7 days
i'm trying to get together w/ some close friends of mine before i go away, and i think it was supposed to be today, but i had to work. or THOUGHT i had to work, at fran's, and do some mowing. but nooooo, jeremy worked and i went shopping for GS: needed a pleated, wing-tipped shirt (a tux shirt, basically), a black dress shirt, and dress shoes (as i've been wearing black sneakers). now see: the pleated shirt, eh...couldn't it just be any old tux shirt? i *thought* i had a black shirt too, but it turned out to be dark green, dagnabbit. so i had to go to a big and tall shop and order a black shirt, for 42 fu***ng dollars! even though i didn't pay for it (me nan did), it was still awful. the pleated shirt was only, like, 17 dollars. and the dress shoes i'll have to get somewhere, dillards probably. so yeah: i'm going to have to make plans for another day, and hope everyone can make it on the same day. speaking of which: i called sherri last night for like the first time in forever, and we talked for something like 4 hours and 20 mins. the cordless phone's battery died, at least. she's me oldest friend, since preschool, who i hadn't seen since then until 9th grade english last year and we were in the same class. it's funny how those things happen. but she wants to come, but can't do it monday. i can't do it wednesday. mallory isn't back yet. so i've no idea. and speaking of which again, i packed some more clothes, and called mr. williams. he seems like a nice guy, so we talked for all of 3 mins about what each one of us were bringing. i've been reading everyone's lj's, and all the other govies keep saying, "it's just hitting me that i'm leaving in a week." but..i'm almost glad to go, to get away from me family. it's been torturously hellish (heehee, if that's a real phrase). i can't even begin to describe it here, for it would take too many words, and to a certain extant, words can't describe it. i'll make sure all the govies know when i'm there, and whoever calls me, because i'm sick and tired of just writing about it here. i still need a friend i can talk to where we can tell each other pretty much everything, and i think i'll get that at GS. sherri is very close to it, because i haven't talked to somebody like that for a long time...or ever. but there is a certain light-heartedness about our relationship, and occasionally it delved into "seriousness", but she's not ready for *my world*. i can't really tell anybody about me family life because quite frankly, i doubt too many people would understand. i think i've built me wall of friends around people who are slightly above that stuff, who haven't suffered too much in their lives, which coincidentally and unfortunately usually makes them devoid of empathy, albeit still not sympathy. does it make me feel better to know that their family lives are better? do i try and help them only to help meself? there are a couple of exceptions, however, such as brittany, who for some reason or other floats to the surface of me mind more times than i'd like. but even more than her, the prospect of actually GOING to GS hasn't so much as sink in, but has become much larger and more prominent in me mind. ONE WEEK, and it'll pretty much change me life (*cue dramatic music*). another thing that's gone wrong is that dr. p STILL hasn't found out, bloody damnation. i'm really going to be sad as me heart already knows the truth. i had to go to the college for me lesson w/ him wednesday, and it was bloody hell: he had to go to 2 meetings while i was there, and on the last one, i had to go to me cello lesson and just leave, as the meeting was in another room. his eyes, oh dear, his eyes were droopy and full of exhaustion. it's going to be so awful to actually hear the news. it's one of those things, like on a movie, where one character always believes one thing, and everyone believes another, but that one person still has a flicker of hope until they know for certain that whatever everyone else believes to be "true", is proven "true" for her. or maybe not. but yeah...as i sink lower into a state of true pessimism in this last week of "freedom", which paradoxically is going to be exchanged for a different kind of "freedom", i should embrace the time i'm hopefully going to have w/ me friends here, and aspire to the happiness i enquest to find at GS. enough for now though. until later!