*Theres nothing for me here*
I don’t know what it is with me, but it seems as though my life can only go in one direction…downhill. I mean, something awesome will happen…then ten gazillion horrible things happen, making me extremely depressed. Let me elaborate:
Yesterday was really sucky and very boring…didn’t do anything important. It was just a very blah day…I didn’t feel like being there at all. I came home for like 30 minutes and my dad called me because I had asked him if I could come into work. So he came, and I went to his office. It sucked. He purposely gave me the hardest thing to do, like I had no idea what I was doing. He made me work on some huge amphitheater, I had to do the shop tickets for one of the benches. Due to the fact that the majority of the stuff is still very new to me, I’m still having trouble picturing the thing in my head, and looking at it in plan, so I drew a picture of it at the different angles to help me. That took up a large amount of the time…so I wasn’t like totally bored. My dad was in a horrible mood though, so he kept on yelling at me and he just made me even more stressed than I already was.
I came home from work at about 5:40, and went in my room and did my homework until about 9:00. With a dinner break and one hour rest thrown in there. I was so stressed out over getting my homework done, because I had so much…and ahh I just wanted to cry.
This morning, I woke up at 5:50, took a shower, got dressed, then crashed on my bed for like 10 minutes because I could not move. I got all ready for school and stuff, and as I was about to leave, I grabbed my candy box. I didn’t hear and change or anything, so I opened the box up. The envelope containing $40 was gone. I have absolutely no clue where it could be. I know I left the box alone for like 2 seconds yesterday at lunch to get a drink, but I didn’t think they could have done it then. I never sold anymore candy after lunch because that was band…so no one wanted anything. So yeah, I sat in my room and completely balled my eyes out. I’m not going to tell my mom about it…I’ll just take it out of my own money. Ugh I hate myself so much for doing that.
So yeah, I spent the entire day trying to keep myself from crying. I had Spanish first…we relearned the imperfect tense…so class wasn’t that bad. In computer drafting, I went around and helped Nicole, Ciara, and Ana Cecilia with their drawings, and finished up my last one. Ciara was all stressed out over her cell phone, and when I tried to help her, she would do something wrong and yell at me for it, so that just added to my stress level for the day. In English, we just went over the packet and our questions. In western civ, we watched a video on how they supposedly made the pyramids at Giza. It was really cool…but then some archaeologists tried to figure out how the actually built the pyramids, so they made their own…and that’s when I fell asleep lol. I thought Mr. Larose noticed me, but he didn’t, thank god. In band, for some reason, I was extremely insecure. Like, I was shaking, I didn’t want anyone to even look at me…it was really bad. That went by so slow, I just wanted to die. At lunch, they had that mix it up day. I’m like…”I get so insecure about eating in front of my friends…I’ll go anorexic if I have to sit with strangers.” So I sat with Sara. In human bio, we took some notes…and talked a lot. Mr. Russo asked if I was going to the Christmas Ball and I said no, because I don’t have a date. So he picked someone from our class…and it was blah. I just really wish things hadn’t turned out this way because I was so excited about going this year, and now I’m not and ahh. It sucks. A LOT. :-(
I stayed after to practice my duet with Laura. When I had to leave, I called my mom up at about 2:30 to ask her where she was…and she was crying. I can’t handle when someone else is crying, because it makes me cry too…and I was about to cry without that…so yeah, it was just bad. She is so upset over something…but I can’t say it just because my dad could somehow find out…so yeah. It’s REALLY bad though…like you have no idea.
More bad news…one of her best friends is moving to New York soon. Terry, Tom, Nicole, Jesse, and Tommy. We’re so close to them…and I just can’t believe they’re moving. Ugh…moving is the worst thing in the world.
So yeah, that’s basically all the new depressing stuff…put that together with the old stuff plus some other stuff that has to remain unnamed…now I think you can see how depressed I am right now. I hate this…like I’d rather sit in my room alone, than be around everyone…and I feel bad because I’m ignoring them…but I just don’t like being around people. I have no idea why I’m so insecure lately…but it seriously sucks. Someone please tell me what to do. Here are the lyrics to a song that basically describes how I’m feeling.
I think I'm breaking out
I'm going to leave you now
Theres nothing for me here, it's all the same
And even though I know
That everything might go
Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
You can't stop me now
You can't hold me down
You can't keep me here, I'm on my way
I've made it this far now
And I'm not burning out
No matter what you say, I'm not afraid
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting off my words before I speak (Cutting off my words)
This is how it feels to not believe
Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting off my words before I speak (Cutting off my words)
This is how it feels to not believe
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
Yesterday was really sucky and very boring…didn’t do anything important. It was just a very blah day…I didn’t feel like being there at all. I came home for like 30 minutes and my dad called me because I had asked him if I could come into work. So he came, and I went to his office. It sucked. He purposely gave me the hardest thing to do, like I had no idea what I was doing. He made me work on some huge amphitheater, I had to do the shop tickets for one of the benches. Due to the fact that the majority of the stuff is still very new to me, I’m still having trouble picturing the thing in my head, and looking at it in plan, so I drew a picture of it at the different angles to help me. That took up a large amount of the time…so I wasn’t like totally bored. My dad was in a horrible mood though, so he kept on yelling at me and he just made me even more stressed than I already was.
I came home from work at about 5:40, and went in my room and did my homework until about 9:00. With a dinner break and one hour rest thrown in there. I was so stressed out over getting my homework done, because I had so much…and ahh I just wanted to cry.
This morning, I woke up at 5:50, took a shower, got dressed, then crashed on my bed for like 10 minutes because I could not move. I got all ready for school and stuff, and as I was about to leave, I grabbed my candy box. I didn’t hear and change or anything, so I opened the box up. The envelope containing $40 was gone. I have absolutely no clue where it could be. I know I left the box alone for like 2 seconds yesterday at lunch to get a drink, but I didn’t think they could have done it then. I never sold anymore candy after lunch because that was band…so no one wanted anything. So yeah, I sat in my room and completely balled my eyes out. I’m not going to tell my mom about it…I’ll just take it out of my own money. Ugh I hate myself so much for doing that.
So yeah, I spent the entire day trying to keep myself from crying. I had Spanish first…we relearned the imperfect tense…so class wasn’t that bad. In computer drafting, I went around and helped Nicole, Ciara, and Ana Cecilia with their drawings, and finished up my last one. Ciara was all stressed out over her cell phone, and when I tried to help her, she would do something wrong and yell at me for it, so that just added to my stress level for the day. In English, we just went over the packet and our questions. In western civ, we watched a video on how they supposedly made the pyramids at Giza. It was really cool…but then some archaeologists tried to figure out how the actually built the pyramids, so they made their own…and that’s when I fell asleep lol. I thought Mr. Larose noticed me, but he didn’t, thank god. In band, for some reason, I was extremely insecure. Like, I was shaking, I didn’t want anyone to even look at me…it was really bad. That went by so slow, I just wanted to die. At lunch, they had that mix it up day. I’m like…”I get so insecure about eating in front of my friends…I’ll go anorexic if I have to sit with strangers.” So I sat with Sara. In human bio, we took some notes…and talked a lot. Mr. Russo asked if I was going to the Christmas Ball and I said no, because I don’t have a date. So he picked someone from our class…and it was blah. I just really wish things hadn’t turned out this way because I was so excited about going this year, and now I’m not and ahh. It sucks. A LOT. :-(
I stayed after to practice my duet with Laura. When I had to leave, I called my mom up at about 2:30 to ask her where she was…and she was crying. I can’t handle when someone else is crying, because it makes me cry too…and I was about to cry without that…so yeah, it was just bad. She is so upset over something…but I can’t say it just because my dad could somehow find out…so yeah. It’s REALLY bad though…like you have no idea.
More bad news…one of her best friends is moving to New York soon. Terry, Tom, Nicole, Jesse, and Tommy. We’re so close to them…and I just can’t believe they’re moving. Ugh…moving is the worst thing in the world.
So yeah, that’s basically all the new depressing stuff…put that together with the old stuff plus some other stuff that has to remain unnamed…now I think you can see how depressed I am right now. I hate this…like I’d rather sit in my room alone, than be around everyone…and I feel bad because I’m ignoring them…but I just don’t like being around people. I have no idea why I’m so insecure lately…but it seriously sucks. Someone please tell me what to do. Here are the lyrics to a song that basically describes how I’m feeling.
I think I'm breaking out
I'm going to leave you now
Theres nothing for me here, it's all the same
And even though I know
That everything might go
Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
You can't stop me now
You can't hold me down
You can't keep me here, I'm on my way
I've made it this far now
And I'm not burning out
No matter what you say, I'm not afraid
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything
Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting off my words before I speak (Cutting off my words)
This is how it feels to not believe
Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)
Cutting off my words before I speak (Cutting off my words)
This is how it feels to not believe
Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see
How it feels to be alone and not believe (feels to be alone and not believe)
Feels to be alone and not believe anything