Scenes In An Elevator
The following takes place between 10:48pm and 10:49pm in the elevator of a multi-storey car park.
The events occur in real time.
INT: ELEVATOR
[Tophe is on his way home after an evening out at dinner. The elevator stops before his designated floor, and an extremely white guy gets on. Not extremely white as in 'albino', as in 'this guy is totally honky'.]
Extremely White Guy: Hey, nice shirt man.
Me: Oh hey, thanks.
EWG: It reminds me a lot of a jacket I own.
Me: [suddenly fearful and with extreme remorse at engaging in conversation] Oh...?
EWG: Yeah, but it's like, I don't really want to wear it out that often because it's almost like it's too money for Canberra.
Me: ...
EWG: You know?
Elevator: ding!
Me: Um...I don't wear this shirt very often, but that's just because it's a bitch to iron.
[Doors open]
EWG: Huh?
[Tophe runs screaming from the elevator.]
I am not making this up (except for the screaming - I didn't, really). The man used money as an adjective! Kanye fucking West sounds like a tool saying it, what hope did Whitey McHonk think he had? And what does it mean exactly to be "too money for Canberra"? It can't be about actual money, because Canberra has among the highest disposable income statistics in the country, doesn't it? Is he actually implying that his jacket is so amazingly, cock-hardeningly awesome that to wear it within the borders of the Australian Capital Territory would be a waste, somehow?
If anyone had told me an hour ago that there are people around who actually talk like that, I would have called them dirty great liars, with the firm belief that no one could be THAT much of a total fucking douchebag. But there he was! Standing not two feet away from me! So confident in his own awesomeness that he had no problem actually using the word 'money' as an adjective to a complete stranger!
The worst of it is that he clearly felt I was his kind of people based on the shirt I was wearing.
I don't want to wear that shirt anymore.
The events occur in real time.
INT: ELEVATOR
[Tophe is on his way home after an evening out at dinner. The elevator stops before his designated floor, and an extremely white guy gets on. Not extremely white as in 'albino', as in 'this guy is totally honky'.]
Extremely White Guy: Hey, nice shirt man.
Me: Oh hey, thanks.
EWG: It reminds me a lot of a jacket I own.
Me: [suddenly fearful and with extreme remorse at engaging in conversation] Oh...?
EWG: Yeah, but it's like, I don't really want to wear it out that often because it's almost like it's too money for Canberra.
Me: ...
EWG: You know?
Elevator: ding!
Me: Um...I don't wear this shirt very often, but that's just because it's a bitch to iron.
[Doors open]
EWG: Huh?
[Tophe runs screaming from the elevator.]
I am not making this up (except for the screaming - I didn't, really). The man used money as an adjective! Kanye fucking West sounds like a tool saying it, what hope did Whitey McHonk think he had? And what does it mean exactly to be "too money for Canberra"? It can't be about actual money, because Canberra has among the highest disposable income statistics in the country, doesn't it? Is he actually implying that his jacket is so amazingly, cock-hardeningly awesome that to wear it within the borders of the Australian Capital Territory would be a waste, somehow?
If anyone had told me an hour ago that there are people around who actually talk like that, I would have called them dirty great liars, with the firm belief that no one could be THAT much of a total fucking douchebag. But there he was! Standing not two feet away from me! So confident in his own awesomeness that he had no problem actually using the word 'money' as an adjective to a complete stranger!
The worst of it is that he clearly felt I was his kind of people based on the shirt I was wearing.
I don't want to wear that shirt anymore.