(no subject)

[gank]

Oh the tangled web we weave when we practice to decieve...

Did I love him?
I did.
Was I in love with him?
I don't think so.

I wasn't.

If I was, I think I would know.
Even after
The influence of alcohol
My thoughts may be disjointed,
But they're consistent.
I was not *in* love.

So where does that leave me?
Confused and conflicted.
That's where.

I know the single-minded reasoning
Is working for me now,
But what about
Five years down the road...

Will I still be running?

Out of fear or out of logistics?
Will I be afraid something won't work,
Or will I just know it won't.

I know I don't need to have someone,
But am I avoiding the idea because of
My good intentioned reasons,
Or am I avoiding the idea because of
The fear that it won't pan out?

The road to hell is paved in good intentions...

So will I be alone forever?
Will I be ok with being alone forever?

I want it all.
But I don't want
The simplicity of "want"
To govern the outcome...

And I don't want my overly-analytical brain
To keep me from a want that could work.

And I don't know the difference.