A Thousand Things...

[garnetice]

Oh god, I've got a thousand things to say. I just got my laptop back, and I missed it so. I think I'm addicted. Do they have rehab for that kind of thing?

Right, so...let's do this with bullets.

• Tiger Moon by Antonia Michaelis-- I take it back. Slow though it may be, this was an excellent YA book. I may be partial here, since I just fell in love with Nitish, the talking tiger's way of describing things. The water is stupid; if I jump in it, it might get scared and bite me. (he was scared of water). The sand was afraid of me, and tried to suck me in, but now it knows that I am a friend. Ugh, just- lovely. I think I was a little annoyed at first because I thought the story would be about Raka and Lagan, which it was in the end, but it was more about Farhad and Nitish and their adventures- which grew on me, eventually. Oops, quick summary here- a woman forced into marriage with a rich merchant fears death because she is not a virgin, and awaits the day when the merchant will find out and kill her (he's ill and unable to at that point). To pass the time, she begins telling a story to the harem's eunuch. The story is about Krishna's daughter being kidnapped, so he (Krishna) appoints a hero to save her. Only in the early nineteen hundreds there are no more Bhagavad Gita style heroes, so what he gets is Farhad; a conman. The story came together beautifully in the end, and was really quite poetic for a YA novel. There were some Indian Literature references that I think kind of enhanced the experience for me, and of course Farhad travels from Madurai to Mysore to Varanasi to Jaisalmar, so I was kind of all- I've been theresqueeeee. But anyway, I'd give this book a four out of five, for sure. 
• Undead Much by Stacey Jay--- I will be the first to admit these Undead books are silly fluff, but they have an edgy little twist that I appreciate and enjoy. As far as YA lit goes, I definitely think they stand out. Undead Much is no different; while Megan gets a little wishy washy at times, she's mostly a strong, competant heroine. And I am SO there with the zombie kissin'. The Sky Is Burning (original fic by moi last year) much? Cliff was gorgeous, and Ethan is still hot (although I kind of was wishin' for some of that old sardonic attitude from him)- and I LIKE Monica. She reminds me of Abigail from The Witching Hour, except nicer. Four out of five.
• The Swan Kingdom by Zoe Marriott---Also a cute book. I've been doing well. The streak's going to break soon, I know it. Anyway, I don't know much about the 'Wild Swans' fairytale, so I can't say how much of it was true, and how much wasn't to the original, but Alexandra was spunky and I liked that. Well, as spunky as old school medieval girls usually get in this type of books. She could have been spunkier. But still, she was alright. She didn't piss me off like that one chick from...well, I can't remember the book, but I know there was one chick who pissed me off. So. I was kind of longing to see more of her brothers; they sounded fun. Oh well. Three out of five.
• Max by James Patterson---Okay, I've been complaining and complaining and complaining about the Maximum Ride books. Then JP goes and shows me up with this one, which was surprisingly alright. There was a minimum of preachiness and acting too old for their age, and more world savin' shennanigans. Plus Fang/Max romancin'. Three point five out of five.
• Vibes by Amy Kathleen Ryan---I liked this book. Kind of. Kristi was interesting; conflicted, which I appreciated, and really self centered, which I appreciated. I actually got kind of annoyed that the author tried to make her grow as a person toward the end, because she was growing unrealistically. BUT. Mainly I was irritated by the author's description of Kristi, who seemed to view herself as some sort of fat ass goth chick, while she was really a vintage shopping home sewing curvy girl. It got to the point where I was confused. Gusty sounded hot, and I was amused by his last name, since it's mine. <3 Rarely do people attribute my last name to it's Swedishness. I would have liked to see less sympathy for Eva and more character on Hildie's part, but there was still a LOT of character development here that I found interesting. I really thought this would be a light read, but it was pretty deep. Oh, and reading about Mallory grossed me out, every time, which I think is an accomplishment. Rarely is an author so vivid that I feel like I might puke from her words, and Ryan was. Which is actually...really shallow of me (Mallory has a horrible acne problem, poor boy). I want to rate this book with a four, but I'm giving it a three point five just because I personally was not a huge fan. I liked it, but I don't see reread potential.

Alright, that's about all of my bookishness for now. I'm currently reading North of Beautiful, which seems to have potential. Terra's a little whiny and her dad's a bastard, but it's alright.

Now, my real complaints. Percy Jackson. WHAT THE HELL. Chris Colombus, I had faith in you because you fucking did Harry Potter, but this was manslaughter on screen. Let me count the ways.

• You created your own plot, just so you could make Sally a major character and pretend this was a kid movie instead of one for teenagers. I'm sorry, but you revoked the right to make this a kids' movies when you let them LOOSE IN A CASINO, and not the arcade fun casino of book two, but a casino where Grover was macking on girls and Percy was playing ROULETTE. Also, the swearing. 
• You made Annabeth Clarisse. I was willing to forgive Annabeth's dark hair because you insisted she was well suited to the role. She was NOT well suited to the role. She was pretty much the anti-Annabeth. Caustic and mean instead of intellectual and snobby, and then all of a sudden mushy and boring. AND LACKING INTELLIGENCE. Annabeth is the Olympian answer to Hermione. With a sword. That was not Hermione. That was fucking Clarisse, daughter of Ares.
• Grover- okay, I forgave the race changing, even though I have a whole list of  how hypocritcal it is when directors do this. However, I thought if he could pull of geeky, it would be okay. He was not geeky. He was going playboy on the nymphs, the casino girls, and pretty much anything with a vag. Way to stereotype there.
• Zeus said no one could see their kids? Way to completely dismiss the fact that the gods are BAD PARENTS and totally undermine the entire point of why Luke goes bad.
• Have I mentioned the casino? You cockblocked yourself for any further movies if you plan on bringing Nico in. Like, way to mash ALL THE FUCKING BOOKS INTO ONE HORRIFIC FILM.
• You took all the humor out of the whole Aunty Em thing. I refuse to address the hydra, as it pertains to the above point, and was a pretty boring scene.
• I'm alright with Hades being underneath the Hollywood sign, but why get rid of the desk and the fancy lobby? WHY? While we're on the subject, why get rid of Cerberus? OR the elevator to the six hundredth floor from the base?
• While we're on the topic, why get rid of character development? Sidekicks aside, would it have killed you to put like, one extra minute of film showing how Percy had gotten kicked out of school after school? Would it have killed you to show why exactly Luke's betrayal hurt both Annabeth and Percy???
• Why are they like, sixteen? I heard they were eighteen, which- just, no. They're thirteen in the books. Or twelve. Whatever. Either way, not old enough to be driving a Maserati through Vegas.
• Why does Luke have the Hermes cabin all to himself? Furthermore, why did you have to claim Percy as Poseidon's kid immediately? Way to kill the mystery. 

The only part of this movie I liked were the depictions of Hades and Olympus. I thought Rosario Dawson pulled off Persephone wonderfully. The rest of it blew, and pretty much obliterated the entire point of the books. Good job, CC. You MURDERED one of my favorite book series.

To cheer myself up, I shall now sum up BSG: The Plan with my thoughts while I watched.

• Oh look, it's Sam. He's crawling through the trees again. 
• Hah, Tori. You bitch, that's right, crawl out of that car.
• Wow, Ellen's still a sluuuuut.
• Chief/Boomer, I knew you were my otp!!!!! Sorry Starbuck/Lee. Since this movie only showed me dumb Anders/Starbuck, you don't count now anyway.
• Leobin was a stalker from the beginning. Wow, I'd forgotten. I kind of ship him with Starbuck.
• What's up, Simon. Nice to see you weren't an extraneous character after all.
• Men in sequins. Oh wait, that's olympic figure skating. My DVR got fucked up because the emergency broadcast system interrupted.
• Hey, hi Saul. Apparently you were never a very important cylon.
• Doral: His blazer was burgandy. Mine is teal. Me: BWAHAHA.
• Cavill: OhaiSimon. They should call suicide bombers homicide bombers. Me: Snort.
• Anders is...still in the woods.
• Cavill is a creepy pedophile priest.
• Poor Boomer. Poor prostitute Six. What happened to her? She disappears. Wonder if she gets airlocked for stealing Cavill's ambrosia.
• Cavill might be gay for Anders.
• Starbuck and Anders, stop making such loud sex noises.
• Aw, Chief misses Boomer. Wait, why are you kissing that random ass Latina chick? Oh, missing Boomer more? Okay.
• Aw, Cavills are holding hands. Gay old lovers.
• Okay, Simon, care to explain the ovary stealing yet? No, oh wait, it's over. WTH?

There was more, but I don't remember. I think that was basically just random deleted scenes they strung together into a movie. Like, most of the scenes were clips from the show.