Katsura ☂ Kotarou ❝ice packs really just don't heal all wounds❞
[►ACTION&video post]
[the feed turns on to reveal a cheerful office, with lots of cute kitten-inspiration posters, school-related knick-knacks, and a mini-fridge]
[wait, what?]
[Into the view comes one afro-headed idiot, smiling and holding a notepad. He motions to a teenager and points him to a chair in the middle of the room.]
Ahahah! Please! Come in! This is a safe place. Feel free to relax, sit on the chair, ahah! The doctor will be with you shortly!
[Sakamoto then hurries out a side door.]
[Zura strides in, wearing a full surgeon’s costume, face-mask and all. he is now holding the notepad, and looking it over very seriously]
Hello. I see you have come here complaining of an “icky stomach.” Can you describe this icky stomach in greater detail?
What? It’s just a upset stomach, man.
It’s not man, it’s Dr Katsura, PhD. Nurse? Nurse!
[The door quickly reopens and in comes Sakamoto once more.]
Ah? Did I forget again? Ahah, so sorry, Doctor. [He moves to a desk and opens a drawer, pulling out a blood pressure cuff and some tongue depressors. After a few more moments of rummaging, he comes up with a thermometer. He then returns to the teenager’s side and wraps the blood pressure cuff around his arm.]
Stay very still.
[pump pump pump pump]
[Zura continues examining the chart (which is literally 5 words long), and questions the bored looking teen] This is a gym period, is it not? It seems like an extremely opportune moment to get a case of an icky stomach. Wouldn’t you agree, Nurse?
Gym period? Ah! Perhaps all that jumping and running made him feel hot! I’ll take his temperature after I finish here.
[As he finishes taking the blood pressure, he writes the figures down before pulling out one of the tongue depressors.] Say ahhh, ah!
[as the kid sticks out his tongue awkwardly, Zura leans closer, scrutinizing] Perhaps. Or, perhaps, you were driven to a state of high anxiety due to the pressures of gym period, which caused an ulcer to develop in your stomach. Were other students giving you a difficult time? Were they calling you cruel names? Did the boys in the locker room see your ample back pimples, and then tell the girl you wish to confess to all about them, who as a result now calls you the Great Backfat Pus Mountain? You may confide in us. This is a safe place.
What the hell, man --
It’s not man, it’s Dr Katsura, PhD. Nurse, have you finished taking his vitals?
[Sakamoto writes down a few more figures before setting the blood pressure cuff to the side and standing.] One moment, Doctor. Ahaha, I need gloves for taking his temperature.
[He moves out of view of the feed, but the sound of someone pulling on latex gloves with a ‘pop’. He calls out from off-screen.] Where is the petroleum jelly, ah?
The what?! What do you need that for?! Are you two fucking with me?!
As the Nurse has been repeatedly reminded, that is against school policy.
Ahah, yes. Reminded. Three strikes and I’m out, ahah.
[As Sakamoto returns, he’s standing behind Zura and holding a thermometer. It’s much too big for what it needs to be used for. He sets it aside and then holds up a jar of petroleum jelly and begins rubbing it on the end of the thermometer, lubing it up nicely.]
We must get to the bottom of this mysterious illness that forces you to miss the joys of gym period! Ahah!
Please remove your pants, and tell us about your crippling social anxiety.
NO FUCKING WAY --
Great Backfat Pus Mountain-kun, please watch your language. Respect the Health Services office. This is a safe place --
[Zura turns around to put the chart down, and when he turns back, the teenager is gone]
-- Oh. It seems he is well enough to go to gym after all, Nurse.
...Maybe he’s allergic to latex? Ahahah?
[END action&video post ◄]
[the feed turns on to reveal a cheerful office, with lots of cute kitten-inspiration posters, school-related knick-knacks, and a mini-fridge]
[wait, what?]
[Into the view comes one afro-headed idiot, smiling and holding a notepad. He motions to a teenager and points him to a chair in the middle of the room.]
Ahahah! Please! Come in! This is a safe place. Feel free to relax, sit on the chair, ahah! The doctor will be with you shortly!
[Sakamoto then hurries out a side door.]
[Zura strides in, wearing a full surgeon’s costume, face-mask and all. he is now holding the notepad, and looking it over very seriously]
Hello. I see you have come here complaining of an “icky stomach.” Can you describe this icky stomach in greater detail?
What? It’s just a upset stomach, man.
It’s not man, it’s Dr Katsura, PhD. Nurse? Nurse!
[The door quickly reopens and in comes Sakamoto once more.]
Ah? Did I forget again? Ahah, so sorry, Doctor. [He moves to a desk and opens a drawer, pulling out a blood pressure cuff and some tongue depressors. After a few more moments of rummaging, he comes up with a thermometer. He then returns to the teenager’s side and wraps the blood pressure cuff around his arm.]
Stay very still.
[pump pump pump pump]
[Zura continues examining the chart (which is literally 5 words long), and questions the bored looking teen] This is a gym period, is it not? It seems like an extremely opportune moment to get a case of an icky stomach. Wouldn’t you agree, Nurse?
Gym period? Ah! Perhaps all that jumping and running made him feel hot! I’ll take his temperature after I finish here.
[As he finishes taking the blood pressure, he writes the figures down before pulling out one of the tongue depressors.] Say ahhh, ah!
[as the kid sticks out his tongue awkwardly, Zura leans closer, scrutinizing] Perhaps. Or, perhaps, you were driven to a state of high anxiety due to the pressures of gym period, which caused an ulcer to develop in your stomach. Were other students giving you a difficult time? Were they calling you cruel names? Did the boys in the locker room see your ample back pimples, and then tell the girl you wish to confess to all about them, who as a result now calls you the Great Backfat Pus Mountain? You may confide in us. This is a safe place.
What the hell, man --
It’s not man, it’s Dr Katsura, PhD. Nurse, have you finished taking his vitals?
[Sakamoto writes down a few more figures before setting the blood pressure cuff to the side and standing.] One moment, Doctor. Ahaha, I need gloves for taking his temperature.
[He moves out of view of the feed, but the sound of someone pulling on latex gloves with a ‘pop’. He calls out from off-screen.] Where is the petroleum jelly, ah?
The what?! What do you need that for?! Are you two fucking with me?!
As the Nurse has been repeatedly reminded, that is against school policy.
Ahah, yes. Reminded. Three strikes and I’m out, ahah.
[As Sakamoto returns, he’s standing behind Zura and holding a thermometer. It’s much too big for what it needs to be used for. He sets it aside and then holds up a jar of petroleum jelly and begins rubbing it on the end of the thermometer, lubing it up nicely.]
We must get to the bottom of this mysterious illness that forces you to miss the joys of gym period! Ahah!
Please remove your pants, and tell us about your crippling social anxiety.
NO FUCKING WAY --
Great Backfat Pus Mountain-kun, please watch your language. Respect the Health Services office. This is a safe place --
[Zura turns around to put the chart down, and when he turns back, the teenager is gone]
-- Oh. It seems he is well enough to go to gym after all, Nurse.
...Maybe he’s allergic to latex? Ahahah?
[END action&video post ◄]