepentantly in love with each other. That said, thoughts on tonight's episode.

• I love Tyrion. Like. A lot.
• HANNAH MURRAY IS IN THIS EPISODE OMG. DO YOU THINK HER AND JOE HAVE LIKE SKINS REUNION PARTIES AT BARS? DO YOU THINK JOE SCORED HER THE JOB?
• On the subject of Joe Dempsie, I don't hate him. Which is weird. Because Chris? Never my favorite character on Skins. He grew on me a tad as Will in Merlin, but mostly because off all the fic where he's banging Merlin on the side but then Arthur comes along and he has to become Merlin's douchey best friend/gallant protector and IT GIVES ME FEELINGS. But here, I want to read like gen!fic about him being Aria's adoptive big brother because they are THE CUTEST THING IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF ALL THINGS CUTE and also Jon sucks as a big brother and Robb is too occupied with his ongoing affair with Greyjoy to really do much other than be all cumstruck and in love.
• On the subject of Greyjoy, HI, INCEST. I did not expect to see you here. One of my ongoing arguments about liking The Borgias more than GoT has been the incest in the former, but GoT is kind of outdoing itself here. I mean, we always had Cersei and Jaimie, but the thing there is I don't actually much like either of them. There it feels more like incest for incest's sake in the show (I heretell it is different in the books, but have not read them) and not real chemistry. Which, maybe that will change, but for now Cersei is just hbic (although she needs to put a leash on that son of hers, stat) and Jamie's got his adorable quirks, I suppose, but he's not exactly Cesare Borgia. Greyjoy and his INSANE little sister are much more on my shippy radar. Although I don't imagine they go anywhere from here. I'd ask my mom, who has read the books, but she really doesn't need to know about my fandom fetishes.
• To clarify, when I say shippy above, I mostly mean that I'd enjoy reading about their relationship, not give me gratuitous porn now. Granted that is my usual definition of shippy, so I understand your confusion.

Okay, enough of that, let's get to the liveblogging of the best show on earth. THE BORGIAS:

• CESARE BORGIA IS THE BIGGEST BAMF OF ALL THE BAMFS THAT EVER WERE TO EXIST OKAY I LOVE HIM. 
• I ALSO LOVE HIS BOYFRIEND WHO JUST DROWNED AN ALTER BOY AND WAVED TO A NUN.
• Every time I see the Vatican I try to figure out how it resembles the current Vatican and find myself at a loss.
• One of these days, they're going to say Julia instead of Julia Farnese and I'm going to be so confused. And she's really grown on me, which is weird because mistresses usually gross me out, but she's all stern-face and I'm like aw, hair-pet.
• Omg, it's GRANDPA BORGIA WHY SO CUTE?
• Alfonso is still at large? No duh? Because he's is the crown badass of Naples. HE HAS STUFFED PEOPLE OKAY. And plague dudes! I love gruesome, inaccurate history.
• No, but really, I love Grandpa Borgia. Baby talking pope may be my favorite role Jeremy Irons has played on this show.
• CESARE BORGIA WEARS LEATHER PANTS AND HAS DADDY ISSUES AND LOVES HIS BABY SISTER MORE THAN ANYTHING AND HATES HIS BABY BROTHER MORE THAN ANYTHING BUT ALSO LOVES HIM TOO AND DID I MENTION THE LEATHER PANTS?
• Juan is apparently playing Bradley James as King Arthur rn? HOT.
• Also I now plan on calling every sickness ever the Neapolitan Disease. I promise you all it will be super obnoxious.
• BROTHER FIGHT. D'AWWWW.
• Okay, no, on a serious note, I do not ship Cesare and Juan. But I reallyreallyreally love their relationship, because Juan hates Cesare sooooo much for being the oldest and the most favored and for not getting called a manwhore while Cesare hates Juan for getting to fight and defend his family's honor and basically has all the freedom that Cesare wants because Cesare is Jack Sparrow and wants somebody to bring him that horizon alright? And at the same time they're brothers, and they do love each other underneath it all but they're also so at odds and sometimes killing each other seems like a better alternative to dealing with it and djpajdgpkjgp feelings.
• FRATRICIDE IS A BIG WORD. Boyfriend just stopped Cesare from killing his brother how cute. WHY DO I LOVE EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW EXCEPT FOR LUCREZIA'S CREEPY EX HUSBAND?
• DID I MENTION JULIA FARNESE'S BITCHFACE?
• "Then I must hold you then." WHY ARE YOU MY FAVORITE BROTHER AND SISTER EVER. I'm gross I know whatever idec, go away I'm in fandom la la land.
• NAPLES.
• JULIA FARNESE BITCHFACE.
• Why does everyone keep stroking that bull's ass?
• You know why I think I don't hate Julia Farnese? Because I keep waiting for her to makeout with chicks. OH WAIT I FORGOT HER CRUEL INTENTIONS ESQUE MAKEOUT SESSION WITH LUCREZIA. Ahem. Please tell me she's going to make out with Vittoria. PLEASE.
• Oh my actual god French King dude wants to put Alfonso in the Judas seat. The ongoing saga of the stuffed people continues.
• ROME SHALL BE FULL OF JOY. I AM FULL OF JOY.
• Aw, bb Cesare lost the race because Juan is a giant cheater. I am not crossing this show with BTR. I don't even know how that would work. I AM NOT DOING IT. ...I'm totally doing it in my head.
• And now I am singing Run Alfonso Run to the melody of Lolita by Lana Del Rey.
• If this show is leading up to a bitchfight between Paolo (my love Luke Pasqualino) and Cesare (my other love), I'm pretty sure I could die happy. I do not kid.
• CESARE YOU FANTASTIC VINDICTIVE ASSHOLE.
• YES JULIA FARNESE THANK YOU FOR MAKING OUT WITH WOMEN ALWAYS.
• I want to feel bad that Alfonso is being tortured, but at the same time I'm so freaking amused that the King of France is like LET ME HARMONIZE HIS SCREAMS.

To sum up: this show delights me, man.