That show hasn't been the same since Bob Barker retired. [VIDEO]

Jun 29, 2011 19:04

[[Key: Tama, Host, Announcer, and other contestants]]

[So, let's say you're sitting in your room, looking for some way to take your mind off the heat and the flying lions everywhere. Hey, look! Television shows are still broadcasting over the Guides, even in the middle of a brown out! Why not see if there's something good to watch?]

[Except there's nothing good on TV during this time of day. But there is The Price is Righter. It resembles entertainment!]

[After a thrilling game of Chinko, the host asks...]

Who's the next contestant on The Price is Righter?

TAMA, COME ON DOWN! YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON THE PRICE IS RIGHTER!

[The music plays, the crowd goes wild... and the contestant looks horribly underwhelmed as she walks down to play the game.]


Welcome to the show, Tama!

Thank you very much. [She bows politely, still oblivious to all the commotion around her.]

Now, let's show them the next item up for bid:

A SET OF VAGINAL WEIGHTS!

[They wheel out the display, and... it's completely censored out by pixels. Don't worry, you're not missing much.]

That's right, five vaginal cones of varying weights from FemTone! These vaginal cones are designed to assist a woman with Kegel exercises, which improve the tone of the pelvic floor muscle and provide improvements to problems of incontinence and sexual function. FemTone Vaginal Weights!

Now, let's start the bidding on these lovely feminine products! Tama, what do you bid?

... ... ...

Tama?

Please excuse me. I will bid 149 credits.

149 credits! And what about you, Porggleb'b?

I'm gonna go with... 100 credits.

100 credits! Xifu?

420 credits!

420 credits! And last but not least, Murgatroyd?

1 credit.

1 credit. All right, then. And the actual retail price is...

149 credits!

[The crowd goes wild as Tama gets called up to the stage.]

That was amazing, Tama! Your guess was right on the money!

It was not a guess.

... huh? What, are you an expert on vaginal weights?

No, I searched for the price online after you asked me to make a bid.

Searched online?! But we confiscated everyone's Guides! What are you, some kind of robot?!

Yes.

... wait, really? Are you... are you sure you should be a contestant here, then? And not one of the prizes? [The host gives a nervous laugh.]

Yes, I am certain. There is nothing in your rules which would disqualify me.

That can't be right.

... she's right. We don't have any rule against that.

But she can look up all the answers! She's going to clean us out!

Just do your job, Drew, and let the network worry about that!

... all right. Then let's see what she's playing for!

IT'S A NEW CAR!!

Oh, fuck.

[[OOC: If anyone wants to keep watching, then the show will continue in the comments. Audience participation is encouraged, especially if it ends up in the car getting wrecked or the Chinko board getting stolen.]]

[[OOC: Or you could just change the channel and watch space soap operas instead.]]

tama

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