(no subject)
Thanks everyone for your kind words in my last posts.
Things feel like a nightmare yet, like I'm living in a fog or something. Everything seems to be moving so slow when normally life moves so quickly any other time. I just wish to get on with things and put this hellish nightmare behind me.
I feel lost and confused as to what will happen to us in the end. Aunt Florence said she'll help us out a bit and stuff. This from the person who gave us hell for the majority of 2004 is trying to help us now. We have the family there for us but it's not the same.
Lisa, Deb and Kris were over yesterday afternoon helping us out with paying some of the bills that needed to be dealt with but there are still ones that need to be dealt with and we can't afford to pay. We'll have to see if Aunt Florence can deal with them for now.
I feel like everything is being put on my shoulders since I'm the oldest and since Stefanie isn't taking this well. Why me? These are the times when I wish I had an older sibling to help me or take charge of things.
For christ sakes, Mom's not even dead twenty-four hours and things are changing too quickly for me. Making plans for this, doing that. And to top it off having to get a steady job isn't much better. I don't feel like I'm in the right frame of mind to do too much at the moment.
I didn't even sleep well last night, even after taking a sleeping pill. I went to bed by 10:30 and was up by 6 or so. I kept waking up and just feel numb. I don't feel like doing much of anything other then hiding from the world but I know I can't.
I just wish there was someone here with us for a while but it's hard since we have the dogs and it's not like we can keep them locked up constantly. It's not fair to them.
Damn it. Life just isn't fair. One parent dead is fine but not both. I thought parents were supposed to get old and gray and live to an old age and then die. Not die and leave their children lost and confused at 20 and 22.
I know I'll probably be all right in the end but for now I'm not okay and don't know what the fuck to do.
Things feel like a nightmare yet, like I'm living in a fog or something. Everything seems to be moving so slow when normally life moves so quickly any other time. I just wish to get on with things and put this hellish nightmare behind me.
I feel lost and confused as to what will happen to us in the end. Aunt Florence said she'll help us out a bit and stuff. This from the person who gave us hell for the majority of 2004 is trying to help us now. We have the family there for us but it's not the same.
Lisa, Deb and Kris were over yesterday afternoon helping us out with paying some of the bills that needed to be dealt with but there are still ones that need to be dealt with and we can't afford to pay. We'll have to see if Aunt Florence can deal with them for now.
I feel like everything is being put on my shoulders since I'm the oldest and since Stefanie isn't taking this well. Why me? These are the times when I wish I had an older sibling to help me or take charge of things.
For christ sakes, Mom's not even dead twenty-four hours and things are changing too quickly for me. Making plans for this, doing that. And to top it off having to get a steady job isn't much better. I don't feel like I'm in the right frame of mind to do too much at the moment.
I didn't even sleep well last night, even after taking a sleeping pill. I went to bed by 10:30 and was up by 6 or so. I kept waking up and just feel numb. I don't feel like doing much of anything other then hiding from the world but I know I can't.
I just wish there was someone here with us for a while but it's hard since we have the dogs and it's not like we can keep them locked up constantly. It's not fair to them.
Damn it. Life just isn't fair. One parent dead is fine but not both. I thought parents were supposed to get old and gray and live to an old age and then die. Not die and leave their children lost and confused at 20 and 22.
I know I'll probably be all right in the end but for now I'm not okay and don't know what the fuck to do.