Tired
Its been a very long time since I wrote here. Not much to say. I'm so tired, and so very tired of being tired. Tired of being lonely. Tired of feeling bad, and sad, and useless and weapy and unpleasant to be around.
Return visit to see the nurse practitioner on Friday about the new blood pressure medicine. They fuss that I need to take it, but I hate the way it makes me feel. I called than and stopped taking it today but said I'd keep the appointment. They'll probably prescribe yet another one. Sigh.
I wonder what they would say if when they say it is bad for me to have high blood pressure, I told them that the medicines make me want to lie down and never get back up, to just give up after all these years of trudging along and promising myself I wouldn't do that to my kids. But when I think that I may have another 20 or 30 years of feeling like this and not wanting to do anything (thanks for the longevity genes, Mama and Daddy 😢), I'm not sure I can do it. If I don't bother to take care of this body, and I certainly haven't felt like it lately, maybe the blood pressure and diabetes and cholesterol they fuss about so much will solve the problem for me. Who knows. Sorry, Anna, but you really don't have to take care of the other two. Let them go their own way. They do anyway unless they are just in the mood or want something.
Return visit to see the nurse practitioner on Friday about the new blood pressure medicine. They fuss that I need to take it, but I hate the way it makes me feel. I called than and stopped taking it today but said I'd keep the appointment. They'll probably prescribe yet another one. Sigh.
I wonder what they would say if when they say it is bad for me to have high blood pressure, I told them that the medicines make me want to lie down and never get back up, to just give up after all these years of trudging along and promising myself I wouldn't do that to my kids. But when I think that I may have another 20 or 30 years of feeling like this and not wanting to do anything (thanks for the longevity genes, Mama and Daddy 😢), I'm not sure I can do it. If I don't bother to take care of this body, and I certainly haven't felt like it lately, maybe the blood pressure and diabetes and cholesterol they fuss about so much will solve the problem for me. Who knows. Sorry, Anna, but you really don't have to take care of the other two. Let them go their own way. They do anyway unless they are just in the mood or want something.