Ponderances
So I have noticed that I nap a lot these days. Pretty much every day after work I lay down on the couch and nap for about an hour or so. Sometimes it is nearly midnight when I wake up. Now, I do enjoy the good nap when the rain is falling or the weather is chilly. I have just been bothered by the number of naps I take.
I guess it is more the fact that I come home from work and have nothing to do. I have nothing to look forward to. I do say I am going to clean, exercise or work on a list of projects. My motivation seems to have completely left me. I procrastinate... all the time.. but it has gotten worse. I have noticed this more since Lisa died.
I would sleep as much as I could right after Lisa died to kill the thoughts. I could go to happy places with her and forget the real world. I would close my eyes and try to not be.. and would fall asleep. I would find things to put me to sleep so I would quit thinking. I do that still but not nearly as often. When I get upset, I lay down somewhere and allow myself to fall asleep.
I have kept this up even without trying to forget or change the thoughts in my head. It makes me wonder what else is going on. My mood does swing rather quickly and from one extreme to another, and that is a normal day. It has gotten more extreme and a shorter time between swings since Lisa died.
I could say it is all depression, and it probably is. I won't talk to anyone, even those extremely close to me, I barely talk to. I try to find ways to help the swings by telling stories and talking about anything to anyone. I don't get too personal.. sometimes i get a little too personal for me. My tolerances for people and things has gotten extremely short as well. I have NOT started looking for my answers in the bottom of a bottle. This time doesn't quite feel right to go that route.
This is where I talk personally I guess. It is easier to dump my brain here. I will probably keep taking naps. My boredom has started to get the better of me. The depression might be the root cause. *shrugs*
I guess it is more the fact that I come home from work and have nothing to do. I have nothing to look forward to. I do say I am going to clean, exercise or work on a list of projects. My motivation seems to have completely left me. I procrastinate... all the time.. but it has gotten worse. I have noticed this more since Lisa died.
I would sleep as much as I could right after Lisa died to kill the thoughts. I could go to happy places with her and forget the real world. I would close my eyes and try to not be.. and would fall asleep. I would find things to put me to sleep so I would quit thinking. I do that still but not nearly as often. When I get upset, I lay down somewhere and allow myself to fall asleep.
I have kept this up even without trying to forget or change the thoughts in my head. It makes me wonder what else is going on. My mood does swing rather quickly and from one extreme to another, and that is a normal day. It has gotten more extreme and a shorter time between swings since Lisa died.
I could say it is all depression, and it probably is. I won't talk to anyone, even those extremely close to me, I barely talk to. I try to find ways to help the swings by telling stories and talking about anything to anyone. I don't get too personal.. sometimes i get a little too personal for me. My tolerances for people and things has gotten extremely short as well. I have NOT started looking for my answers in the bottom of a bottle. This time doesn't quite feel right to go that route.
This is where I talk personally I guess. It is easier to dump my brain here. I will probably keep taking naps. My boredom has started to get the better of me. The depression might be the root cause. *shrugs*