(no subject)
Curses...there's nothing important to write and yet I feel the need to. Is there something to keep up with? I'm not too sure. I just know that I'm disliking things being the same all the time. I love to drink and smoke. I love to be able to just drown myself in a situation where it feels like I'm having a lucid dream and both the rewards and consequences are real, at least to me. Granted, I love these things but they're not becoming repetitive to me; I need to figure out a way to either make these habits either new or something else. There really isn't much to it outside of a growing anxiety that everything is the same. Everything just seems like it's going at the same pace and to the same location and I'm simply not growing in one fashion or another. I believe I might be done with social experiments and my own levels of masochism to endure such things that would otherwise cause me to lose my mind. I think I'm tired of it all. I need something else to make me feel alive.