A happy holiday post... pssst yeah right
12:30 am: Decide to go with Mic/Chris to the post-Apoc... I mean Thanksgiving sales. Never been but Ive seen the war correspodent's footage on CNN so I kind of knew what to expect. Boy was I wrong....
2:30 am: Decide to nap and recharge the batteries before the adventure. Had a weird dream of being overwhelmed in a sea of human bodies. Did I mention Im claustrophobic?
4:00 am: Woke up to the worse alarm humanly imaginable... a stupid question. Thankfully Id had my happy medicine so I didnt go ballistic and try to eat Chris. *note to self- find out what human flesh tastes like* Got dressed...figured showering was out besides in case of emergency B.O makes a wonderful weapon. Headed out to find it was snowing...wet, heavy snow that was quickly becoming slush. Ah what a wonderful day for this. Well as that one guy says.... "Lets Get Ready To Rumble!!!!"
4:45 am Operation:ShopkoDawn
Pulling into the parking lot I was astounded by the hordes of ravenous housewives, staring at the front dorr as if Jesus himself was going to walk out and hand them keys to Heaven. As I braved the arctic air, snug in my thin windbreaker (ha windbreaker...thats a joke) an evil looking man in a red shirt opened up the door and that was the last thing I remembered as the stampede of humanity overwhelmed me and I was sucked into the store. Occasionally I get flashbacks of men carrying 3 DVD players under each arm, and then a mother tossing her child into a bin of toys so he could throw stuff into the cart. It was mass pandemonium..... thats all I have to say. But nothing could prepare me for the next mission I was to face...
5:45 am: Operation WallyWorld
The snow was coming down in sheets now as we spun into the slush covered parking lots of WalMart. As we trudged inside I was at first relieved that the place seemed almost empty....that was until I relaized that their sales blitz didnt start until 6. Huge crates of items blocked up the aisles, making it hard to squezze a cart through the masses of people already hiding in wait for the plastic to fall. Gaining a nice lookout spot amongst the bundles of fabrics in the craft section I watched as mobs formed around the crates of Care Bear plushies and radio controlled Hummers (hrm radio controlled Hummers...sounds like a sex toy) Slowly Chris slunk his way to the front as the overhead announcer counted down the minutes until the unlucky clerks had to open the boxes. I swallowed my pity for them as they openly mocked the customers, idly shifting the merchandise about in front of them,taunting them with the plushie goodness. Suddenly it came....the moment I had been waiting for. With a simple announcment hundreds of Care Bears flew through the air, pinks and pastels and little hearts everywhere as mothers flocked forward with a mighty snarl. With a flash of red coat I saw Chris slink away, a purple Care Bear tucked under his arm as he dodged a linebackers tackle from a mother seeking to gain it from him. Slowly we slunk away before we too became casulties to the holiday season, laughing at our triumph (well his triumph, i just stood there and laughed) Grabbing Mic we dodged to the registers, already filling up with customers seeking to migrate to the next watering hole of holiday cheer. As for us it was to home we went, our car unable to handle the increasingly bad weather. As we shucked our jackets and tucked away the toys, I crashed onto the couch, a contented sigh as I slipped off into warm winters bliss under the blanket. Ah I love this time of year... it beings out the best in humanity.
2:30 am: Decide to nap and recharge the batteries before the adventure. Had a weird dream of being overwhelmed in a sea of human bodies. Did I mention Im claustrophobic?
4:00 am: Woke up to the worse alarm humanly imaginable... a stupid question. Thankfully Id had my happy medicine so I didnt go ballistic and try to eat Chris. *note to self- find out what human flesh tastes like* Got dressed...figured showering was out besides in case of emergency B.O makes a wonderful weapon. Headed out to find it was snowing...wet, heavy snow that was quickly becoming slush. Ah what a wonderful day for this. Well as that one guy says.... "Lets Get Ready To Rumble!!!!"
4:45 am Operation:ShopkoDawn
Pulling into the parking lot I was astounded by the hordes of ravenous housewives, staring at the front dorr as if Jesus himself was going to walk out and hand them keys to Heaven. As I braved the arctic air, snug in my thin windbreaker (ha windbreaker...thats a joke) an evil looking man in a red shirt opened up the door and that was the last thing I remembered as the stampede of humanity overwhelmed me and I was sucked into the store. Occasionally I get flashbacks of men carrying 3 DVD players under each arm, and then a mother tossing her child into a bin of toys so he could throw stuff into the cart. It was mass pandemonium..... thats all I have to say. But nothing could prepare me for the next mission I was to face...
5:45 am: Operation WallyWorld
The snow was coming down in sheets now as we spun into the slush covered parking lots of WalMart. As we trudged inside I was at first relieved that the place seemed almost empty....that was until I relaized that their sales blitz didnt start until 6. Huge crates of items blocked up the aisles, making it hard to squezze a cart through the masses of people already hiding in wait for the plastic to fall. Gaining a nice lookout spot amongst the bundles of fabrics in the craft section I watched as mobs formed around the crates of Care Bear plushies and radio controlled Hummers (hrm radio controlled Hummers...sounds like a sex toy) Slowly Chris slunk his way to the front as the overhead announcer counted down the minutes until the unlucky clerks had to open the boxes. I swallowed my pity for them as they openly mocked the customers, idly shifting the merchandise about in front of them,taunting them with the plushie goodness. Suddenly it came....the moment I had been waiting for. With a simple announcment hundreds of Care Bears flew through the air, pinks and pastels and little hearts everywhere as mothers flocked forward with a mighty snarl. With a flash of red coat I saw Chris slink away, a purple Care Bear tucked under his arm as he dodged a linebackers tackle from a mother seeking to gain it from him. Slowly we slunk away before we too became casulties to the holiday season, laughing at our triumph (well his triumph, i just stood there and laughed) Grabbing Mic we dodged to the registers, already filling up with customers seeking to migrate to the next watering hole of holiday cheer. As for us it was to home we went, our car unable to handle the increasingly bad weather. As we shucked our jackets and tucked away the toys, I crashed onto the couch, a contented sigh as I slipped off into warm winters bliss under the blanket. Ah I love this time of year... it beings out the best in humanity.