or who knows, maybe they really will just calm the heck down and resolve this (ha ha)
Follow-up to this crapulescent post re: family. HAS THE SITUATION IMPROVED?!?!
(spoilers: very much no)
So... last night, Charlie came home to tell me that he and mother had argued again. More precisely, he's convinced that she's taken money from his wallet. She says otherwise. They had a massive argument, until she eventually hit him with a biscuit tin (honestly, what even) and told him he can pack his bags tomorrow.
Where do I even begin to break this down.
Last night is last night, and there's always the chance that they'll both cool off. She might not... actually insist that he move out. But he has no intention of backing down, and she's devestated that he would accuse her of that. Charlie is really not an easy person to live with, and she's had to endure a lot from him over the years. I mentioned in the previous post that I'm amazed he was never expelled from education - you can figure out from there that things haven't been easy from a parenting stand point. I'm hard pressed to say that any one person is ~at fault~ when it comes to this family. It really is a complicated mess all over. But, just... accumulation upon accumulation, I'm (again!) not at all sure what to do next.
Charlie went to mum's to collect his wallet, and says that the money in it had vanished. We're talking about £5 incidentally. Five bloody pounds. I know it's about mistrust, and the principle of the thing, and lord knows what else, but the fact this is such a tiny amount of money just makes me want to put my head through something. BUT it was gone, and he... well, obviously this is where we get the two versions.
Charlie: He asked mum about it, she went nuts and they argued, she hit him and told him to leave.
Mum: Charlie was exceptionally foul to her, accused her of stealing ('who wants to be called a thief, never mind by their own child?'), then he went to the nearest pub and called her up to loudly continue the argument and call her every bad name under the sun. So everyone present there also got to hear that she's apparently a thief. She said nothing about hitting him.
She was crying on the phone, and repeatedly telling me that it wasn't my problem anyway, I don't have to worry about it, it's nothing to do with me. I asked her about Charlie apparently having to collect his things, and she confirmed that. (I also asked Charlie about him calling her from a pub and being vocal, and he didn't deny it, so that's confirmed as well.)
She hung up on me last night, saying she couldn't talk about this, though she did call me back some thirty minutes later to apologise for that. She sounded terrible. I tried to get her to... call a friend or something, but she kept insisting she didn't need company. I probably made it sound like she needed suicide watch or something, geez. But god damn, I wish she would have called Leah or someone, I don't care who. Hng. Regardless, I'm going over there this evening for a family meal.
That was a fun conversation piece, of course. Charlie is no longer invited (and had already told me he wasn't going anyway). I said I'd have to stay here and see him fed, but mum insisted he's seventeen, shouldn't always get his way, world doesn't revolve around him, et cetera et cetera, and... I really do need to go see her. I also... well, I know she said it's ~not my problem~, but it has to be someone's damn problem. She might not want to broach the topic of where Charlie's going to go if she kicks him out, but the fact of the matter is? He is seventeen, and not working, and it needs to be discussed. I need to collect his things for him as well. Or at least I offered to.
I'm also going to... check around his room/his clothes, and see if I can't find this £5. Not entirely sure what it'd achieve if I did find it, mind. He's already said that IF it shows up somehow, he'll grovel. Well, that's very wonderful Charlie. Ffft. Of course, he's also expressed a belief that she'll plant money on his clothes before admitting she ever took it. Isn't this great?! I love horrific mistrust between immediate family!
But regardless, I'm going to check. Because if there is someone he'll listen to, it's me. I have no idea what I ever did that got me this trusted mediator role, but I swear not a one of them is likely to listen to anyone BUT me.
The thing is, they're both so stubborn, and I... well, I just don't think any sort of confirmed truth is ever going to come out of this. Whether the money is misplaced, or stolen, or whatever, I don't think an answer is ever going to present itself. And... I have the word of a brother against the word of a mother, and one of them is false.
Well, the best case scenario is that Charlie has made an honest mistake and it's resulted in catastrophe. This has the sub-possibility of Charlie finding the money and feigning otherwise to save face - sadly, I believe him quite capable of doing this. As for mother, nothing so fortunate there - she is either telling the truth, or she is lying - no way out of this one. On the one hand, £5 seems like such a fucking stupid amount of money to even be... 'worth it', ha ha. On the other hand, it's not like she isn't already in debt to me, and drinking often, and... god, strewth, this is impossible. It's like they BOTH already said. 'No child should have to suspect his mother is even capable of that', and 'no mother should have to be accused by their child'. I'm in this miserable ground of knowing where they're both coming from. I wish I could say that I'm 100% confident that she's innocent, but it's really... well, whatever, I'm just not. I'm not convinced. And even if you take my doubt, that's still in the shape of '£5 is a stupid amount of money, surely not'.
Let me just paint this right. If mum's taken this money, it's for one reason: alcohol. Or whatever, maybe cigarettes, but you know. The thing is, if she... I don't know, suddenly didn't have anything to feed the cat, or suddenly needed to top up the electric metre? She would have just admitted it. 'Sorry Charlie, I had no cash and I really needed to do it right then, I'll pay you back, I promise, I'm really sorry' - that is something I can see happening. Her not admitting it right away means she's either innocent, or she spent it on something she doesn't want to face up to. She's an alcoholic and an escapist, and that's why I can't completely right off the possibility. ...... But it's five fucking quid, what could you even do with that? It's such a stupid amount. I'm just going in circles of disbelief and rationale, there's no way I can discern the truth of this by thinking about it so it's really about time I stopped.
The significant thing is, Charlie is potentially homeless here. And it is my problem, no matter what naivé parenting might suggest to the contrary. I'm not going to just pass him to some local authority and let them figure it out. At the very damn least, I'll be sorting it out with him. Someone has to.
I haven't told dad yet. Charlie asked me to, and so I... guess I will, of course, but. I'm not really sure when the best time for that is. He's staying at his girlfriend's right now, so we're only seeing him for brief periods each day, and that's when he's just finished a hard day of manual labour. His work isn't exactly the sort that leaves him immediately conducive to serious discussion, hahah. I'll have to... I don't even know, figure something out.
I also have a potential promotion coming up. I've been tempted and reluctant in equal measure, and at least part of the reluctance is this... self-absorbed idea of ~welcome to the rest of your life in retail~. But maybe it's about time I stop being so fucking childish and selfish and just... start looking at this for what it is - right now I need all the income I can get. If I take this on, maybe I'll actually be earning enough a month to accomodate myself and a brother. All things to consider.
(Honestly? That isn't very likely, just as is. But it's all the right direction. Just gotta keep thinking.)
First move is tackling my mother this evening. March onwards.
(spoilers: very much no)
So... last night, Charlie came home to tell me that he and mother had argued again. More precisely, he's convinced that she's taken money from his wallet. She says otherwise. They had a massive argument, until she eventually hit him with a biscuit tin (honestly, what even) and told him he can pack his bags tomorrow.
Where do I even begin to break this down.
Last night is last night, and there's always the chance that they'll both cool off. She might not... actually insist that he move out. But he has no intention of backing down, and she's devestated that he would accuse her of that. Charlie is really not an easy person to live with, and she's had to endure a lot from him over the years. I mentioned in the previous post that I'm amazed he was never expelled from education - you can figure out from there that things haven't been easy from a parenting stand point. I'm hard pressed to say that any one person is ~at fault~ when it comes to this family. It really is a complicated mess all over. But, just... accumulation upon accumulation, I'm (again!) not at all sure what to do next.
Charlie went to mum's to collect his wallet, and says that the money in it had vanished. We're talking about £5 incidentally. Five bloody pounds. I know it's about mistrust, and the principle of the thing, and lord knows what else, but the fact this is such a tiny amount of money just makes me want to put my head through something. BUT it was gone, and he... well, obviously this is where we get the two versions.
Charlie: He asked mum about it, she went nuts and they argued, she hit him and told him to leave.
Mum: Charlie was exceptionally foul to her, accused her of stealing ('who wants to be called a thief, never mind by their own child?'), then he went to the nearest pub and called her up to loudly continue the argument and call her every bad name under the sun. So everyone present there also got to hear that she's apparently a thief. She said nothing about hitting him.
She was crying on the phone, and repeatedly telling me that it wasn't my problem anyway, I don't have to worry about it, it's nothing to do with me. I asked her about Charlie apparently having to collect his things, and she confirmed that. (I also asked Charlie about him calling her from a pub and being vocal, and he didn't deny it, so that's confirmed as well.)
She hung up on me last night, saying she couldn't talk about this, though she did call me back some thirty minutes later to apologise for that. She sounded terrible. I tried to get her to... call a friend or something, but she kept insisting she didn't need company. I probably made it sound like she needed suicide watch or something, geez. But god damn, I wish she would have called Leah or someone, I don't care who. Hng. Regardless, I'm going over there this evening for a family meal.
That was a fun conversation piece, of course. Charlie is no longer invited (and had already told me he wasn't going anyway). I said I'd have to stay here and see him fed, but mum insisted he's seventeen, shouldn't always get his way, world doesn't revolve around him, et cetera et cetera, and... I really do need to go see her. I also... well, I know she said it's ~not my problem~, but it has to be someone's damn problem. She might not want to broach the topic of where Charlie's going to go if she kicks him out, but the fact of the matter is? He is seventeen, and not working, and it needs to be discussed. I need to collect his things for him as well. Or at least I offered to.
I'm also going to... check around his room/his clothes, and see if I can't find this £5. Not entirely sure what it'd achieve if I did find it, mind. He's already said that IF it shows up somehow, he'll grovel. Well, that's very wonderful Charlie. Ffft. Of course, he's also expressed a belief that she'll plant money on his clothes before admitting she ever took it. Isn't this great?! I love horrific mistrust between immediate family!
But regardless, I'm going to check. Because if there is someone he'll listen to, it's me. I have no idea what I ever did that got me this trusted mediator role, but I swear not a one of them is likely to listen to anyone BUT me.
The thing is, they're both so stubborn, and I... well, I just don't think any sort of confirmed truth is ever going to come out of this. Whether the money is misplaced, or stolen, or whatever, I don't think an answer is ever going to present itself. And... I have the word of a brother against the word of a mother, and one of them is false.
Well, the best case scenario is that Charlie has made an honest mistake and it's resulted in catastrophe. This has the sub-possibility of Charlie finding the money and feigning otherwise to save face - sadly, I believe him quite capable of doing this. As for mother, nothing so fortunate there - she is either telling the truth, or she is lying - no way out of this one. On the one hand, £5 seems like such a fucking stupid amount of money to even be... 'worth it', ha ha. On the other hand, it's not like she isn't already in debt to me, and drinking often, and... god, strewth, this is impossible. It's like they BOTH already said. 'No child should have to suspect his mother is even capable of that', and 'no mother should have to be accused by their child'. I'm in this miserable ground of knowing where they're both coming from. I wish I could say that I'm 100% confident that she's innocent, but it's really... well, whatever, I'm just not. I'm not convinced. And even if you take my doubt, that's still in the shape of '£5 is a stupid amount of money, surely not'.
Let me just paint this right. If mum's taken this money, it's for one reason: alcohol. Or whatever, maybe cigarettes, but you know. The thing is, if she... I don't know, suddenly didn't have anything to feed the cat, or suddenly needed to top up the electric metre? She would have just admitted it. 'Sorry Charlie, I had no cash and I really needed to do it right then, I'll pay you back, I promise, I'm really sorry' - that is something I can see happening. Her not admitting it right away means she's either innocent, or she spent it on something she doesn't want to face up to. She's an alcoholic and an escapist, and that's why I can't completely right off the possibility. ...... But it's five fucking quid, what could you even do with that? It's such a stupid amount. I'm just going in circles of disbelief and rationale, there's no way I can discern the truth of this by thinking about it so it's really about time I stopped.
The significant thing is, Charlie is potentially homeless here. And it is my problem, no matter what naivé parenting might suggest to the contrary. I'm not going to just pass him to some local authority and let them figure it out. At the very damn least, I'll be sorting it out with him. Someone has to.
I haven't told dad yet. Charlie asked me to, and so I... guess I will, of course, but. I'm not really sure when the best time for that is. He's staying at his girlfriend's right now, so we're only seeing him for brief periods each day, and that's when he's just finished a hard day of manual labour. His work isn't exactly the sort that leaves him immediately conducive to serious discussion, hahah. I'll have to... I don't even know, figure something out.
I also have a potential promotion coming up. I've been tempted and reluctant in equal measure, and at least part of the reluctance is this... self-absorbed idea of ~welcome to the rest of your life in retail~. But maybe it's about time I stop being so fucking childish and selfish and just... start looking at this for what it is - right now I need all the income I can get. If I take this on, maybe I'll actually be earning enough a month to accomodate myself and a brother. All things to consider.
(Honestly? That isn't very likely, just as is. But it's all the right direction. Just gotta keep thinking.)
First move is tackling my mother this evening. March onwards.