Final family coming out
Today is going to be a very nerve-wracking day. I am intending on coming out to my uncle and my two cousins, plus cousin's wife and my little 6 year old neice. I've written a letter for my uncle which I've had my aunt read over. He likes to have damn good reasons for anything, so I've had to put an awful lot of explanation in the letter.
Dear John,
I am writing to you because I have something important to tell you and I feel the easiest way to do it is in a letter. This way I can explain everything I need to tell you in a coherent manner and make sure that I don't miss anything out. This is definitely the hardest letter I have ever had to write. Because of this, I ask you to have patience as you read this. I'm going to be as clear as I possibly can.
There have been some changes in my life in last year or so which I'm sure you have noticed, particularly with my hair and the way I've been dressing. I've gone back to having my hair short in a boy-ish style as I used to when I was younger. The reason for this isn't easy to explain but I'm going to do my best to try.
At the beginning of last year, I came to realise something about myself, something that has kept cropping up throughout my life but that I was never able to deal with until now. I just ignored it and hoped it would go away. I read a magazine article about a girl who always felt that she should have been male and eventually went through the necessary procedure so that she could live as male. This really struck a cord with me, and parts of my past finally made sense.
I've never really fit into a female gender role. When I was younger, I was a very definite tomboy but I didn't grow out of it. When I got to high school, I always felt like I didn't quite fit in and at the time, I presumed this was because of being in Germany. I had no idea of fashions in clothes or music and none of it made any sense to me so all my friends thought I was very strange. I've always been quite happy in the company of boys and certainly since I was 16, I've had more male than female friends.
I'm sure you must remember how I would play Army or Romans with [my cousins], how we played with Lego and dinky cars, and made our bikes up to look like motorbikes. I never had any interest in playing with dolls at all, I couldn't figure out what you were supposed to do with them! I loved reading The Famous Five books because I felt that I had things in common with the character of George because she wanted to be a boy just like I did. I started to call myself George and I remember getting letters from [Aunt] while we were in Germany addressed to George. Since then, I've had a tendency to call myself by a boy's name, usually from a character in a book or a film that I admired. In the main, the posters on my bedroom walls were actors that I wanted desperately to be like.
I've certainly identified heavily with the males in my life. I idolised Grandad from a very early age and wanted to be just like him. I would wear a belt and walk around with my hands in my pockets like he did. When I was about 7 or 8, I made a razor out of Lego so that I could shave like Dad did. I even showed it to him but he put me off by saying that if I started shaving then I'd have to do it for the rest of my life. At that age, the rest of my life was a very long time so I decided I didn't want to do it. I even copied [cousin] in supporting the same football team and wanting the strip because he had it. I also remember wanting the three piece suit that you had at one point and borrowing a tie from you when we all went out to the Robin Hood restaurant for a meal.
I preferred to wear traditionally male clothes: shirts and ties, waistcoats and suit jackets and I copied the hair style of male film and tv stars I liked. I was always thrilled when anyone thought I was a boy. I've always been most comfortable wearing jeans and t-shirts or shirts and trousers, but when I was going out with Craig, he kept telling me that he wanted to see me in dresses and skirts so to keep him happy, I would wear a dress if it was a special occasion. I couldn't really see the point of make-up and always felt like there was something about it I didn't really understand. I much preferred to not wear any at all. In the main, I was aware that I wasn't what could be called a 'girly girl' and felt that it was a failing of mine somehow. I tried to dress and act how people thought I should but it never felt right and it made me unhappy.
I've never felt comfortable with my body and I could never really understand why. I knew that there are lots of women who hate their bodies, but they don't hate them for being female which is what I do. The one thing I wanted more than anything was to have a male body and to be seen as male. This is something that I've felt for a very long time, certainly since I was very young and even more so when puberty started. I tried very hard to live as a woman, especially since going out with Craig, but it made me feel extremely uncomfortable and very unhappy. When I worked in shops and got referred to as a lady - when people would say 'let's ask this lady' or something like that - it always made me cringe. I hated it! I can't think of myself as a girl or a woman because it doesn't fit how I feel or who I am. As soon as I began to accept that and to understand why I felt that way, it was such a relief and I felt so much happier that I knew it was the right thing for me.
Right now, I am seeing specialists in London and have been diagnosed with a medical condition called Gender Dysphoria, It's also known as being transgendered or transsexual. Basically, being transgendered means that the image I have of myself in my head is male and so it doesn't match up with my physical body. The best way to explain it is that sex is what's between your legs, and gender is what's between your ears and for some people, these two things don't match up.
I am currently in the process of outwardly changing from female to male. I have decided upon a new male name which is Nathaniel Robert [lastname]. I will be legally changing all my documents to this name very soon. I have several friends who know me as Nathaniel and refer to me as male and this makes me very happy.
I feel bad because I think this news may upset you. I wish you could understand how I feel and I do hope that you will support me. For over 30 years I've tried to live as female, but it was a great struggle. It took me a long time to understand and accept why I always wanted to be a boy, so I understand that you may need some time and space as well.
Before I end this I want to tell you one thing that I hope you can remember throughout all of this and that is, I may be changing my outward gender, but I am not changing who I am as a person. I will still be the same person inside.
Your nephew,
Nathaniel
Wish me luck people, I think I'm going to need it.
Dear John,
I am writing to you because I have something important to tell you and I feel the easiest way to do it is in a letter. This way I can explain everything I need to tell you in a coherent manner and make sure that I don't miss anything out. This is definitely the hardest letter I have ever had to write. Because of this, I ask you to have patience as you read this. I'm going to be as clear as I possibly can.
There have been some changes in my life in last year or so which I'm sure you have noticed, particularly with my hair and the way I've been dressing. I've gone back to having my hair short in a boy-ish style as I used to when I was younger. The reason for this isn't easy to explain but I'm going to do my best to try.
At the beginning of last year, I came to realise something about myself, something that has kept cropping up throughout my life but that I was never able to deal with until now. I just ignored it and hoped it would go away. I read a magazine article about a girl who always felt that she should have been male and eventually went through the necessary procedure so that she could live as male. This really struck a cord with me, and parts of my past finally made sense.
I've never really fit into a female gender role. When I was younger, I was a very definite tomboy but I didn't grow out of it. When I got to high school, I always felt like I didn't quite fit in and at the time, I presumed this was because of being in Germany. I had no idea of fashions in clothes or music and none of it made any sense to me so all my friends thought I was very strange. I've always been quite happy in the company of boys and certainly since I was 16, I've had more male than female friends.
I'm sure you must remember how I would play Army or Romans with [my cousins], how we played with Lego and dinky cars, and made our bikes up to look like motorbikes. I never had any interest in playing with dolls at all, I couldn't figure out what you were supposed to do with them! I loved reading The Famous Five books because I felt that I had things in common with the character of George because she wanted to be a boy just like I did. I started to call myself George and I remember getting letters from [Aunt] while we were in Germany addressed to George. Since then, I've had a tendency to call myself by a boy's name, usually from a character in a book or a film that I admired. In the main, the posters on my bedroom walls were actors that I wanted desperately to be like.
I've certainly identified heavily with the males in my life. I idolised Grandad from a very early age and wanted to be just like him. I would wear a belt and walk around with my hands in my pockets like he did. When I was about 7 or 8, I made a razor out of Lego so that I could shave like Dad did. I even showed it to him but he put me off by saying that if I started shaving then I'd have to do it for the rest of my life. At that age, the rest of my life was a very long time so I decided I didn't want to do it. I even copied [cousin] in supporting the same football team and wanting the strip because he had it. I also remember wanting the three piece suit that you had at one point and borrowing a tie from you when we all went out to the Robin Hood restaurant for a meal.
I preferred to wear traditionally male clothes: shirts and ties, waistcoats and suit jackets and I copied the hair style of male film and tv stars I liked. I was always thrilled when anyone thought I was a boy. I've always been most comfortable wearing jeans and t-shirts or shirts and trousers, but when I was going out with Craig, he kept telling me that he wanted to see me in dresses and skirts so to keep him happy, I would wear a dress if it was a special occasion. I couldn't really see the point of make-up and always felt like there was something about it I didn't really understand. I much preferred to not wear any at all. In the main, I was aware that I wasn't what could be called a 'girly girl' and felt that it was a failing of mine somehow. I tried to dress and act how people thought I should but it never felt right and it made me unhappy.
I've never felt comfortable with my body and I could never really understand why. I knew that there are lots of women who hate their bodies, but they don't hate them for being female which is what I do. The one thing I wanted more than anything was to have a male body and to be seen as male. This is something that I've felt for a very long time, certainly since I was very young and even more so when puberty started. I tried very hard to live as a woman, especially since going out with Craig, but it made me feel extremely uncomfortable and very unhappy. When I worked in shops and got referred to as a lady - when people would say 'let's ask this lady' or something like that - it always made me cringe. I hated it! I can't think of myself as a girl or a woman because it doesn't fit how I feel or who I am. As soon as I began to accept that and to understand why I felt that way, it was such a relief and I felt so much happier that I knew it was the right thing for me.
Right now, I am seeing specialists in London and have been diagnosed with a medical condition called Gender Dysphoria, It's also known as being transgendered or transsexual. Basically, being transgendered means that the image I have of myself in my head is male and so it doesn't match up with my physical body. The best way to explain it is that sex is what's between your legs, and gender is what's between your ears and for some people, these two things don't match up.
I am currently in the process of outwardly changing from female to male. I have decided upon a new male name which is Nathaniel Robert [lastname]. I will be legally changing all my documents to this name very soon. I have several friends who know me as Nathaniel and refer to me as male and this makes me very happy.
I feel bad because I think this news may upset you. I wish you could understand how I feel and I do hope that you will support me. For over 30 years I've tried to live as female, but it was a great struggle. It took me a long time to understand and accept why I always wanted to be a boy, so I understand that you may need some time and space as well.
Before I end this I want to tell you one thing that I hope you can remember throughout all of this and that is, I may be changing my outward gender, but I am not changing who I am as a person. I will still be the same person inside.
Your nephew,
Nathaniel
Wish me luck people, I think I'm going to need it.