017 || Video || Bringing you the morning news, with 10% less news than usual!
"Good morning, Thor! With Jctrubana Thrupmnth out on maternity leave, I, Cherry Springfield, will be filling in for the interim.
[ There is applause! Sakura twitches, still smiling. ]
Thank you for the warm welcome. Please take care of me for as long as I'm here.
[ The camera angle changes, and Sakura smiles a little less stiffly as she reads from the teleprompter. ]
Local officials still have no leads in the case of several graffiti'ings in the hangar over the last two months. Ships of all sizes and makes have been hit by what is presumed to be a collective group of children between the ages of eleven and fourteen, of any potential species. It's not suspected to be related to any youth gang activity, though local nightshift worker Rollo Lee warns for parents to keep better eyes on their children as he'sjust been authorized to upgrade from Slightly Stunning to Slightly More Stunning stun-ray force.
Refugee activity has been at an all time high lately, and this time directed in a series of cuddle attacks on the lemming colony formerly located on the fifth level ninth quadrant hallway. The lead snuggler in this latest series of attacks has been reported to be a young humanoid male, with cinnimon and spice hair coloring who is further describes as doing absolutely nothing nice in the slightest. Soon after his last snugglefest was interrupted he was reportedly carted off to a local hospital and summarily mummy wrapped to preserve his good will for future generations of lemurs.
... Lemmings.
His reported partner in crime, likewise colored after season appropriate gingerbread, has been reported missing. Anyone with leads is invited to call in to the appropriate authorities.
In other news, Galaxybucks officials refuse to comment as to the source of their inspiration behind the new coffee known at the stores as the Mieutatte McLatte. Quoted by some as the "brewed essence of cheer, perfection, and delight," the new beverage has been breaking records since its introduction mid November. Salesare expected to continue to improve through the rest of the December month.
An update on our story from last week involving the criminals wanted for various nefaroius crimes in the galaxy: both the Hellbeast and the Magical Weapon Shounen Bat have been spotted inciting criminal activity on the Refugee Network. Relevant sources -- [ Sakura deadpans at the screen as she keeps reading the teleprompter; ] -- claim these attempts to ingratiate themselves with the unstable element brought in by the Infinite Improbability Drive are meant to undercut local authority. Local Guru Cantabe Seriasa asks his followers to join him in midmorning incantation that the rest of these savage... outlandish... criminal masterminds don't find their way to the birthing-hip flukes of the S. S. Thor's rear bays.
Back with sports right after the break.