One year later
This time last year I was in Boston with ftmichael, playing nurse after his hysto. It was a Sunday so I'd gone off to Dunkies to get our breakfast - all by myself! I was doing a Day in Pictures thing too so there's a photo of me before I set off looking rather cheery. I'd spent most of the day playing Guitar Hero 5 until about 4pm when I decided to do some puzzles instead. All in all it was a typical Sunday, quiet and peaceful. Then about 4.30 I got a message from my sister saying that I needed to call my mother. I had a pretty good idea what it was about but it was still a shock when she confirmed my suspicions that my step-father had just died. I'd only found out on the Thursday before that he was seriously ill and in intensive care so it was all very sudden for me and a lot to take in.
I can't believe it's been a year. It's understandable because I've been so busy the past 12 months; firstly spending 6 months sorting out all the resulting paperwork all on my own and then having a hell of a job trying to make sure that I got on this graphic design course. I've not had the time to process his death much at all really. I'm not sure if that's been a good thing or not. I've just had to put my feelings aside and get on with everything, especially as my mother was in such a state.
It is strange in the house now to just be me and my mother. In some ways I think it was a bit easier for me to be in a house without him there because with being in Boston, I'd had several weeks of that already so it wasn't so much of a transition. I do occasionally still get a jolt when I realise it's 10pm and I think he'll be getting in from work soon. Or when I'm coming home and see that his car isn't there so I think he's gone out. And then the realisation that he's not going to be coming back at all. It's always incredibly weird to be using my laptop sitting at the dining table, in the exact place he used to use his. It might have been a year but at the same time, it's still only early days yet.
I can't believe it's been a year. It's understandable because I've been so busy the past 12 months; firstly spending 6 months sorting out all the resulting paperwork all on my own and then having a hell of a job trying to make sure that I got on this graphic design course. I've not had the time to process his death much at all really. I'm not sure if that's been a good thing or not. I've just had to put my feelings aside and get on with everything, especially as my mother was in such a state.
It is strange in the house now to just be me and my mother. In some ways I think it was a bit easier for me to be in a house without him there because with being in Boston, I'd had several weeks of that already so it wasn't so much of a transition. I do occasionally still get a jolt when I realise it's 10pm and I think he'll be getting in from work soon. Or when I'm coming home and see that his car isn't there so I think he's gone out. And then the realisation that he's not going to be coming back at all. It's always incredibly weird to be using my laptop sitting at the dining table, in the exact place he used to use his. It might have been a year but at the same time, it's still only early days yet.