The Lightning Post - 10th edition, Oct. 2nd y20348
The Lightning Post
10th edition, Oct. 2nd, y20348 Battle monsters Fight Ring grand opening!
WOW! Brand new to the Thor, Battle Monsters Fight Ring is now open in the recreation area. Battle Monsters is a fighting system which incorporates all the types of recreational fighting monsters popular in different parts of the galaxy. Fights are turn-based and strategy is key. Kids and grownups all over the galaxy are becoming addicted to this pastime. Bring your fighting monsters and let's have a true battle of love and courage! The Burning Heart of Fight does not waver!!!©
HEY MOM AND DAD! Did you know, some types of elemental Battle Monsters are even stronger or weaker against others? This teaches kids science on the sly! Parents and teachers agree, Battle Monsters Fight Ring is the place for your little prodigy to be! GWF in uproar over controversial rising star wrestler
A new talent debuting in the Galactic Wrestling Federation, whose home arena is located on the SS Thor, has been revealed to be a refugee. And some of the other contracted talents working for the centuries old wrestling promotion are not happy about it. "Red Dragon" Hong Meiling is, in actuality, a refugee of the same name who apparently arrived on the ship several months ago and was picked up by the promotion's talent relations team as having a lot of potential amongst other try-outs that took place over the summer.
The debut came to a lot of fanfare, and gate ticket sales HAVE increased. But many of the long time contracted talents working for the promotion have spoken up and out of character about their uncomfortableness in sharing the spotlight with a refugee. One wrestler went so far as to say it was a disgrace to the proud tradition of the GWF to contract someone who "doesn't even belong here". There have been underground talks of a possible walk-out of several contracted talents if Hong Meiling is allowed to continue competing.
The GWF declined to comment on the matter officially. When the Lightning Post attempted to contact Hong Meiling, she was apparently too busy with newly arrived family to go into detail, but seemed honestly surprised this was happening at all. "I felt welcome in the locker room at the time, so this is all news to me," said the new wrestler.
Former GWF Talent Relations Manager Leslie Gleebax told us that "Enough is enough and it's time for a change. Refugees watch GWF on the tele and they buy tickets to the arena shows. There should be no reason why they can't see one of their own wearing a belt." [Advertisement]
INSULTS.COM is a new service taking the middleman out of insult delivery! Got someone who needs to be insulted? Just order the type of insult that needs to be brought and we will bring it straight to the recipient's door. Choose from bitch slaps, comments about appearance, clothing, or hygiene, optional derogatory language, slurs, and rude noises! Check out or low prices on hand gestures, no one can beat our value. This month only, a shouted "U MAD" is free free free with your order! PETSM Opposes new Battle Monsters Fight Ring arena!
People for the Ethical Treatment of Small Monsters (PETSM) will be meeting outside Battle Monsters Fight Ring every Saturday to protest these goings-on. We urge you to think about the awful things that this is teaching our children! Why are kids making monsters fight each other? It's violent and disgusting and promotes killing! We don't need a study to show that this is poisoning people's hearts and minds with commercialism. People do nothing but watch the cartoon, buy the holo-cards, eat the fruit snacks, play the computer games, and talk about nothing but Battle Monsters at family reunions! Clearly we cannot allow this to go on. If you are a good person with morals, you'll come join PETSM! [Advertisement]
RomanceChemistry.com is unlike anything you've experienced in a matchmaking website. Our trained experts evaluate applicants based on 150 nitpicky aspects of behavior and lifestyle to find the people best suited to you and your preferences. Then we toss in a few unexpected variables into your possibilities just to see what will happen. We believe that like-minded individuals who enjoy the same things live well together. We believe that opposites attract. We believe that people should have something in common and then subtle differences to spice things up. We believe that you can find your best match at RomanceChemistry.com, and then we will use you in a romantic commercial. At least if you don't, we'll have a lot of fun watching you try. RomanceChemistry.com-- think of us as the scrubbing bubbles of love. We weed out the losers, so you don't have to. Maniac on the Loose! Wheelchairs in Short Supply!
It has come to this reporter's attention that a vicious criminal has been terrorizing the good people and refugees on the Thor. Several weeks ago, the mad man going by the alias "Krotch Airan" began a marauding spree that has left the populace without a leg to stand on! Perhaps jealous of his own inability to play Galactic Soccer, this flaming haired felon extraordinaire committed his first assault, shattering the leg of a helpless little girl! The force of the leg-breaking, which registered seven "OW F**K"s on Professor Timzalt's "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" scale, was enough to completely collapse a local mine with the shockwave. Naturally, this resulted in no less than thirty other separate cases of broken lower appendages! Keep an eye out, Thorians, your legs might be next! CATS musical rehearsals gone horribly awry!
The dazzling, flawless production opened this past weekend without a hitch - though the road to success was, according to famed director Lzzreir Faxlebrokk, quite the bumpy ride. Actors rebelling, dressing rooms catching on fire, indecent exposure, calling he-who-shalt-not-be-named's name in vain, verbal abuse of the poor director, and what is understood to be one of the worst cases of cameltoe in spandex history were only a few of the many challenges faced by our intrepid director.
"It's all water under the bridge now," says Faxlebrokk, waving a dismissive tentacle. "No great work can truly be counted a triumph without success over adversity."
Considering the awe-inspiring rendition witnessed this Sunday past, this reporter hesitates to imagine the extent of such adversity. A hearty and heart-felt congratulations go to both Mr. Faxlebrokk, however, as well as his very talanted group of actors. [Letter to the Editor]
Dear Editor,
Recently I've become somewhat appalled by the lax state of morality on the Thor. While this is seen everywhere from the wanton murders that seem to be caught on camera every other week to the even more wanton promiscuity half the ship is apparently engaging in, I thought perhaps the arts would be a welcome refuge. I was wrong.
When I saw the community college's stage production of CATS being advertised, I expected a family-friendly performance. Instead, I was met with a troupe of catsuited actors having an on-stage orgy. While I am sure there are some people aboard this ship who enjoy seeing actors dressed in outlandish makeup rutting against each other in a poorly-veiled simulation of foreplay, the rest of us would like some sort of warning before we bring our children on a family outing only to end up having to explain to them why Rum Tum Tugger's hand was slipping up Bombalurina's thigh.
In the future, I would suggest informing the public that a musical will contain adult themes before they buy tickets. It might save us all a needless amount of consternation.
From,
A Concerned Theater Lover Classes begin!
It's the beginning of another school year on the S.S. Thor! After an unprecidented two-month-long holiday thanks to the recent terrorist threat at the beginning of August, schools in all corners of the station will once again resume, much to the dismay of many students.
Due to a steady increase in the number of students over the past year, the new school year brings many openings in the teacher workforce - so if you or someone you know has ever considered going into the education field, now would be an excellent time to give it a try! [Advertisment]
"Hey Jen, your hair looks really great. It's so soft and luminous."
"That's right Jenna. I can't stop running my fingers through it. The secret is Zrathomian Kiwi." "Zrathomian Kiwi?"
"Right, Zrathomian Kiwi. Didn't you know? This new hair coloring process is all the rage right now. It's making the Brazilian Blowout look positively ancient. Only Zrathomian Kiwi-based hair dye is packed with vitamins, minerals, anti-oxidants, and gamma rays to penetrate the hair shaft, leaving the cuticle completely shiny and illustrious and ever-so-soft. It comes in 25 power-packed, sexy, and invigorating shades. And the fragrance is simply dreamy."
"Mmmm, it sure is. I bet Chad can't keep his hands off of you."
"Oh, trust me, he can't! You really should try it! Ask your hairstylist for Zrathomian Kiwi and taste the excitement for yourself today!" [Feel free to reply ICly to this post, or make a new post regarding one of the articles if something catches your character's eye!]
10th edition, Oct. 2nd, y20348 Battle monsters Fight Ring grand opening!
WOW! Brand new to the Thor, Battle Monsters Fight Ring is now open in the recreation area. Battle Monsters is a fighting system which incorporates all the types of recreational fighting monsters popular in different parts of the galaxy. Fights are turn-based and strategy is key. Kids and grownups all over the galaxy are becoming addicted to this pastime. Bring your fighting monsters and let's have a true battle of love and courage! The Burning Heart of Fight does not waver!!!©
HEY MOM AND DAD! Did you know, some types of elemental Battle Monsters are even stronger or weaker against others? This teaches kids science on the sly! Parents and teachers agree, Battle Monsters Fight Ring is the place for your little prodigy to be! GWF in uproar over controversial rising star wrestler
A new talent debuting in the Galactic Wrestling Federation, whose home arena is located on the SS Thor, has been revealed to be a refugee. And some of the other contracted talents working for the centuries old wrestling promotion are not happy about it. "Red Dragon" Hong Meiling is, in actuality, a refugee of the same name who apparently arrived on the ship several months ago and was picked up by the promotion's talent relations team as having a lot of potential amongst other try-outs that took place over the summer.
The debut came to a lot of fanfare, and gate ticket sales HAVE increased. But many of the long time contracted talents working for the promotion have spoken up and out of character about their uncomfortableness in sharing the spotlight with a refugee. One wrestler went so far as to say it was a disgrace to the proud tradition of the GWF to contract someone who "doesn't even belong here". There have been underground talks of a possible walk-out of several contracted talents if Hong Meiling is allowed to continue competing.
The GWF declined to comment on the matter officially. When the Lightning Post attempted to contact Hong Meiling, she was apparently too busy with newly arrived family to go into detail, but seemed honestly surprised this was happening at all. "I felt welcome in the locker room at the time, so this is all news to me," said the new wrestler.
Former GWF Talent Relations Manager Leslie Gleebax told us that "Enough is enough and it's time for a change. Refugees watch GWF on the tele and they buy tickets to the arena shows. There should be no reason why they can't see one of their own wearing a belt." [Advertisement]
INSULTS.COM is a new service taking the middleman out of insult delivery! Got someone who needs to be insulted? Just order the type of insult that needs to be brought and we will bring it straight to the recipient's door. Choose from bitch slaps, comments about appearance, clothing, or hygiene, optional derogatory language, slurs, and rude noises! Check out or low prices on hand gestures, no one can beat our value. This month only, a shouted "U MAD" is free free free with your order! PETSM Opposes new Battle Monsters Fight Ring arena!
People for the Ethical Treatment of Small Monsters (PETSM) will be meeting outside Battle Monsters Fight Ring every Saturday to protest these goings-on. We urge you to think about the awful things that this is teaching our children! Why are kids making monsters fight each other? It's violent and disgusting and promotes killing! We don't need a study to show that this is poisoning people's hearts and minds with commercialism. People do nothing but watch the cartoon, buy the holo-cards, eat the fruit snacks, play the computer games, and talk about nothing but Battle Monsters at family reunions! Clearly we cannot allow this to go on. If you are a good person with morals, you'll come join PETSM! [Advertisement]
RomanceChemistry.com is unlike anything you've experienced in a matchmaking website. Our trained experts evaluate applicants based on 150 nitpicky aspects of behavior and lifestyle to find the people best suited to you and your preferences. Then we toss in a few unexpected variables into your possibilities just to see what will happen. We believe that like-minded individuals who enjoy the same things live well together. We believe that opposites attract. We believe that people should have something in common and then subtle differences to spice things up. We believe that you can find your best match at RomanceChemistry.com, and then we will use you in a romantic commercial. At least if you don't, we'll have a lot of fun watching you try. RomanceChemistry.com-- think of us as the scrubbing bubbles of love. We weed out the losers, so you don't have to. Maniac on the Loose! Wheelchairs in Short Supply!
It has come to this reporter's attention that a vicious criminal has been terrorizing the good people and refugees on the Thor. Several weeks ago, the mad man going by the alias "Krotch Airan" began a marauding spree that has left the populace without a leg to stand on! Perhaps jealous of his own inability to play Galactic Soccer, this flaming haired felon extraordinaire committed his first assault, shattering the leg of a helpless little girl! The force of the leg-breaking, which registered seven "OW F**K"s on Professor Timzalt's "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" scale, was enough to completely collapse a local mine with the shockwave. Naturally, this resulted in no less than thirty other separate cases of broken lower appendages! Keep an eye out, Thorians, your legs might be next! CATS musical rehearsals gone horribly awry!
The dazzling, flawless production opened this past weekend without a hitch - though the road to success was, according to famed director Lzzreir Faxlebrokk, quite the bumpy ride. Actors rebelling, dressing rooms catching on fire, indecent exposure, calling he-who-shalt-not-be-named's name in vain, verbal abuse of the poor director, and what is understood to be one of the worst cases of cameltoe in spandex history were only a few of the many challenges faced by our intrepid director.
"It's all water under the bridge now," says Faxlebrokk, waving a dismissive tentacle. "No great work can truly be counted a triumph without success over adversity."
Considering the awe-inspiring rendition witnessed this Sunday past, this reporter hesitates to imagine the extent of such adversity. A hearty and heart-felt congratulations go to both Mr. Faxlebrokk, however, as well as his very talanted group of actors. [Letter to the Editor]
Dear Editor,
Recently I've become somewhat appalled by the lax state of morality on the Thor. While this is seen everywhere from the wanton murders that seem to be caught on camera every other week to the even more wanton promiscuity half the ship is apparently engaging in, I thought perhaps the arts would be a welcome refuge. I was wrong.
When I saw the community college's stage production of CATS being advertised, I expected a family-friendly performance. Instead, I was met with a troupe of catsuited actors having an on-stage orgy. While I am sure there are some people aboard this ship who enjoy seeing actors dressed in outlandish makeup rutting against each other in a poorly-veiled simulation of foreplay, the rest of us would like some sort of warning before we bring our children on a family outing only to end up having to explain to them why Rum Tum Tugger's hand was slipping up Bombalurina's thigh.
In the future, I would suggest informing the public that a musical will contain adult themes before they buy tickets. It might save us all a needless amount of consternation.
From,
A Concerned Theater Lover Classes begin!
It's the beginning of another school year on the S.S. Thor! After an unprecidented two-month-long holiday thanks to the recent terrorist threat at the beginning of August, schools in all corners of the station will once again resume, much to the dismay of many students.
Due to a steady increase in the number of students over the past year, the new school year brings many openings in the teacher workforce - so if you or someone you know has ever considered going into the education field, now would be an excellent time to give it a try! [Advertisment]
"Hey Jen, your hair looks really great. It's so soft and luminous."
"That's right Jenna. I can't stop running my fingers through it. The secret is Zrathomian Kiwi." "Zrathomian Kiwi?"
"Right, Zrathomian Kiwi. Didn't you know? This new hair coloring process is all the rage right now. It's making the Brazilian Blowout look positively ancient. Only Zrathomian Kiwi-based hair dye is packed with vitamins, minerals, anti-oxidants, and gamma rays to penetrate the hair shaft, leaving the cuticle completely shiny and illustrious and ever-so-soft. It comes in 25 power-packed, sexy, and invigorating shades. And the fragrance is simply dreamy."
"Mmmm, it sure is. I bet Chad can't keep his hands off of you."
"Oh, trust me, he can't! You really should try it! Ask your hairstylist for Zrathomian Kiwi and taste the excitement for yourself today!" [Feel free to reply ICly to this post, or make a new post regarding one of the articles if something catches your character's eye!]