Fall

[gangrelknight]

Thank the heavens for cold weather. I always seem to catch a series of colds during this season but so far I've only had a minor one that I have thankfully completely recovered from. Things have been a little crazy lately. I have to apollogize if I've been distant or cold lately. Well more so than usual anyway. There are alot of things going on right now that I have difficulty explaining. I've never really been good at talking about things like what has been going on lately. I tried talking about it to a couple of people but no matter how hard I try the words don't come to me. Mainly because I always find some reason not to discuss it. I always tell myself that they have problems of their own or they'll probably think it's stupid or since when the hell do I talk to anyone. Confiding in people even those close to me has always been very difficult. I was always raised to keep everything inside and bottle it up until it just disappears. I've always been strong enough to deal with everything myself and to hide any evidence of a problem from anyone. This feels different though. It seems that as soon as I think that things can't get any worse they suddenly do. Sometimes I even feel like I might .......... cry. But I can't even do that now. I haven't been able to for some time. Now all I get is that annoying lump in my throat, knot in my stomach, and ache in my chest thing. Never any tears though. I've also been getting alot of very nasty headaches randomly throughout the days. I've been told that they are probably due to stress but I always get headaches this time of year. Sinus problems suck! Anyway seeing as how I can't really find a way to talk about any of this in person I thought I should at least explain my odd behavior in some way and what better way than this. Hopefully I can bring myself to talk about it to someone at some point. I've been told that helps sometimes.

" Once you think you've hit rock bottom
you always manage to fall a little
further"