From Normality to Spirituality in 60 Seconds
Last night I apparently said some strange things in my sleep.
1. "Andrew????" Which I can conclude is only making reference to my good friend and 9th grade boyfriend. I can't remember seeing him in a dream or anything though. It was kind of embarrassing for the husband to tell me about it ^_^
2. "(Husband's Name), the light is so bright and it is everywhere. I am not sure if you can see it or not, but it doesn't matter. The light is there, all around." Would totally love to know what that could have been referring to, but alas, I shall probably never know.
Yesterday, I called four times about the position at the international kindergarten, but no one ever answered the phone. I called again a few minutes ago and she finally answered. I told her why I was calling and asked me what my usual job is. I froze for a second, not really sure what to say, but then I managed to say, "Englisch Sprachtrainerin". She then told me to call her again Tuesday morning because she is not in the office today and Monday is some kind of holiday here. She sounded rather stressed and not too friendly. Hopefully, she is not like that when I talk to her again next week.
This week has gone by so fast. I seriously can't believe that it is already Friday. Since Monday is a holiday, that means the husband will be home three days in a row. It makes me happy to know that he will be here, so I don't have to feel so uncomfortable being here alone all the time with his parents. He helps calm my anxiety a lot when it comes to them, though I still feel very uncomfortable.
At the same time, I almost despise the weekend because I am going through one of my phases where I just want to be alone all of the time. I just want to be alone in some quiet and peaceful place, where I can just hear nature around me, try to clear my mind of all the nonsense and focus on God. I don't think that I have ever actually said this out loud or written it down before, but I so long for some quiet one on one time with God. It's as if every time I get the utter need to seriously sit down and do this wholeheartedly, it is impossible for me to be alone or find a quiet place to escape to.
How I long to find God in my soul. Sometimes, I feel as though I can look inside myself into a completely different world, and I can see who I truly am. I can see the wonderful potential and the wonderful person who I could and should be. For a split second, I can feel Sri Ganesh blessing me with his trunk. I feel the peace and warmth of Sri Krishna's arms around me as we sit under an old, beautiful tree. I can feel the love and power of the world as Mother Durga places a tilaka of sindoor on my forehead. The feeling I get when these visions come to me is so beautiful. If only I could feel like this all of the time instead of for only a few seconds every now and then.
How I pray to stumble across a teacher who could help awaken the light inside of me that always seems to be taken over by darkness. If there is no one to help me here, may God alone guide me. Help me find peace. Help me find the real me. ॐ
1. "Andrew????" Which I can conclude is only making reference to my good friend and 9th grade boyfriend. I can't remember seeing him in a dream or anything though. It was kind of embarrassing for the husband to tell me about it ^_^
2. "(Husband's Name), the light is so bright and it is everywhere. I am not sure if you can see it or not, but it doesn't matter. The light is there, all around." Would totally love to know what that could have been referring to, but alas, I shall probably never know.
Yesterday, I called four times about the position at the international kindergarten, but no one ever answered the phone. I called again a few minutes ago and she finally answered. I told her why I was calling and asked me what my usual job is. I froze for a second, not really sure what to say, but then I managed to say, "Englisch Sprachtrainerin". She then told me to call her again Tuesday morning because she is not in the office today and Monday is some kind of holiday here. She sounded rather stressed and not too friendly. Hopefully, she is not like that when I talk to her again next week.
This week has gone by so fast. I seriously can't believe that it is already Friday. Since Monday is a holiday, that means the husband will be home three days in a row. It makes me happy to know that he will be here, so I don't have to feel so uncomfortable being here alone all the time with his parents. He helps calm my anxiety a lot when it comes to them, though I still feel very uncomfortable.
At the same time, I almost despise the weekend because I am going through one of my phases where I just want to be alone all of the time. I just want to be alone in some quiet and peaceful place, where I can just hear nature around me, try to clear my mind of all the nonsense and focus on God. I don't think that I have ever actually said this out loud or written it down before, but I so long for some quiet one on one time with God. It's as if every time I get the utter need to seriously sit down and do this wholeheartedly, it is impossible for me to be alone or find a quiet place to escape to.
How I long to find God in my soul. Sometimes, I feel as though I can look inside myself into a completely different world, and I can see who I truly am. I can see the wonderful potential and the wonderful person who I could and should be. For a split second, I can feel Sri Ganesh blessing me with his trunk. I feel the peace and warmth of Sri Krishna's arms around me as we sit under an old, beautiful tree. I can feel the love and power of the world as Mother Durga places a tilaka of sindoor on my forehead. The feeling I get when these visions come to me is so beautiful. If only I could feel like this all of the time instead of for only a few seconds every now and then.
How I pray to stumble across a teacher who could help awaken the light inside of me that always seems to be taken over by darkness. If there is no one to help me here, may God alone guide me. Help me find peace. Help me find the real me. ॐ
Click to view