all the pieces fall apart...
good god theres alot to say
and no idea how to even start.
last night Jon Heather Josh and i all went over to Jasons APT wit him and kari, that was fun. It was just like the old days, the six of us, the three J's. it really made me want jon more. standing next to him just hurt so bad inside cuz i wanted to just hold him and be close to him, but i couldnt, and finally some how the both of us ended up out on the balcony talking for about 15 mins, and we ended up kissing again. and i was like no, remember what happend last time, and he agreed. then that was akward but not realy. we went inside and a little later we left. Heather and josh went in heathers room so it was just jon and i sitting in the kitchen. very quiet. finally i got it out of him what he was thinkin about , and that started it all.
one big sob fest.
He was getting ready to leave and i was sitting up in the living room alone and i just looked at him and i was like
Why cant u tell me the things u tell josh. andat fist he played dumb, but i told him i already knew. I told him i knew that josh told me he said he missed me. and he was like Nyssa,look. I love you, I have this whole time, I never hated you, and I will prolly love you forever. But in my life right now, there are things happening that i have dreamed of since i was little, and no offence but i cant let anyone get in the way of that. And i totally know what hes talking about bc hes always wanted a job like the one he has that could turn in to somehting bigger than just a job, and hes getting a project car soon which i know hes ganna live for when he gets it. by then of course i was crying as has a waterfall. and he was like nys, i still want to be the person u come and cry on, i still want to the person u can tell everything to and i still want for us to be best friends like we have been for 5 years. I just looked at him i was like jon ur the only person i wanted to talk to when i found out my dad got married(true story kids) and yea, hugging him just makes me all weak and jittery inside. its wierd. and it seems liek his lips get softer and softer each time. hes the best. Im so glad i have someone like that in my life, wheather he is my boyfriend or not, im still crazy about him and would do anything for him. and he knwos that. and i know hed do it for me.
wow.
ok
well.
Yea.
My dad got married wendsday ...dont worry tho, my sisters and i WERNT INVITED NOR INFORMED.but the rest of my family was there. when we found out, i called him while we were on the way to the beach, i was like what the hell dad u get fucking married and i dont bother telling ur own kids, and his exact words were "well uve been mean to me" i was liek DAD FUCK U ARE U 5 YEARS OLD. MEAN U TO? ive been trying to regain a relationshop with u but now i can see thats not happening. but then my phone cut out. of course. so i gave up
I just wish i had a dad.
and not an alcohalic
and no idea how to even start.
last night Jon Heather Josh and i all went over to Jasons APT wit him and kari, that was fun. It was just like the old days, the six of us, the three J's. it really made me want jon more. standing next to him just hurt so bad inside cuz i wanted to just hold him and be close to him, but i couldnt, and finally some how the both of us ended up out on the balcony talking for about 15 mins, and we ended up kissing again. and i was like no, remember what happend last time, and he agreed. then that was akward but not realy. we went inside and a little later we left. Heather and josh went in heathers room so it was just jon and i sitting in the kitchen. very quiet. finally i got it out of him what he was thinkin about , and that started it all.
one big sob fest.
He was getting ready to leave and i was sitting up in the living room alone and i just looked at him and i was like
Why cant u tell me the things u tell josh. andat fist he played dumb, but i told him i already knew. I told him i knew that josh told me he said he missed me. and he was like Nyssa,look. I love you, I have this whole time, I never hated you, and I will prolly love you forever. But in my life right now, there are things happening that i have dreamed of since i was little, and no offence but i cant let anyone get in the way of that. And i totally know what hes talking about bc hes always wanted a job like the one he has that could turn in to somehting bigger than just a job, and hes getting a project car soon which i know hes ganna live for when he gets it. by then of course i was crying as has a waterfall. and he was like nys, i still want to be the person u come and cry on, i still want to the person u can tell everything to and i still want for us to be best friends like we have been for 5 years. I just looked at him i was like jon ur the only person i wanted to talk to when i found out my dad got married(true story kids) and yea, hugging him just makes me all weak and jittery inside. its wierd. and it seems liek his lips get softer and softer each time. hes the best. Im so glad i have someone like that in my life, wheather he is my boyfriend or not, im still crazy about him and would do anything for him. and he knwos that. and i know hed do it for me.
wow.
ok
well.
Yea.
My dad got married wendsday ...dont worry tho, my sisters and i WERNT INVITED NOR INFORMED.but the rest of my family was there. when we found out, i called him while we were on the way to the beach, i was like what the hell dad u get fucking married and i dont bother telling ur own kids, and his exact words were "well uve been mean to me" i was liek DAD FUCK U ARE U 5 YEARS OLD. MEAN U TO? ive been trying to regain a relationshop with u but now i can see thats not happening. but then my phone cut out. of course. so i gave up
I just wish i had a dad.
and not an alcohalic