[NOT A POST] she runs a tight ship
[Hawkeye has moved herself in and gone off to the doctor as promised, but she's left her new roommates something of a hello. The most noticeable changes to the common area are a little dog bowl, a huge desk calender hung on the wall, and the white board now attached to the back of the door. Less obvious are the firearms placed in strategic locations. You know. Just in case. Stuck to the front door of 5-1 are two lists. They are laminated--so they can't be altered--and attached with Special Magic Space Tape, so they can't be removed unless you know the trick. And you don't!]
Ran Fan--
1. If you see a gun kept in a strange place, do not move it, it is there for a reason.
2. Please keep any sharp objects off the common area floor or where Hayate would encounter them, such as couches.
3. If you finish something off in the pantry, please replace it.
4. When you have guests, alert me if you would like your privacy.
5. Please do not feed Black Hayate people food or special treats.
6. Under no circumstances are you to allow any goddesses in the room. The same goes for Captain Harkness and Barry. This is for our collective mental health. A young man with odd tattoos is acceptable, however. Do not be alarmed if he passes out or catches fire; let me know and do not wake him yourself.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding, and do not hesitate to approach me with any issues. Furthermore, if you need assistance while you are recovering, I would be happy to help.
-R.H.
This is later edited to reflect only a particular meddlesome goddess is verboten and not nice ones like Ammy!
Colonel Mustang--
1. Do not move my guns.
2. Use a toaster, not your gloves.
3. Do not feed Black Hayate people food or special treats.
4. Do not use all the hot water in the shower.
5. Do not bother me while I am in the shower.
6. Do not bother me while I am trying to get dressed.
7. Do not bother me while I am maintaining my weapons.
8. Do not bother me while I am cooking.
9. Do not bother me while I am sleeping.
10. Get into the habit of keeping your firearm on your person. I will be checking.
11. I expect you to help keep the apartment clean. Failure to do so will require weekly reports as to why. These reports should be made in triplicate for filing purposes and be free of mistakes.
12. Do not wait until the last minute to complete these tasks.
13. Do not spoil Hayate when I am trying to discipline him.
14. My business is not necessarily your business. Remember this.
15. If I am sleeping and you need assistance, three knocks against my door will be sufficient--four if it involves sea life.
16. Dite, Barry, and Captain Harkness are forbidden from the residence without my permission, no matter how amusing you may find it. Mr. Ace may be by on occasion. Do not let him eat everything, and ignore him if he passes out.
Numbers 5 through 9 do not apply if you encounter a threat and/or I am especially needed. If you feel you can follow these guidelines, our coexistence should be relatively painless.
-Lt. Hawkeye
[The whiteboard bears a helpful reminder in the same neat, even handwriting]
Sir-
I like a man better in a shoulder holster. Don't forget your gun.
[NOT REALLY A POST BUT if you live in 5-1 or are one of the fuckton of people who could/would be going in and out of there, feel free to react if you really want? She'll be back. Write on the whiteboard? RAN FAN AND ACE BATTLE FOR THE LAST GRANOLA BAR? DO SOMETHING FUNNY IDK EVERYTHING IS TOO DEPRESSING.]
[However Roy isn't allowed to use his YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS face because we all know she totally is.]
Ran Fan--
1. If you see a gun kept in a strange place, do not move it, it is there for a reason.
2. Please keep any sharp objects off the common area floor or where Hayate would encounter them, such as couches.
3. If you finish something off in the pantry, please replace it.
4. When you have guests, alert me if you would like your privacy.
5. Please do not feed Black Hayate people food or special treats.
6. Under no circumstances are you to allow any goddesses in the room. The same goes for Captain Harkness and Barry. This is for our collective mental health. A young man with odd tattoos is acceptable, however. Do not be alarmed if he passes out or catches fire; let me know and do not wake him yourself.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding, and do not hesitate to approach me with any issues. Furthermore, if you need assistance while you are recovering, I would be happy to help.
-R.H.
This is later edited to reflect only a particular meddlesome goddess is verboten and not nice ones like Ammy!
Colonel Mustang--
1. Do not move my guns.
2. Use a toaster, not your gloves.
3. Do not feed Black Hayate people food or special treats.
4. Do not use all the hot water in the shower.
5. Do not bother me while I am in the shower.
6. Do not bother me while I am trying to get dressed.
7. Do not bother me while I am maintaining my weapons.
8. Do not bother me while I am cooking.
9. Do not bother me while I am sleeping.
10. Get into the habit of keeping your firearm on your person. I will be checking.
11. I expect you to help keep the apartment clean. Failure to do so will require weekly reports as to why. These reports should be made in triplicate for filing purposes and be free of mistakes.
12. Do not wait until the last minute to complete these tasks.
13. Do not spoil Hayate when I am trying to discipline him.
14. My business is not necessarily your business. Remember this.
15. If I am sleeping and you need assistance, three knocks against my door will be sufficient--four if it involves sea life.
16. Dite, Barry, and Captain Harkness are forbidden from the residence without my permission, no matter how amusing you may find it. Mr. Ace may be by on occasion. Do not let him eat everything, and ignore him if he passes out.
Numbers 5 through 9 do not apply if you encounter a threat and/or I am especially needed. If you feel you can follow these guidelines, our coexistence should be relatively painless.
-Lt. Hawkeye
[The whiteboard bears a helpful reminder in the same neat, even handwriting]
Sir-
I like a man better in a shoulder holster. Don't forget your gun.
[NOT REALLY A POST BUT if you live in 5-1 or are one of the fuckton of people who could/would be going in and out of there, feel free to react if you really want? She'll be back. Write on the whiteboard? RAN FAN AND ACE BATTLE FOR THE LAST GRANOLA BAR? DO SOMETHING FUNNY IDK EVERYTHING IS TOO DEPRESSING.]
[However Roy isn't allowed to use his YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS face because we all know she totally is.]