Faith and Spirituality
Lately, my spirituality - or lack thereof, perhaps - has been one of the foremost things on my mind. This is largely because I'm back in the States, where religion and religious discussions seem so much more prevalent to me and also because the girl I'm interested in, Sarah, considers herself a Christian (albeit a very different kind of Christian than the ones I was raised knowing).
I was raised Protestant Christian, myself, Church of God, thoroughly fundamentalist. For some examples of how fundie the fundamentalism was, I can tell you my parents practiced the doctrines that my father was the unquestioned head of the home, nothing but heterosexuality was acceptable, only men could speak during testimonies, and women could not preach. There were a ton of strict 'do's and 'don't's that to me seemed exclusive of a thousand different lifestyles. Any other religious expressions were deemed unacceptable idolatry (including some other denominations of Christianity!) and the entire thing was so elitist, arrogant, and cold I found it sickening.
Naturally, coming out about my sexuality to my family threw a wrench in the works and, when I left their home, I left the faith, too. I had some huge, difficult problems with Christianity and for a time fostered a sort of virulent hatred toward it because of the way that I was treated, going so far as to declare myself an atheist. I've backed off that since then, being personally aware of the need in my life for some kind of faith system that involves a divinity - and being aware that just because some Christians are bigoted, intolerant pricks, not all Christians are.
Still, I'm seeking. I've dabbled in a lot of different things, and I've been exposed to a ton of religions. My deepest, dearest soulmate friend practices Shinto; Sarah practices a sort of neo-Christianity that allows for a genderless (or multigendered?) deity, lovingly accepts all lifestyles and religion beliefs, and places huge emphasis on loving others; and I've known others who have practiced Wicca, Buddhism, Hinduism, and Satanism.
I suppose now my belief system tends to fall along Buddhist and...and Celtic-pagan lines (odd, I know), but something still doesn't quite seem to fit. I haven't found a nestling place where I feel comfortable spiritually, or that 'calm center' I keep looking for. As I continue to mix and match and hunt around for what nurtures and satisfies me, I have to admit to feeling encouraged by the way I've seen faith systems impact the lives of the people I hold closest to me.
I look forward to finding something I can believe in and that strikes a chord of truth inside me somewhere.
I was raised Protestant Christian, myself, Church of God, thoroughly fundamentalist. For some examples of how fundie the fundamentalism was, I can tell you my parents practiced the doctrines that my father was the unquestioned head of the home, nothing but heterosexuality was acceptable, only men could speak during testimonies, and women could not preach. There were a ton of strict 'do's and 'don't's that to me seemed exclusive of a thousand different lifestyles. Any other religious expressions were deemed unacceptable idolatry (including some other denominations of Christianity!) and the entire thing was so elitist, arrogant, and cold I found it sickening.
Naturally, coming out about my sexuality to my family threw a wrench in the works and, when I left their home, I left the faith, too. I had some huge, difficult problems with Christianity and for a time fostered a sort of virulent hatred toward it because of the way that I was treated, going so far as to declare myself an atheist. I've backed off that since then, being personally aware of the need in my life for some kind of faith system that involves a divinity - and being aware that just because some Christians are bigoted, intolerant pricks, not all Christians are.
Still, I'm seeking. I've dabbled in a lot of different things, and I've been exposed to a ton of religions. My deepest, dearest soulmate friend practices Shinto; Sarah practices a sort of neo-Christianity that allows for a genderless (or multigendered?) deity, lovingly accepts all lifestyles and religion beliefs, and places huge emphasis on loving others; and I've known others who have practiced Wicca, Buddhism, Hinduism, and Satanism.
I suppose now my belief system tends to fall along Buddhist and...and Celtic-pagan lines (odd, I know), but something still doesn't quite seem to fit. I haven't found a nestling place where I feel comfortable spiritually, or that 'calm center' I keep looking for. As I continue to mix and match and hunt around for what nurtures and satisfies me, I have to admit to feeling encouraged by the way I've seen faith systems impact the lives of the people I hold closest to me.
I look forward to finding something I can believe in and that strikes a chord of truth inside me somewhere.