Friendships, Relationships and "I"
Lets start with friendships. They're a complicated business when really they shouldn't be.
A few of them cause me concern at present and for different reasons:
There are a couple that I no longer want to invest in. The sort of friendship that has past tense stamped all over it, but saying that is so bloody hard isn't it....especially when they have been something of a mainstay for so long.
So i see myself doing the non-responsive, ignore till they go away thing, which is pretty dreadful really. But as i can't muster up the testicles necessary to say "adios" then that's my only alternative. Which sucks.
Then there's a couple of friendships which i long for more from. Entities that are on the same wavelength (well similar anyway) ;) but that i seem to share less and less time with. A lot of that has to do with life habits and lack of a car it has to be said.
Then we're onto "relationships and I" which i can use under the same heading.
How necessary are they? That's one of the questions circling my brain currently. I do find my mindset changing towards what being in a relationship actually constitutes.
I'm feeling like an intimacy predator if that makes any sense. I no longer care (at the moment, let's get real) about being in a relationship, and yet of course i still yearn for intimacy and affection. I'm a love vulture scouring my environment, keeping my keen eyes open for the merest signs of any affection.....a look, a touch, a smile, a kind word.....and i'm not really minding where it comes from......i'm finding myself drawn to women i'd never usually find myself drawn to.....and before you start to think "desperate" let me just counter that with saying that male affection is not turned away either.......and no i'm not gay as anyone reading this should already know......it's like a life without love has very little point. Getting the point?
Where the "I" comes in is a fundamental truth. I'm reading literature at the moment, very powerful literature, which is having a deconstructing effect on who Justin actually is. Justin is nothing more than a label given to me by my parents. Justin has a personality that he has developed from the earliest years, mimicking behaviours and attitudes that resonated and discarding the ones that didn't, Justin recently met a very beautiful lady and was left disappointed by the outcome.........but why........really really why? The only reason has to be borne of ego. That's what the whole rejection thing is about isn't it? Ego.
Disappointment and rejection can only have any power if we place expectation in the mix. If we did as The Beatles recommended and "Let It Be", ego loses its potency........god i feel better just typing this.......:)
Anyway, i've digressed a little....if the "I" is substitued with "Life" or "Consciousness" then the requirement for love doesn't change because life without love may technically be still life but has no real meaning. So the point being that love in my life will always be searched for but not solely because Justin wants it but Life wants it.........<3
I'm happy with this bit of blogging! Even if I'm still being a shit by ignoring a once great friend.
A few of them cause me concern at present and for different reasons:
There are a couple that I no longer want to invest in. The sort of friendship that has past tense stamped all over it, but saying that is so bloody hard isn't it....especially when they have been something of a mainstay for so long.
So i see myself doing the non-responsive, ignore till they go away thing, which is pretty dreadful really. But as i can't muster up the testicles necessary to say "adios" then that's my only alternative. Which sucks.
Then there's a couple of friendships which i long for more from. Entities that are on the same wavelength (well similar anyway) ;) but that i seem to share less and less time with. A lot of that has to do with life habits and lack of a car it has to be said.
Then we're onto "relationships and I" which i can use under the same heading.
How necessary are they? That's one of the questions circling my brain currently. I do find my mindset changing towards what being in a relationship actually constitutes.
I'm feeling like an intimacy predator if that makes any sense. I no longer care (at the moment, let's get real) about being in a relationship, and yet of course i still yearn for intimacy and affection. I'm a love vulture scouring my environment, keeping my keen eyes open for the merest signs of any affection.....a look, a touch, a smile, a kind word.....and i'm not really minding where it comes from......i'm finding myself drawn to women i'd never usually find myself drawn to.....and before you start to think "desperate" let me just counter that with saying that male affection is not turned away either.......and no i'm not gay as anyone reading this should already know......it's like a life without love has very little point. Getting the point?
Where the "I" comes in is a fundamental truth. I'm reading literature at the moment, very powerful literature, which is having a deconstructing effect on who Justin actually is. Justin is nothing more than a label given to me by my parents. Justin has a personality that he has developed from the earliest years, mimicking behaviours and attitudes that resonated and discarding the ones that didn't, Justin recently met a very beautiful lady and was left disappointed by the outcome.........but why........really really why? The only reason has to be borne of ego. That's what the whole rejection thing is about isn't it? Ego.
Disappointment and rejection can only have any power if we place expectation in the mix. If we did as The Beatles recommended and "Let It Be", ego loses its potency........god i feel better just typing this.......:)
Anyway, i've digressed a little....if the "I" is substitued with "Life" or "Consciousness" then the requirement for love doesn't change because life without love may technically be still life but has no real meaning. So the point being that love in my life will always be searched for but not solely because Justin wants it but Life wants it.........<3
I'm happy with this bit of blogging! Even if I'm still being a shit by ignoring a once great friend.