DiexKaoru - When You Say You Love Me - 1/1
Title: When You Say You Love Me
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru
Rating: PG - 13 {mentions of sex; swearing}
Genre: ANGST {and I mean it}
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do am I affiliated with any member of Dir en grey and no money is being made off of this fic. I also do not own the title of this story. It is taken off of Clay Aiken's 2003 album Measure of a Man
Summary: 'I want to laugh. I should've known.'
Note[s]: Okay. This fic is going to be just one of twelve fics that I will be creating from all of the twelve songs sung and preformed by Clay Aiken on his 2003 debut CD, Measure of a Man. Don't expect them to be in order from one to twelve, they won't. I was going to try that, but I realized that doing it out of order would be fine since all the fics WILL NOT be connected to each other. Anyway, enough of my ranting! Go on and read! Comments = ♥ ! ^^
Again and Again and again I've been hurt my friend till the end. . .
You know I've been high, I've been low, I've got no place else left to go
Again and again and again
When will this search ever end?
--When You Say You Love Me {Clay Aiken}
You're making your way around the bar, trying to find a spot to squeeze yourself in so that you can get the bartender's attention and call for another round of drinks for your friends and you. You have to wait a few minutes - I figured as much - but when you get them, you just smile politely and your lips move - probably telling him to "put it on your tab" - at the bartender and make your way back here, a swagger in your step, with four beers in totally, two in each hand. You give us all a lopsided grin as you set the two beers in your right hand in front of Toshiya and Shinya, before setting one of the beers that's in your left hand in front of me.
"On me," you tell us before taking a swig of yours.
You're already drunk, and everyone here knows it, but nobody says anything. Why should they? You wouldn't listen to them. You never want to leave the bar any time before it's closing at two o'clock. Tonight would be no different.
Shinya and Toshiya both smile politely at you before taking a sip of their own. Both of them are on their way to becoming drunk just like you are; not a surprise. Kyo, on the other hand, is sitting next to me on my left and just here to, as he says, "grace us with his presence" because all of us know that he doesn't drink. Then, there is me. Usually, I'm fine with getting completely hammered to the point of not being able to remember what was going on the night before, but tonight, I don't plan on that happening. So, right now, I'm not drunk and I'm not even close to being drunk - this is only my second beer in the past two hours and how many you've chugged down, I don't know. I lost count after four.
You get sick of standing up in front of the table so you nudge me - not gently, mind you - and make me scoot myself closer to Kyo, who in return scoots himself closer to Toshiya. It is a process, basically, that in the end, gives you room to see your ass down in the round, worn-down, pathetic thing we call a booth.
You start speaking, but I've lost interest in what you're saying and I begin to look around at the patrons in the bar. I can hear their voices lowering and raising as they speak and laughing when they find something funny, but I can't make out a clear cut conversation from any of them. All I'm grasping is random sentence and words from all the conversations in hearing distance from the booth, but I can see that some of them, men and women alike, are staring at us. I raise an eyebrow at this and follow their stare, only to find that they are staring at you.
I want to laugh.
I should've known. You're always the center of attention where ever you go, though I'm sure you don't even notice it sometimes because you're too busy chugging down beer after beer to realize that people are watching you. Sometimes, they are just watching you to find out what random and stupid act you're going to pull next, but these people aren't. These people are staring because you're so fucking beautiful.
They want you. They want to take you back to their place, where they can touch you and hold you in the privacy of their home and proceed to fuck you or have you fuck them. Then, even before the sun rises, you'll get out of the bed and out of their apartment so that they can't attach themselves to you. That's how it always goes. Fuck and leave. That's just how you are, but you don't realize that you can really fuck somebody up by doing that.
We never talk about it. It isn't something that one can easily bring up in conversation and we had swore, well more like you swore, we would never bring it up again and being the kind of guy that I am, I've never said anything. I never told anyone else in the band, or anyone else in my life, what had happened the one night after you had too many drinks and you ended up fucking me before you woke up in the morning - I was already up, which isn't a surprise since I'm an early riser - and realized that we had done 'the deed'. It was then when you began to panic a little, something I rarely see you do, and told me to swear that we would never mention this again. I just nodded and agreed with you since, what else was I suppose to do? You left soon after that, and when Monday finally rolled around - this was a Saturday night - you seemed like you had basically forgotten what had happened between us. The idea of you letting it slide past broke my fucking heart.
I've never told anyone this either but I'm in love with you, have been since 1999 when we finally made it. It is the reason why I couldn't push you away when you kissed me that night and proceeded to molest me, then, of course, fuck me. I want to, believe me, because I knew that in the morning you wouldn't stay and you would probably freak out like you did, but I couldn't. I, being the idiot that I am, had some idea that maybe, just maybe, you would realize that you did love me or some shit, but of course, you didn't. So, by morning, I was left broken and defeated.
But, life went on and now, four months later, you're still playing this game, and I'm still holding on to a string of hope that you might come to your sense and realize that you do love me or at least feel something for me that is beyond this brotherly love shit, but as each day passes, I'm realizing that I should probably let go of it. It isn't going to happen.
"Kaoru."
I pull myself out of my thoughts and look over to my right to face you. "Hm?"
"I love you."
I swear, my heart skips a beat, but it returns to its regular rhythm when I realize you've got that lopsided grin on and that glaze in your eyes. You're drunk. You don't know what you're saying
"I love you too," I mumble in response and turn away to take a long drink of the beer in front of me.
I just want to break down and cry.
When, if ever, will you mean it?
Author's Note[s]:
{} you can fine the lyrics, over here.
{} like I said, comments are ♥
{} I don't think the song is as angst-y as I made the story, but I couldn't help it. I'm sorry. ;~~~;
Author: ganesaxd_dr___
Band[s]: Dir en grey
Pairing[s]: DiexKaoru
Rating: PG - 13 {mentions of sex; swearing}
Genre: ANGST {and I mean it}
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do am I affiliated with any member of Dir en grey and no money is being made off of this fic. I also do not own the title of this story. It is taken off of Clay Aiken's 2003 album Measure of a Man
Summary: 'I want to laugh. I should've known.'
Note[s]: Okay. This fic is going to be just one of twelve fics that I will be creating from all of the twelve songs sung and preformed by Clay Aiken on his 2003 debut CD, Measure of a Man. Don't expect them to be in order from one to twelve, they won't. I was going to try that, but I realized that doing it out of order would be fine since all the fics WILL NOT be connected to each other. Anyway, enough of my ranting! Go on and read! Comments = ♥ ! ^^
Again and Again and again I've been hurt my friend till the end. . .
You know I've been high, I've been low, I've got no place else left to go
Again and again and again
When will this search ever end?
--When You Say You Love Me {Clay Aiken}
You're making your way around the bar, trying to find a spot to squeeze yourself in so that you can get the bartender's attention and call for another round of drinks for your friends and you. You have to wait a few minutes - I figured as much - but when you get them, you just smile politely and your lips move - probably telling him to "put it on your tab" - at the bartender and make your way back here, a swagger in your step, with four beers in totally, two in each hand. You give us all a lopsided grin as you set the two beers in your right hand in front of Toshiya and Shinya, before setting one of the beers that's in your left hand in front of me.
"On me," you tell us before taking a swig of yours.
You're already drunk, and everyone here knows it, but nobody says anything. Why should they? You wouldn't listen to them. You never want to leave the bar any time before it's closing at two o'clock. Tonight would be no different.
Shinya and Toshiya both smile politely at you before taking a sip of their own. Both of them are on their way to becoming drunk just like you are; not a surprise. Kyo, on the other hand, is sitting next to me on my left and just here to, as he says, "grace us with his presence" because all of us know that he doesn't drink. Then, there is me. Usually, I'm fine with getting completely hammered to the point of not being able to remember what was going on the night before, but tonight, I don't plan on that happening. So, right now, I'm not drunk and I'm not even close to being drunk - this is only my second beer in the past two hours and how many you've chugged down, I don't know. I lost count after four.
You get sick of standing up in front of the table so you nudge me - not gently, mind you - and make me scoot myself closer to Kyo, who in return scoots himself closer to Toshiya. It is a process, basically, that in the end, gives you room to see your ass down in the round, worn-down, pathetic thing we call a booth.
You start speaking, but I've lost interest in what you're saying and I begin to look around at the patrons in the bar. I can hear their voices lowering and raising as they speak and laughing when they find something funny, but I can't make out a clear cut conversation from any of them. All I'm grasping is random sentence and words from all the conversations in hearing distance from the booth, but I can see that some of them, men and women alike, are staring at us. I raise an eyebrow at this and follow their stare, only to find that they are staring at you.
I want to laugh.
I should've known. You're always the center of attention where ever you go, though I'm sure you don't even notice it sometimes because you're too busy chugging down beer after beer to realize that people are watching you. Sometimes, they are just watching you to find out what random and stupid act you're going to pull next, but these people aren't. These people are staring because you're so fucking beautiful.
They want you. They want to take you back to their place, where they can touch you and hold you in the privacy of their home and proceed to fuck you or have you fuck them. Then, even before the sun rises, you'll get out of the bed and out of their apartment so that they can't attach themselves to you. That's how it always goes. Fuck and leave. That's just how you are, but you don't realize that you can really fuck somebody up by doing that.
We never talk about it. It isn't something that one can easily bring up in conversation and we had swore, well more like you swore, we would never bring it up again and being the kind of guy that I am, I've never said anything. I never told anyone else in the band, or anyone else in my life, what had happened the one night after you had too many drinks and you ended up fucking me before you woke up in the morning - I was already up, which isn't a surprise since I'm an early riser - and realized that we had done 'the deed'. It was then when you began to panic a little, something I rarely see you do, and told me to swear that we would never mention this again. I just nodded and agreed with you since, what else was I suppose to do? You left soon after that, and when Monday finally rolled around - this was a Saturday night - you seemed like you had basically forgotten what had happened between us. The idea of you letting it slide past broke my fucking heart.
I've never told anyone this either but I'm in love with you, have been since 1999 when we finally made it. It is the reason why I couldn't push you away when you kissed me that night and proceeded to molest me, then, of course, fuck me. I want to, believe me, because I knew that in the morning you wouldn't stay and you would probably freak out like you did, but I couldn't. I, being the idiot that I am, had some idea that maybe, just maybe, you would realize that you did love me or some shit, but of course, you didn't. So, by morning, I was left broken and defeated.
But, life went on and now, four months later, you're still playing this game, and I'm still holding on to a string of hope that you might come to your sense and realize that you do love me or at least feel something for me that is beyond this brotherly love shit, but as each day passes, I'm realizing that I should probably let go of it. It isn't going to happen.
"Kaoru."
I pull myself out of my thoughts and look over to my right to face you. "Hm?"
"I love you."
I swear, my heart skips a beat, but it returns to its regular rhythm when I realize you've got that lopsided grin on and that glaze in your eyes. You're drunk. You don't know what you're saying
"I love you too," I mumble in response and turn away to take a long drink of the beer in front of me.
I just want to break down and cry.
When, if ever, will you mean it?
Author's Note[s]:
{} you can fine the lyrics, over here.
{} like I said, comments are ♥
{} I don't think the song is as angst-y as I made the story, but I couldn't help it. I'm sorry. ;~~~;