(no subject)
ok so today jeff read my last entry and he wasnt very happy about what i wrote so i replied to it. i know that im not perfect and alot of people dont really understand me, and i know that i have a lot of problems, but i am trying my hardest not hurt any body and im trying not to lose jeff, i love him soooo much, i dont think that any one understands how much i love him. i love how jeff puts up with my shit when ever i see him, then says i love with just as much truth in his eyes from the first time he said it. i mean, he brings me places and buys me things, and being me i feel bad, cause i dont want him to spend his money on me, he works hard for his money and he deserves to spend it on his self. he is soo sweet to me and i dont understand how he landed up with trash like me. im going to find a job soon, and im planning on most of my money going to my dad and jeff for the first couple of months, then the rest will be for my car, and to spoil jeff!!! hehe!!! cause i think that guys need to be spoiled toooo!!!! i was thinking of working with jeff, but i dont think that i could, cause i would be kinda jelous of some of the girls that would talk to him, and i know that he doesnt tell me who to talk to and who not to talk to and i envy him for that, and i try not to be a jelous girlfreind but there is one girl that i know really wants him, and i trust him, but i dont know about her, and i have had a bad past with er so i dont like her to begin with, but because i can trust him im gonna try to be a noncontrolling girlfreind (cause noone likes someone who controls them, and i dont want to become one!!) and stay outa that part of his life, kinda. ill im gonna ask about that situation is, if he hung out with her, who was there, and what they did. and if he talks to her on the phone i wont ask. is that fair? i mean, i tell him about my phone conversations if they are bad, or if they are something that he should know about. like in my case, dillon and decker have both told me that they still want me, but decker is pushing alittle too much, and dillon knows he cant have me so he mainly just jokes about it now. but i told jeff about what they told me and neither one lives around here right now, so a phone conversation once in a while is all they get outa me, no visiting at all!!! and i tell jeff what they say, and he is such a sweety for not telling me to stop talking to them. i mean, at somepoint i think thtat if decker gets on my nerves tot he point where i cant take it i might tell jeff to say something to him, but other then that i know jeff isnt gonna say ne thing. but yea, im just rambling so, i love you jeff!! and emo i hope that you are having fun, where ever you are!!! and oh yea thanks for the letter!!!