The Bands I'm In
Turkey did a Wiki Band meme not to long ago and I sort of screwed up the idea of them and wrote instead.
So! Two bands for you.
EHNA
An announcer steps up to the mike, tapping insistantly, around him the crowd barely dies down but he speaks anyway. "Presenting their newest album "Southern Rhodesian General Election" tonight for the first time ever we have EHNA!"
The crowd coughs and the announcer winces. "On drums we have Turkey! Guitar and rhythm guitar are Jenni and Kai! Vocals by Jill and Ray on bass! Put your hands toge--"
Amps crackle and Ray rolls her eyes, kicking the announcer off the stage into the crowd, her bass screaming into the first cords of "Earning Call".
It's not a bad show and the crowd warms up to them halfway through "The Book Of All Flesh" (although Kai will maintain this is due to her speaker-jumping antics and Jill will maintain that it's because the drugs have started in on their systems about then). "Ayla Brown" gets a warmer reception then they figured it ever would especially because Ayla ends up being in the crowd and tries to bean Jenni in the face with a bottle of coke.
Turkey forgets the end of "Yojimbo (Software)" and so overpowers everyone on a massive (unplanned) drum solo and leads them into "Ossian Everett Mills" and then straight into "The Adventures of Mr. Nicholas Wisdom" despite the fact that Ray has wandered over and is kicking her thigh hard and insistantly.
Jill finally manages to wrestle control back from her mainly by dogpiling the drummer and smothering her while singing "Guarino da Verona" at the top of her lungs. Kai and Jenni have a guitar battle back and forth across the front of the stage during "Yu Youjun" before Jenni sends Kai stumbling into a crowd surf during "Curse of Dimensionality".
Ray is almost cackling too hard to keep the bass line solid after that but really, "Almoharín" doesn't suffer much from it.
Some crazy bint tries to jump stage and fondle Jill during her screaming intro to "Bartini A-57" but no one removes her until Turkey throws her spare drum stick and pegs her in the eye while the segway into "Amice" and Jill manages to kick her into one of the stage speakers, knocking everything over and causing the crowd to scream wildly and start headbanging despite the fact that "Amice" is one of their slower numbers.
After that it's a pretty solid and steady set with "Marine Wing Support Squadron 271" smoothly sailing into their cover of the theme from Masters Of The Universe: The Power Of He-Man (which is a surprising hit with the skin heads in the back) and then "LIFE (Pro-Life Organization)" (which would probably made a few people cry if Jill's voice hadn't started cracking horrifically).
To give her a break the band leads into "Flux Method" that has the backup vocalists (Jenni and Ray) sharing the lines between them. Kai makes it back to the stage just before they finish up with "Tactical Response Group".
It's the show they've ever played in their lives but it's totally worth it for the after-show. Turkey signs at least five sets of breasts while Ray falls off her perch on one of the amps when some guy offers to let her sign his cock.
Kai obliges him instead since Ray is now hysterical with laughter and can't get the pen to do anything but wriggle and stab when she tries.
Jill bares her teeth at anyone who tries to get near her with a camera and becomes labeled a crack-addict in the next days reports. The band sticks up for her, earnestly telling everyone they see that Jill's really just not social and sort of the anti-christ anyway. (Jill does not thank them).
The End.
***
Creampie
Creampie (Sexual Act) is nothing if not a stage band. Their whole originating concept was Jenni slathering on bright red lipstick and singing into a banana. It's only natural they'd carry that on into their preformances.
Ray runs around stage in a flared plastic raincoat and spiked yellow rubber ducky boots, spinning and swinging her keytar over her shoulder and back, pressing her nose into her band members necks as she wanders by them.
Jill mostly takes this bizzar treatment in stride which is her right as the drummer. She's pretty fucking awesome back there but most people only think so because they can't see her argyle socks through the drum kit. She and Turkey once had a month long fight over those socks and Jill won out only because she'd had enough and shoved a pair into Turkey's mouth to shut her up.
Not so oddly, Jill wins a lot of arguments.
Jenni's the singer (she's got a kick ass voice that warbles through the high-notes in a way no one has ever heard done before) and she usually stands center stage and pounds her army boots against the floor in a counter rhythm to whatever beat Jill's got going. She only ever wears tank-tops on but no one can tell because she spends an hour before each show painting these amazing designs on her face and upper body and over her clothes, fading it into her scratched up Chanel skirt. Yesterday she was a fucking sunset and no one could take their eyes off her (even after Ray accidentally kicked off one of her boots and blew out a speaker).
And despite all that, Turkey is somehow the front man. No one outside the band is sure, exactly, why that is since when Turkey's on stage she stands in one spot and cuddles her guitar like a baby with her head down and her hair pretty much masking any bodily features you'd normally see. It's only during "Thighpaulsandra" she actually looks up and that's because she has to locate the mike stand and sing backup (Mostly because by the time they do "Thighpaulsandra" Ray is too fucked up to even try doing the back up vocals anymore and Jill flat out refuses -- and no one is going to argue with Jill about singing because mikes are pretty big and no one wants one shoved down their throat).
It's the fucking oddest band since Panic! At The Disco but no one is complaining since they give equal song rights to boys being whores as they do girls.
Pete Wentz has still refused to sign them, however, since the last time they mingled at a party together, Jenni and Ray cornered him and managed to wrestle him out of his clothes and leave him locked in a broom closet with only one of Jill's argyle socks for cover.
Oh well.
So! Two bands for you.
EHNA
An announcer steps up to the mike, tapping insistantly, around him the crowd barely dies down but he speaks anyway. "Presenting their newest album "Southern Rhodesian General Election" tonight for the first time ever we have EHNA!"
The crowd coughs and the announcer winces. "On drums we have Turkey! Guitar and rhythm guitar are Jenni and Kai! Vocals by Jill and Ray on bass! Put your hands toge--"
Amps crackle and Ray rolls her eyes, kicking the announcer off the stage into the crowd, her bass screaming into the first cords of "Earning Call".
It's not a bad show and the crowd warms up to them halfway through "The Book Of All Flesh" (although Kai will maintain this is due to her speaker-jumping antics and Jill will maintain that it's because the drugs have started in on their systems about then). "Ayla Brown" gets a warmer reception then they figured it ever would especially because Ayla ends up being in the crowd and tries to bean Jenni in the face with a bottle of coke.
Turkey forgets the end of "Yojimbo (Software)" and so overpowers everyone on a massive (unplanned) drum solo and leads them into "Ossian Everett Mills" and then straight into "The Adventures of Mr. Nicholas Wisdom" despite the fact that Ray has wandered over and is kicking her thigh hard and insistantly.
Jill finally manages to wrestle control back from her mainly by dogpiling the drummer and smothering her while singing "Guarino da Verona" at the top of her lungs. Kai and Jenni have a guitar battle back and forth across the front of the stage during "Yu Youjun" before Jenni sends Kai stumbling into a crowd surf during "Curse of Dimensionality".
Ray is almost cackling too hard to keep the bass line solid after that but really, "Almoharín" doesn't suffer much from it.
Some crazy bint tries to jump stage and fondle Jill during her screaming intro to "Bartini A-57" but no one removes her until Turkey throws her spare drum stick and pegs her in the eye while the segway into "Amice" and Jill manages to kick her into one of the stage speakers, knocking everything over and causing the crowd to scream wildly and start headbanging despite the fact that "Amice" is one of their slower numbers.
After that it's a pretty solid and steady set with "Marine Wing Support Squadron 271" smoothly sailing into their cover of the theme from Masters Of The Universe: The Power Of He-Man (which is a surprising hit with the skin heads in the back) and then "LIFE (Pro-Life Organization)" (which would probably made a few people cry if Jill's voice hadn't started cracking horrifically).
To give her a break the band leads into "Flux Method" that has the backup vocalists (Jenni and Ray) sharing the lines between them. Kai makes it back to the stage just before they finish up with "Tactical Response Group".
It's the show they've ever played in their lives but it's totally worth it for the after-show. Turkey signs at least five sets of breasts while Ray falls off her perch on one of the amps when some guy offers to let her sign his cock.
Kai obliges him instead since Ray is now hysterical with laughter and can't get the pen to do anything but wriggle and stab when she tries.
Jill bares her teeth at anyone who tries to get near her with a camera and becomes labeled a crack-addict in the next days reports. The band sticks up for her, earnestly telling everyone they see that Jill's really just not social and sort of the anti-christ anyway. (Jill does not thank them).
The End.
***
Creampie
Creampie (Sexual Act) is nothing if not a stage band. Their whole originating concept was Jenni slathering on bright red lipstick and singing into a banana. It's only natural they'd carry that on into their preformances.
Ray runs around stage in a flared plastic raincoat and spiked yellow rubber ducky boots, spinning and swinging her keytar over her shoulder and back, pressing her nose into her band members necks as she wanders by them.
Jill mostly takes this bizzar treatment in stride which is her right as the drummer. She's pretty fucking awesome back there but most people only think so because they can't see her argyle socks through the drum kit. She and Turkey once had a month long fight over those socks and Jill won out only because she'd had enough and shoved a pair into Turkey's mouth to shut her up.
Not so oddly, Jill wins a lot of arguments.
Jenni's the singer (she's got a kick ass voice that warbles through the high-notes in a way no one has ever heard done before) and she usually stands center stage and pounds her army boots against the floor in a counter rhythm to whatever beat Jill's got going. She only ever wears tank-tops on but no one can tell because she spends an hour before each show painting these amazing designs on her face and upper body and over her clothes, fading it into her scratched up Chanel skirt. Yesterday she was a fucking sunset and no one could take their eyes off her (even after Ray accidentally kicked off one of her boots and blew out a speaker).
And despite all that, Turkey is somehow the front man. No one outside the band is sure, exactly, why that is since when Turkey's on stage she stands in one spot and cuddles her guitar like a baby with her head down and her hair pretty much masking any bodily features you'd normally see. It's only during "Thighpaulsandra" she actually looks up and that's because she has to locate the mike stand and sing backup (Mostly because by the time they do "Thighpaulsandra" Ray is too fucked up to even try doing the back up vocals anymore and Jill flat out refuses -- and no one is going to argue with Jill about singing because mikes are pretty big and no one wants one shoved down their throat).
It's the fucking oddest band since Panic! At The Disco but no one is complaining since they give equal song rights to boys being whores as they do girls.
Pete Wentz has still refused to sign them, however, since the last time they mingled at a party together, Jenni and Ray cornered him and managed to wrestle him out of his clothes and leave him locked in a broom closet with only one of Jill's argyle socks for cover.
Oh well.