(no subject)
it's been over a week of crying and girl rock and new friends - but mostly activities that would bring my "she was young she was wild" outlook on life, shame. I am regretting his decision for him. I am missing myself for him. But this is what I would have done anyways. Taken the work of 2 and placing it directly on my heart alone. But even still I'll be eager to do it. I told him, "I have enough love for the both of us!"
No. It can't be that way. It is just so sad because hes really my best friend and all these new memories keep stirring. All of these things I forgot to include in my recollection letter that I gave to him on our anniversary so short ago. They all kill my demeanor and just shatter my strenths and at this moment if we were still together I'd say to him "I have crampies" and he would "awwh" appropriately and rub my belly. I'd also tell him that my boobies hurt just so he would put his hands on them. But they really do pain me an immense amount ATM.
God how I wish everything were as it was. It was so much easier. But he is noble for not taking the easy way out. He left something good to make way for the "great". I still have a few things left to say though. The last time we had sex I stopped him to make sure he loved me. I stopped him! Forward to 2 days later and him dumping me saying he didn't feel the same. NEVER TRUST A BOY WITH AN ERECTION. I'd like to make him feel really badly about that. Blatantly lying to me and Boy! I am pissed now but mostly I miss him well hear this--:
I make myself sad.
Why didn't anyone said "you deserve better" "hes not good enough for you" "etc" in the beginning? Wheres the warning? Why let your true emotions be known when they're subject to scrutinizing? Before I put all of my small heart into it and made him my world. Looking back I feel like I was sleeping witha stranger. There was a man straddling my thighs who had forgotten the cute voices I make and all that I did for him. Or, perhaps he chose not to remember me. He chose to fall out of love because the "single life enteced" him and so did a new (ugly, 20 yr. old) fruit. Unbelievable. I know that if he doesn't already (almost made evident by Monday night's purposeless telephone call) I knnew for sure that he will miss my companionship and the closeness, not to mention massages. And so. I won't give it to him. As natural as it feels I need to learn how to transform my reactions to him into friendly gunfire or something of the like.
I feel indifferent and black and I feel like I am on speed.
No. It can't be that way. It is just so sad because hes really my best friend and all these new memories keep stirring. All of these things I forgot to include in my recollection letter that I gave to him on our anniversary so short ago. They all kill my demeanor and just shatter my strenths and at this moment if we were still together I'd say to him "I have crampies" and he would "awwh" appropriately and rub my belly. I'd also tell him that my boobies hurt just so he would put his hands on them. But they really do pain me an immense amount ATM.
God how I wish everything were as it was. It was so much easier. But he is noble for not taking the easy way out. He left something good to make way for the "great". I still have a few things left to say though. The last time we had sex I stopped him to make sure he loved me. I stopped him! Forward to 2 days later and him dumping me saying he didn't feel the same. NEVER TRUST A BOY WITH AN ERECTION. I'd like to make him feel really badly about that. Blatantly lying to me and Boy! I am pissed now but mostly I miss him well hear this--:
I make myself sad.
Why didn't anyone said "you deserve better" "hes not good enough for you" "etc" in the beginning? Wheres the warning? Why let your true emotions be known when they're subject to scrutinizing? Before I put all of my small heart into it and made him my world. Looking back I feel like I was sleeping witha stranger. There was a man straddling my thighs who had forgotten the cute voices I make and all that I did for him. Or, perhaps he chose not to remember me. He chose to fall out of love because the "single life enteced" him and so did a new (ugly, 20 yr. old) fruit. Unbelievable. I know that if he doesn't already (almost made evident by Monday night's purposeless telephone call) I knnew for sure that he will miss my companionship and the closeness, not to mention massages. And so. I won't give it to him. As natural as it feels I need to learn how to transform my reactions to him into friendly gunfire or something of the like.
I feel indifferent and black and I feel like I am on speed.