(no subject)
I'm sleeping a total of six and a half hours since Monday night. I'm dominating all of my midterms. I'm on residential probation and not on speaking terms with my roommate. I'm high at eight o'clock in the morning.
For the past two months, I've been going about my life as though it were someone else's. My left eye's twitching though so things must be good. And in fact they are.
There's gym everyday and the girls of Goddard+Peako every night. I've got challenging but enjoyable classes and unmanageable amounts of paper laying around the room. The list of drugs I've tried has grown proportionately to the chaos in my brain, and the music's been pretty dominant too. In fact I saw Girl Talk. And I am seeing Of Montreal on Friday, Explosions in the Sky later this month, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists in May.
And I miss my parents a hell of a lot.
There were some memorable moments. It dawned on me a week into the semester that Peako and I should room with Appy and Kristin. That progressed into me being "Team Captain" of our dorm room next year. Peako and I walked back from Rubalad crying tears both of joy and frustration at our first snow. At this point I no longer feel cold in 19 degree weather. I saw Scarface with Brendan and Winston. Now we know Tony Montana's state of mind pretty clearly. One night we watched back-to-back episodes of Sex and the City with Emilio and Ted. Now they ask me "when next?" all the time.
There was the night PJ had another party uptown when Peako and I ran into Marcus's brother Josh and his roommate Pat on the street and took them along. There was my goodbye forever to DXM with Peako and us getting lost in her pile of clothes. There was arguably the coldest night this year in Brooklyn when we waited outside for about three hours for the Girl Talk show. And even though I left the show earlier than everyone else, it was four in the morning before I could make it back to Goddard. I look at it as fate that I kept taking the wrong subways all the way to Jamaica Center in Queens and back. I did a lot of thinking that night. Of course now it's all gone out the window in favor of something dangerous.
The last time I did- and probably ever will- go to Rubalad, I was given a tangled web of strings (the 'placenta') by this person who I hope was on drugs. Conversely, the drugs that we hoped to be on turned out to be just about as intoxicating as the placenta-string for Appy and Brendan. However, I managed to be the idiot who was on Ecstasy in a dorm setting on a Sunday night. Just four nights after that, I had my first experience of shrooms with Sarah. Unfortunately, it was also the night Annette on the seventh floor decided to get completely drunk and pass out in her bathroom floor with the water running, flooding three floors. Of course I had to be in the first group of people who found her and thought she was dead. If it is possible to feel your brain permanently change shape, I swear I did. Two nights after that we threw an "Ayo for Yayo" themed party in our brains. Then last Friday something clicked within me to where I could not even bear the thought of Goddard. And so I walked- I walked eighty blocks from the Metropolitan Museum of Art to Greenwich Village on a cold New York night, with Ani resonating in my ear. And I became convinced that I had the ability to catch up, to figure out what it was I was meant to be doing.
But none of this- or maybe all of it- is even remotely indicative of what was to come the next night. Last Saturday. It is Adam's nineteenth birthday, and it is tolerably cold outside. We walk to Blarney's Cove, this Irish bar on Fourteenth between Avenue A and B. We're all at least partially drunk, trying to ignore the fact that Mariah Carey is blaring out of the jukebox. The next thing I know, he says "don't ever leave me" and we are making out in the middle of the bar, in front of all our friends' shocked faces.
I've been trying to account for the fact that this is the same guy who wanted to have nothing to do with me since winter break. It's an unprecedented incident of me seriously having no idea this would happen: I'm completely crazy about the person I was unsure I could even be attracted to without substances last semester.
But even if I keep falling, there's no way I'd let go of this restlessness right now.
For the past two months, I've been going about my life as though it were someone else's. My left eye's twitching though so things must be good. And in fact they are.
There's gym everyday and the girls of Goddard+Peako every night. I've got challenging but enjoyable classes and unmanageable amounts of paper laying around the room. The list of drugs I've tried has grown proportionately to the chaos in my brain, and the music's been pretty dominant too. In fact I saw Girl Talk. And I am seeing Of Montreal on Friday, Explosions in the Sky later this month, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists in May.
And I miss my parents a hell of a lot.
There were some memorable moments. It dawned on me a week into the semester that Peako and I should room with Appy and Kristin. That progressed into me being "Team Captain" of our dorm room next year. Peako and I walked back from Rubalad crying tears both of joy and frustration at our first snow. At this point I no longer feel cold in 19 degree weather. I saw Scarface with Brendan and Winston. Now we know Tony Montana's state of mind pretty clearly. One night we watched back-to-back episodes of Sex and the City with Emilio and Ted. Now they ask me "when next?" all the time.
There was the night PJ had another party uptown when Peako and I ran into Marcus's brother Josh and his roommate Pat on the street and took them along. There was my goodbye forever to DXM with Peako and us getting lost in her pile of clothes. There was arguably the coldest night this year in Brooklyn when we waited outside for about three hours for the Girl Talk show. And even though I left the show earlier than everyone else, it was four in the morning before I could make it back to Goddard. I look at it as fate that I kept taking the wrong subways all the way to Jamaica Center in Queens and back. I did a lot of thinking that night. Of course now it's all gone out the window in favor of something dangerous.
The last time I did- and probably ever will- go to Rubalad, I was given a tangled web of strings (the 'placenta') by this person who I hope was on drugs. Conversely, the drugs that we hoped to be on turned out to be just about as intoxicating as the placenta-string for Appy and Brendan. However, I managed to be the idiot who was on Ecstasy in a dorm setting on a Sunday night. Just four nights after that, I had my first experience of shrooms with Sarah. Unfortunately, it was also the night Annette on the seventh floor decided to get completely drunk and pass out in her bathroom floor with the water running, flooding three floors. Of course I had to be in the first group of people who found her and thought she was dead. If it is possible to feel your brain permanently change shape, I swear I did. Two nights after that we threw an "Ayo for Yayo" themed party in our brains. Then last Friday something clicked within me to where I could not even bear the thought of Goddard. And so I walked- I walked eighty blocks from the Metropolitan Museum of Art to Greenwich Village on a cold New York night, with Ani resonating in my ear. And I became convinced that I had the ability to catch up, to figure out what it was I was meant to be doing.
But none of this- or maybe all of it- is even remotely indicative of what was to come the next night. Last Saturday. It is Adam's nineteenth birthday, and it is tolerably cold outside. We walk to Blarney's Cove, this Irish bar on Fourteenth between Avenue A and B. We're all at least partially drunk, trying to ignore the fact that Mariah Carey is blaring out of the jukebox. The next thing I know, he says "don't ever leave me" and we are making out in the middle of the bar, in front of all our friends' shocked faces.
I've been trying to account for the fact that this is the same guy who wanted to have nothing to do with me since winter break. It's an unprecedented incident of me seriously having no idea this would happen: I'm completely crazy about the person I was unsure I could even be attracted to without substances last semester.
But even if I keep falling, there's no way I'd let go of this restlessness right now.