there is no other wayy
i am in love
with nothing
and for the first time, it feels WONDERFUL
i didnt think coming out here(california) would help much with all my mixed up feelings. but it did
but its not like i sat and thought all the time, it just like hit me. like lightning.
everything is going to be ok.
usually when i go away , like out of town or even to my friends houses for a few days i get kind of home sick, and i thought forsure while im here it wont be as enjoyable bc i get like that, but I dont really want to go home. theres not much to go home too and it feels like theres alot to leave behind here. everything here is just phonamial. i wish i could just bring you all here to be and we could live hapliy ever afer. but since i dont have enough money do to that or enough frequent flyer miles, ill just have to go back home to Indy.
its tearing me to peices to think of the things jon told me the other night. but that was kind of the last boom, then im off on my own. i dont need someone there for me. ive done it before, i can do it again. and thats what i hate about myself, i get so attached, that i feel dead without whatever i attached myself too, and it could be anything.
And i think, with not having a male influance in my life, seeing as how my dad is worthless. I think there are two ways weoman can go with not having that when it comes to men. either they push it away as much as they can, or they long for it and cling to anyone that will show them affection. and i think im the second one, i want so badly to see a positive man. just anyone whose not scared to say hey, i fucked up and im ganna do my best to fix it. not one who is in denial about anything and everything they do and push off the consequences on anyone else. Im tired of these boys who are rediculous in their heads and dont seem to understand anything. and untill i find someone whose not that stupid, dont expect me to be dating anyone any time soon
ive been meaning to call zack this week. but the time difference keeps throwing me off. like right now its 9:51 at night, at home, its 11:51, and where he lives its 12:51, so you could only imagine. I miss him and his goofyness. He could say the most off the wall thing and just make me happy. its wonderful.
well kids thats enough of that.
Ill have great pictures for you guys when i get home.
<33
Nyssa
with nothing
and for the first time, it feels WONDERFUL
i didnt think coming out here(california) would help much with all my mixed up feelings. but it did
but its not like i sat and thought all the time, it just like hit me. like lightning.
everything is going to be ok.
usually when i go away , like out of town or even to my friends houses for a few days i get kind of home sick, and i thought forsure while im here it wont be as enjoyable bc i get like that, but I dont really want to go home. theres not much to go home too and it feels like theres alot to leave behind here. everything here is just phonamial. i wish i could just bring you all here to be and we could live hapliy ever afer. but since i dont have enough money do to that or enough frequent flyer miles, ill just have to go back home to Indy.
its tearing me to peices to think of the things jon told me the other night. but that was kind of the last boom, then im off on my own. i dont need someone there for me. ive done it before, i can do it again. and thats what i hate about myself, i get so attached, that i feel dead without whatever i attached myself too, and it could be anything.
And i think, with not having a male influance in my life, seeing as how my dad is worthless. I think there are two ways weoman can go with not having that when it comes to men. either they push it away as much as they can, or they long for it and cling to anyone that will show them affection. and i think im the second one, i want so badly to see a positive man. just anyone whose not scared to say hey, i fucked up and im ganna do my best to fix it. not one who is in denial about anything and everything they do and push off the consequences on anyone else. Im tired of these boys who are rediculous in their heads and dont seem to understand anything. and untill i find someone whose not that stupid, dont expect me to be dating anyone any time soon
ive been meaning to call zack this week. but the time difference keeps throwing me off. like right now its 9:51 at night, at home, its 11:51, and where he lives its 12:51, so you could only imagine. I miss him and his goofyness. He could say the most off the wall thing and just make me happy. its wonderful.
well kids thats enough of that.
Ill have great pictures for you guys when i get home.
<33
Nyssa