5 years old today!
With all the excitement and busyness of selling stuff on Amazon yesterday, I completely forgot about it being my 5 year T-versary. I can't believe it's been that long, it seems like 2 or 3 at the most! Wow, five years old.
I think in the main, I'm doing okay. Now that a lot of my main transition is over, I'm able to focus more on finding out who I am. Having spent so long trying to be someone else, and mostly have that be the sort of person that other people wanted/expected me to be, it's hard knowing who I really am inside. And it's also about finding the confidence to be that person as well. When a lot of your time and energy is taken up with worrying about what people think of you, it can really wear away any confidence you have - at least in my experience anyway. It's also a difficult habit to break, especially as a Trans person, there's still a voice in the back of my head that's constantly checking how people react to me and whether they're reading me as male or female or neither or both or just a complete freak. And if they do read me as a freak, is that a good thing or not?!
I think I'm slowly working out who Nathaniel is anyway. So far I've realised that he's more of a geek than I ever imagined but that's one label he's happy to wear =)
I think in the main, I'm doing okay. Now that a lot of my main transition is over, I'm able to focus more on finding out who I am. Having spent so long trying to be someone else, and mostly have that be the sort of person that other people wanted/expected me to be, it's hard knowing who I really am inside. And it's also about finding the confidence to be that person as well. When a lot of your time and energy is taken up with worrying about what people think of you, it can really wear away any confidence you have - at least in my experience anyway. It's also a difficult habit to break, especially as a Trans person, there's still a voice in the back of my head that's constantly checking how people react to me and whether they're reading me as male or female or neither or both or just a complete freak. And if they do read me as a freak, is that a good thing or not?!
I think I'm slowly working out who Nathaniel is anyway. So far I've realised that he's more of a geek than I ever imagined but that's one label he's happy to wear =)