The Bird
If you've read, I have mentioned my middle finger on my right hand being painfully swollen for a while now. I have been on Cipro, Bactrim and now Clindamycin, nothing much happening or responding. I have been to a walk-in clinic, the Infectious Diseas Clinic and today and osteopath/hand specialist.
Turns out after months of pain andswelling, misdiagnoses and 3 rounds of antibiotics, we have a verdict. I have enchondroma. It'ss basically cartilage gone wild and turned into a bone tumour.
*I*, a working artist who uses her hand for a living, have a bone tumour in my money-maker. It couldn't be in my left hand, no, it's in a sensitive spot that WILL affect my livelihood.
And oh yeah, I'm getting married in a month and change. And if/when I go on short-term disability I'll get only 60% of my wages, am the only one in the household working, have my biannual car insurance payment, rent and a wedding to pay for. And have to find people to cover me when I'm already cashing in all my favor chips for my honeymoon.
All this aside, I am terrified. I thought I'd be walking in there and hear that I have a huge ingrown nail they'd have to drain. This COMPLETELY blindsided me. My x-rays made me nauseous. My fingertip bone is basically hollow and filled with tumour with an eggshell bone around it.
He wants me to go to surgery next Tuesday. They will open up my bone, scrape it all out and put in a bone graft. Bone surgeries are the most painful and a graft takes at least 6 months to take. Trust me, I know, I've had 2 in my tooth implant. At this point I'm going to have more cadaver bone in me than my own.
I am not sure about the aftermath, healing time, etc. All I know is it'll be painful, will suck and I will have to be SO CAREFUL as so as not to dislodge/traumatize the graft. Did I mention that I make my fucking living working with my hands???! And that if it's bad enough, I might lose part of my FUCKING FINGER?!!
I have cried at least 3 times today, I can hardly read this my contacts are so foggy from salty tears. I haven't slept more than 6 hours straight in 3 weeks due to having to get up in the middle of the night to take a horsepill, work is so stressful lately I was ready to cry and walk out by 9:30 this morning, *before* the doctor's prognosis; pile on this tremendous wedding stress, stress at home, feeling fucking FAT and not being able to find a shrug to cover my fat arms and a million other stupid details thhat only I know have to be done...
I am undone.
Turns out after months of pain andswelling, misdiagnoses and 3 rounds of antibiotics, we have a verdict. I have enchondroma. It'ss basically cartilage gone wild and turned into a bone tumour.
*I*, a working artist who uses her hand for a living, have a bone tumour in my money-maker. It couldn't be in my left hand, no, it's in a sensitive spot that WILL affect my livelihood.
And oh yeah, I'm getting married in a month and change. And if/when I go on short-term disability I'll get only 60% of my wages, am the only one in the household working, have my biannual car insurance payment, rent and a wedding to pay for. And have to find people to cover me when I'm already cashing in all my favor chips for my honeymoon.
All this aside, I am terrified. I thought I'd be walking in there and hear that I have a huge ingrown nail they'd have to drain. This COMPLETELY blindsided me. My x-rays made me nauseous. My fingertip bone is basically hollow and filled with tumour with an eggshell bone around it.
He wants me to go to surgery next Tuesday. They will open up my bone, scrape it all out and put in a bone graft. Bone surgeries are the most painful and a graft takes at least 6 months to take. Trust me, I know, I've had 2 in my tooth implant. At this point I'm going to have more cadaver bone in me than my own.
I am not sure about the aftermath, healing time, etc. All I know is it'll be painful, will suck and I will have to be SO CAREFUL as so as not to dislodge/traumatize the graft. Did I mention that I make my fucking living working with my hands???! And that if it's bad enough, I might lose part of my FUCKING FINGER?!!
I have cried at least 3 times today, I can hardly read this my contacts are so foggy from salty tears. I haven't slept more than 6 hours straight in 3 weeks due to having to get up in the middle of the night to take a horsepill, work is so stressful lately I was ready to cry and walk out by 9:30 this morning, *before* the doctor's prognosis; pile on this tremendous wedding stress, stress at home, feeling fucking FAT and not being able to find a shrug to cover my fat arms and a million other stupid details thhat only I know have to be done...
I am undone.