Mecca And Stuff...
A few years ago I worked on 19th Street, which involved taking the 7 train to Times Square, going up that crazy steep escalator to the 1/9 train, and then taking that down to 14th Street. This was an extremely boring commute, so I would always find little ways to spice it up. One involved a girl I saw most mornings on the 7 train. She was this stylish black chick about my age, but since everyone wears their New York Bitchface on the subway, it wasn't like we ever talked to each other. She also took the train to Times Square, and like me, was always right at the door when we pulled into the station, ready to dash up that crazy steep escalator. Anyway, I started racing her. Like some urban Olympic event happening only in my head, I'd match her step for step and then try to beat her to the top of the escalator. And she was a formidable opponent, because I only won half the time. This went on for a couple of months, then one morning as we stood at the train doors, I said, "You know, I race you every day. You're good." She looked at me and burst out laughing, "I race you too! You're fast!"
And that's how I met my friend Mecca.
I got a Christmas tree, which I named Roscoe, at the Home Depot near my house. I know it's not as romantic as getting it from a lot, but last year I got a lot tree and paid $60 for the ambiance and left with a huge six foot tree that I had to drag back to my apartment and it was a fucking nightmare. Meanwhile, Home Depot had an amazing five foot tree and I spent $25. I still had to drag it home, however, because there are ZERO cabs outside of Home Depot, just a bunch of creepy guys offering to drive you home for $5 in their tinted-window vans. One guy approached me as I waited in line, asking if I needed a cab.
"Are you a cab, or just some guy with a van?" I asked.
"Oh, just some guy with a van."
"Thanks, but I'd prefer not to be murdered tonight."
Then he, joking I hope, said, "Nah, I probably wouldn't murder you."
Anyway, I got Roscoe home in one piece, but I haven't decorated him because I don't have a tree topper. That's not true. I do have a tree topper, but it's ridiculous. See, when I bought it last year, it was somehow face down in the box, and I thought it was just a white star that lit up. Classy, simple, perfect. Once I tore into the box, however, I found that my classy star was actually a hideous monstrosity of multi-colored-lights and wilted tinsel that blinked schizophrenically and made my tree look like a roadside taco stand. Of course I loved it immediately, and ran straight to the worst quality dollar store I could find to buy a basket full of cheesy Christmas balls and metallic beads, determined to have the white trashiest tree ever known to man. I believe I succeeded. But this year, I wanted to go in a different direction, so I need a new topper. I've been to three stores already, and all they have are angels. I've got nothing against angels, but they're these overblown painted dolls with red robes and gold everywhere and honestly, it's a little too 'Game Of Thrones' for me. I can't have a funky art-deco tree with some medieval-looking angel sitting on top of it. I'm just going make a damn star out of cardboard and tin foil, and you know what? It will probably rock.
*Holy crap the spelling errors in this post!! But it was 2am, so shoot me.
.