read this
when we find ourselves in circumstances we don't like our immediate assumption is that we need to change something, fix things somehow. changing externals never resolves a problem. we all know the experience of disliking a job, a type of person, a certain atmosphere, etc., and leaving only to find ourselves in the same situation somewhere else.
when we look closely we usually see that the source of the difficulty comes down to wanting things not to be the way they are. we are afraid that if we accept them as they are, that very act will mean they won't change - they'll be that way forever (twinge) and we'll be unhappy. there are actually several untrue assumptions operating:
1)i don't like it, therefore there is something wrong with it
2)as long as it's this way, i can't be happy (safe, content, etc.)
3)resisting the way it is will cause it to change
4)accepting it means that it will always be that way and i'll be doomed to unhappiness.
we fail to see that resisting what is is the problem.
our well-being is not dependent on any external. we think it is, but it is not. for instance: "i hate my job because my boss is a jerk." now it's easy to think that that is a true statement and to believe:
1)i have to quit my job, or
2)i have to hang on, hating her/him and hoping s/he leaves, or
3)i have to go on and be willing to suffer until i can retire.
not so. i also have the option of simply accepting the whole situation(boss included)exactly as it is.
the wonderful part is that at the moment we accept what is, it changes. the circumstances might or might not be the same. our experience of them will be different.
when we look closely we usually see that the source of the difficulty comes down to wanting things not to be the way they are. we are afraid that if we accept them as they are, that very act will mean they won't change - they'll be that way forever (twinge) and we'll be unhappy. there are actually several untrue assumptions operating:
1)i don't like it, therefore there is something wrong with it
2)as long as it's this way, i can't be happy (safe, content, etc.)
3)resisting the way it is will cause it to change
4)accepting it means that it will always be that way and i'll be doomed to unhappiness.
we fail to see that resisting what is is the problem.
our well-being is not dependent on any external. we think it is, but it is not. for instance: "i hate my job because my boss is a jerk." now it's easy to think that that is a true statement and to believe:
1)i have to quit my job, or
2)i have to hang on, hating her/him and hoping s/he leaves, or
3)i have to go on and be willing to suffer until i can retire.
not so. i also have the option of simply accepting the whole situation(boss included)exactly as it is.
the wonderful part is that at the moment we accept what is, it changes. the circumstances might or might not be the same. our experience of them will be different.